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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770377">Not Yet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lezbean_musical_addict/pseuds/Lezbean_musical_addict'>Lezbean_musical_addict</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Not Yet Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Fostercare au, Heavy Angst, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mom Friend Hercules Mulligan, Polyamory, Substance Abuse, The Author Regrets Nothing, almost everyone is gay, tragic backstories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:14:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>99,637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lezbean_musical_addict/pseuds/Lezbean_musical_addict</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>George turned to Martha and spoke. “The kid has had a gun pulled on him? What else has he been through that his file doesn’t show? Are we really equipped to help Alexander?” He asked his wife.</p><p>Just another stereotype-packed fostercare AU that no one asked for, only this one has a couple of extra twists that I hope no one has done before??</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson/John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/John Laurens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Not Yet Series [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2244900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>243</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Forgotten (Green Day)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a few fast things that I encourage y'all to read before reading this story. Huge trigger warning for these notes and this story in general.</p><p>This story depicts graphic use of hard drugs.<br/>This story talks about sexual assault, domestic abuse, eating disorders, police brutality, homophobia, mental illness, and of course the foster system.</p><p>I will put trigger warnings in the notes of all chapters that depict things that could potentially be triggering.</p><p>I did as much research as I could for this story, although somethings I may have stretched for dramatic effect (but hey the show this fandom is based off of literally did the exact same thing). If I depict something you have experienced poor (like the foster system for example), please politely let me know how I can improve.</p><p>Chapter specific notes:</p><p>TW: Talk of abuse within the foster system, mention of gun violence, graphic depiction of drug use</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alexander Hamilton was 17, and honestly, he felt like he was getting way too old to still be dealing with this. Once again, he was sitting in the back of a social worker’s car, getting driven to yet another foster family’s house. He had about just under a year left until he was 18 and could age out of the system, and that day could not come soon enough.</p><p>Alex had been in the foster system since he was 12 when his mom died. In the last 5 years he had been through over 15 different homes, and obviously none of them had stuck. His social worker did try, but apparently just not enough. Most of the homes he had gone into ended up saying they couldn’t handle Alex and had him taken away. ‘Couldn’t handle Alex’ was really code for ‘he won’t let us abuse him and therefore we don’t want him’. Alex had been in his fair share of verbal and physical fights with foster parents. He could handle strict rules and a mountain of chores, but he would not let himself be abused which often led to these altercations.</p><p>Despite being moved around so much, Alex stayed on top of his schooling as best he could, and for him, that was actually pretty good. He was a high school senior but across the board his mind was probably more advanced than that, and he did his best to ensure he had the schooling to prove it.</p><p>Alex had even found a way to get himself a steady cash-flow that he could keep up with no matter where he went so long as he had access to wifi and his laptop. Alex had an online business writing various things for people for various fees. He wrote an assortment of things, essays of any kind, poems, short stories, anything his customers wanted really. Most of his clientele were college students having him write papers for them, and he was able to charge them fairly steep prices, because if they tried to raise hell about it what could they do about it? Report him and admit they were looking to cheat and plagarize? At times it could be hard to keep up with  his commissions if he was in a foster house that didn’t give him wifi access but he always managed somehow with the help up free public library wifi or if he was feeling a little extra generous with himself, free coffee shop wifi.</p><p>So it was safe to say he was pretty self-sufficient, which only made him hate being stuck in the system more. He had worked real jobs before, but it was tough staying at one job while he moved all around the city and had to most often, rely on public transportation. He had no doubt that he could care for himself if given the chance, but unfortunately, he wasn’t getting given the chance, so he would just have to wait another 11 months until he was 18.</p><p> </p><p>“Alexander?” The social worker spoke after being quiet for a while.</p><p>“Yes?” Alex asked, although he already had a pretty good idea of what the social worker was going to say. He didn’t bother to look up at her, instead picking at a string on the sleeve of his flannel shirt. He regretted using his only hoodie to wrap his laptop in for safe keeping, because he was fairly chilly, but he couldn’t make money without his laptop if it were damaged, so he would have to suffer. He was wearing black joggers, a black graphic t-shirt, and a red and black flannel, with his beat up, knock-off navy blue converse and his jet-black hair in a sloppy folded ponytail.</p><p>“I had to call in a favor and pull on some heart strings to get you into this house. Your average amount of time in a home is about 4 months, and I know, some of the placements you’ve been in have been really poor matches, but I really do think this house could be the one for you.” The social worker began.</p><p>“If it is then why didn’t you try this 5 or even 3 homes ago?” Alex asked, somewhat bitterly, looking over at her with his constantly calculating, brown eyes.</p><p>“This couple are friends of friends of mine whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting on a few occasions. They have a foster license that’s still good but they haven’t exactly been open to taking in a new kid for a while.” The social worker paused. “They agreed to take you in after I explained that they really are your last shot, Alexander. I mean it, if this home doesn’t work out, it’s into a group home and with your history of violence, I don’t know how nice of a place I’d be able to get you into.” The social worker explained. She didn’t mean to sound harsh, but she couldn’t lie to Alex either.</p><p>“Why’d they stop taking kids in?” Alex asked, seeming a bit sketched out by that detail, which was probably more than fair.</p><p>“Well they really only got the license so they could care for the child of family friends. The parents died and asked the kid to be left with this couple but it was an international thing which was a lot of paperwork and took a while. They’ve adopted the boy now, he’s about your age. They just didn’t want him ending up in the system here or the kid’s home country.” The social worker explained to Alex.</p><p>“Great. That’s just great.” Alex mumbled. In his experience, most of the time, biological kids or adopted kids were always favored and in most cases were exceptionally rude to their foster siblings.</p><p>“These are good people, Alexander. Just, please, please try and make this one last?” The social worker practically begged.</p><p>“It’s not my fault I don’t want to be abused.” Alex said bluntly.</p><p>“Well I think it’s safe to say you’re not going to be abused in this home. These are good people, a politician and a lawyer, the husband is even a military veteran.” The social worker sounded pleased to announce to Alex.</p><p>“Great, that’s just great.” Alex mumbled, thinking about the cop that had pulled a gun on Alex for raising his voice and the doctor that had- the doctor that had been less than an ideal foster parent, proving that a job was in no way a good indicator of character. Now he was probably gonna get stuck with a super republican family that would fundamentally hate everything about him and send him away in no time at all.</p><p>The social worker sighed a bit and fell silent again. They drove to a fairly well off area of town, just on the edge of the city. Soon they pulled up to a large white colonial style house with a roofed-in porch that started in the front of the house and wrapped around the side to the back. The roof was black and the door was red, the snow had all been shovelled neatly, and Alex could see a little tin shed housing firewood on the side of the yard, near the fence. The driveway was an elongated half circle shape, making pulling into the driveway and out of it fairly easy as one could pull right through. The yard was big and everything about the property screamed that these people must’ve had a fair amount of money, not that Alex needed to see the house to be able to figure that out if the couple was a lawyer and a politician.</p><p>“Alright. Here we are.” The social worker said as she parked the car at the top of the driveway and turned it off.</p><p>Alex grabbed his bag, a small duffle that contained everything he owned in the world, and got out of the car, following the social worker to the door of the house. He watched the social worker ring the doorbell and waited for the door to be pulled open.</p><p>The woman who pulled the door open was nothing like what Alex had expected, and it honestly made him wonder if he hadn’t maybe gotten ahead of himself a little. He was expecting a stone cold, emotionless, white woman with long, straight,- probably greying- blond hair, who would hate Alex’s immigrant ass and wouldn’t let him speak Spanish ever. She would be slim and would obviously be trying to hide any signs of aging her face might’ve given away. She would be dressed snobbily and would act nice until the second the social worker left.</p><p>Instead, the door was pulled open by a black woman who smiled warmly at Alex and the social worker, and just by looking at her face, Alex could guess that that warmth was legitimate. She was curvy, and didn’t seem too old, but also didn’t seem like she was trying to hide any aging either.</p><p>“Mrs Washington, hello.” The social worker smiled back.</p><p>The woman, Mrs Washington, spoke up. “Hi. Come inside, it’s pretty cold out there.” She held the door open wider for Alex and the social worker.</p><p>The social worker stepped inside the house and Alex began to follow, thinking, trying to remember why the name ‘Washington’ was so familiar to him. He mentally ran through ideas like, an old neighbor, actor or actress, or- “Wait, Washington?” Alex asked, seeming surprised. “As in, Martha Washington? State Governor?” He clarified. Martha Washington had been the Virginia state governor for the last year and was making a lot of good, progressive changes, and perhaps most importantly to Alex; she was a democrat.</p><p>“That would be me.” Martha nodded and chuckled a bit. “But you can just call me Martha.”</p><p>Alex nodded a bit to himself. He wondered if maybe there wasn’t a chance this could work out- for the briefest of seconds. Every time he had thought that before the home turned out awful, so it was best to not even try anymore. Martha was doing good things in office, and had a squeaky clean public image, but so did many foster parents, and as Alex would know from experience, a squeaky clean public image meant nothing behind closed doors.</p><p>“Unfortunately you just missed seeing George, he went out to pick up our son from school and get some groceries.” Martha told the social worker.</p><p>“It’s alright. Most of the paperwork is completed already anyway. I can leave what’s left with you and you can fax it to my office once you and George get the chance to fill it all out.” The social worker said and handed Martha a folder from her bag.</p><p>“Alright, thank you.” Martha smiled as she took the folder.</p><p>“Well Alex, are you good now if I go?” The social worker asked.</p><p>“Yeah. I mean, there’s nothing left to do here anyway.” Alex shrugged, whatever happened once she left was gonna happen anyways, it was simply a matter of when to him, and he figured he might as well have gotten it over with.</p><p>“Alright. Just, please try and remember what I said in the car just now.” The social worker told Alex and left.</p><p>“So Alexander, why don’t I show you around a little? Just take your shoes off and you can just leave your bag near the stairs here and grab it when we head up.” Martha suggested.</p><p>Alex nodded a bit, kicked his shoes off, and set his bag down, then followed Martha around the house as she showed him where everything was. She explained that they always took shoes off in the house to keep things tidier so they wouldn’t have to mop the hard-wood floors or carpet clean the carpets as often. </p><p> </p><p>The house was as large on the inside as it looked on the outside and had an attached 3 car garage. Her and her husband both had their own offices on the main floor, in addition to a formal dining room, and an open-concept living room, kitchen, and kitchen nook space towards the back of the house. The second floor consisted of her and Mr Washington’s bedroom, Alex’s foster-brother’s room, his new room, and 2 more guest bedrooms as well as a large main bathroom. The 3rd floor/attic was mostly used as entertainment space for Martha and George’s son to entertain friends which Martha explained to Alex rather than showing him. She also explained that they had a basement that was mostly just used for storage. </p><p>The last thing Martha showed Alex was the room he would be staying in, ending the tour there. It was easily the largest room Alex had ever stayed in, even counting ones he’s shared with other kids. The walls were a soft grey, and a double bed with a dark-wood bed frame which had an attached headboard and footboard was set up with a thick white comforter in the corner furthest from the door. Across from the bed on the same wall as the door was a desk that matched the wood of the bed and some floating shelves the same wood color as the bed were set up above the desk. The carpet was the same cream color as the rest of the upstairs carpeting. The closet door doubled as a mirror that was on the wall opposite the head of the bed tucked into the back corner of the room and there was another door on the same wall as the closet closer to the door to the room.</p><p>“Through that door is your bathroom. It’s got a stand-up shower, so if you want to take a bath you’ll have to use the main bathroom across the hall.” Martha explained to Alex.</p><p>“Wait, <em> my </em> bathroom?” Alex must’ve heard wrong. He’d never gotten his own bathroom that he didn’t have to share.</p><p>“Yes. It’s an ensuite, not even a jack and jill. Our son, Lafayette has an ensuite, as do George and I.” Martha told Alex.</p><p>“Wow.” Alex mumbled, he couldn’t think of anything else to say while his mind wondered how many strings were attached to this huge room and private bathroom.</p><p>“Why don’t I leave you to unpack for a while until George and Lafayette get home?” Martha suggested.</p><p>Alex nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.” Alex told her.</p><p>“I’ll be in my office if you need anything.” Martha told Alex, giving a warm smile, and then left his room. </p><p>Alex closed the door behind Martha. It didn’t have an actual lock, but there was a chain on the door, so it was better than nothing. He put the chain up and set his bag down on the bed. He pulled his flannel shirt off and left it on the bed. He pulled a couple of things out, to make it look like he was unpacking, then grabbed a specific pair of socks from where he’d wrapped them in one of his three t-shirts.</p><p>Then he went into the ensuite and locked the door behind him. The bathroom walls were a yellowy beige color with light browny-grey tiles, a decent size counter- with marble white, brown, and grey countertops, which was a huge bonus- around the sink, and fair size stand-up shower with a glass door.</p><p>Alex turned the water in the sink on so that he had some noise coverage just in case and unravelled the socks, careful to not let what he was hiding in the socks fall out onto the floor.</p><p>Hidden in the socks was a tiny ziploc bag of white powder, along with a razorblade, and a neatly rolled up single dollar bill that was used for this purpose so often, it stayed neatly rolled without Alex needing to try and keep it that way. He cut himself two neat lines of the powder on the countertop, which was easy to do, seeing as it was stone, and snorted both in rapid succession. He was going to need the boost if he had yet to meet Mr Washington and the Washingtons’ son, not to mention that his body had been screaming at him for his next fix since he arrived at the Washingtons’ house.</p><p> </p><p>Alex had never meant to get addicted to cocaine, and he had tried to get clean, but it was hard to do alone, and he had to admit, he liked the way it made him feel. It made him more confident, more alert, and usually made him feel happier, plus it suppressed his appetite which might sound bad, he knew that, but he couldn’t really care much less at this point. Another plus was it increased his body temperature, so he wouldn’t feel so cold while on it.</p><p>What Alex did was take the money he made writing each week, meet up with his dealer, got the amount he’d figured he’d need the week, and then the rest went into a savings account where it would say until it came time to pay university tuition for next year. Occasionally he would buy himself some other things if he really needed them, but he didn’t like to because coke was expensive and college was even more expensive so he tried to not spend money on much else.</p><p>Alex turned the water off, packed his coke and tools back up in the socks and went back out into the bedroom, he put the clothes he’d pulled out back in his bag and set it at the foot of the bed. He pulled out his laptop and opened his email, looking for his next writing job. He responded to a couple requests before hearing a car pull up, so he set his laptop back at the bottom of his bag and slowly made his way back downstairs to meet Mr Washington and his new foster brother.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Whatever It Takes (Imagine Dragons)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mention of gun violence, mention of domestic/child abuse, brief mention of drugs, talk of the foster system, mentions of eating/food related issues</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As Alex came down the stairs Martha smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just gonna come upstairs and get you.” Martha told Alex while he was still on the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m George, it’s nice to meet you son.” George smiled at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not your son.” Alex was quick to tell him, somewhat harshly. Alex stopped on the second last stair, electing to stand there. “I have a name, it’s Alexander, or Alex, that’s what you can call me.” He added after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Sorry about that. I’m also sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived. We were sort of due for a grocery shop and then we found out you were coming tonight so I went to get groceries because 2 teenage boys can eat a lot, and-” George seemed to stop himself from rambling. “Ah! Our son Lafayette. Lafayette come meet Alex.” George told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is here?” Lafayette couldn’t see Alex from where he’d been standing. He quickly dropped the bags of groceries he was bringing into the house and rushed over. “Hello! My name is Marie Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, but you can just call me Lafayette! You must be Alexander! I’m so excited to meet you.” Lafayette spoke rapidly, and with a French accent. He was obviously a very excitable person, and wore clothes that made Alex wonder if he wasn’t gay just based on them. The boy who was probably around Alex’s age, was wearing an oversized, cream-colored stylish knit sweater, with a loose turtleneck, paired with black leggings, which probably why he’d worn such a long sweater. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“9 names? Are you, like, French nobility or something?” Alex couldn’t help himself to not ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes actually.” Lafayette nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Well uh, yes, I’m Alexander Hamilton, you can call me Alex, and I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> French nobility.” Alex said, trying to joke around a little. “Oh, mais je parle français.” Alex added, telling Lafayette that he did speak French.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fluently?” Lafayette seemed even more excited upon hearing this, if that was at all possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oui. Le français est ma deuxième langue. L'espagnol est mon premier, et l’anglais est mon troisième. Je parle couramment les trois.” Alex answered, explaining that he was fluent in Spanish, French, and English, having learnt the languages in that order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Je t’aime deja.” Lafayette told Alex he loved him already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could I get a translation please?” George asked, maybe having picked up a quarter of the words the boys had exchanged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes, sorry papa, Alexander is fluent in Spanish, French, and English which he learned in that order. I told him that I think I love him already.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three languages? That’s quite impressive for a 17 year old.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I also know some Latin, and Greek, but I’m nowhere near fluent in those two. Speaking English, French, and Spanish was fairly common where I grew up.” Alex added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-oh Laf, looks like Alex might be looking to steal your spot as smartest kid in the house.” Martha teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you boys run along upstairs and get to know each other a little better while your mother and I finish up that paperwork and get started on dinner.” George suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oui, thank you papa.” Lafayette said. “Come along, Alex, I am very excited to get to know you.” Lafayette added and pulled Alex along as he made his way up the stairs. “Mama put you in this room, yes?” Lafayette said as he pushed the door open to Alex’s room. “Oui, she did, it makes the most sense. Did you get a chance to unpack your things?” Lafayette turned to Alex and asked as the two boys entered Alex’s room. Lafayette took a seat on the edge of Alex’s bed, while Alex stood, leaning against his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette seemed to talk out loud to himself, or perhaps he just struggled to filter his words. Alex had been like that once, but after a couple foster homes he learned to filter his thoughts pretty fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no not really.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But mon ami I only see one bag in here.” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah that bag has all my stuff in there.” Alex nodded. He was restless which could’ve been the nerves of being in a new place, but it also could’ve been the coke. Either way, he found himself pacing around his new room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh mon ami that simply will not do. I will talk to mama, it is Friday so perhaps we can go clothing shopping tomorrow and get you some new clothes.” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex turned to look at Lafayette and snorted a bit. “Yeah right.” He spoke bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever do you mean?” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your parents only took me in as a personal favor to my social worker. I’m sure that they’re perfectly nice people or whatever, but the second they get the chance, I know I’ll be gone. I doubt they’ll want to spend their money on a kid they didn’t even want to take in. Besides, it just means more stuff to get stolen from me when I move onto the next home. It’s better to keep my amount of belongings small, easier to pack up and get out of somewhere fast that way anyway.” Alex explained to Lafayette, pausing his pacing to speak, but quickly resuming the pacing upon finishing his explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander, Martha and George are not like that, just because they haven’t fostered many kids before doesn’t mean they are unhappy to have you here. They would be happy to buy you new clothes and anything else you might need.” Lafayette told Alex, growing defensive of his parents, but remaining calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t think I’ll be here very long. I’ve never been anywhere very long. My longest lasting placement was just under 7 months. It’s February, so it’s pretty safe to say I’ll be gone by summer.” Alex told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned upon hearing this. “How many foster homes have you been in?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay first off, it’s not exactly polite to just ask that, so like, watch out in future, you’re lucky that I don’t really give two shits. I’ve seen kids throw hands over getting asked that question. This placement makes 17.” Alex informed Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“17?” Lafayette’s eyes widened in disbelief. “How long have you been in the system?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again, be careful asking that to kids.” Alex glared at Lafayette a bit and shook his head. “I’ve been in the system for 5 years minus a couple days.” He told Lafayette truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mon dieu.” Lafayette mumbled. “I am very sorry to hear, but I promise you this house will not be like the others you’ve been in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex scoffed. “Like I haven’t heard that one before. Look, Lafayette, you seem nice, and so do your parents, but I know I’m not gonna stick around here long, nor will I stick around my next home long. It’s just being a realist. I’ve long since given up on finding a forever home. At this point I’m just patiently counting the days until I turn 18 and age out of the system, and can go off on my own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But this house really is different. Mama and papa are good people. They would not send you away. They want to help you!” Lafayette was growing desperate trying to make Alex understand his point of view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette last time I heard that about a home, it was a cop and his stay-at-home wife. They were good people and that home was gonna be different from all the rest. One night the dad tried to take away my laptop, so I began yelling at him, and he pulled a gun on me.” Alex said bluntly. “So sorry if I don’t really trust the whole ‘they’re good people' thing.” He added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your foster dad pulled a gun on you?” Lafayette seemed shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. The system isn’t pretty sunshine and rainbows. You got lucky, you wouldn’t know what it’s like.” Alex told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette was quiet for once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed a bit. “My social worker said I’d be transferring schools, going to the same place you are? What’s my new school like?” He asked Lafayette, realizing he might’ve been too harsh and not wanting Lafayette to be mad at him or weird about things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette perked up a bit at the topic change. “It is a very good school! There are only a couple teachers who aren’t nice and most of the kids there are also very nice! There are a couple bad apples, but I think every school has a couple. I should introduce you to my friends before you join us at school! They are very nice people. I think you would like them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded a bit. “So how long have you been living here?” He asked Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been here for 4 years now, I moved to America and in with the Washington’s when my mere died.”  Lafayette explained, referring to his biological mom as the French word for mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask where you are from, mon ami? I have a feeling it is not America.” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t have much of an accent, he’d worked hard to be able to mask the accent he’d obtained from living in the Caribbean, so his accent was fairly neutral, but if you listened hard, there was the smallest hint of one there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bounced around the Caribbean a lot before my mom died. Mostly Nevis and then St Croix, and I think Puerto Rico for a little bit when I was like, a baby but,” Alex shrugged. “I’m Puerto Rican though, well, mixed with Scottish, but I was raised eating Puerto Rican dishes and following Puerto Rican traditions so, the Scottish part is really just a formality.” Alex continued pacing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded in understanding. “My friend John is also Puerto Rican, mixed with some western European. I think you might like him.” Lafayette told Alex. “Are you always this restless, mon ami?” Lafayette asked after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Alex asked, not having expected the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are pacing and your hands have not stopped moving once. I simply wondered if it is normal for you.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked down at his hands, realizing that Lafayette had been right, he quickly shoved his hands in his pockets as if they alone were a dead give away that he was high. “Uh, yeah, I guess so.” He shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two boys continued talking for a while until Martha called them down for dinner. The two boys headed down the stairs and to the kitchen nook. Lafayette explained that they only ate in the formal dining room on special occasions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table in the kitchen nook was set neatly with four spots. Set out on the table was a lasagna, a caesar salad, and garlic bread.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you boys are hungry. Oh Alexander, I never even thought to ask if you have any dietary restrictions-” Martha started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I’m not picky. I’ll eat pretty much anything.” Alex reassured. He might not be fond of certain foods, but he’d never say it, being picky about food could end up- and in the past, it had ended up- resulting in either getting starved or forced to eat mass amounts of food he didn’t like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful.” Martha smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The four sat down at the dinner table. Alex waited for everyone else to get their food before taking a small amount for himself because he really wasn’t hungry due to the coke. The high had pretty much come down already, but his appetite still had yet to return and probably wouldn’t for a while yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Alexander did the social worker explain that you’d have to move schools?” Martha asked and took a bite of lasagna.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah she did. Lafayette told me a bit about the new school already.” Alex nodded and picked at his food, more-so pushing it around the plate than anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you had to transfer, it’s just that your old school is on the other side of town and is low on space, so when you moved they didn’t want to keep you as you were no longer in the district, not to mention it would be tricky getting to and from school each day.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is what it is.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Lafayette, how was school today?” George asked, not sensing that he would be getting much conversation out of Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my goodness, papa, you will never guess what happened. Okay, so-” Lafayette continued talking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex continued to pick at his food, maybe eating a couple bites. A small voice in the back of his mind screamed at him to eat because he didn’t know when he might be getting his next meal, and another voice screamed that the Washington’s were gonna question it if he didn’t eat, but his stomach screamed that if he ate anymore he would throw up, which would probably be worst option of the three.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander dear you’ve barely eaten anything. Is something wrong?” Martha noticed how little Alex had eaten as her, George, and Lafayette finished their plates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, not overly hungry is all.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there something else you’d rather eat instead? I’d be happy to throw something else together for you.” George offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m alright. Just tired I guess. May I be excused?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Martha told him softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex got up and went up to his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned a bit and watched Alex disappear up the stairs. Soon they heard the shower turn on in Alex’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am worried about some of the things he told me.” Lafayette admitted to his parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did he tell you that’s got you worried?” Martha asked with a slight frown, she reached over and put a reassuring hand over her son’s, she hated seeing him anything but happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, for starters he told me he has been in many homes in a fairly short amount of time, and because of it he seems to think that he will never stay in one place long. He only has one small bag of clothes and I told him that perhaps we could go shopping for some new ones, and he didn’t seem to be interested, said it would make it harder to pack and leave quickly and that it would just get stolen from him in his next home.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you tell him that we wouldn’t be like his other homes?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes I did. But he told me that he had been told a home would be different than the others before, and it turned out very poorly.” Lafayette frowned and looked down at his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well he said the last time he’d been told that, the father in the home tried to take his laptop, so Alex yelled at him, and the man pulled a gun on Alex.” Lafayette told his parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A gun?” Martha's eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is what he told me.” Lafayette nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where was that in his file?” George mumbled. He wasn’t mad at Alex, but a head’s up about that would’ve been nice that was for sure. “Was there anything else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not think so.” Lafayette said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha sighed a bit. “Laf, dear, you have to understand that Alexander has had a very rough life up to this point. Like you, his mother died very early in his teenage years, and his dad walked out before that. He’s been in many homes, and has had issues in homes before. On paper, it looks quite bad, but your father and I both know that many things are left out of files, like what you’ve told us about the gun being pulled on him. We are going to try our very best to make Alex feel at home here, and to show him that our house really won’t be like other ones he’s been in, but for the time being, it might take some time for him to believe that, however it’s important that we continue to try and show him we care, because it will never get any better if we don’t.” Martha explained to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “Of course mama. I will do my very best to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, son, and I also want to remind you that just because Alex is here, and needs help, doesn’t mean we can’t still help you with things too. I know it can feel strange having another kid come into the house and take time and attention that maybe used to be yours, but I promise we have enough time and attention for both of you.” George told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you papa. I think I am going to go work on some homework and then try and convince Alexander to come shopping tomorrow, that is, if you will fund our trip, mama?” Lafayette batted his mascara coated eyelashes and pouted a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky you’re cute, but you’re also just a little bit pathetic, you know that right?” Martha asked Lafayette with a chuckle gently brushing at the tip of his nose when she called him pathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a yes?” Lafayette asked hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Martha smiled at her son.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merci mama.” Lafayette smiled brightly. He hugged her tightly, and kissed her cheek before heading up to his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George waited until he heard Lafayette’s bedroom door close, then turned to Martha and spoke. “The kid has had a gun pulled on him? What else has he been through that his file doesn’t show? Are we really equipped to help Alexander?” He asked his wife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“George! That poor boy hasn’t caught a break once in his entire life! I understand your worry but this is the exact reason why we need to help him. You heard what Laf said, the poor boy is convinced that he’ll never find a family or a home. He’s given up on being loved and cared for. We’re in a position where we can provide that for him. We have to at least try. And yes he’s been through a lot, probably a lot more than his file shows, but we’ll figure it out. This boy deserves for us to figure it out.” Martha told her husband.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George nodded. “You’re right. I just, I mean, how terrible of a person do you have to be to pull a gun on a child simply for yelling, I mean, Lafayette doesn’t yell at us much, but he has, and I could never imagine pulling out a </span>
  <b>gun </b>
  <span>in response to that. My mind is just racing. ” He shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know dear. Mine is too. But we’ll figure it out together.” She reassured, putting her hand over George’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Together.” George repeated and put his other hand over Martha’s.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cardboard Castles (Watsky)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mention of drug use, drug deal, mentions of homophobia/homophobic acts, being outed</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After Alex’s shower, he did another 2 fast lines of coke while the water was still running in the shower, then turned it off. He tied his hair up and put his sweatpants back on, with the shirt he designated for sleeping in, and opened his laptop to begin working on a commission for a client. Alex was typing away, making fast work of the college freshman level persuasive essay on why Romeo and Juliet is a poor example of a story of true love, when there was a knock on his bedroom door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex quickly closed the lid of his laptop so that the screen was still on, but no one could see the contents of it, then got up and took the chain off the door, opening it up to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope I’m not interrupting anything too important.” Lafayette said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah you’re fine. Come on in.” Alex pulled the door open wider, then returned to his spot on the bed, opening his laptop back up and continuing to write. “I’m listening, I just need to get this project done sooner rather than later.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette entered and closed the door most of the way, but leaving it open a crack. He joined Alex on the bed. “Mind if I ask what it is you are typing away at so furiously?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little side project.” Alex waved it off with one hand typing with the other as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” Lafayette nodded a bit. “Listen, I understand why you might be apprehensive to get new clothes, but I mean, really how much do you have in that bag?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed and set his laptop aside. “This again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander please, just, indulge me?” Lafayette begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have 3 t-shirts, 2 long sleeve shirts, a flannel shirt, a hoodie, a pair of sweats, and a pair of jeans.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I assume the shoes of yours by the front door are your only ones?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. What about it?” Alex asked in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander you do not even have a different shirt for each day of the week and I’m sorry to say that your shoes are falling apart. Please. Mama and papa are more than happy to get you new clothes.” Lafayette tried to stress the importance of Alex letting the Washingtons buy him new clothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They shouldn’t have to spend their money on me.” Alex told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t care about money, Alexander. They make more money than they could ever need. Please? You don’t even have a winter coat.” Lafayette seemed genuinely concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what do I have to do for them to be willing to buy me clothes? Bunch of chores I’m guessing?” Alex assumed based on the fact that foster parents had never bought new clothes without wanting something in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander mama and papa would not make you work to get new clothes. They want to do this out of the goodness of their hearts.” Lafayette told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex scoffed as he continued working on the essay, not pulling his eyes away from his laptop. “Like I’ve never heard that one before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander please. I understand that you have been in some very bad homes, but Martha and George really are nice people and I know that you’ve been told that before but I don’t know what else to say. They really do want to help you.” Lafayette stressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I say yes will you leave me alone to get back to work?” Alex asked after a moment of consideration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Lafayette nodded quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, you can take me shopping tomorrow.” Alex sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I invite my friends to join us?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t care less.” Alex mumbled. “What mall would we be going to? Assuming we’re going to a mall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes we are.” Lafayette told Alex the name of the mall. “Alright. I will invite my friends! Let’s say we’ll go for 1 o’clock? Good luck with your project.” Lafayette smiled brightly and left, closing the door tightly on his way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded to confirm the time, watched Lafayette leave, then pulled open his facebook messenger and found the contact he was looking for. He sent a message to his dealer with the mall name, time he wanted to meet, and where to meet, as well as how much Alex wanted. He received a confirmation soon after and returned to his commission.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile across the hall and down a door, Lafayette was on a video chat with his friend John and boyfriend Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what’s this foster brother like?” John asked curiously, he had homework set out in front of him, but he seemed to be paying very little attention to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His name is Alexander. He seems very intelligent, but he has also clearly been through a lot in his life. I think he just needs some time to get more comfortable with us, and things will get better.” Lafayette explained. “He is our age, and will be coming to our school as soon as the paperwork goes through.” Laf added as he very carefully painted his nails with clear polish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by been through a lot?” Hercules asked, looking up from his knitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His mom died when he was 12, and he has been in the system ever since. In 5 years he has been through 16 different homes, this is his 17th.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The highlighter John had picked up in an attempt to appear productive dropped. “16 homes in 5 years?” John’s eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “I will not go into details but, from the sounds of it they were all quite bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn.” Hercules mumbled. “You told him your parents are different, right?” Hercules shook his head as he continued knitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “His response to that was, well it was something very sad.” Lafayette decided against exposing Alex’s trauma to people Alex didn’t even know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dang.” John mumbled. “You think he’ll like us?” John picked the highlighter back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so. I think he just needs time to come out of his shell. He is Puerto Rican like you are, John. And he speaks Spanish, French, and English. He is also an immigrant like me.” Lafayette told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, Charles Lee and his merry band are gonna love him.” Hercules said sarcastically, shaking his head while watching his knitting to ensure he didn’t make a mistake, even though he could knit an almost perfect turtle-neck sweater blindfolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something tells me that Alexander is not going to let them bother him. He has this, sort of fire about him, he seems to be dead set against being mistreated by anyone.” Lafayette explained to John and Hercules. “It will be interesting to see how that plays out I think.” He explained and examined his work before putting the lid back on the nail polish bottle tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three continued chatting for a while, before ending the call and going to bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day Alex put on his jeans, a t-shirt, his hoodie, and his flannel over the hoodie, because it was extra cold out. He had eaten breakfast, and then did 3 neat lines of coke right before heading out with Lafayette. Martha drove them to the mall and soon she had stopped the car outside the doors to the mall. “Alright, I sent you an e-transfer. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> be more than enough, but if it’s not, give me a call and I can send some more. Do you need a ride back?” Martha asked Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will see and let you know later?” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good. Have fun boys. Alex, do not worry about the money, alright?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Alex lied. He most certainly would worry about how much was spent on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Martha smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Lafayette got out of the car and quickly headed inside the mall. “Alright. We are meeting mes amis near the food court, so we shall head there.” Lafayette told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded. “Alright.” He checked the time on his watch. He was set to meet his dealer in just a couple minutes, near the foodcourt bathrooms, thank goodness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex followed Lafayette to the food court and when they got there he checked the time again. “Uh, I’m gonna go use the bathroom quickly, I’ll be back soon.” He told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I will be right here.” Lafayette smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled back. He took off towards the washrooms, making a quick stop at an ATM to pull out a painful amount of money out of his account.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex usually did 6 to 9 lines of coke a day and a gram made 10 lines. He could get a gram for $80 from his dealer, and he bought 6 grams a week meaning he was spending $480 a week on drugs. He hated spending so much on drugs, but he couldn’t- and didn’t even necessarily want to- stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took the cash and wandered towards the bathroom where he spotted his dealer. Alex walked right by him, arms briefly brushing so that Alex could discreetly hand the cash over, and in turn be given 6 one-gram bags of coke. Alex continued walking towards the washroom, and his dealer away from the washroom. Alex went into the bathroom, into a stall and he stuck the bags of coke neatly away in a hidden pocket he’d created in his sweater.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sweater was the kind with the stretchy band at the bottom of the sweater. From the inside of the sweater, he’d cut a hole in the material so he could put things into the band part of the sweater. Alex stashed the cocaine in his sweater, and then folded the sweater up, so the band was hidden behind the cloth of the sweater. He left the stall, washed his hands, and went back out to find Lafayette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now standing with Lafayette were two guys around his and Lafayette’s age. One was just as tall as Lafayette and had the body of a football player which Alex had to admit, made him a little nervous. The other was shorter than Laf by a bit, but still taller than Alex. Alex couldn’t help but think that the shorter of the two new guys was cute, not that he’d say it out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander!” Lafayette smiled brightly. “These are my friends who are joining us, this is John,” Lafayette pointed to the shorter guy. “And this is Hercules.” Lafayette pointed to the other guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you.” The shorter one, John, smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it hanging?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you guys too.” Alex said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I don’t know if Lafayette told you, but here’s how our group works. Lafayette likes shopping, and he’s good at dressing people up in the clothes they look good in, while Hercules is good at figuring out </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> clothes people look good in, and I keep them in check, stop them from spending absurd amounts of money, ensuring their keeping in mind who they’re shopping for, and stopping them from putting together outfits that would have us or whoever is being shopped for sent home from school or beat up or both.” John explained to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes sense.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright man, I’m already getting some ideas for you but what’s your preferred style?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, whatever I can find that fits half-decently and is clean?” Alex didn’t know how else to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He sounds like John.” Hercules mumbled to Lafayette, shaking his head as he spoke. “Alright, are you a fan of dressing more casually or more formal?” Hercules asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno. I mean, I guess like jeans with a solid color shirt and like a flannel over it, or hoodies or sweatshirts I guess?” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so from the sounds of it warmer clothing, then I take it you’re cold a lot?” Hercules guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, and do you prefer baggy or tight fitting clothes?” Hercules continued to ask questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pants couldn’t care, tops, definitely baggier.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I can work with this. Let’s head to Levi’s for jeans first then, you’re good with Levi’s jeans yeah?” Hercules asked as he began walking, the group following.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard good things, never gotten a pair first-hand though, they’re expensive.” Alex admitted as they walked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mon dieu.” Lafayette mumbled, saying ‘my god’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re expensive because they last longer than most other jeans.” John explained. “I used to go for bluenotes or wherever else was a little cheaper but they would always split in the inner thigh because I have dummy thick thighs. I would go through a pair of jeans in like, 6 months. I started going for Levi’s though, and the jeans are lasting me more like a year now at least.” He told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Makes sense I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’m getting 511 kinda vibes from you.” Hercules said as they entered the shop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“511?” Alex was obviously confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Slim jeans, not super skinny, but not overly baggy or loose either.” Hercules explained as he walked over to the 511’s display. “What size would you say you are?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever one is smallest.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules sighed a bit, but knew it was probably right. He could tell even with Alex in a hoodie that the kid had no meat on his bones and may as well have been a toothpick. He grabbed a pair of jeans with the smallest waist size available. “Try these on, we’ll figure out your size and if you like the fit, then we can get into colors, distressed or not, all of that.” Hercules told Alex, handing him the jeans.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex ended up getting a pair of darker but not overly dark blue jeans, and a pair of black jeans. While in the Levi’s store Lafayette had spotted some light wash ripped mom jeans, and ended up getting them for himself because they had “been a steal’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex also wound up getting some t-shirts of various colors, a couple new flannel shirts, some t-shirt style long sleeve shirts, a basic, oversized grey sweatshirt, a winter jacket, a pair of red low-top converse, and a pair of black-high top vans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the large amount of bags in hand, Lafayette insisted they stop in front of some large mirrors for pictures to post on Instagram. Soon Lafayette had gotten his photos and was posting. “Alexander, what is your at?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, I don’t have Instagram, or any social media really. I sorta have Facebook but it’s really just for messenger.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not ba- Laf, some people don’t enjoy social media.” Hercules told Lafayette, almost calling him something else but stopping himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex made note of that and would ask about it later. “Actually it’s more just an issue of me not having a phone. Instagram and Snapchat are more made for mobile device use and all I have is my laptop.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned. “I see. We will talk to mama and papa about this tonight.” He said to Alex, then turned to Hercules and John. “What are we doing now? Would you two like to come hang out at our place?” Lafayette offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Hercules smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sounds good to me. Aunt Cassie doesn’t care when I’m home as long as she knows where I am.” John nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful.” Lafayette smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hercules, who had his own car, drove them back to the Washingtons’ house. Martha was pleased with all the clothes Alex had gotten. The boys made popcorn, grabbed drinks, and headed up to the third floor of the house. The Washingtons’ had made it into a wonderful space for Lafayette to entertain friends with a comfy ‘L’-shaped couch, a large screen TV, bean bag chairs and more. The boys put on a movie, but no one was paying a whole lot of attention to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So John, uh, Lafayette mentioned that you’re Puerto Rican?” Alex asked John, trying to make conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. My mom was 100% Puerto Rican, dad’s I think mostly French though.” John explained to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom was Puerto Rican too, dad was Scottish.” Alex smiled a bit. “Kinda sucks having a white ass name because people read my name on paper and then-” Alex began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They get that look on their face when they see you’re not white!” John finished the sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly!” Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it is an issue all four of us face.” Lafayette admitted with a sigh. Him, Hercules, and John fell into a conversation, but Alex stayed quiet for the most part, his body was telling him it was time for his next fix.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna head downstairs to the bathroom.” Alex told them and got up, heading to his bathroom to go do a couple lines so he would stop feeling so exhausted and sluggish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette turned to make sure Alex was gone, before turning to Hercules and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ve wanted to do that all day.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules cupped Lafayette’s cheek affectionately and kissed back. “I know dear.” He said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you guys really think Alex is homophobic? I mean, he doesn’t seem like the type to be. I mean, what’d he think of your outfit yesterday?” John asked Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t seem to care really but, I do not know. He could be one of those people that’s fine unless there’s something gay going on, and then gets uncomfortable.” Lafayette frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s true.” John sighed a bit, his sigh seemed to hold more sadness than just the idea of Alex being unaccepting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You good John?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just, bummed that he might not be chill. I mean, we’ve worked so hard to not have to hide…” John trailed off. “Plus he’s kinda cute, but I probably don’t have a hope in hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You never know, mon ami. Do not give up hope yet.” Lafayette said softly. “And I will see if I can work on getting the answer without being obvious about it. Just give me a couple days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s gonna find out a lot faster if he gets to come to school with us on Monday.” John mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Lafayette sighed. “He’ll be back soon, kiss me one more time mon chou?” Lafayette asked Hercules, calling him a French term of endearment that translated to ‘my cabbage’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gladly.” Hercules smiled and kissed Lafayette again, the kiss lasting longer than the first one just moments ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was right at that moment that Alex reappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette and Hercules quickly pulled away from each other, but Alex had seen everything.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Breathe (Anna Nalick)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drug use, drug mishaps, homophobia, talk of eating disorders/poor eating habits</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex had returned to the attic to catch Hercules kissing Lafayette, and honestly he wasn’t surprised, he’d been suspecting it all day, and was unsure why they’d been hiding it. His mind began racing with a million different ideas as to why they’d hide it, right as the coke hit. He’d taken some of the new stuff he’d gotten just hours ago- as he used the rest of what he’d had that morning- and as it hit him he realized that it was definitely a higher potency than what his dealer usually provided. It wasn’t enough of a difference to cause harm, but he knew that he probably wouldn’t be able to act sober either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I- I’m sorry, I gotta…” Alex mumbled and quickly headed back to his room before anyone could see the tears in his eyes as he found himself becoming paranoid and anxious due to the coke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Alex took 2-3 lines at the potency he was used to, it created the effects he enjoyed, but if he took 4 heavier lines, or 5 lines, or in this case, the potency was higher, he would get anxious and paranoid for about 20 minutes, before easing into simply being more alert, and then coming down from the high. He went to his room and closed the door behind him, putting the chain up too. He grabbed his laptop and went into the bathroom, locking himself in there in case Lafayette or anyone else came looking for him. He pulled open his Messenger and messaged his dealer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Not necessarily complaining about a higher potency but warn a guy first would ya?]</span>
</p><p>
  <span>[Shit, sorry man. My bad. It’ll be the normal potency again next week.] His dealer sent back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex closed Messenger, and his laptop. He tried to set his laptop aside but having it in the bathroom was upsetting for some reason, so he put it back on the desk in his room. He then returned to the bathroom and relocked himself in there, and had a good cry for the next 15 minutes before he started to come down. He didn’t know why he was crying, but he had to admit, it did feel kinda nice to just let it all out, whatever ‘it’ was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he calmed down, he tried to think rationally about why Lafayette and Hercules would hide their relationship. It didn’t take him long to come to the conclusion that they were hiding it from him probably because they didn’t know how he felt about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which made Alex feel bad, because now he probably appeared to be a massive homophobe and he didn’t know how he could explain why he reacted the way he did without explaining that A - he was hit with a bad trip at that exact moment, and B - that he himself was queer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had made a rule with himself 2 years ago to never reveal to a foster home that he was queer, it didn’t matter if they had another gay kid, and probably wouldn’t even have mattered if it had been a gay couple, it was too risky, too much chance of it resulting in things ending poorly. After all, it had been the reason he was sent away from his longest-standing placement, which he probably could’ve stayed with until he was 18 had he not ‘come out’ to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So now Alex’s foster brother thought he was homophobic, which he wasn’t, and Alex couldn’t explain that he wasn’t without outing himself and admitting to being addicted to coke. He figured that now he would never find out if the Washingtons really were good people because he highly doubted that they would keep him around much longer now. And it was that thought, that had him crying again, eventually falling asleep on the bathroom floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I- I’m sorry, I gotta…” Alex mumbled and headed back down the stairs in a haste.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette’s face fell and he tried to keep it together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John sighed. “I guess we have our answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry dear.” Hercules said softly to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette hugged himself tightly. “I believe I would prefer to be alone now.” He mumbled and got up, going to his room and locking himself in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules turned to John. “I think that’s our cue to leave. I’ll drive you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Herc.” John mumbled as he got up and headed back downstairs to the main floor where Martha was in the kitchen working with some kind of dough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey boys, where are Lafayette and Alex?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In their rooms.” Hercules said somewhat solemnly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is everything alright?” Martha frowned, coming over to the boys, wiping her flour covered hands on her apron.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly.” John mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Martha asked, concerned now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’d be best if you talked to Lafayette about that.” John told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But give him a bit of time first.” Hercules added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha continued to frown but nodded. “I see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna head out, thanks for having us.” Hercules told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ll see you boys later. Text me when you both get some safely.” Martha requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do Mrs W.” John smiled a bit as he said it, then followed Hercules out of the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George then came out of his office. “What’s going on?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules and John just left. Something happened, they didn’t say what.” Martha sighed a bit. “They said to ask Lafayette but to give him some time before trying to talk to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George frowned a bit. “That can’t mean anything good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it can’t.” Martha agreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Martha finished with her bun making before heading up to Lafayette’s room where she knocked on the door. “Lafayette dear? It’s mom.” She called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment Lafayette opened the door. He looked as though he’d been crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear, what’s the matter?” Martha asked. Lafayette would cry during movies, but this was different. He didn’t cry like this often, and it worried Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried so hard to make sure he would like me, mama.” Lafayette sniffled. “But it would appear he does not like a part of me that I cannot hide, and Hercules is forced into the same position I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette dear, I love it when you speak poetically but that doesn’t tell me what’s wrong. Why don’t we sit down and talk about this?” Martha gestured to his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette led the way into his room and sat down on the center of the bed cross legged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha sat on the edge of the bed and faced her son. “What happened?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we did not know if Alexander was accepting, so me and Hercules tried very hard all day to not act affectionate around him, in case he wasn’t. I was betting he was, but wanted to be sure first. He came down to use the bathroom and when he returned he caught me and Hercules in the middle of a kiss. He was quiet for a moment, before mumbling something I could not understand and returning to his room. I am sad because I wanted him to like me, and my friends, but instead it would appear he does not and that I have outed myself and Hercules to him.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha frowned. “I see. Is it possible it was simply a misunderstanding?” Martha asked, not wanting to believe that Alexander, a boy who had been through so much, could judge others for something they had no control over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not know, mama, but the look on his face was not one of kindness when he saw it.” Lafayette told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded a bit. “I take it he’s in his room?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Do you want me to stay with you, or try and talk to Alex?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette tried to think for a moment. “I think it might be in everyone’s best interest that we wait for Alex to come out of his room to talk to him about this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “If that’s what you want then that is what we’ll do.” She smiled softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex emerged from his room a couple hours later looking dreadful. He looked as though he’d been crying and had tried to hide it, but failed, and also had dark bags under his eyes, the kind that formed when someone slept at a time of day they shouldn’t have. He was wearing one of his long sleeve shirts, his hoodie, and his flannel (all being things he had brought with him to the Washingtons’ not things he’d gotten that day) but he was still shivering, and was fairly pale.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette, Martha, and George were sitting in the living room watching some sort of movie when Alex reemerged. Alex looked beyond nervous as he walked over to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette, I swear, I didn’t mean to react the way I did when I walked in on you and Hercules earlier. I promise I’m not homophobic and I know it sounds like I’m just saying that and I don’t know how I could possibly prove that I’m not but I swear I’m not, and I just, I can’t explain why I reacted the way I did but I promise it was not a reaction of disgust and I just,” Alex was on the verge of tears. He turned to George and Martha. “Please don’t send me away.” He barely spoke above a whisper as tears began to fall. He was realizing now that his anxiety was still high despite him no longer being high.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander you look dreadful.” Lafayette observed, sounding concerned for Alex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright son?” George asked, noticing the same things Lafayette was. The kid looked pale and perhaps a bit unsteady on his feet. He looked sickly to say the least and had been fine mere hours ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. I’m not the one who should be getting the attention and care here.” Alex told them. “Lafayette I’m sorry for earlier and I hope you’ll accept my apology. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, I’d be more than willing to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette seemed torn. “I accept the apology. We can discuss more later. In the meantime I am still very concerned about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha got up and came closer, and could now better see what Lafayette and George were talking about. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was just the aftermath of a bad trip, but obviously Alex couldn’t tell them that. “It’s nothing.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette squinted at him. “Is this maybe because you have not eaten, mon ami? You declined a pretzel at the mall and did not eat much popcorn upstairs. You barely ate at breakfast either. Or dinner last night.” Lafayette frowned deeply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was probably part of his problem, Alex realized. He’d maybe eaten all of 3 bites of lasagna at dinner last night, a piece of toast at breakfast, and a handful of popcorn a couple hours ago. That was the problem with cocaine use, it screwed up appetite and it could be tough to battle with. Alex hadn’t eaten much at breakfast because he was nervous to meet John and Hercules, and anxious about getting caught buying his drugs, was coming down from being high at dinner, and wasn’t a huge fan of popcorn. Usually his appetite stayed away for 2-3 hours after a fix, then would return to normal, and if he didn’t eat before taking another hit he would usually find he regretted it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you purposely not eating mon ami?” Lafayette’s voice was full of concern, as if he’d dealt with this before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex could tell he had all eyes on him, and the situation was quickly becoming too much to handle when compared to how anxious he already was. “I- I- I-” He stuttered out as he felt his heart rate speed up and breathing got harder. “I can’t do this,” He mumbled and bolted from the living room, back to the safety of his ensuite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha frowned deeply. “Something’s definitely not right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we might’ve scared him, putting him on the spot with that question about eating? I mean, if he is dealing with an issue like an eating disorder then that would probably be a pretty scary question to suddenly be faced with.” George pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is very small.” Lafayette mumbled. “The jeans he got today fit him alright, but he probably would’ve looked better in a smaller size yet, however to get a smaller size at Levi’s he would have had to shop the women’s sections and we did not think he would be comfortable doing so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think right now the best thing to do is give him a bit of space, and reassess in a couple days. It could just be nerves from being in a new home.” Martha said wisely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s hope so.” George sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps I could ask John what he thinks about this?” Lafayette suggested carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s wait on that until we have more evidence, although we may have to take you up on that.” Martha told Lafayette. “Let’s hope we don’t have to though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can say that again.” George told her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex went up to his room, to his ensuite, and had a panic attack for the first time in a long time, then fell asleep on the bathroom floor, and stayed there for the night, exhausted by the lack of energy caused by not eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And sure things seemed bad, but he’d dealt with worse coke mishaps before. He had just never gotten so anxious before. He wondered if it had to do with him having been so new to the Washingtons’ house. He only hoped that he would be allowed to stay for long enough to prove that he wasn’t a problem kid who didn’t eat and acted homophobic towards their son.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Beautiful People (Ed Sheeran)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drug use, discussion of anxiety/mental illness, mentions of homophobia</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning when Alex woke up his body ached from sleeping on the floor, and he was hungry. It was a new day and he hoped that it could go better than the previous one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got dressed and checked the time. It was 9am, he’d slept for about 13 hours on the floor, 16 if you included the nap he’d taken before that. He put on his sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Martha and Lafayette were there, George was nowhere to be seen, which made Alex feel a little bit less anxious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning Alex.” Martha spoke gently. “I’m sorry about last night. We didn’t mean to freak you out asking such a question. I hope you weren’t too upset over it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” Alex said quickly. “I was just really nervous and it was affecting my appetite, then I think the lack of food was making me more nervous and it just snowballed from there.” Alex explained and bit his lip nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded a bit. “That makes sense. Are you up to eat now?” She asked, sounding very hesitant about asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, starved actually.” Alex told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha smiled a bit. “Wonderful. I made lots so come help yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex ate a good-size breakfast then went back to his room and went on his laptop to work on his writing commissions, which were starting to pile up. He did want a fix though so he did about half a line, found it got him a third of the way where his usual amount would, so did another line and a half, and got his desired results. He settled in and began writing when there was a knock on his door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in!” Alex called out, because for once his chain wasn’t up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette came in. “Can we talk?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quick to set his laptop aside. “Yes. I think we need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As do I.” Lafayette agreed. He perched himself on the edge of Alex’s bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was, a mess last night, so please allow me a second chance to apologize for how I reacted. I’m not homophobic, I couldn’t care less about if you like dudes and I’m fine with seeing you and Hercules act like a couple. I understand that my reaction to seeing it may have come across as homophobic but I assure you that was not my intention.” Alex told Lafayette sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe you, and I accept the apology.” Lafayette paused. “Can I ask why you reacted the way you did?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a long complicated story I’d rather not get into, and I know that sounds bad but please, just trust me when I say I’m not homophobic.” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. Do not feel pressured to tell me anything.” Lafayette reassured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “I wasn’t purposely not eating. I know it may appear that way, but I promise that’s not the case. I was simply anxious because of getting here and then meeting John and Hercules and how much money we spent at the mall and the anxiety screwed my appetite and then not eating made the anxiety worse and like I told Martha it just snowballed.” Alex explained, not looking at Lafayette until he finished speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I too was anxious when I first arrived here. I thought one new home was bad but you have done this 17 times,” Lafayette shook his head. “It must take a lot of strength to be able to do that.” He paused. “I cannot help but wonder though, if perhaps there is a deeper reason for your anxiety? Like, an anxiety disorder perhaps?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked down at his hands. He knew there was in fact a deeper reason for his anxiety, but not in the way Lafayette was thinking. “Probably not.” Alex shook his head. “The only thing I’ve ever been diagnosed with mental-health wise is ADHD. However, ADHD can make things like anxiety worse, because the anxiety starts and then sensory issues come in, and it worsens it.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do mama and papa know about this? Is it in your, uh, file?” Lafayette asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve never actually seen my own file.” He admitted. “I’m supposed to take medication for it daily, but I haven’t since like, the 2nd or 3rd home I was placed in.” Alex admitted to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned. “Isn’t it hard to go without the medication?” He asked, sounding concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can be, yeah.” Alex admitted. The lack of medication was part of why he found the effects of coke so useful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why go without it?” Lafayette continued to ask questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mostly because meds only complicate things in foster homes. Other kids stealing it to get high, or the parents not trusting me with it, or the parents stealing it to get high, or the parents claiming it’s too expensive. Lots of reasons.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned. “I, nor mama and papa, would steal medication from you, money is clearly no issue here, and mama and papa I’m sure would trust you to take the medication on your own, I am allowed to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked confused. “Medication for what?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The same thing I was worried you had; anxiety.” Lafayette explained. “When I first got to America I knew no-one, knew very little English and everything was very different from back home in France. It resulted in a lot of very bad anxiety that did not go away as I got more settled. So now I take medication for it, and I am the happy, bubbly, care-free person everyone knows and loves.” He smiled at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “You really think they’d do that for me?” He asked after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course they would!” Lafayette exclaimed. “We could go talk to them now if you would like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, could we just hang out here for a while?” Alex asked, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> act sober right now, but he would still prefer for the high to come down a little more before facing Martha or George willingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Lafayette nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will tell John and Hercules that I’m not homophobic, right?” Alex asked awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told them last night. Do not worry.” Lafayette reassured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and Hercules make a cute couple.” Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette smiled too. “I think so as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two boys ended up talking for a couple hours, before there was a knock on the door that pulled them from their conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in!” Alex called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha entered the room. “This is where my boys went. How’s it going in here?” She asked, smiling a little at the sight of them obviously getting along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, me and Alexander are bonding.” Lafayette smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad to hear.” Martha smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to ask now?” Lafayette asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex thought about it for a moment and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mama, there is something we, well, really I on Alex’s behalf, want to talk to you about.” Lafayette told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Martha asked, coming and sitting down in the desk chair, looking at the boys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex explained to me that he has ADHD, but has not been able to be on medication for it in a long time, due to various issues in foster homes.” Lafayette started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s not too much trouble, it- it would be really helpful if I could go back on it. Your home is a home where I don’t have to worry about foster siblings stealing it and it really would help me focus on school work.” Alex explained, already making a plan to see how the medication- if he got it- would react with the coke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your file never even mentioned that.” Martha frowned. “Of course we can get you on medication for it. I’ll call and make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and get you in as soon as possible to get you back on the meds. Thank you for coming to me about this.” Martha smiled a bit, wanting Alex to see that he could ask for things without fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And another thing, mama?” Lafayette added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that dear?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander here does not have a cell phone. Could you and papa get him one? I could list all the reasons why he needs one, but I think you’ve heard it all before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have, every time the latest phone comes out. I’ll talk with George about it, I really don’t think it’ll be an issue.” Martha smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, so much, Martha.” Alex said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, thank you mama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m going to leave you boys to your bonding now. Tomorrow is a busy day at work and I need to prepare some things. I’ll be in my office if you boys need anything, and George is around as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The school was working on getting Alex transferred, and it was taking a while, so the next morning George took Alex and Lafayette to school, and went with Alex to the front office, where they were taken to one of the assistant principals offices to get everything sorted out. Soon Alex received his schedule, and a student in his year was entering the office to come show him around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl had jet black hair and pale skin, with warm brown eyes, and Alex couldn’t help but think she was pretty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Miss Schuyler, thank you for coming. This is a new student, Alexander Hamilton, would you mind showing him where each of his classes and other important areas of the school are?” The AP asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else are our student leaders for?” She smiled pleasantly in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Schuyler, or Eliza, will show you around the school while we finish things here.” The AP told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Thanks.” Alex said to the AP.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m working later tonight so you and Lafayette will have to find your own way home, but it’s not too far a walk and he knows the bus system pretty well too. I’ll see you tonight at home.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded in understanding. “See ya.” He said to George and followed the girl, Eliza, out of the AP’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Eliza, it’s Alexander right? Or would you prefer Alex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex. Nice to meet you.” Alex smiled a bit as he followed her through the hallways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re living at the Washingtons’? I’m good friends with Lafayette, he mentioned that he was getting a foster brother.” Eliza told Alex as they walked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Yep, just moved in on Friday evening.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re good people, you’re lucky to be living with them.” She smiled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “They seem nice. So you’re friends with Lafayette?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded. “Hercules and John too. John is probably my best friend in the entire world, but Hercules is pretty high up there too, and he’s been my friend for a really long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“John and Hercules are pretty cool too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh you met them already?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They came shopping with me and Lafayette on Saturday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shopping with Hercules and Lafayette? You’re just getting spoiled huh?” Eliza chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza showed Alex his classes and soon they came to the class he had first, which Eliza had elected to end the tour with. “Well this is your class, I guess I’ll see you at lunch if you’re sitting with Lafayette and us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really have anyone else to sit with.” Alex chuckled a bit. Eliza seemed very nice and pretty, smart too and Alex couldn’t ignore it. “Can I ask who ‘us’ is though?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me, Lafayette, Hercules, John, my sister Peggy- she’s a junior-, and my girlfriend Maria.” Eliza told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course she was taken, and gay at least to some extent. “Sounds good. I’ll see you all then.” Alex smiled at her and entered the classroom, determined for this to be a good day. Just because the nice pretty girl that had caught his eye was taken didn’t mean he couldn’t have a good day, and if he was lucky, this would be his last high school, and he wanted to start at it on the right foot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex’s morning classes (AP English (which he had with Lafayette) and regular math) went alright, but really he was more excited for his afternoon classes; AP history and ideologies, and creative writing. He found his way to the cafeteria and easily spotted Lafayette, he went over to Lafayette and the group that was slowly beginning to gather.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander! You survived the morning!” Lafayette smiled brightly. “How were your classes?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They were alright. That math teacher was boring as hell but I could be worse off. English went good.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Join the club, we all hate that math teacher. I’m glad your English class went well. The rest of our friends should be here soon.” Lafayette explained. “You have not met some of them yet,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza, Peggy, and Maria right?” Alex asked with a bit of a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yes, how did you know?” Lafayette seemed surprised and somewhat confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I met Eliza this morning. She showed me where all my classes were.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah. Eliza is part of student council, student council members always do that kinda stuff. She is very nice, oui?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon John came over to the table. “Hey Alex. How’s your first day going?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So the pretty girl was taken, at least there was still a pretty boy to look at, even if Alex couldn’t pursue the pretty boy. “It was alright. I’m honestly more excited for my afternoon classes though.” He explained truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you have in the afternoon?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AP History and ideologies, and then creative writing.” Alex told John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like writing?” John asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Love it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s really cool.” John smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza then came over to the table, holding hands with a girl Alex had to assume was Maria, and the two were being followed by another girl Alex assumed was Peggy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the three girls sat down Alex couldn’t take his eyes off Maria. He could’ve sworn he knew her from somewhere, but he couldn’t remember for the life of him where he knew her from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander this is Maria and Peggy.” Eliza introduced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex waved a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Eliza said you were short but I didn’t realize you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> short, you’re a shrimp!” Peggy told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m probably taller than you.” He defended himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Barely. And I’m a girl so it’s different. I’m allowed to be short, I’m gonna have to call you squirt.” Peggy grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled a bit. “Thanks. Such a warm welcome.” He said sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules then walked up to the table, approaching from behind Lafayette. He put a finger to his lips to those who could see him, signaling to be quiet. He came up right behind Lafayette and put his large hands over his boyfriend’s eyes. “Guess who.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mon amour!” Lafayette exclaimed happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Correct.” Hercules pulled his hands away and kissed Lafayette’s cheek. “I missed you.” He said as he sat down next to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss you too.” Lafayette said and snuggled up to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys saw each other like, 3 hours ago.” Maria pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you missed me.” Hercules told Lafayette and kissed him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette happily kissed him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peggy, who was pulling out a salad for lunch realized the opportunity she had and took it. “Really guys? In front of my salad?” She asked, barely able to keep a straight face as she made the reference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John chuckled. “Nice one Pegs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, I’ll be here all week.” Peggy grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lunch continued like that and went pretty well Alex figured. He still couldn’t remember where he knew Maria from, but he didn’t ask either. It would come to him eventually and for now he just wanted to get through the first day of school.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Lose Yourself (Eminem)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mentions of drugs, politics, coming out, brief mention of guns</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After lunch Alex headed to history. He didn’t have anyone he knew in the class, but he didn’t let it bother him, and he grew excited when he saw what was written on the white-board. ‘Debate Day’. This could be his chance to really prove himself and on his first day to boot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright class,” The teacher said, getting the class’ attention. She was a younger looking woman in a black shirt with the school logo on it and simple jeans, her hair in a messy bun. These kind of younger-lady teachers were usually really good at their jobs and fun, so Alex hoped she would fit the stereotype. “As you can tell by the white-board it’s debate day, and we’ll get started right away, but first I want to introduce a new student joining us, Alexander Hamilton, if you wanna just wave to the class, I won’t make you stand up and tell us about yourself.” The teacher told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex waved a bit to the class and was relieved the teacher didn’t force him to introduce himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful. Now let’s get some volunteers before I introduce the topic. Today I’m thinking we’ll do solo debating with multiple rounds. Do I have any takers?” The teacher asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A boy with large curly hair not much different from Lafayette’s, wearing a purple athletic hoodie raised his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright Thomas,” The teacher nodded. “Who else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shot his hand up in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander, wonderful.” The teacher smiled. “Those not debating, as usual I do still want you to write down points you would use in a debate on the topic, I’ll be taking them in at the end of the class.” The teacher explained. “And today’s debate topic is a hot one so if anyone is uncomfortable we can change the subject, however I’ve selected this topic due to what we’ve been learning in class recently and current events happening in the world right now. It is also a very open debate topic, as usual. Now, without further ado, can I get a drumroll please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of the students banged on their desks, giving a drumroll for the teacher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And today’s debate topic is immigration.” The teacher announced. “Alexander, what side of the argument would you like to take?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pro-immigration.” Alex told her quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Thomas, that means you’re against immigration for the debate.” The teacher said. “Everyone take 10 minutes to jot down some points that could be utilized in this debate, and then we’ll get started.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s pen didn’t stop moving once for the next 10 minutes, as he furiously wrote down every thought that came into his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. That’s 10 minutes. Thomas will start us off because Alex got to choose his side.” The teacher explained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thomas and Alex both had very good arguments for their sides, Alex had to admit, and towards the end, things got a little heated even, and the teacher was now trying to reign them in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is what happens when they let anyone immigrate here, we get loud mouthed, annoying people, who don’t know when to shut up.” Thomas said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, whoa, Thomas that was uncalled for,” The teacher was trying to put an end to the debate, seeing how heated it was getting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just don’t want people immigrating to America because you’re worried they’ll have better work ethics and will make your pampered, silver-spoon sucking ass look bad.” Alex bit back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright that is enough. Debate is over. Alex and Thomas, apologize, and go back to your seats.” The teacher told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you smell like old money.” Alex grumbled to Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you don’t know when to shut the hell up.” Thomas grumbled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teacher just sighed as the boys returned to their desks. “That was very heated at the end, but otherwise, you both had very strong coherent arguments. Now the real question for both of you boys that I want you two to reflect on, is did you really believe everything you said, and do you think the other meant everything they said.” The teacher paused for a moment. “Everyone finish with your debate papers and put them on my desk and then we’re just gonna chill for the last couple minutes of class.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex got up and put his paper down on her desk, then headed back to his desk, but was stopped by Thomas. “Gonna insult me more?” Alex asked, rolling his eyes as he did so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is so much I could insult, and it is quite tempting, but no. I just wanted to let you know, I didn’t believe everything I said.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex seemed surprised. “Oh really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded. “I don’t necessarily hate immigrants. I wish the system was better so less people would immigrate illegally, because illegal immigration is a serious problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t know how to feel about that and simply returned to his seat. As Alex sat down another student approached him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You created quite a stir just now. I’m actually quite impressed, it’s not everyday Thomas actually loses a debate to someone especially a brand new transfer.” The boy told Alex. “Aaron Burr, everyone calls me by my last name though.” He extended a hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander Hamilton.” Alex shook Aaron’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I said, your debate skills were, impressive, although would you mind a few critiques?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead. I’m always looking to improve my skills.” Alex told Burr, nodding as he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you’re obviously fast on your feet and know how to build a coherent argument, however I think you could come off a lot better if you were more selective with your choice of words. You have good arguments, but they seemed to be a bit too wordy at times. I would suggest trying to find ways to talk less. The fewer words you say, the more power each word holds.” Burr suggested to Alexander.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Alex nodded a bit to himself. “That’s actually quite helpful. I’ll take it into consideration.” Alex told Burr. “Have you ever debated Thomas?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded. “I have. Although his friend James is more for my style of debating, and public speaking in general. Less words. You and Thomas say every thought that comes into your heads. Me and James carefully calculate each one and select which one will hold the most power in getting the point across.” Burr explained. “I’ve been looking for a Thomas-type to pair with my James-type for a while to be honest. A team debate with you and I versus James and Thomas, well, I’d pay money to see it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “What are your political stances?” Alex asked. He wasn’t gonna team up for debates with a guy he didn’t know the ideals of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I would be called a moderate. I’m very centralized on the political spectrum.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wondered what he was supposed to do with that. “Alright, let me rephrase. Thoughts on,” He paused to think for a moment think. “Gun laws.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The current laws aren’t tight enough, however the people should still be free to bear arms, so long as it’s done with moderation and safety of the general public in mind.” Burr said eloquently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. He could work with that. “Thoughts on LGBTQ rights?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Despite same-sex marriage being legal there is still more that needs to be done. Members of the queer community are still far from being equal, especially on a global scale.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well said</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Alex thought to himself. “The logging industry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While trees and forests are renewable resources, many logging practices are not done at a sustainable rate. Logging should only be continued if stricter policies are put in place to protect the areas and those living in the areas being harvested."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Immigration?” Alex asked next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our policies have not been updated in decades, and the system desperately needs reform. We should look to our neighbors from the North and build a system based on the Canadian one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not too shabby Burr. I would hope it’s safe to say you’re a supporter of the Black Lives Matter movement?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded a bit. “The movement, of course, the organization however, certainly not. While police brutality is a real issue, I also believe there are some better ways to fix those issues than what has been done so far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s more than fair.” Alex nodded. “On a more personal level, what are your thoughts on the queer community?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I carry this policy through all aspects of my life. Respect me and I’ll respect you. No one’s existence should be inherently wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wasn’t quite getting the kind of answer he wanted to hear. “Okay if you walked into the men's bathroom and found menstrual hygiene products available in there, how would you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It makes no difference to my life.” Burr shrugged. “And to answer the question you’re not so subtly trying to ask, I don’t care if you’re gay or bi or pan or trans or whatever else. Like I said, respect me, and I’ll respect you. Everything else is just complicating details.” Burr spoke at a quieter tone so the others around them wouldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quiet for a moment. “Bi. And thank you.” He mumbled quietly. “But also you can’t tell anyone that.” He added quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ll come to find very soon that I am a very good secret keeper. I’m not interested in spreading secrets or gossip, never have been. The only time I would was if someone or thing was in danger if the secret was kept.” Burr said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that automatically bought Burr Alex’s full respect. “I think we’ll be able to work together just fine. But fair warning, I will probably talk your ear off, and seeing as you’re the first friend I’ve made without the help of my foster brother, I’m probably gonna cling to you like a leech.” Alex announced rather matter-of-factly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr chuckled a bit. “I think you’ll find I’m a good listener, although I can’t promise I’ll listen to every word you say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled a bit too. “I think that’s more than fair knowing myself.” He smiled a bit at Burr.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Overall, Alex had a pretty good day. He’d made more friends, found a friend outside of Lafayette’s group, and most of his teachers were pretty good. He couldn’t help but hope that the placement with the Washingtons would stick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules had given Lafayette and Alex a ride home and the boys were sitting in Lafayette’s room, working on homework together in relative silence. Alex was sitting in one of multiple bean bag chairs in Lafayette’s room while Laf had elected to lay on his stomach on the floor. Alex less had homework assignments and more proof-of-knowledge assignments for his teachers, so they could figure out where he was, what he knew, and what he still needed to learn to be at the same level as his classmates for his English, Math, and History classes. For creative writing he had to do a small paper on things the teacher should know about him, and give a sample of his preferred writing style so she would get a feel for it and could mark his work based on that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how were your classes? Other than math I mean?” Lafayette asked, needing a small break from the miles long math assignment the teacher had assigned for marks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As I said at lunch English was good. Creative writing was pretty fun too. History was probably the best though.” Alex told Lafayette, not looking up from his own math assignment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mind if I ask why?” Lafayette asked and pulled himself up into a sitting position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well the teacher is one of my favourite types of teachers, and then it was like a debate day and I got to show off my skill and impress the teacher right off the bat. The guy I debated seemed like, a character, but then once the debate ended this other guy came up to me and we started talking and we made friends.” Alex continued working.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette looked happy and excited for Alex. “Your first friend!” He exclaimed happily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh hello, who are John, Hercules, Eliza, Maria, and Peggy?” Alex asked Lafayette, still not looking away from his work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean your first friend made without my introduction! Who are they?” Lafayette asked and took a sip from a bottle of water he’d grabbed from the fridge before heading upstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guy named Aaron Burr?” Alex finally looked up at Lafayette and took a sip of his own water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting.” Lafayette said, mostly to himself. “I’m, acquainted with Burr, I would’ve thought your personalities clash too much.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We bonded over a seemingly mutual distaste for some guy named Thomas Jefferson?” Alex was unsure if Lafayette would know Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “Makes sense. I take it you and Burr are working on a Thomas-James dynamic then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. How’d you know?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know everyone and everything.” Lafayette said matter-of-factly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just shook his head and continued with his work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the boys heard a car pull up. Lafayette glanced at the clock. “That would probably papa. Mama is usually gone quite late on Monday and Tuesday nights, as she usually has to go up to DC those days.” Lafayette explained to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once I’m done with this question I’m finished, so I’m going to go help papa. How much work do you still have?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, not much. I’ll be done in like, maybe 5 minutes?” Alex guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. He finished his question then got up and left the room heading downstairs to greet his dad. “Hello papa.” Lafayette smiled pleasantly at George, who was in the kitchen, setting something in the fridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi. How was school?” George asked, smiling a bit at his son.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ ‘Twas good.” Lafayette told his dad, coming and sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Where’s Alex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is finishing his homework. He will come down soon.” Lafayette informed George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I have something for him.” George paused. “I’m thinking of just ordering take-out for dinner tonight. Work was long and stressful. I don’t feel like cooking.” He sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not have any complaints against ordering out. Maybe we could get Chinese?” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me, and your mom won’t complain because cold Chinese food is always better anyway, but I think we should check with Alex about that first before finalizing anything.” George suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Check with me about what?” Alex asked as he came down the stairs and joined Lafayette at the breakfast bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chinese food for dinner?” George posed it as a question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d be down for Chinese.” Alex nodded. Chinese food was one of his absolute favorites and perhaps the only thing he could eat while high on coke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excellent. I’ll let you boys figure out what you want to order while I go change and when I come back I’ll call and order.” George said and grabbed a Chinese restaurant menu from off the top of the fridge and handed it to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette told Alex what they usually ordered, most of which was stuff Alex ate. Alex requested one thing they didn’t normally order and Lafayette wrote out a neat list of what George needed to order and what size of dish for each item. Lafayette was determined to make sure Alex felt comfortable around George, and ensuring things like this went smoothly was all a part of that.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Natural (Imagine Dragons)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Talk of the foster system, mention of war</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>George soon returned downstairs, no longer in his suit from work or even jeans like Alex had seen him in all weekend, but a regular t-shirt and sweatpants. It was weird to see, but perhaps also comforting for Alex at the same time. George always looked fairly formal, so seeing him in such casual clothes made him appear more human in a way. “Figure out what we’re getting?” George asked the boys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep! I even took the liberty of making a list for you.” Lafayette smiled and handed George the list.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, I’ll call order it, and then uh, Alex I have something for you.” George informed the boys, taking the list from Lafayette and calling the restaurant, pacing down the hallway as he ordered. He soon returned to the kitchen. “Alright, should be about a half hour or so.” George announced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it that you have for Alexander?” Lafayette asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, yes.” George said and went over towards the fridge, and grabbed something out of a white bag on the counter. “I hope you don’t mind Samsung.” He said and handed Alex the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took the bag and looked inside it. It had a sleek Samsung phone box, and a black phone case still in it’s packaging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already has a sim card, I wrote the number down on the receipt in the bag. It’s the same model of phone Laf has. Phone plan gets you unlimited talk to anywhere in the US, Canada, or Mexico, unlimited text to the US and some odd 120 other countries or so, and unlimited data, plus 15 gigabytes of hotspot data.” George explained to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s, this, that can’t have been cheap.” Alex frowned, looking at the bag in his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were already on a family plan with all that paying for 4 lines anyway even though we were only using 3 because it was still cheaper that way. All it cost was a $10 activation fee, plus the cost of the actual phone.” George explained to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit although he did feel somewhat uneasy. The phone must’ve cost about $1000.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette caught on to this fairly quickly. “It is okay mon ami. Trust me, mama and papa would not have gotten it for you if they thought it was too much.” He reassured Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded a bit. “Thank you.” He told George sincerely and only hoped this wouldn’t come back to bite him in the ass later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. How was your first day at the new school?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. It was good.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is in my math class with me and is quickly coming to understand what our classmates and I have been dealing with for the last 4 years.” Lafayette reported to George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How fun.” George said sarcastically with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette chuckled too. “What time will mama be home tonight?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She texted me not too long ago saying things had gone long and then she was invited to a business-related dinner. She’s guessing about 9 o’clock so it’s just us boys for the next 3 hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should watch a movie.” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander what do you think?” George asked, wanting Alex to feel included, even if it was something so small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, sure.” Alex nodded a bit, even though he wanted to go to his room and work on his commissions. He couldn’t exactly say to them: ‘I’d love to watch a movie but actually I wouldn’t. I want to go help college students cheat and plagiarize so I can afford to feed my drug addiction. Oh yeah by the way that’s a thing, I’m a coke-addict.’ So he guessed he was watching a movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must warn you, Alex, papa’s preferred movie genre is old war-story type films, must remind him of when he was growing up.” Lafayette teased his dad, intending to call him old.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha, very funny Lafayette, will you still be laughing if I take away your data?” George joked, the threat empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled a bit, although it was entirely possible it’d been forced. “I don’t really mind history-based films. They’re actually one of the few genres I can handle.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Lafayette cocked his head to the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, on the rare occasion I do get to watch TV or movies, I’m usually a fan of movies based on true stories, I can’t stand most movies, I think it has to do with the ADHD.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit. “Makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That reminds me, Alex, Martha is gonna take you on Wednesday for a doctor’s appointment to get you on medication for that again. You might have to miss the last 20 minutes of your block 4 class, but it shouldn’t be too bad.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the Chinese food arrived and everyone dished theirs up, and soon Alex, Laf, and George were all in the living room trying to choose a movie off of Netflix. “I’ve heard good things about this movie, ever seen it Alexander?” George asked, pulling up the summary for a movie called Hacksaw Ridge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The movie no, but I’ve heard the story of what happened at Hacksaw ridge.” Alex told George. “It's, inspiring to say the least.” Alex didn’t even know if that was a good enough word to describe the events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a WWII movie, focusing on the battle of Okinawa, the pacific theater of the war, and focusing even more so on a man named Desmond Doss, who had been a corporal in the American Army. Alex had been in awe at the man’s bravery when he first heard the story of Desmond Doss and it had honestly given him chills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Andrew Garfield stars- works for me.” Lafayette chuckled as he read the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laf your gay is showing.” Alex told him teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that as if it was ever not.” Lafayette responded with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George chuckled a bit and shook his head as he put the movie on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not much was said as the movie played, but Alex still had to admit. It was pretty nice. He could handle being around George like this if they didn’t have to talk. Martha arrived home right as the movie was ending. She talked with Alex and Lafayette for a little bit, but they soon decided to head upstairs and get Alex’s phone set up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex had Lafayette’s, Martha’s, George’s, Hercules’, John’s, and a few other phone numbers in his contacts and as much as Lafayette wanted to set Alex up with Instagram and Snapchat, Alex wanted to get to bed, so they agreed to get that set it up the next morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning Alex woke up, got dressed, and headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning mon ami! Papa is running a little behind and mama has already left for work. I am making breakfast. It will be ready soon.” Lafayette announced to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Alright uh cool.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While you wait for food why not set you up with some social media used by people born this century, oui?” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex rolled his eyes. “Do I really need Snapchat and Instagram though?” He asked as he sat down at the breakfast bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose not. If you are only getting one I suggest Snapchat seeing as you do not appear to be a fan of social media. Snapchat is more messaging based, whereas Instagram is Facebook but every post is a picture.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded in understanding and went to the play store, downloading Snapchat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just then George came down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Thank you for starting breakfast, Laf.” George gave a small sigh of relief when he saw this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” Lafayette exclaimed happily. “I am making French toast and sausage.” He announced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great.” George smiled and turned to Alex. “Alex, how’d you sleep?” He asked, figuring it was a fairly safe topic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged. “Not too bad.” He answered plainly, and then he realized how desperately George was trying to make any kind of conversation with him. “Laf is helping me get a Snapchat set up on the new phone.” He told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George smiled a bit. “I figured it wouldn’t be long until he was forcing it.” He told Alex as he poured coffee into a travel mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wanted to last night.” Alex chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not surprised in the least.” George shook his head. “Either of you boys want a cup?” George asked, holding up the coffee pot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette wrinkled his nose at it. “Non merci.” He muttered and turned back to the stove.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George shook his head a bit. “Alex? It’s a nice medium roast, ethical, fair-trade beans, all that kinda stuff.” George offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In most of Alex’s homes, taking a cup of coffee would be a huge risk, but Alex had already made far larger risks here, at this point, what harm could a cup of coffee do that hadn’t already been done by the shopping trip or the acceptance of the phone. “I’d love a cup.” Alex told George truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George smiled. “Wonderful.” He said as he grabbed a mug from out of the cabinet above the coffee maker. “How do you take it?” He asked as he poured coffee into the mug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just black.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette made fake gagging noises. “Do you not love yourself? Black coffee is gross!” He exclaimed to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Black coffee is just fine.” Alex and George said in unison without even trying or looking at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyes widened a bit. That was, kinda freaky, if nothing else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette’s ideal ‘coffee’ is some 7 dollar sugar-filled monstrosity from Starbucks that probably doesn’t have any real coffee in it.” George told Alex as he handed him the coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. And that makes sense.” Alex nodded a bit. He sipped the coffee, the temperature of it not affecting him at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breakfast was quickly eaten and then George drove Alex and Lafayette to school before heading off to work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex’s math teacher didn’t look pleased that Alex had learned some concepts he had yet to cover, and was missing other’s he’d already covered and Alex could tell he was probably going to complain to his colleagues about having to spend one-on-one time with Alex to get him caught up. Alex’s English teacher, on the other hand, was more than impressed with him upon seeing his assignment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander have you really read all of these books?” The teacher asked, looking at the list Alex had compiled and given her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Every single one of them. You can quiz me if you don’t believe it.” He offered to prove it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would but I have to say, I haven’t even completed this reading list. This is above university senior reading level. From the looks of it your writing is up there too, although I will need some more time to thoroughly go over it. I’m very impressed with you. It would seem you're only in this class out of needing the credits, rather than the knowledge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I will try and find ways to adapt the assignments for you so they actually challenge you a little, but for now, it looks like this class is your easy one.” She smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Alex smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At lunch Alex was given everyone’s Snapchat usernames, and almost regretted it at how quickly his phone blew up with snaps from his friends starting streaks and adding him to group chats. He put his phone on silent as he entered his history class and sat down next to Burr.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander.” Burr curtly nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Burr.” Alex returned the favor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr glanced at the clock, they still had a solid 5 minutes before the bell even rang, and knowing the teacher, that meant more like 8 minutes until class started. “So where’d you move from?” He asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, just the other side of town. Old foster placement fell apart and it would’ve been difficult for the new one to get me to my old school everyday.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded. “I know what that’s like.” He sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You- you’ve been in foster care?” Alex seemed shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded. “From the time I was about 5 until age 13.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Age 12 to, well, present.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This new placement any good?” Burr asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So far it seems that way, but then again, I’ve had other homes started off the same and end up being awful, so, we’ll wait and see.” Alex shrugged. “They seem nice though. I mean, they have an adopted kid in our grade and he seems nice and says they’re good.  They bought me a bunch of clothes and a cell phone and the parents and their son promise it’s like, out of the goodness of their hearts or whatever but, still...” Alex trailed off, knowing Aaron would get it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded a bit. “I get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No longer in the system though?” Alex asked Burr.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally got a decent placement and they ended up adopting me and my sister.” Burr explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucky. I mean, getting placed and adopted with your sibling? Doesn’t happen much.” Alex said, thinking about all the split up siblings he’d met in the system, focusing for half a second on his own brother, but quickly pushing the thought away before he could dwell too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why it took us so long to find a good place. She’s older and refused to let us get split up or adopted without each other.” Burr explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The class then started so the conversation died. The teacher announced they’d be starting on group projects, so Alex and Aaron were quick to pair up with each other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pair got a fair amount done that class alone, but most groups were three or four people so Alex and Aaron had to make up for the missing people. Alex turned to Aaron as the class was about to end. “I don’t know if I can have people over or go over to other people’s houses. Maybe we could like, video chat and work on this tonight?” Alex suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sounds good. That’s probably easier anyway.” Burr nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex gave Aaron the information for the Discord account he’d created years ago. It didn’t get much use, but now he was grateful to have it. He had to admit, things seemed to be going pretty okay for once.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. In The End (Linkin Park)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Sibling argument, ptsd-like symptoms (including a flashback), gun violence, domestic abuse, cops</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Soon Alex and Lafayette were arriving home, they were grabbing snacks and having a loud, at first seemingly harmless conversation about the obscene amount of snapchat messages Lafayette had sent Alex through the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“17, Lafayette! 17 snaps! We were in class when all of them were sent!” Alex exclaimed. “You’re addicted.” He shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only 17?” Lafayette winced. “That is quite low for myself.” He admitted. “17 is really nothing, you should see how many me and Peggy or Hercules have sent each other.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear a single word about anything you and Hercules send in your private Snap conversations, ya nasty!” Alex exclaimed, too loudly for him to be able to hear George arriving home over the sound of his own voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We would never do anything like that in class!” Lafayette defended himself. “Except for that one time, but that was different. Anyway, yes, 17 is low. It helps if you open them and respond, mon ami.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Low? Get some help you addict!” Alex playfully shoved Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because I know how to have fun and you do not! You would happily spend your entire life tied to your laptop writing, you are addicted to your laptop!” Lafayette exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s all the excitement for?” George came into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys didn’t notice George. “Yes but writing on my laptop is productive! Sending pictures of the classroom floor with a measly ‘wyd’ is the opposite!” Alex exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette huffed. “You would not understand! You speak as though I have committed treason or something! It is just snaps mon ami!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s the premise of it! I’m trying to do my schoolwork at school! I don’t appreciate my phone lighting up with a snap from you every 2 minutes! I mean, how do you get any class work done if you’re on that phone so much?!” Alex was beginning to get really worked-up now, and it was sounding more like a real fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is not every 2 minutes, Alexander, calm down!” Lafayette tried to reign them in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will not calm down and stand by as you fuck with my education! You have no idea how much work I’ve put into my schooling to make sure I can graduate and go into university!” Alex was getting upset more and more with each passing moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette scoffed, and he himself was getting more defensive the more Alex pushed. “Oh please, how am I ‘risking your education’? It is a mere snap! If it bothers you so much turn your phone off!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I shouldn’t have to turn my phone off at school! What if I missed something actually important?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we really need to be having this conversation so loudly?” George asked, a little louder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex heard him this time and his eyes widened. Alex suddenly found himself frozen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could you just calm down Alexander? I honestly do not see why this is such a big deal!” Lafayette kept going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? Maybe it is not such a big deal, is it?” Lafayette suggested. “Or are you just trying to think of the next over exaggeration to use in your argument?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was still quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can not think of anything? Thought so. Because it is not a big enough deal.” Lafayette said smugly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette, that’s enough!” George snapped, not liking how Lafayette was acting towards Alex. He reached around his body to grab something from either the side or back of the waist of his pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And upon seeing this, Alex’s face flashed with fear and he disappeared from sight, dropping down to the floor on the other side of the kitchen island from where George stood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George retrieved his phone from the phone holder he clipped to his pants daily to check the time, but noticed the sudden motion of Alex disappearing and looked up, seeming confused and concerned. He set his phone down on the counter and walked around to the other side of the island to make sure Alex was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex heard George coming towards him and made a break for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George, nor Lafayette even realized Alex had fled the room and made a rapid dash to his room until they heard his bedroom door slam shut. “What on earth was that?” George asked Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander or the argument?” Lafayette looked down, avoiding making eye contact with his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, both actually.” George said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were arguing over how many snapchat messages I sent him throughout the day at school. It started off harmless, but, it got heated. I do not know why he ran off just now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How many messages did you send him?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette still didn’t make eye contact. “17.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“17?” George’s eyes widened. “Lafayette if your phone is a distraction in the classroom-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise it is not! I only go on it once my work is completed or when the teacher gives us a break! I swear!” Lafayette told George quickly yet truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay well, just because it’s not distracting for you, and just because you’re done your work, doesn’t mean the same for Alex. He’s up against unmedicated ADHD in a brand-new school, son, he doesn’t need any more distractions, given his mind provides him with plenty already.” George reminded Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit. “I am sorry papa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize to me, Lafayette, it’s Alexander you owe the apology to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Je sais, je sais. I will.” Lafayette said, telling his dad that he knew his dad was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” George nodded a bit. “Any theories on why he may have reacted the way he did just now?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a clue. Maybe ask mama when she calls to say she is starting the drive home?” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, good idea. In the meantime, maybe just, give him some space?” George suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes papa.” Lafayette said. “I am going to go do my homework now. I will be in my room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George nodded. “I’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded and disappeared up the stairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>George was home and he wanted them to stop yelling. Alex shut up, but Lafayette kept going. George snapped and was reaching for something. Alex’s instincts, based on experience, caused him to duck, and move around the island as George did before making a break for it to his room. He put up the chain behind him frantically, then locked himself in his ensuite as terrifying memories flashed before his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex walked into his room to see his foster father in there, looking at his open laptop. “Hey, that’s private!” Alex said quickly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Excuse me?” The man turned to Alex, still in his work clothes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>my</span>
  <em>
    <span> laptop, what I do on it is none of your business!” Alex defended himself.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t like your tone boy, you better fix yourself right now.” This foster father was a cop.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why? You’re a cop! You know the laws. I own that laptop so whatever I do on there is my own private business so long as I’m not breaking the law!” Alex didn’t ‘fix’ himself.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know what, just for that, I think I’ll be taking this.” The cop closed Alex’s laptop to take it away.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Alex saw red. “THAT’S MINE! YOU CAN’T TAKE IT!” He shouted loudly, in the hopes that someone else was home and would hear and would come to help him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In a flurry of movement, the laptop was dropped (onto Alex’s bed, thankfully), and the cop had pulled his gun on Alex. “You wanna keep yelling at me boy? You will respect me in my house!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex was frozen in fear, staring down the barrel of his foster father’s gun. The trigger would never get pulled, but the fact that the gun was pulled out and aimed at him was terrifying enough.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And that memory. The memory of being practically a child, having a gun pulled on him for raising his voice, played in his mind, as did the newer memory of George getting mad at Alex and Laf for yelling and then reaching for something. Alex had never seen George carry a gun, but concealed-carry wasn’t illegal in Virginia so long as a special permit was held, and surely a lawyer could get such a permit with ease.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex stayed like that for about an hour and a half, panic racing through his veins, until he was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of the Discord ringtone coming from his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed thickly and answered his phone, planning to give Burr a quick ‘something came up’ and then hang up before too many questions could be asked. But like many of Alex’s such plans, that was quickly abandoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, Alex, are you okay?” Burr asked upon seeing Alex’s tear stained face and how shaky the camera was, indicative of how badly Alex was shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I c- can’t work on the p- p- -pro- project right now. Something c- c- came- came u- up.” Alex stuttered out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worried about the project, I’m worried about you. Clearly something’s wrong.” Burr told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quiet, trying to collect himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m guessing it’s something to do with your foster family?” Burr guessed correctly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. He explained the situation to Burr, who talked him down into a calmer state before trying to rationalize with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you social worker mention them keeping guns in the house?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex thought for a moment. “No.” He said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, that’s good, usually they do, or make sure the parents do. Maybe it was something else. Some people wear those clip things that you can put a phone into rather than your pocket, maybe it was something like that?” Burr suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M- maybe.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure it’ll be alright.” Burr reassured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded. “I’ve, I’ve been through a lot, ya know, 17 homes in 5 years? That’s a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded. “Me and my sister went through 12 homes in 8 years. Not quite as bad as you, but, still not great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quiet for a moment. “Did you ever like, make rules with yourself each time you went to a new home? Like, don’t tell them this, or something?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Burr nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did it ever cause more problems for you? Not telling them the things, I mean.” Alex continued with the questions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I follow.” Burr frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed a bit. “You know how I, ya know, swing both ways?” He mumbled quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I promised myself I wouldn’t tell foster families about that. It’s just too risky. But like, Saturday night some shit happened and basically, I came across as homophobic towards my very openly gay foster brother. And like, I wasn’t about to come out so I had to try and convince them that I wasn’t a homophobe without outing myself which wasn’t easy, and I’m still worried that they doubt the fact.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” Burr nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just, I’m scared of losing this placement because like, this is the end of the line, after this it’s a group home, and with my file, it won’t be a nice one either.” Alex explained. “Like, I got here Friday, it’s literally Tuesday, and this is already like, the third blow-upy issue I’ve caused.” Alex added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aaron frowned a bit. “I’m sure it’ll be alright.” He reassured Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex could suddenly hear someone knocking on his door. He tensed, and then he faintly heard a muffled voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander? It’s Martha! Can you please open the door for me sweetheart?” She called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Foster mom. Martha.” Alex said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gonna answer it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I have to.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Keep your phone with you and let me know what happens?” Burr requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Message me or call me if something happens, alright? I’ve got your back.” Burr told Alex sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded and ended the call. He stood up on shaky legs and left the ensuite, cautiously opening the door for Martha. His face still showed evidence of his crying, but he’d long since stopped. He only hoped that this was the end of this whole fiasco, and not a continuation of it.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Unwell (Matchbox 20)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mentions of gun violence, talk of PTSD, car accidents, minor character death, racism within the healthcare system, bullying, homophobia/homophobic remarks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span> “Oh Alex.” Martha frowned. “Are you alright?” She asked, sounding absolutely heartbroken upon seeing Alex like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, it’s nothing.” Alex hugged himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You thought George was reaching for a gun, didn’t you?” Martha asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed, then nodded after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha frowned a bit. “Why don’t we sit down and talk?” She asked, gesturing to Alex’s bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha guided him into his room and sat down on the edge of his bed. “I understand why you feared that, and I’m, nor are George or Lafayette, mad for that. But George wasn’t reaching for a gun, he was reaching for his phone to check the time. We don’t have any working firearms in the house. George does have an old family antique musket sealed in a glass case in his office, but it probably hasn’t worked in a century, and like I said, it’s sealed in a glass case.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded again, still saying nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander, do you think that maybe it’s possible you have a little bit of PTSD from things you’ve been through in other homes?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gun incident, the ‘hallway-towel incident’ as Alex had titled it, and a few others flashed through Alex’s mind. He was quiet for a while. “Maybe.” He admitted, looking down at his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you maybe want to bring that up at your doctor’s appointment tomorrow?” Martha asked. “Because I- and George- we want to see you be happy and succeed, and thrive, and it’s hard to do those things when you’re dealing with untreated mental illness.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that like you know from experience.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” Martha nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at her, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we had to help Lafayette with his anxiety, and I experienced some PTSD myself.” Martha admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “When I was in my sophomore year of high school I met a boy also in sophomore year, and we fell in love. We married the summer after graduation. His parents bought us a house and he had a place at his father’s company set up for him, I was never going to want for anything, I opted against going to university in favor of us starting a family and we were so happy.” Martha said, thinking fondly about the memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not talking about George.” Alex frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha shook her head. “No. His name was Daniel. And we </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> very happily married for 3 years. We had a son named Jackson or Jacky as we called him who was 2, and I was heavily pregnant with our second child, a daughter I named Patsy, when one night we were driving home from Daniel’s parents house, and our car was hit by a drunk driver, and keep in mind this was the mid 80’s, car safety was very different. Seatbelts weren’t even mandatory yet. Daniel was driving, and I was in the backseat with Jacky, who was behind Daniel, and I behind the empty passenger seat. The other car hit the driver’s side of our car.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex realized where this story was going, and his heart sank, but he stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jacky was killed on impact. Daniel was successfully extracted from the car alive, but never made it to the hospital. I was injured, but in relatively stable condition, however they had to do an emergency c-section because they had reason to believe the baby was in distress. She too was injured, and because she was so small, and still relatively premature, at least, for the time, they only offered comfort care for her. She lived for 2 hours and 36 minutes, I got to hold her when the surgery finished, and I didn’t put her down once until long after she took her last breath. In the matter of two hours I went from a happy wife, mother of 1, soon to be 2, to a widow, and mother without any children. It took a huge toll on me.” Martha finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. I do still miss them, and occasionally my heart does ache for what I lost, but, I also know that it brought me to George, and this career, and this house, and Lafayette, and you, and I’m grateful for that.” Martha told Alex. “However for a while I did deal with PTSD from the accident, and it took me some time to get over it. Sometimes it still affects me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit, surprised that he was on that list.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t force this conversation to continue if you don’t want it to, but I’m glad we were able to establish this, and I’m grateful that you’re willing to let us help you with this.” Martha smiled warmly at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Can I ask something?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead.” Martha nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That accident, is that why you’ve pushed for tighter drunk driving laws as part of your campaign?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “It is. It’s also why I’ve worked to try and improve guidelines for dealing with prematurely born children.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Is that accident why you and George never had kids of your own?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not in the way I think you’re thinking of.” Martha responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked confused. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I take if you’re guessing I was scared to have kids again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, me and George- we wanted kids, and I wasn’t scared, but my uterus was severely damaged in the accident, which was part of why Patsy had to be delivered so early, they removed it when they did the c-section. To this day I can’t help but wonder if they could’ve saved it but choose not to salvage it because of my skin color.” Martha admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once again, it’s not your fault.” Martha told him. “I shared the story because I wanted you to see that, it can get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded a bit again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it be alright if I gave you a hug?” Martha asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex considered for a moment, before nodding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha pulled Alex into a warm loving hug, and Alex instinctively wrapped his arms around Martha. And for the first time in longer than Alex could remember, he actually felt safe and maybe even loved in a parent-child way, even if he wouldn’t admit it, and put the thought out of his mind. Alex did, though, let Martha hug him for some time, before he slowly pulled out of the hug, and wiped away a tear he didn’t realize had fallen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you up for dinner? George made tacos.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Tacos sound good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha smiled softly. “Then let’s go eat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dinner was a little tense, but George apologized for scarring Alex, and Alex accepted the apology. After finishing eating Alex went back to his room. He didn’t put the chain up, but he grabbed his special bundle of socks and headed into his bathroom, locking the door behind him. He turned the tap on then cut himself 2 neat lines. He snorted them and cleaned up, bundling the socks back up with his supplies in them, and went back out into his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was surprised and nearly jumped out of his own skin when he noticed Lafayette sitting on the bed. “</span>
  <span>Jesucristo!” He exclaimed, exclaiming ‘Jesus Christ’ in Spanish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to scare you. I came up to talk but you were in the bathroom so I decided to wait for you to come out.” Lafayette explained himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tossed the bundle of socks into his laundry hamper to avoid raising suspicion, and was grateful he’d taken his socks off earlier, meaning with any luck, Lafayette wouldn’t have noticed that he was already barefoot at dinner. “What do you want?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, first I want to ask if you’re alright. I mean, rushing off to the bathroom right after dinner usually is not a good thing.” Lafayette asked, wording things as delicately as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” Alex crossed his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I wanted to apologize for the argument earlier, and for snapping you so much in class. I realize now why you were so upset and I should not have tried to invalidate your feelings the way I did.” Lafayette spoke sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C'est la vie je suppose.” Alex shrugged, telling Laf; that’s life he guessed. “The real question is, are you going to be more conscious of it in future?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course. I promise I will.” Lafayette nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, then we’re cool.” Alex told Lafayette, because believe it or not, Alex wasn’t one for holding onto petty grudges. He would hold onto some things, but this wasn’t worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dieu merci, I do not think I like us being mad at each other.” Lafayette said ‘thank god’ towards Alex’s apology.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither.” Alex admitted after a while. “Um, I’ve got some work to do, so…” He trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “Yes, of course.” He said and left the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed to himself and sent Burr a quick message. He then settled down at his desk and finished up his homework, worked on commissions for a little bit, and then headed to bed fairly early. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The problem with that, was that he wasn’t tired. This batch of cocaine from his dealer, with the high potency, was giving him major insomnia, so he ended up doing what any teenager would, and found himself on his phone. On impulse he ended up getting Instagram, it wasn’t hard to find Lafayette’s public Instagram, and from there he found the other members of their group. Hercules’ account was also public, as was Peggy’s, but Maria, Eliza, and John all had private counts. Alex did take a moment to notice something in John’s bio though, three simple little letters that for some reason had Alex excited: mlm. He requested to follow John and the others and then scrolled around the explore page, following a couple various accounts, and then he got a notification. An Instagram DM. He looked at it. ‘@laaurens wants to send you a message’ Alex opened the message and accepted it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: I thought you weren’t gonna get insta yet?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Insomnia makes you do weird things</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: valid</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Why are you awake though?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: I’m a high school senior, you expect me to have a normal sleep schedule?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Okay, yeah, forget I asked, lol</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: :)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: so besides making an instagram account, what are you up to?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Not a whole lot to be honest. You?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: doodling mostly</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: oh?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: yeah, it’s a hobby of mine</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Cool. I’m terrible at drawing lol</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: all it takes is practice</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: True, but I’m good with my writing instead, so</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: what kinds of things do you write?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Anything really</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: that’s really cool</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex finally began to feel tired, yawning to himself and rubbing his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: I think I’m finally tired enough to fall asleep, so…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: oh yeah, for sure! sleep well Alex! I’ll see you tomorrow :)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: See you tomorrow :)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex ignored the faintest hint of butterflies in his stomach as he plugged his phone in and fell asleep, definitely not with John on his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning Alex walked with Lafayette into the school building and over to their group of friends, which, for now, was just John and Hercules as the girls had yet to arrive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning mes amis.” Lafayette smiled and kissed Hercules on the cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules smiled and wrapped an arm around Lafayette. “Hey Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Alex said and yawned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John gave Alex a knowing look after their 2:30am conversation upon seeing the yawn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group began to fall into a conversation when a group of boys came over to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like the local band of ferries recruited a new member to their faggotry club.” One of the boys said to the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god.” Lafayette groaned a bit and turned to look away from them while also resting his head on Hercules’ shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck do you want, King?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanted to give your newest cock-sucker a proper welcome to your group.” A different guy answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say cock-sucker like it’s a bad thing, you’re missing out Lee.” John told him with a somewhat evil grin on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks like you’re more in the mood for a knuckle-sandwich than a dick-lolipop, is that right Laurens?” The guy, Lee, asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t start something you don’t know how to finish.” Hercules said, stepping up, moving between Lee’s group and his own friends, towering over Lee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think this is over, newbie. You haven’t seen the last of us.” The third boy told Alex and they wandered off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group was quiet for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck was that?” Alex asked, breaking the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Charles Lee, George King, and Samuel Seabury, massive homophobes.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have been picking on us since well since we first became a group.” Lafayette added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s mostly only talk, but a couple times they’ve tried to get physical when I wasn’t around.” Hercules explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder why they wait until you’re absent.” Alex said sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the funny thing, Hercules doesn't have a mean bone in his body, he doesn’t know how to fight, he probably could win against them in a fight, but that’s based on sheer size. John, on the other hand…” Lafayette trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They tried to jump me one time when I was alone. I was out numbered, but they were outplanned. I won.” John grinned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled back a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Usually they only come after our part of the group, I think they mostly leave Eliza, Maria, and Peggy alone.” Lafayette told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well do you remember that time last year when they tried to intimidate Eliza and Maria into making out in front of them, with Angie standing next to them?” Hercules pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, don’t piss Angie off unless you have a death wish.” John chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Angie?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! The oldest of the Schuyler sisters. She graduated last year and is in university now, but we try to hang out with her when we can.” Lafayette explained to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. He wondered what this Angie girl was like, as it sounded like she was someone he could get along with. He pushed the thought aside for now though, and the group fell back into conversation.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Inner Ninja (Classified)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Homophobia, bullying, fighting, drug abuse, prescription drug abuse, acts poor self care (I hope that makes sense)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The rest of the day went by fairly normally, but with 20 minutes left in Creative Writing, Alex was told he was getting picked up for an appointment and was sent to the front office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha was picking him up to take him to see the doctor. “So how was school? Besides getting cut short?” Martha asked as the car began driving once seatbelts were securely in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was pretty good.” Alex shrugged. “How was work?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was, it was work.” She sighed a bit. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, some days are just hard.” Martha added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can only imagine.” Alex chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you settling into the new school okay?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. It seems pretty good. I’ve made friends with Lafayette’s friends and even made one of my own.” Alex said, electing to leave out that morning’s confrontation with Lee, King, And Seabury.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great. I’m glad it’s not going too rough.” Martha glanced over, giving Alex a quick smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doctors appointment went about as expected. The doctor wrote a prescription for ADHD medication and gave a referral for a psychologists office to help with the probable PTSD. After leaving the doctor’s office Martha and Alex went to the pharmacy. As the pharmacist finished putting in the insurance information she handed it over. “So you’re gonna start tomorrow morning with 18 miligrams of the Concerta here, with lots of water, you’ll be on 18 milligrams this week. Next week you’ll move up to 27 milligrams, same deal there, then on week three you’ll move up to the 36 milligrams, which is the dose your doctor has guessed you’ll need, you’ll be on that for 6 weeks, and then go back to your doctor and report how it worked. It’s important to note that the consumption of vitamin C around the same time as the Concerta does affect it’s ability to work, so no orange juice for example in the hour on either side of taking it.” The pharmacist instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ve included all the drug information, so all the side effects, interactions with other medications, et certa is all in the bag. Any questions?” The pharmacist asked as she handed Alex the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, mom,” The pharmacist turned to Martha. “I will warn you that it’s very common for this medication to cause a lack of appetite, so just keep an eye on how much he eats, and if you’re worried it’s affecting him too severely, give the doctor a call, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “Alright thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Martha then left the pharmacy and got back into Martha’s car. “Can I trust you to watch out for negative side effects yourself?” Martha asked, obviously dancing around the appetite issue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine.” Alex reassured her. “I used to take a different medication, but I’ll be sure to watch out for the side-effects and I’ll let you know if things are bad.” He promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought so.” Martha smiled and then began driving them home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they got home Alex took his school bag and the bag from the pharmacy up to his room. He did a quick two lines of coke, then read up on Concerta, and then did more research online to find out how it would react with cocaine, because he knew it would probably easier to manage the interaction between the two than it would be to start on Concerta and deal with coke withdrawals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Basically the internet told Alex not to do it, but then again, the internet also told him not to do coke, and that coke nor concerta should be mixed with high levels of caffeine, so he guessed he would just have to play with it over the next couple of days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning Alex ate breakfast and took his first dose of Concerta, he did opt to skip the coke for the morning, just so he could experience a couple hours of just the concerta effects while he was at school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things seemed okay at school, he didn’t have much appetite for his lunch, but was able to eat about half of it. By the end of the school day though the withdrawal symptoms were driving Alex nuts so he did just one line upon arriving home to curb the need, and it was mostly fine, except for his appetite. It was totally tanked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sat there at dinner barely eating anything. Martha and George had made a really nice looking dinner of baked pesto chicken, with roasted potatoes and vegetables, but Alex couldn’t bring himself to eat anything. He simply pushed his food around his plate and cut his chicken into very small pieces while trying to engage in conversation with his foster family to distract them from how little he was eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t eaten a single bite, son, everything alright?” George asked Alex, noticing that he hadn’t eaten anything yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me son.” Alex was quick to respond, with just the slightest edge of anger to his voice. Okay, yeah, he was also pretty irritable, he had to admit that to himself now too. “Sorry.” He mumbled, but didn’t look at George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it the new medication?” Martha asked Alex gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Yeah, the information pamphlet thing said that it would probably be bad the first couple days, but as long as it gets better after a few days then it’s fine.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well if you do get an appetite for anything specific, let us know, you do still need to eat.” Martha told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Can I actually be excused now? I have a headache, I just want to lay down.” He asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “Go ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Alex told her. He tossed his leftovers into a tupperware container, put that in the fridge and the plate into the dishwasher, and headed up to his room. He did another line of coke and settled in to do his homework, and work on commissions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at the time. He’d finished all his homework, completed a half-done commission, and finished three more in what felt like no time at all, but realistically, it should’ve taken him about 8 hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>1:53am.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay so it had taken him 8 hours and he simply hadn’t realized it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, I guess that’s what it’s like to hyperfocus again.” Alex mumbled to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex knew it was late and that he had school in the morning, but he wasn’t tired, so he went back to working, after all, he only had one more commission sitting in his inbox at the moment, so he opened it up and got to work on it, even if it was more of a 4 or 5 hour job to complete.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And in what felt like no time at all, Alex was finished and sending it off. And upon checking the time, yep.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>6:53am.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Time to get ready for school. Alex hadn’t slept at all but he didn’t even feel tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a quick shower, and did a line of coke, then headed downstairs, he took his Concerta and forced himself to eat half a pop-tart and soon was headed out the door with Lafayette and George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Math was boring as usual, although maybe a little easier to focus on, and English flew right by. In no time at all he was heading towards the cafeteria for lunch, he mostly just talked during lunch, and didn’t eat anything. History involved working on the project with Aaron and getting into a mini debate with Thomas, and creative writing was just Alex typing away at his laptop at a ridiculous speed from the minute the class started to the minute it ended. Alex was leaving class and walking to where he met Laf at the end of the day when he saw a sight he didn’t like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza and Maria being blocked from going anywhere by none other than Charles Lee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on ladies, am I really asking for so much?” Lee asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our relationship isn’t for your entertainment. Fuck off.” Maria snapped at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that’s not very nice.” Lee tsked. “I </span>
  <span>am</span>
  <span> asking politely.” He reminded her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We said leave us alone. We’re not interested.” Eliza tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on, don’t be such prudes.” Lee told them. “Come on, I’m not even asking for that much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have the right to ask for anything and we’ve repeatedly told you no!” Maria stepped forward, getting more in Lee’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lee stepped closer to Maria yet, and Alex could read his body language, Lee was gearing up to get physical and Alex wasn’t going to standby and watch another second of this. Alex didn’t know if it was him wanting to protect his friends, the irritability he was facing from the concerta and cocaine, or both, but regardless of why, he was doing it and that’s what mattered. “Hey Lee!” He shouted, marching up to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lee turned around just in time to get punched square in the jaw by Alex. Lee’s head was turned to the side by the force of the hit, and he stayed that way for a moment, before turning to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They said fuck off. Their relationship isn’t for your entertainment. Didn’t your mom ever teach you what manners are?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was pretty bold of you newbie, but a mistake nonetheless.” Lee said and tried to throw a punch at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex quickly dodged it with ease. “Gonna have to try harder than that.” He smirked at Lee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tryna get yourself killed?” Lee asked, his voice dripping with venom as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno. I mean, currently the hit count is 1-nothing, in my favor. I don’t see what I have to be worried about.” Alex shrugged. If Lee’s voice was venom, Alex must’ve been immune to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lee threw another punch, and this time, it landed, hitting Alex hard in the stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That all you got?” Alex asked, seeming fairly unaffected by this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You asking for more?” Lee’s eyebrows raised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe? You man enough to try giving more?” Alex asked, egging Lee on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lee tried to hit Alex again, but Alex not only dodged it, but also punched Lee in the face again, this time hitting his eye. Lee threw another hit, and it got Alex in the mouth, although where he hit probably hurt his hand more than Alex’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A couple more punches landed for each boy before Alex was being pulled off Lee like he weighed nothing by someone’s big strong arms. Alex recognized it as Hercules, while some other random teacher Alex didn’t know was pulling Lee away. Even with the fight being cut short, it was clear Alex had won.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell is going on here?” The assistant principal asked, looking between Alex and Lee for a response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lee was harassing us. Alexander was distracting him so we could get away.” Eliza told the AP, who she’d obviously ran and gotten to break up the fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to have to call your parents and need written statements from all 4 of you. This kind of behavior is not acceptable. And Alexander, your first week of school? I’d had higher hopes for you.” The AP shook his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex, and Eliza were sitting in the school office on a bench, Lee was sitting on a different bench on the other side of the office. Lafayette, Hercules, John, and Peggy, had been sent away outside of the school building. All 4 students involved had written up statements and they were now waiting for their parents to arrive, minus Maria who was allowed to go because she was legally an adult already, and there weren’t any parents to call even if she had been underage apparently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Alex asked Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me? I’m fine. I should be asking you that, I mean, you’re bleeding and you’ve already got bruises forming.” Eliza frowned a bit and opened up her purse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bleeding?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza pulled out a travel-pack of tissues and pulled one out, wrapping it around her index finger. “Mind if I just?” She held up her Kleenex covered finger, obviously intending to ask if it was alright to touch Alex and clean up the blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza gently pressed the tissue to Alex’s split lip, making for a fairly intimate moment. After a moment she pulled it away. “Well it’s not bleeding anymore. That’s good. You’re gonna look banged up for a couple of days though. Your left eye is looking pretty dark already.” Eliza explained as she tossed the used tissue in a nearby trash can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Well, I won, so you should really see the other guy.” Alex grinned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza glanced over at Lee. Both of his eyes were black and he looked like he might’ve had a broken nose. “I think you won too.” She nodded in agreement with a small smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why, though?” Eliza asked him, her smile falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was harassing you and Maria, I wasn’t gonna stand-by and just let that happen. He was about to get physical with Maria.” Alex explained to Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s more okay for him to get physical with you?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying to find a way to say this that doesn’t sound sexist as fuck.” Alex mumbled. “I know I’m good at reading body language, and I know how to fight. I didn’t know if Maria has that same knowledge, and so I figured it was better if he got physical than with me. And I’m sure your girlfriend could take a hit, but what if he tried to hit you? I mean, he’s taller than you and let’s be real, ‘Liza, I don’t see much muscle on you.” Alex chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes because you have so much more muscle than I do.” Eliza rolled her eyes and chuckled with Alex, who was probably the same height and a similar weight to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why yes I do, can you not see how similar mine and Hercules’ body-types are?” Alex joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza shook her head a bit as she laughed. “Thank you, for distracting him.” She said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I hadn’t, and I’d do it again without a second thought.” Alex told Eliza sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean that? The friend part?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Alex asked in response to Eliza’s question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just, I wondered if you weren’t acting like a friend to us to please Lafayette.” Eliza admitted. “But obviously it’s more than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have done that before, act nice to foster siblings' friends, but you and Maria and Peggy and Hercules and John, you’re legitimately good, nice people who seem to actually want to be my friend back, I don’t feel like an unwanted tag-along. I feel like an actual part of your group.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are a part of our group.” Eliza told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever wanted to talk about stuff, I’ll always listen, I’ve been told I’m pretty good at listening and I have a high tolerance for bullshit, I mean, look at John, Laf, Herc, and Peggy.” Eliza chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled too. “Thank you.” He smiled. “I might take you up on that. And by might I mean it’s very likely that I will. You’ve shown that you actually care for me, and you’ve been nice to me without being obligated to do so, and now with the invitation? I’m gonna cling to you like a leech.” Alex chuckled, half joking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh really?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, okay, like, seriously? I haven’t had many people treat me as nicely as you have in a long time, so when someone does treat me that way, I do tend to gravitate towards them.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded a bit. “I get that. Maria is like that too. Well, don’t be afraid to come to me or ‘gravitate towards me’.” She told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Alex smiled a bit. “Would it be weird if we hugged?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza smiled and pulled him into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex happily wrapped his arms around Eliza, relaxing into her soft, warm hug. He had no idea what would happen once Martha or George arrived, but for now, he was feeling pretty okay.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Renegades (X Ambassadors)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Homophobic slurs, domestic/child abuse, descriptions/talk of injuries</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was only a couple minutes later when Alex and Eliza’s parents arrived in the office. George for Alex, and Philip Schuyler for Eliza.</p><p>“Elizabeth, dear, are you alright? Where’s Maria?” Philip asked his daughter, pushing some hair that had fallen into her face out of the way, tucking it behind her ear.</p><p>“I’m alright, dad, I promise. Me and Maria weren’t part of the physical fight.” Eliza quickly reassured her dad. “Because of Maria’s situation they ‘sent her home’, she’s probably waiting with Pegs and everyone else outside.” She explained.</p><p>“Alexander, you okay? I got this call from the school where they told me absolutely nothing useful and Lafayette called Martha in a panic, she could barely get a coherent sentence out of him in English or French.” George frowned upon seeing Alex’s darkening eye, and split, swollen lip. He said this to Alex as Philip spoke with Eliza.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Alex reassured George.</p><p>“What happened?” George asked.</p><p>“Lee was harassing Eliza and Maria, he was about to get physical with the girls when I intervened. I wasn’t gonna stand by and watch him hit them because they refused to kiss or make out for his entertainment.” Alex defended his actions.</p><p>George turned to Eliza, who he knew not only because Lafayette was friends with her, but because of her dad, Philip as well. Philip was the state senator, a political ally to Martha, and a family friend. “Is that true?” George asked Eliza.</p><p>Eliza nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know what would’ve happened had Alex not intervened the way he did.” Eliza admitted.</p><p>George nodded a bit.</p><p>“I believe that means I owe you a thank you, young man.” Philip said to Alex. “Thank you for keeping my girls safe, that was a very kind thing to do, and obviously at great personal risk.” Philip told Alex, gesturing to Alex’s face.</p><p>“It was no problem, sir, I was doing what any decent person would.” Alex told Philip simply.</p><p>“Boy’s got a good head on his shoulders George, decent manners too.” Philip grinned a bit.</p><p>“I have to say, I’m pretty proud of him right now.” George told Philip in response.</p><p>Alex could’ve focused on the fact that George said he was proud of Alex if not for what was happening on the other side of the office.</p><p>John Lee came into the office and walked over to his son. “Charles you look awful.” Mr Lee frowned, speaking coldy to his son.</p><p>“Yeah, hurts like a bitch.” Charles told his dad.</p><p>“What the hell happened?” Mr Lee asked his son at the same time Philip talked to Eliza and George talked to Alex.</p><p>“That fucking psycho just lost it and beat me up! All I was doing was talking to those girls!” Charles told his dad pointing at Alex.</p><p>Mr Lee turned around to look at Alex and George. “Don’t you know how to raise a kid, Washington? One of your boys is a fucking faggot and your new stray clearly has anger issues!” Lee said, unwisely.</p><p>Now anyone who knew anything about him, knew George Washington could handle any negativity people could possibly throw at him, he’d had his name dragged through the mud in court countless times and he’d never given it so much as a second thought. He could get yelled at for 5 minutes straight and then give a completely calm, totally unbothered, response. But he drew the line at people insulting his family.</p><p>“Excuse me?” George’s eyebrows shot up upon hearing Lee Sr refer to Lafayette as a faggot. “What did you just call my son?”</p><p>“Called him the fucking faggot that he is! I mean, seriously George, the boy wears makeup and skirts! How do you even let him go out in public looking like that? If my son tried to pull <em> that shit </em> he’d find a silver bullet in the center of his skull.” Lee Sr announced.</p><p>And George absolutely saw red, he looked like he himself was gearing up for a physical fight and he quite possibly could’ve killed Mr Lee if not for Philip stopping George from walking towards Lee Senior.</p><p>“You can cause just as much damage with words as you can with fists, George, remember that.” Philip reminded George quietly.</p><p>“I guess it’s easy to see where your son gets his anger issues from.” Mr Lee smirked.</p><p>“Insult either of my sons ever again, Mr Lee, and I’ll have you charged with harassment and verbal assault before you can finish your sentence. Don’t think I’m unaware of what a bully your son is, and I know I’m not the only parent at this school that would be happy to file a police report against your son. You think my sons need help? Worry about your own kid first.” George was shaking with anger, but spoke calmly.</p><p>“I cannot help but share George’s sentiment. Your son has harassed my children on multiple occasions, that’s already two families willing to press charges against your son.” Philip added.</p><p>“The Mulligan’s and Laurens’, and Miss Lewis would too in no time at all.” George was quick to add.</p><p>“That’s several families right there, probably more families out there, and there’s no doubt about who would win in a courtroom on this matter, we’ve got at least 3 lawyer parents on our side. Do you really want to try and push us?” Philip paused for a moment. “I suggest you get your son’s behavior in check and teach him some manners if you, yourself that is, happen to know what those are.” Philip told Mr Lee.</p><p>Mr Lee looked somewhat embarrassed as the AP came out into the lobby of the office where this was all going down. “I see you’ve all arrived. How wonderful.” The AP said to the parents.</p><p>“Can I take my son and leave now?” Mr Lee asked.</p><p>“Unfortunately not quite yet Mr Lee. You see, as this is far from being the first of young Charles’ offences, he’ll be receiving a week long out of school suspension for fighting, and bullying, and I also need to remind you that this is your son’s third suspension this year. If he acts out again, I’m afraid he’ll be facing expulsion, not just a suspension.” The AP explained.</p><p>Mr Lee shot Charles an angry look. “Is that all?” He asked the AP.</p><p>The AP nodded. “Yes, you may take your son and go now. His teachers will email him work to do over his suspension. I’ll see you in my office at 8:20am next Friday, Charles.”</p><p>The Lee men then quickly left the office and the building.</p><p>The AP then turned to Alex, Eliza, George, and Philip. “Mr Schuyler, I would like to formally apologize for the bullying your daughter experienced under my watch, and when Mr Lee returns to school he will be giving her an apology for his actions. She is not in any trouble for this incident, as she is clearly a victim in this situation, and has a spotless record.”</p><p>“Thank you. Alright Betsey dear, let’s go find Maria and your sister.” Philip grabbed Eliza’s backpack and led her out of the office.</p><p>“See you later Alex.” Eliza mumbled on her way out.</p><p>“I’ll text you later. Bye ‘Liza.” Alex mumbled back.</p><p>She offered a small smile before disappearing from view.</p><p>“And Mr Washington. I’ll admit, I had a tough time trying to decide how to handle Alexander here.” The AP told George.</p><p>“What decision is there to make? Alexander was defending 2 other students from a homophobic, verbal attack.” George pointed out.</p><p>“I recognize that, however Alexander instigated a physical fight with another student, and I think we all could see that Alexander not only started, but won the fight.” The AP responded.</p><p>George went to fight against that, but knew it would only get so far, and remained quiet.</p><p>“That said, I understand that young Alexander is going through a lot, with a new home, and starting on a new medication. Seeing as his intentions were correctly placed, with the other details taken into account, I’ve decided not to suspend Alexander, or give him detention. However he will have to give Mr Lee an apology.”</p><p>“What? No way! I refuse! Lee was the bad guy here, he doesn’t deserve an apology!” Alex exclaimed.</p><p>“And I recognize that Mr Hamilton, but I can’t let you walk away from this. School board policy forbids it. There has to be some punishment and or apology.” The AP told Alex.</p><p>“Do I have to say it, or can I write it?” Alex asked.</p><p>“You may write it, but I’ll need to review it before it’s given to Mr Lee.” The AP said.</p><p>“Fine by me.” Alex said simply.</p><p>“Alright, now that that’s settled you may go.” The AP told them.</p><p>“Thank you. And no offense but hopefully I won’t be seeing you for a while now.” George said to the AP, thinking about how that was the 2nd time in 4 days.</p><p>“The feeling is mutual, have a good evening gentlemen.” The AP told Alex and George, then headed back to his office.</p><p>Alex and George then made their way out of the office and to where Lafayette would be waiting for them. “So like, what’s my at-home punishment for this?” Alex asked quietly. Never while in the foster system had he gotten in trouble at school and not received additional punishment at home.</p><p>“Just promise me that next time you’ll attempt to solve the problem with words rather than fists?” George asked.</p><p>“Of course, but like, what else?” Alex asked.</p><p>“That’s it.” George looked at Alex.</p><p>“W- what?” Alex stopped walking. He was shocked.</p><p>“There’s nothing more to it. Just try and solve things with words first.” George repeated himself.</p><p>“N- no, that’s, that’s not how this works. You had to leave work early to come pick me up because I got into a fight at school.” Alex told George like George didn’t know it.</p><p>“Yes, I’m aware.” George nodded but still didn’t seem to understand what Alex was saying.</p><p>“So where’s the rest of it?” Alex asked.</p><p>“Alexander. I’m proud of what you did. I can’t condone the fact that you solved the problem with your fists, but I can only say so much because I wanted to use my own fists on Mr Lee back there. So just, try using words first next time and we’re good.” George told Alex. “And if we could, not tell Lafayette or Martha that I almost hit Mr Lee, that would be much appreciated.” George added.</p><p>Alex looked shocked, and was a bit shocked, so he just nodded a bit and continued to follow George out of the school building.</p><p>“Alexander, papa.” Lafayette came over to them, John and Hercules trailing behind him. “What happened?”</p><p>“Alexander has to apologize to Charles but he’s not facing any punishment.” George told Lafayetted.</p><p>“Damn man, lucky.” Hercules chuckled.</p><p>“As much as you boys might like to stand around and chat, I think I would like to get home.” George said.</p><p>“Of course, papa. Later John. Bye Hercules.” Lafayette said.</p><p>“Bye guys.” Alex waved and followed George and Lafayette towards the car.</p><p> </p><p>Soon Alex was at home, at his desk in his room, starting a video chat with Burr so they could continue working on their project, even though they were ahead of the rest of their class. </p><p>Soon Burr answered the call. “Alexander, hi,” Burr started, and then his face fell. “My god, what happened to your face?” Aaron asked.</p><p>“Got in a fight after school with Charles Lee.” Alex explained. “I won by the way.” He added.</p><p>“Ah the fighting instincts and knowledge of a foster kid.” Burr almost sounded like he was reminiscing.</p><p>“Right?” Alex chuckled a bit.</p><p>“What happened exactly?” Burr asked curiously.</p><p>“Okay so like I’m becoming friends with Elizabeth Schuyler, and her girlfriend Maria Lewis, right?” Alex started.</p><p>Burr nodded a bit.</p><p>“So, I left creative writing, and I was walking to go meet up with Lafayette so we could head home, and I see Eliza and Maria backed into a corner by Lee, who was harassing them, trying to get them to makeout for his pleasure.”</p><p>“Gross.” Burr mumbled.</p><p>“Right? Anyway, so I kept walking forward, and then like, he’s getting ready to hit Maria and I was like, fuck that, so I yelled his name, marched up to him, and punched him square in the jaw as he turned around to look at me. A fight ensued, and I won.” Alex explained.</p><p>“Nice, but did you get in trouble?” Burr asked.</p><p>“The AP basically let me off with a warning, I mean, I have to write an apology to Lee because I started the fight, but, otherwise not really. He got a week suspension, <b>and</b>, get this, if he does something suspension worthy one more time, he’s not getting suspended, he’s getting expelled because this is his third suspension this year.” Alex told Burr.</p><p>“Lucky you. What’d your foster parents say though?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, that, I was expecting the worst because like, George had to leave work early to come pick me up, but he wasn’t mad, said he was <em> proud of me </em> , and just asked that I try to use words first next time.” Alex told Burr. “ <b>And</b>, when I was like, wtf where’s the punishment, he said admitted that he probably should say more, but morally he couldn’t because in the office he almost punched Lee’s dad because Lee’s dad called Lafayette a fag and said both me and George have anger issues.” Alex explained, sounding excited about what had gone down.</p><p>“Damn.” Burr mumbled. “I don’t even know what else to tell you. I mean, wow.”</p><p>“Right?” Alex chuckled a bit. “I was shocked though, like, he said he was proud of me, and he defended me just as fiercely as he did Lafayette.” Alex admitted.</p><p>“I remember the first time my adoptive parents said that to me, it hits you hard.” Burr told Alex.</p><p>“Right? I haven’t had a parent say they’re proud of me in years. It honestly took everything to not start crying right then and there.”</p><p>“Tomorrow makes a week with the Washington’s right?” Burr asked.</p><p>Alex nodded. “Yeah it does. I think they’ve been nicer and kinder to me in a week than my last three homes did in a whole year. I mean, things still could go to shit but, I’ve, I dunno, I’ve got a good feeling about this place.” Alex admitted.</p><p>Burr simply smiled at Alex.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Good To Be Alive (Hallelujah) (Andy Grammer)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drugs, drug dealing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Friday came and went, as did the weekend. Alex was slowly regaining his appetite, but it still was a careful balancing act. He had to eat breakfast before taking the concerta or doing any coke, and then he could do one line upon getting home, and he could eat dinner, and then he could 2 lines after eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sleep issue was better too, as in, he was actually sleeping again, thankfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But other things were getting tricky. Unless he was in class, Lafayette was almost always at Alex’s side, or at the very least he was nearby. This meant that Alex had to find a creative way to meet with his dealer and get more coke. But Alex was smart, and he already had an idea. It just relied on one simple thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Burr, my friend, mi amigo, mes ami, amicus meus,” Alex greeted, smoothly sliding into the chair next to Burr’s simply calling Burr his friend in the different languages he knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr glanced over. “Sweet jesus,” He mumbled, already knowing that Alex was asking for something. “What is it Hamilton?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I told my foster family I was hanging out with you after school, would you help me keep my cover if they asked you where I was, pretty please?” Alex asked, his tone was sweet and he batted his eyelashes at Burr.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I say yes will you cut the act?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Alex nodded and spoke pleasantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Burr shook his head a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sat up in his chair properly and pulled his books out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Might I ask what it is you’re doing that you don’t want them to know about?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The key to a good lie is to keep it as close to the truth as possible. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Alex reminded himself. “I’m meeting up with an old friend, I just, I don’t know if they would approve of me hanging out with him.” Alex told Burr.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t they approve?” Burr asked, sounding somewhat concerned about this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He just, he was around during some rough points. He was going through shit too, so he couldn’t really help me, and yeah. It’s complicated, I won’t get into all that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded a bit. “Alright, sure, I’ll keep your cover if they ask. What’s the story?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We decided that to work on the next part of the project it would be easier to do it in person, so we’re heading to the library after school tomorrow to work on it.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Works for me.” Burr told Alex, and the two boys began to continue with their project.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex told Martha, George, and Lafayette this, and the next day after class he headed to the local library, because again, keep lies as close to the truth as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex headed to the very back of the library and sat down at a table. He pulled his laptop and a textbook out, opening them both so it looked like he was working. He opened up the commission he was working on and began typing as he waited for his dealer to show up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon someone sat at the table with Alex. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at him and smiled a bit. “Hey. I have that book I was telling you about, if you want to read the summary.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sure.” The dealer said as he pulled his own laptop out and opened it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pulled a book out of his bag, but neither he nor the dealer gave two shits about the story, but rather, what Alex had tucked in the book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s dealer, a man who usually went by Jim, scanned the text on the back and flipped through the pages, discreetly pulling the cash that had been carefully tucked between the pages.. “I dunno if it’s my cup of tea.” He shrugged and handed the book back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good. Let’s get some work done yeah?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the two worked on their laptop’s in silence for a while, because they knew if they went too fast it would be suspicious. About a half hour later Jim turned to Alex. “Hey, uh, would you mind reading over this paragraph, I just, can’t quite get the wording right.” He shook his head a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jim handed over his laptop to Alex, 6 small bags of white powder were sitting on the keyboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex discreetly grabbed them and ‘read over the paragraph’. “I’d swap the first and last sentences, then you should be good.” He told Jim and handed the laptop back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool thanks.” Jim took his laptop back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex discreetly slipped the coke into his hidden pocket in his hoodie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They worked for a while longer, before Jim skillfully faked getting called into work last minute and took off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex finished the commission about 20 minutes after Jim left and he then left the library and headed home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex entered the house and headed up to his room. He was pulling the coke out of his hoodie when suddenly Lafayette burst into Alex’s room. Alex quickly shoved his hands, which were holding the coke, into his pocket of his hoodie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are finally home!” Lafayette exclaimed happily. “I was very lonely walking home today.” He added solemnly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do before I came along?” Alex asked with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was different, I was alone everyday. How was the library?” Lafayette asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged. “It was the library. Got a decent amount of work done I’d say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is good. Mama and papa are working late tonight so it’s just us for a while yet.” Lafayette told Alex, flopping down on his bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom really quick, then we could probably work on homework together.” Alex suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get my things.” Lafayette said and left Alex’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex went into the bathroom and quickly hid the 6 grams of coke he’d bought, then once he was certain Lafayette wouldn’t accidentally stumble upon it at all, he headed back out into his room and pulled out his study materials.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lafayette soon joined Alex in his room, and they worked on their homework in comfortable, relative silence. They worked for about an hour, and just as they finished George arrived home, seeming tired and perhaps angry, which put Alex on edge, although Alex did his best not to let it show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong papa?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Work was just, long and frustrating.” George sighed and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just feels like each case is tougher than the last lately. I’ve been trying to settle this without going to court for days, because I know it’ll only end up worse for my client, but the prosecutor is dead set on getting this case in front of a jury.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does the prosecutor want to go to court so badly?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My client is facing charges for assault. Both myself and the client knows he’s getting charged as guilty, so now it’s a matter of trying to get him the lowest sentence possible, but I guess the victim and the prosecutor are convinced that every offer we’ve made isn’t enough, even though I’ve offered the same thing a judge will.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is your client in the position to offer compensation for damages caused? Have you considered pursuing that route?” Alex asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George cocked his head to the side, seeming to think.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I mean, if the prosecution isn’t okay with the same sentence a judge would give they’re probably after something else, and I mean, money does make the world go ‘round.” Alex continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hadn’t actually considered that. Normally I would, for some reason the thought never crossed my mind in regards to this case. My client is in such a position to be able to offer compensation, I probably just didn’t think of it, because my client doesn’t act like he is in such a position. I’ve got to go make some calls. Thank you Alexander.” George said and disappeared to his office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we should make dinner. To help out?” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Alex nodded a bit. “What should we make?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette was already looking through the fridge. “Stir fry?” He glanced over his shoulder at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good to me.” Alex nodded. “You want to prep the veggies and I’ll start the rice and then work on the meat? I’m guessing we’re doing chicken?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and sounds like a plan.” Lafayette said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pulled out the rice cooker and poured a cup and a half of rice into the bowl with 2 cups of water, a bit of salt, and some butter, and set it to cook for 45 minutes. He then cut the chicken up into cubes and put it in a pan with oil and some spices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Alex did this, Lafayette washed the veggies, and then worked to neatly cut up peppers, carrots, some broccoli, some cauliflower, and a little bit of onion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time George emerged from his office, the boys were adding the veggies Lafayette cut, as well as canned baby corn and some bean sprouts to the pan with the now cooked chicken and were covering it so they would cook faster. “You boys didn’t have to make dinner.” George was surprised that they’d done it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have obviously had a very long day, papa, it was the least we could do.” Lafayette reassured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you did it right? I mean, what measurements did you use for the rice? Did you make sure the chicken was fully cooked before adding the veggies? I hope you used vegetable oil because olive oil has a really low smoke point and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“1.5 cups rice to 2 cups water, with about a tablespoon of butter, and salt to taste. I checked the chicken by breaking open a larger piece and seeing it was fully opaque all the way through in addition to testing it with a meat thermometer to be safe, and yes we used vegetable oil. We also made sure to wash the vegetables.” Alex told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly papa at this point all the work has really been done. Why not go change and by the time you come back down dinner should be just about done.” Lafayette added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George just stared for a moment before nodding a bit and heading up the stairs to go change out of his suit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Lafayette just looked at each other and smiled a bit, proud of their achievement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon they were sitting down for dinner. “Thank you boys for making dinner. It meant a lot and was very helpful after the day I’ve had.” George admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course papa, we knew you were having a rough day and we wanted to help!” Lafayette smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you certainly accomplished what you set out to do. And thank you, Alex, for the suggestion with this case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it actually helpful?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well let’s just say I will not be heading to court over this case.” George smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is. That was a very smart idea, Alexander. I can’t help but wonder, what are you hoping to do after graduation?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I uh, I’m actually headed to Columbia university to double major in English and Sociology, and then if everything goes to plan, after that it’ll be Columbia Law School.” Alex spoke somewhat shyly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Headed to Columbia? As in, you’ve already been accepted?” George’s eyes widened a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “I applied as soon as applications opened and received the letter last month.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful news! Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” George told Alex, obviously proud of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged. “Never came up I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I have to say, I’m quite impressed, Alexander. Was Columbia your first choice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Harvard was also up there, and I did apply, haven’t heard back yet, but even if I did get accepted, I’d still go for Columbia.” Alex told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any reason why?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know a couple people in NYC, and let’s just face facts here, Boston accents are </span>
  <em>
    <span>gross</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George chuckled. “Can’t argue with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have applied, but I have yet to hear back from anyone. Hopefully I will be heading to New York City too though!” Lafayette said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems the majority of you kids will be headed to New York or Northeast of here at the very least. Angelica Schuyler is already at Columbia, Eliza Schuyler and John are entertaining multiple offers, you and Hercules are hoping to head to NYC, Alexander is heading there too.” George observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria is also heading to Columbia.” Lafayette added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you go. The only ones potentially headed west are John and Eliza.” George pointed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three continued to talk about university plans which drifted to other things and they didn’t realize how much time had passed until Martha came through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was dinner made that late that you boys are just finishing now?” Martha asked as she set her bag down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No we finished a while ago, we just got busy talking.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander here has been accepted to Columbia. Received his letter before he even came to us.” George told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha’s face lit up with pride and happiness for Alexander. “That’s amazing! Why didn’t you tell us before?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m very proud of you.” She smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And like with George on Thursday last week, Alex’s heart swelled at a parent being proud of him, but he didn’t let on how much it meant to him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Need You Tonight (INXS)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drugs</p><p>CONTENT WARNING: NSFW CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER I'll indicate where it starts and ends with a a line of this symbol: ~ that's been bolded, so that those who do not wish to read it can avoid the worst of it, and I'll continue to do that to mark off other inappropriate content in the future of this story</p><p>Also, for those reading the uhhh, /SCENE/, I know it's probably not the greatest but I tried my best and also please refer to the LEZBEAN part of my username</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>And from there, Alex fell into a routine with his new family. Sundays were fairly relaxed, a little house cleaning, but with 4 people working on it, it was never too long, Monday was dinner in the living room, watching a movie with George and Lafayette, Tuesday’s Alex would claim he was with Burr at the public library, Wednesday and Thursday were pretty boring, Friday was similar, although Alex and Laf could usually get a ride home from Hercules that day, and then Friday evening and/or Saturdays were spent with their friends. Alex liked the routine. It made handling everything from the drugs, to his ADHD, and even just school work and commission completion much easier to do. This routine continued for about three weeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing too spectacular happened over the three weeks. Alex was growing closer with his new friends, John, Eliza, and Burr especially. Burr would listen to Alex rant about anything and would just listen and nod and pretend to care. John and Alex would often text each other late in the night, teasing each other to go to bed. And Eliza just genuinely seemed to really care about Alex in a deeper way than his other friends did. He still could swear he knew Maria from somewhere, but he had yet to place it. And he was still debating with Thomas, multiple times a week much to the teacher’s dismay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Friday and a debate day in history. Alex’s creative writing class had been cancelled, because the teacher had gotten sick while Alex was in history, and the school didn’t want to pay a substitute for an hour and a half, so they cancelled the class. Alex wasn’t sure what he’d do with the 90 minutes until Lafayette was done class, but he was sure he’d figure it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The debate with Thomas had been beyond heated that day, it was about queer rights and they had taken a few personal jabs at each other, even if Alex guessed that Thomas had only been arguing his point for argument’s sake. Alex guessed it because to him it sounded like Thomas was an accepting or gay person trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>act</span>
  </em>
  <span> homophobic, and it didn’t help that Thomas wore things and said things that very few straight men would have the guts to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas seemed to debate simply for the argument a lot. It seemed less like he actually believed what he fought for, and more so simply enjoyed the debate, and the attention taking the less popular argument sides got him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After history class, Alex stopped at his locker, then headed towards the library to study for an hour and a half, but on the way, decided to stop and use the washroom before heading to the library. Alex was finishing drying off his hands when he heard someone else come into the bathroom. He turned around to see Thomas standing there, looking at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You put up quite the fight today.” Thomas’ tone wasn’t it’s normal mocking one, which threw Alex off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” Alex asked simply, unsure of how else to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I would say things got fairly heated, wouldn’t you?” Thomas took a step closer to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took a step back to keep the distance between them the same and found he was now against the wall. “I guess so, yeah.” He nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to say, your passion for debate is, enticing to say the least.” Thomas told Alex, taking another step towards Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” Alex asked. He couldn’t decide how to feel about this quite yet. He was still trying to gage what Thomas’ intentions were here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I thought it was kinda hot.” Thomas reached out and brushed his fingers along Alex’s jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed and said nothing as it quickly became clear what Thomas’ intentions were. Alex’s heart was racing, but he thought he liked what was about to happen, and so he let it happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And in an instant, the two boys’ lips met, clashing, each trying to assert their dominance over the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas pulled them into a stall and closed the door, pining Alex against the wall and quickly showing that he was in charge.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex let Thomas do all this, and happily continued to make out with him, he also had to admit, this was riling him up. He hadn’t gotten laid in a hot minute, the cocaine use made it hard to jack off at night, and he didn’t have time to jack off and shower every morning, so he wasn’t getting much action at all lately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas reached down and grabbed, gently squeezing Alex’s bulge, causing Alex to whimper. Thomas smirked a bit and squeezed a second time, a little rougher than the first time around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn’t stop the small gasp at the feeling. Thomas squeezing him was helping with the riled up thing at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we take this out to my car?” Thomas asked after pulling away from the kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn’t find words in that moment, so he just nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two boys headed out to Thomas' car, which thankfully was in the back of the student lot, and even better, was an SUV, which meant more space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex got into the back seat first, tossing his book bag on the passenger seat before looking over at Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas got in the car, closing the door behind him. He was quick to straddle Alex, kissing him more and pulling the hair-tie out of Alex’s hair, letting it down and burying his hand in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pulled away a bit. “How far we going?” He asked breathlessly, looking up at Thomas</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How far do you want to?” Thomas smirked a bit as he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have, stuff?” Alex asked, ‘stuff’ meaning lube and or condoms, though he doubted it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always do, just in case.” Thomas smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesuchristo.” Alex mumbled and pulled Thomas back in for a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they kissed, Thomas worked to undo Alex’s jeans and pull them off him, followed quickly by his boxers. Alex was so focused on what was happening that he didn’t care that he was half naked while Thomas was still fully clothed. He was hard and about to get some dick, and that’s what mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They then switched positions so that Alex could ride Thomas- as it was probably the easiest way to do it seeing as they were in a car, and they both knew it without ever having to even communicate it with each other. Thomas also made sure to grab the aforementioned ‘supplies’. There wasn’t a lot of talking, it wasn’t really needed, despite never doing this with each other before they were pretty good at guessing the other’s thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Need me to prep you?” Thomas asked as they settled into their new positions, pulling his own pants and boxers down so they were around his thighs. Thomas’ own hard on now exposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just add extra lube to the condom.” Alex told Thomas. He didn’t want to wait through prep, he wanted to get to the good stuff, aka Thomas’ dick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite what Alex had </span>
  <b>almost</b>
  <span> been through in previous homes, he honestly preferred slightly rougher sex. He’d never been in a relationship long enough to get into anything super kinky, but he wasn’t a fan of soft cuddly sex either. He liked things rough, maybe not limping for days, unable to sit down rough, but the slightest limp just after for a couple hours was right about Alex’s happy place. So no prep after months without getting laid seemed like a good way to achieve that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded as he grabbed a condom packet and opened it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grabbed a condom too, as to not make a mess of their clothes or Thomas’ car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas rolled the condom on and added extra lube.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex lined himself up with Thomas’ dick and let himself sink onto it. It was a fair size stretch, Thomas was definitely above average in girth and especially length, which didn’t surprise Alex much at all. Despite that he didn’t stop until he bottomed out, he then paused for a second to give himself a moment before continuing. Thomas rested his hands on Alex’s hips so he had some control over Alex’s movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, probably in less time than he should’ve waited, Alex was riding Thomas like there was no tomorrow, and Thomas was lazily jacking Alex off too, with the other hand still on Alex’s hip. The sex, like the making out leading up to it, was fiery and fairly straight forward and to the point. They didn’t have all the time in the world, nor were they a thing, it was just a casual hook up and nothing more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had managed to line himself up to hit the exact right spot, and he nearly saw stars, he began aiming to hit that spot over and over again and he wasn’t gonna last much longer now. “ ’m close.” Alex mumbled as he continued riding Thomas at a fairly brutal pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Thomas nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex came into the condom, and Thomas followed seconds after. Alex pulled off Thomas, then pulled the condom he was wearing off, tying it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas grabbed a paper fast-food bag from the floor near the passenger seat that he seemed to be using as a little garbage in his car. He dropped his own tied off condom in there and held it over for Alex to do the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex slid his boxers and pants back on and man, he was sore in the exact way he enjoyed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex checked the time and saw he still had about 10 minutes before class ended, and he only needed about 3 to walk to where he met Lafayette after school. He wasn’t sure if he liked that: that meant there was time to talk about this if Thomas wanted. He honestly hoped they wouldn’t, that they could exchange a few fast words and move on with their days. “That was good.” Alex told Thomas as Thomas fixed his own pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think that was good? You should let me actually top you some time. Maybe in a bed rather than a car.” Thomas suggested suggestively, implying not only that he wanted to do this again, but that he wanted Alex to come to his place, or for him to come to Alex’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was a bit surprised, but had to admit, he wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea. “I’d be down to do it again, and if you wanna do it at your house I’m down but my house is a no go.” Alex told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit. “Sounds fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t want to try and figure out a set date for them to do it again, planning it almost always made things suck, no matter who with. “Well I gotta go, see you in class. Uh, by the way, let’s like, keep this quiet? And don’t hold back on debate day next week just because you’ve had your dick in my ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas scoffed. “Bitch please, like I would even think about holding back. And don’t worry I won’t tell.” He told Alex with the smallest smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head as he grabbed his bag and opened the car door. “You and your ‘precious’ shitty opinions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They aren’t even always mine! And when they are </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m right!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Thomas said as Alex got out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah right.” Alex said in response and closed the door behind him. Alex walked with the slightest limp to where he met Lafayette, definitely feeling satisfied with the sex with Thomas. He had terrible opinions, but made up for it by having a nice cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mon ami are you alright?” Lafayette asked as he and Alex headed to the bus stop to catch the bus, because George was in court that day and couldn’t pick them up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Why?” Alex looked over at his foster-brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are limping.” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Alex pretended he hadn’t realized. “Oh, yeah I missed my footing climbing the stairs to get to English this morning and tripped a bit. I’m fine.” Alex lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do be careful next time?” Lafayette requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Alex gave a small smile. If only Laf knew the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yeah, telling Laf Alex was bi maybe wouldn’t hurt, plus talking to someone about Thomas- and a certain other southerner boy Alex was growing fond of- did sound nice. But he’d made the rule with himself for a reason, no coming out to foster families and that was final.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they continued to walk to the bus stop- which was a couple blocks away from the school, because that route would get them closer to home than the routes that ran right by the school- a familiar looking car pulled up to the sidewalk next to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I interest you two in a ride? It’s not exactly warm out.” Hercules asked from inside the car. John was in the passenger seat as him and Hercules only lived a couple streets away from each other, meaning John often got rides from Herc.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette smiled brightly. “My knight in shining armor.” He smiled. “A ride would be very nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then get in the car dummies.” John told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette and Alex got into the backseat of Hercules’ car and Hercules soon began driving again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t you just ask for a ride home babe?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I do not want to inconvenience you. John lives close and there are not many buses near your homes, it makes sense for you to drive him each day, but me and Alexander live in the opposite direction from the school.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not an inconvenience.” Hercules told Laf. “Alex, if it’s cold or raining or whatever and y’all want a ride, just ask, I’m down to do it unless I got work.” Hercules told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do.” Alex nodded, though he probably never would ask for a ride, no matter the weather.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Friday, y’all got any weekend plans?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really. What about you?” Alex said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aunt Cassie is driving down to South Carolina to go visit my dad, convince him to let me stay here longer, the usual bullshit, I’ve got the house to myself and no plans.” John sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got nothing minus work on Sunday.” Hercules told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should have a sleepover!” Lafayette suddenly exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beats being alone at home.” John said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A chance to spend more time with you?” Hercules glanced at Lafayette at a red light. “Always.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was unsure if he was a part of these plans or not. He was decently good friends with the group, but they had been a group long before him and sometimes, he still felt like an odd man out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex? What do you think?” Lafayette turned to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, sure.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful!” Lafayette smiled. “I will call mama and make sure it is okay. I’m sure it will be fine.” Lafayette said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Martha was more than okay with Hercules and John sleeping over. Her and George were going out for date night, but the boys could be alone for a couple hours while they went out for dinner and a movie. The boys had watched some movies in the attic, before Lafayette and Hercules both not so secretly disappeared, seeing as Martha and George were still out. Right before Hercules and Lafayette disappeared, Alex had slipped downstairs and done a couple quick lines of coke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee I wonder where they went.” John joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I don’t wanna think about what’s going on in Lafayette’s room right now.” Alex chuckled like he hadn’t been partaking in similar activities mere hours ago.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mentions of drugs, talk of/explicit description of eating disorders, talk of/explicit description of sexual assault, death, death a parent, talk of domestic/child abuse, and homophobic parents, parents/guardians abusing their children in mental, emotional, and sexual contexts, brief mentions of cheating</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Five bucks says Lafayette comes back covered in hickeys?” John asked with a small smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette might be a bottom but I dunno if he’s the type to enjoy receiving hickeys. You’re on.” Alex agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John grinned and shook Alex’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now that I think about it, he might be the type to give hickeys, how much you wanna bet Hercules is gonna end up marked up.” Alex added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt it. Another $5, you’re on.” John shook Alex’s hand a second time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, can I ask a question?” Alex asked after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ve known that you live with your aunt for a while, and then you mentioned her trip this weekend and I guess I’m curious about like, what’s the situation with all that? You don’t have to share, but, I dunno, my curiosity has gotten the better of me I guess.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded a bit. “My dad isn’t exactly the warmest dude, and my mom passed away a couple years ago. It was a tough time in my life already. I mean, I was coming to terms with my sexuality, there was all the normal teenager stuff, and then my mom died and my dad just, didn’t handle any of it well, to say the least. He wasn’t exactly accepting of me, and he made that clear. With my mom gone there was no one to hold him back from being a total dick. It got to a point where he felt like he was trying to shit on me in some new creative way every day and it took it’s toll on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was that a Watsky reference?” Alex interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault his lyrics occupy my mind constantly.” John defended himself. “Anyway. About 2 and a half years ago things got really bad, I was dealing with my mom’s death and my dad’s sudden intense mistreatment threw me for quite the loop and I wasn’t coping well and 6 months later it all came to a head.” John paused for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to.” Alex reassured, sensing that things were getting </span>
  <b>heavy</b>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John shook his head a bit. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just, not my fondest memory either.” He explained. “I ended up in the hospital. I’d passed out because I was severely dehydrated and hadn’t eaten much of anything in about two weeks. I didn’t even weigh a hundred pounds.” He paused. “At first the thought process was that if I didn’t eat my dad couldn’t get mad at me for eating anything specific, and then I started thinking why should I be alive and enjoy eating food when my mom was dead, and then I found that I liked being hungry, and eventually I became unhealthily obsessed with my body image.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned a bit. John seemed perfectly healthy now. He wasn’t overweight, or too skinny, and his thighs were an appropriate thickness for the boy’s fairly wide hips, his ass too; not that Alex was looking at it or anything. He thought John’s body- John period- was beautiful. It hurt to hear what John had been through, but he guessed John was better now, he ate lunch better than Alex did, and he was always down for snacks and such.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was diagnosed with anorexia. My dad didn’t know how to, nor wanted to, deal with it or me anymore once the diagnosis came down at the hospital. My aunt Cassie had always loved me and offered to take me in and help with it, because she’d dealt with similar issues and figured that a change of pace might be good for me.” John explained. “I’ve been living with her ever since.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “If your dad was so happy to see you gone, why does your aunt have to convince him to let you stay?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, my dad seems to think that Cassie promised she would fix all my problems, including ‘problems’ that aren’t really problems.” John explained, heavily implying something there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean like, your sexuality?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “Aunt Cassie is accepting, hell you’ve seen our house, she has a pride flag flying outside our house in support of me. She knows how homophobic and abusive my dad can be. She doesn’t want me to go back, like ever, and I don’t want to either but my dad refuses to sign away custody and still seems to think that I’ll be coming home straight and ‘cured’ of my ED.” John shook his head. “I’ll be 18 in October and dad asks if I’m coming home every six months, so Aunt Cassie just needs to work her magic this weekend then I’ll be free to do whatever I want.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think your aunt can pull it off?” Alex asked, hating the thought of John having to return to his former home 6 hours away where John’s dad would probably just bully him right into a relapse with the anorexia from the sounds of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s been able to 3 times now. Her and my dad have set up these temporary custody arrangements so like, she can sign shit for school, but can’t claim me on her taxes, my dad can claim me on his own taxes still, but he can’t access my medical records. He doesn’t want me to come home until I’m the ‘perfect son I once was’ again. All aunt Cassie has to do is act as religion obsessed as dad for a weekend, say I’m still not eating and still doodling rainbows all over and he tells her to keep me for another 6 months.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry about that.” Alex frowned. “But your aunt Cassie is good to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The best. She helped me with the ED, and still does sometimes. She’s not a replacement for my mom, but she’s as good to me as my mom was.” John told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you have her.” Alex smiled a bit. “I’m glad she was able to get you away from your dad and get you healthy again.” Alex told John softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. There were so many things his heart wanted him to say to John in that moment, but luckily for him, his brain stopped it. “I wish I’d had someone like that when my mom died.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t mind me asking, how’d she die?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was sick, some illness that I don’t think I was ever told the exact name of. We weren’t the richest people in the world and she could only just barely afford enough medicine for me, but like, she chose the medication over the month’s rent payment. Then she got sick taking care of me and couldn’t afford medication for herself. I tried to convince her to take just a dose of what she’d gotten for me, but she refused.” Alex explained solemnly, not looking at John, but rather his hands which were restinging in his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “I’m sorry about your mom Alex.” John paused. “My mom died from complications during childbirth with my youngest sister. It sucked, but at least the baby- Mary- survived.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Alex frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John shrugged. “You get used to it, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “I feel like I have to reveal some big trauma of my own because you just did.” He continued to look at his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to. Plus your mom’s death sounds pretty traumatic all on it’s own.” John told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I, I think I want to. And compared to other stuff I’ve been through, my mom’s death is like child's play, honestly. Sadly I don’t think it’s on my top 3 list of worst things I’ve ever been through.” He paused. “I can’t explain why, but, I feel like I can trust you to tell you about things.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John then realized that this was maybe bigger than friends just sharing war stories. Alex was getting closer with Martha and Laf, but he had yet to seriously talk with either of them about what he’d been through, and the fact that he trusted John enough to talk to him must’ve been a big deal. John knew he had to listen, let Alex talk, not judge him, and continue to work on their friendship so Alex would continue to talk to him about things in future.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well, I’m all ears, but again, no pressure.” John said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise you won’t tell anyone what I tell you?” Alex asked after being quiet for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” John nodded, and he meant what he said. He would only tell someone if it became a life or death situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My 10th home, about 2 or 3 years ago, was just a single guy, no wife, and I thought at first maybe he was fostering for the cash, but he was a doctor, so I had no idea why he was fostering. He seemed nice enough at first, bought me clothes and my laptop that I still use. I thought maybe I could stay with him until I was 18, but at that point I was already done with the idea of actually being adopted.” Alex started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded again and was quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About a month of living him went by and things seemed good, normal even, and then the longing looks and lingering touches started. A hand on my shoulder, or my back, or my arm for just a little too long, that kinda thing. It got worse over my second month there. And by the time month 3 hit it was like he stopped trying to hide what his intentions were. I didn’t enjoy it, at all, but I didn’t tell him no because I feared a violent reaction. I tried to tell my social worker- I’d had a different one at the time, not my current one- but he dismissed it.” Alex continued explaining, stopping to take a breath. He’d never told anyone the full story of this before, but he felt safe telling John, for some strange reason he couldn’t possibly comprehend, and it kinda felt good to get it out in the open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yikes.” John mumbled about the social worker part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Alex scoffed a bit at the memory. “Then one night shit escalated yet more. I was taking a shower and the bathroom was right across the hall from the room I was staying in. It wasn’t until after I’d gotten out of the shower that I realized I forgot a change of clothes, and I was showering to warm up after getting caught in the rain so the clothes I’d worn into the bathroom weren’t an option, seeing as they were soaking wet. So I went to cross the hall in my towel, wrapped up around my chest, and as I was doing so the doctor stopped me,” Alex swallowed thickly at the memory. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He stood in the way of my bedroom door, and started ‘complimenting’ my body, then told me all the things he wanted to do to me. I was frozen. I didn’t know what to say or do, so I just stood there.” Alex paused. “He slipped his hand under my towel and began to, fondle things, and that’s when my instincts finally kicked in, I pulled away, kneed him in the junk and escaped into my room. I packed my stuff as fast as I could and left out the window.” Alex explained, his heart pounding as he recalled the memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Alex did elect to leave out of the story that he told John was how once he’d ran far enough away from the doctor’s house he’d ran into a girl hanging out near a run-down bar. She probably could’ve passed for a prostitute, make-up caked thickly on her face and wearing revealing clothes. She noticed how shaken up Alex was, and offered him </span>
  <em>
    <span>a little something</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get his mind off it. That little something was coke, and it wasn’t long until he’d gotten addicted. The woman’s boyfriend, Jim, had been Alex’s dealer ever since. He’d seen the woman again on occasion, but not much. He suspected the dealer was abusive to her, as she was too thin and usually had a black eye or a busted lip or both but Alex figured it best to not get involved. Alex hadn’t seen her around in about a year though, so he guessed she must’ve left Jim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s eyes were wide and he felt sick at the thought of what had happened to Alex. He’d heard foster-system horror stories before, but he hadn’t wanted to believe that that kind of thing actually happened, or at the very least that it hadn’t happened to Alex, but he realized now that it was foolish of him to have believed that it never had. “I’m, I don’t even know what to say, I’m so sorry.” He frowned. “Did you ever report it or press charges?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was there to report?” Alex asked in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sexual assault.” John said fairly bluntly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never technically told him no or to stop.” Alex pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you never said yes either. Just because you didn’t say ‘no’ doesn’t mean he had consent.” John pointed out in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quiet for a moment and just shrugged. “He’s no longer fostering kids, if that’s what you mean, but I never went to the cops about it. A he said-he said situation with a kid who has a rocky past versus a well respected doctor? It would never go anywhere.” He told John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded a bit. “Have you ever told anyone else about it?” He asked after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not the whole thing. I told CPS enough to get his foster license permanently revoked, but, not the whole story.” Alex looked at his hands, which were still sitting in his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me that, Alex.” John told him sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem like a very trustworthy person.” Alex shrugged and the two fell into a comfortable silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hercules and Lafayette soon rejoined Alex and John, and John slipped $5 into Alex’s hand discreetly upon seeing Lafayette had no hickeys. Then John slipped Alex another $5 upon seeing Hercules with hickeys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’all fuckers just lost me ten bucks.” John told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette looked confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me and Alex made a bet on who was gonna end up with hickeys. He thought Laf no, Herc yes, and we made two separate $5 bets. I argued the opposite of him because y’all never mark each other up so I thought we’d both end up with the same amount of money we started with.” John pouted a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to mess you up mon ami, but also, thanks for the insight into the power of my make up skills.” Lafayette grinned. “I told you no one could even tell when I covered up your hickeys.” Lafayette told Hercules, gently cupping his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John just shook his head. “Y’all need Jesus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the atheist.” Hercules snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off.” John said jokingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation fell to something else, and the night carried on with the boys watching more movies before all passing out in the attic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In no time at all it was the next week, and Wednesday already. Alex was picking at his lunch and Eliza was frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong Alex?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked over. “No? Why would something be wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’ve barely eaten your lunch.” Eliza pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never eat much of my lunch.” Alex defended himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is a whole other problem in itself.” Eliza shook her head a bit at Alex’s complete disregard for self-preservation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a big deal.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It kinda is Alexander.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not whatever.” Eliza frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’all sound like an old married couple bickering at each other like that.” John told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now that you mention it, I can totally see that.” Hercules agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is almost as if they were like, married in a past life.” Lafayette observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, yes, they totally were.” Maria nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were not.” Eliza and Alex said in unison, then just looked at each other like they were looking into camera’s on The Office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They definitely were.” Peggy chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys really believe that?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys just have this, mutual understanding, and appreciation and care for each other. I’d honestly be a little concerned for our relationship if you weren’t a lesbian babe.” Maria told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, you guys are actually kinda right. We do have that stuff for each other, don’t we Eliza, dearest.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey siri, how to murder my annoying husband?” Eliza joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Betrayed by my own wife.” Alex said dramatically, putting his hand to his forehead to up the drama factor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah they were totally married in a past life.” John agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria, dearest, is it okay if I change your girlfriend’s contact name in my phone to ‘wife’?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I was your dearest.” Eliza frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R-I-P hamliza. Alex is a cheater.” Peggy joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can have multiple dearests.” Alex defended himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria rolled her eyes. “Yes you can call my girlfriend your wife. I appreciate you asking for permission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grinned. “Thank you dears.” He smiled. He pulled his phone out and went to Eliza’s contact, changing the name to ‘Wifey’ followed by the blue heart emoji and a ring emoji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All wife jokes aside, Eliza was just Alex’s friend, nothing more. On the other hand, Alex was developing feelings for John, he had to admit to himself and honestly, he needed to rant to someone about it.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Hallelujah (Panic! At The Disco)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: NSFW</p><p>I'm really sorry to those who are not fond of reading sex scenes, as this is basically all just porn,,, I have nothing to say for myself. It's been marked off the same way it was before</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Soon lunch ended and Alex headed to history, excited at the idea of having Burr to talk to about his feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took his seat next to Burr. It was a debate day and the second the teacher turned the class over and set them to work on an argument Alex had turned to face Burr. Alex and Burr had volunteered to debate against Thomas and James, no one else in the class ever volunteered and Alex guessed it was because they found watching him and Thomas debate was more fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a problem.” Alex announced like it was a huge shocker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always have a problem.” Burr pointed out as he began writing down points to use in the debate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay but this is a big one.” Alex defended himself as he began working on arguments for the debate too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr just sighed a bit. “I’m listening.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. So basically, I have a massive crush on a friend and it’s killing me, because like, I can’t tell him because it’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he’s friends with Laf, but like, I can barely look at him without smiling or having my heart skip a beat or both and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s killing me.” Alex sighed a bit and rested his forehead on the edge of the desk, looking down at the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to hear, although I don’t know what advice I can offer other than to get your ass in gear and help me build up our argument, right now we’re the only ones that could make any sense of anything on your page.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The debate soon was underway, Alex and Thomas making things heated, as usual, with Burr and James desperately trying to reel their partners in with no success.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the debate ended everyone was finishing their debate papers. Thomas wandered by Alex’s desk on his way to hand his paper in to the teacher, and nonchalantly dropped something next to Alex’s desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Alex knew Burr wasn’t paying attention he picked it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Got the house to myself tonight, wanna come over? If so, meet me at my car at the end of the day. It’s parked in the same spot as last time. I’ll wait five minutes after the final bell for you - TJ’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blushed the slightest bit at the thought and he had to will himself to not think of what they would be doing, as to not get a boner in class. He quickly tucked the note in his pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Alex lied quickly, wondering how Burr had caught it when he tried so hard to make sure he wouldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit.” Burr said bluntly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell you in class.” Alex admitted quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr looked confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll explain over video chat later. Maybe not tonight though.” Alex told Burr. “Also, cover for me again tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’m a saint for putting up with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too Burr.” Alex smiled. He then pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to a group chat he was in with Lafayette, Martha, and George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex: Studying at the library after school, not quite sure when exactly I’ll be home</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette was quick to respond with the thumbs up emoji.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha: Alright, thank you for letting us know :)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn’t focus on his work in creative writing assignment at all knowing what he was now going to be doing after school, and when the class ended he headed right to the student parking lot and towards Thomas’ car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was leaning against his car with sunglasses on and a sucker straw hanging out of his mouth waiting for Alex. “Glad you could make it.” He grinned when he saw Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex rolled his eyes at Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas just smirked and got in the driver’s seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex got in the passenger seat. “I’m simply going to remind you that I’m only doing this because you have a nice cock.” He told Thomas bluntly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m only doing this because it’s fun to dominate you.” Thomas glanced at Alex and then began driving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could totally top you.” Alex said in his own defense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh really?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely.” Alex said confidently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see about that.” Thomas chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon they pulled up to Thomas’ house. It was the same direction from the school as the Washington’s house, but it was outside the city limits and Alex soon understood why. The house had an actual decent sized piece of land with it and was bigger than the Washington’s house by at least double.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit.” Alex mumbled, his eyes wide as the car pulled up to the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told you my family was well off.” Thomas told Alex. He parked in the garage and led Alex into the house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They went up to Thomas’s room and as soon as the door was shut Thomas had Alex pinned against it. “Still think you could top me?” He asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Alex told him, still confident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas reached down and grabbed Alex’s bulge. While he did this he leaned in further and ran his tongue along the outer shell of Alex’s ear. “What about now?” He whispered in Alex’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shivered a bit and whimpered, saying nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas pulled back so he could see Alex’s face. “That’s what I thought.” He smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could still top you.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adorable.” Thomas dismissed it. “Is there any specific way you’d like this to go? I mean, we have a lot more time and space than we did last time.” Thomas pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. “I have some ideas.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “I feel like I should tell you um, I, I like things on the rougher side.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that can be arranged.” Thomas told Alex. “However, if we are going to veer off the path of vanilla sex, then we should have some rules in place.” He said wisely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you familiar with the stop-light system?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green is good, yellow is pause and discuss, red is full stop.” Alex recited instantly, just proving what Thomas knew in regards to Alex being a massive bottom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very good.” Thomas cooed. “We’ll use the stoplight system, and if your mouth is, unavailable, you’ll tap the side of my thigh three times.” He instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded in understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything completely off the table?” Thomas asked. “Like, in regards to relatively normal things. I don’t need a comprehensive list of every gross ‘kink’ to ever exist.” He added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed and he pushed away a certain memory that tried to come to the forefront of his mind. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a toy and tell me what you plan to do to my body before things get started. Like, you can tell me what you have in mind, but like, consider my feelings too and give me a say. I don’t wanna stand there before we’ve started anything and be told how you want to…” Alex trailed off so he could focus on keeping those memories away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve gotten what you’re getting at.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “That’s really the only thing I can think of. Is there anything I should know?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas shrugged. “Don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Alex nodded a bit. “We good to start then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would say so, yes.” Thomas nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Alex said and quickly dropped to his knees. He undid Thomas’ jeans and pulled Thomas’ dick out, it was still fairly soft, but with what Alex had in mind that wouldn’t be the case for long. He somewhat lazily jacked Thomas off until Thomas was hard, then Alex took Thomas’ cock in his mouth, while looking up at Thomas, through his eyelashes, with an innocent look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Thomas mumbled. He put one arm against the door in front of him, and his other hand rested on the back of Alex’s head, not pushing him forwards yet, but giving himself the option to do so if he wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex continued sucking Thomas off, showing off fairly impressive skill, making use of his tongue and taking Thomas’ entire length despite the fact that when he had his nose pressed to Thomas’ pubes he couldn’t get a breath in. Alex continued, as he figured Thomas was starting to get antsy, he began to hum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, that’s- you’re really good.” Thomas mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just hummed around Thomas’s length in response and kept it up. As he gauged Thomas to be getting closer Alex decided to add to Thomas’ pleasure, and he began to tease Thomas’ balls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s head rolled back as he groaned and he held Alex’s head in place so that he had Thomas’ entire length in his mouth, coming down Alex’s throat and forcing him to swallow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed it all obediently and then licked Thomas’ cock clean. “How was that?” He asked, still on his knees looking at Thomas through his eyelashes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have quite the set of skills there, Alexander, I’m impressed.” Thomas told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just smirked a bit. “I’m glad you found it satisfactory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More than satisfactory. Now it’s your turn, strip and on the bed, on your hands and knees.” Thomas commanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally Alex would detest being commanded around like that; but in the bedroom, he honestly kinda loved it, and he did as told obediently. He pulled his clothes off and got on his hands and knees on Thomas’s bed. Alex was fairly slender, not skinny enough that his ribs jutted out, but if he stretched they could be seen, his stomach was flat and there was a hint of muscle visible, just the outline of them, because there was no fat over them to stop them from being seen. He had some various scars over his torso, and usually he would be worried about questions, but Thomas didn’t seem interested in the history of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As nice and tight as you were last time, darling, I’m gonna prep you this time, alright?” Thomas told Alex as he pulled his own clothes off so that Alex wouldn’t be the only one naked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was the opposite of Alex, he was broad shouldered and clearly put a lot of work into the appearance of his chest and stomach. He sported large, neatly formed muscles impressive for people their age.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded and pretended to not notice the pet name, even if he honestly enjoyed it. He also happened to enjoy the view of Thomas completely naked. He’d known all that muscle was there, but now he was actually seeing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Color?” Thomas asked as he came over to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green.” Alex told Thomas quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” Thomas said and grabbed a bottle of lube from the drawer in his nightstand. He coated his index and middle finger in it, and set the bottle aside for easy access later on. “Ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, please.” Alex told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas carefully worked his index finger into Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex moaned a little and rocked his hips back, into the feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone’s desperate.” Thomas teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S- so what if I am?” Alex asked, turning to look at Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh because I can have so much more fun that way.” Thomas told Alex, grinning mischievously. “Color?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green. Give me more, please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You only just got the first finger doll.” Thomas reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please?” Alex begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Needy much?” Thomas asked as he added a second finger, working them in and out of Alex for a bit, before beginning to scissor him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let Thomas scissor him for a minute or two before turning to him. “More, please, Thomas.” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t you just be happy with what I give you?” Thomas tsked. Regardless, though, he lubed up and added a third finger. He worked it for a bit, before continuing with his plan, and searched for a specific spot that would drive Alex-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex suddenly gasped and moaned loudly as Thomas found his prostate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bingo.” Thomas mumbled to himself and began working Alex’s prostate with his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas I’m not gonna last if you keep that up.” Alex warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That won’t be a problem.” Thomas told Alex and kept working his prostate. Just as Alex was about to come, Thomas wrapped his hand around the base of Alex’s member tightly, stopping Alex from coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex whimpered a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Color?” Thomas asked quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green, jerk.” Alex mumbled and pouted a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas chuckled a bit. Once he was sure Alex wasn’t gonna cum yet he let go of his cock, however this scenario repeated a couple more times, causing Alex to start becoming desperate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas please please please let me cum. I was a good boy and sucked you off without being asked. Please.” Alex babbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you can come this time.” Thomas said as he continued the assault on Alex’s prostate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe half a minute later, if that, Alex came, moaning and panting as he did so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas continued to work Alex’s prostate through his orgasm, so that Alex stayed hard. Soon withdrew his fingers and wiped them off with a tissue. “Condom or no?” He asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You clean?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am. You?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Squeaky. No condom, please.” Alex told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded and lubed up his hard cock, then pressed the tip to Alex’s hole. “Color?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Green. Please give me your cock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Such an obedient doll for me.” Thomas cooed as he gripped Alex’s hips and pushed into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex moaned as Thomas pushed into him. “Feels so good.” He mumbled to Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas didn’t move yet, giving Alex a moment to adjust. “Yeah? Just wait for us to actually get to the good part.” Thomas chuckled a bit at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment Alex rocked his hips experimentally. “Go, please, move.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t long before Thomas was gripping Alex’s hips tight enough bruises would be left for days, fucking him hard and fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas I’m not gonna last much longer.” Alex warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, me neither. Cum inside or pull out?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want. But if it is in I’m gonna need a shower before I go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Thomas nodded and continued fucking Alex. As he got closer his steady pace began to falter, and he began jacking Alex off so they would stay on the same page.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex moaned loudly and clenched tightly around Thomas as he came, and Thomas, in turn, buried himself in Alex and came seconds later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys stayed like that for a moment, before Thomas pulled out. “Shower or bath?” He asked Alex, who adjusted his position to be laying on his stomach on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shower.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll go set it up.” He said and pressed a gentle kiss to Alex’s temple before wandering off to start the shower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Thomas was standing behind Alex in the shower, washing Alex’s hair and body for him. Not much was said between them, but not much needed to be said. Their relationship was a physical one, and Thomas was simply acting as any good dom would and was providing aftercare to his sub.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon the boys were out of the shower and getting dressed again, and suddenly Alex was cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Thomas said and draped a sweater of his over Alex’s shoulders. “I’ll drive you home now, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “But you’re gonna drop me off a block up, I can’t risk them seeing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Thomas nodded a bit, knowing not to question it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive was fairly quiet, and as they got close to Alex’s house, Alex couldn’t help but think about how much he wanted to keep Thomas’ sweater, but there was no way, as it would cause questions. When the car came to a stop a block up from the Washington’s house Alex pulled it off. “Thanks for the ride.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. And uh, I have the house to myself every Wednesday night. Maybe we could, make this a regular thing?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex thought about it for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, let’s do it.” He agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. See you in history tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later.” Alex said and got out of Thomas’ car. He checked the time. It was a little later than when he would usually get home from the library, but he wasn’t too worried about it. He was sore, and fairly wiped out from his activities with Thomas, but in a good way.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Hey, Asshole (Watsky)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drugs, being outed, violent homophobic reaction, child abuse, abuse within the foster system, mention of scars</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex entered the house and kicked his shoes off, Thomas having just dropped him off at home.</p><p>“Alexander is that you?” Martha called out from the kitchen.</p><p>“Yeah it’s me.” Alex responded. He set his bag down and went into the kitchen.</p><p>“How was the library? Get lots done?” Martha asked as she continued cutting up vegetables for the salad she was making.</p><p>“Yep. It was good.” Alex told her.</p><p>“That’s good. And honestly Alexander I’m glad you’re going out so much, even if only to the library. As long as we know where you are, you don’t have to come home straight after school everyday.” Martha told Alex.</p><p>Alex nodded a bit. “Thanks. I’m gonna head upstairs and work on some other homework.” He told Martha.</p><p>“I’ll text when dinner is ready.” Martha told him.</p><p>“Perfect.” Alex smiled and headed up to his room. He put the chain on the door and pulled his phone out. He had a message from Burr, which he opened.</p><p>Burr: Explanation???</p><p>Alex: Can we call?</p><p>Burr: Sure</p><p>Alex plugged his earbuds into his phone so that he could speak more quietly and called Burr, who soon answered.</p><p>“Alright, what the hell was up with you in class today at the end of the debate?” Burr asked upon answering the call.</p><p>“Okay, so for things to make sense I’m gonna have to back-track a bit here.” Alex warned Burr.</p><p>“You always have to back-track.” Burr told Alex.</p><p>“It’s important!” Alex defended himself. “Okay, so we both recall how heated Friday’s debate got, right?”</p><p>“Yes.” Burr said simply.</p><p>“Okay so my creative writing class was cancelled and I was just gonna spend the spare block in the library but I stopped to use the washroom on my way there. As I was finishing washing my hands, Jefferson came into the bathroom. I wasn’t sure what he wanted yet.” Alex started.</p><p>“Is this about to get inappropriate?” Burr asked.</p><p>“Bingo!” Alex chuckled a bit. “I’ll spare you the details but basically, we ended up doing it in his car in the student parking lot.”</p><p>“And what does that have to do with today?”</p><p>“That note I shoved in my pocket in class today? That was an invitation to go to his house after school, as his parents weren’t gonna be home.” Alex explained.</p><p>“I see.” Burr said simply.</p><p>“I’m assuming you can guess what I did.” Alex said.</p><p>“I <em> know </em>  what you did, Alex, yes.” Burr’s tone made it obvious that he was rolling his eyes. “Is this gonna affect our debating?”</p><p>“Nope. See Burr there is this beautiful thing known as hate sex-” Alex told Burr, but as he said it he realized it didn’t exactly feel like hate sex.</p><p>“I’m aware of what hate sex is, Alexander. I don’t live under a rock.” Burr reminded Alex. “Is it really <b>hate</b> sex though?”</p><p>“I mean, it wasn’t soft cuddly sex but he did provide aftercare when we finished, so…” Alex trailed off. “But that’s what any decent dom would do.” He added quickly, not wanting Burr to think anything more serious might’ve been happening between Alex and Thomas, because it wasn’t.</p><p>“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea of what the sex is like, which I didn’t want, by the way.” Burr reminded Alex.</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Alex grinned as he said it.</p><p>“Okay but what about your feelings for John.” Burr asked.</p><p>“How’d you know it’s John?” Alex asked, recalling him talking to Burr about his crush that had to be kept secret, although he hadn’t told Burr who it was on.</p><p>“Well, first off, John is the only single guy in your friend group so point there. Lafayette is your foster brother so it’d better fucking not be him, so another point there, you treat Hercules like as much of a brother as you do Laf, so that’s argument number 3, and the last but also the most damning piece of evidence; is that half of what you say to me has to do with John.” Burr explained to Alex.</p><p>“Damn okay, you read me like a book.” Alex mumbled.</p><p>“It’s not exactly a hard read.” Burr teased.</p><p>“Rude.” Alex said, although his tone made it clear that he wasn’t actually offended.</p><p>“Okay, but like, you have feelings for John, and now you’re fucking Thomas? This smells like a disaster waiting to happen.” Burr pointed out to Alex.</p><p>“How? It’s casual sex and a crush that never can and never will be revealed.” Alex told Burr.</p><p>“Uh-huh. Okay, keep telling yourself that.” Burr was probably shaking his head. “Can I ask why you’re so dead set against coming out to foster families?” Burr asked after a moment.</p><p>“I’ve known I was bi since I was like, 13. It was my 6th home, so I was 14 at the time. My foster brother had this male friend, a guy named Edward or Eddy, who was always over at the home I was staying in, but my foster brother could at times be a shitty friend to put things simply. I started to get closer with Edward, we had a lot of similar interests, and we both ended up catching feelings. We started discreetly ‘seeing each other’, sneaking quick kisses, holding hands when no one was looking, writing each other poems and letters, that kinda thing.” Alex started explaining.</p><p>“Okay.” Burr said.</p><p>“This continued for a couple of months, and I had been with the family for 7 months at that point. Eddy came over on a Thursday afternoon before my foster brother, mother, or father got home, because my foster brother was in soccer, so his mom took him and the dad worked later into the day. We made the mistake of starting a make-out session on the couch in the living room and lost track of time. The dad came home a little early and caught us. He kicked Edward out and then, shit went down.” Alex mumbled.</p><p>“What did that look like? If you’re comfortable sharing, of course.” Burr asked.</p><p>“He was pissed, disgusted. He started yelling, screaming, using every slur under the sun. He went on a rant about why gay people are called faggots while smoking a cigarette. The whole history of gays getting rolled up in carpets and burned alive, which looked like cigarettes, also known as fags. He then said he couldn’t get away with burning me alive in a carpet, but he could give me a painful reminder of the story...” Alex trailed off.</p><p>“He didn’t…” Burr mumbled, seeing where this was going.</p><p>“He did. I fought like hell to get away, but he still got me quite a few times on my arm and my back. It’s why I prefer long sleeves, with t-shirts the sleeve can get pushed up too easily and I don’t want to have to explain why I’ve got cigarette burn scars.”</p><p>“Shit.” Burr mumbled.</p><p>“When he was done burning the shit out of me he made me pack up my stuff and he surrendered me back to CPS.” Alex finished his story with a sigh. “It was that day that I promised myself I’d never come out to another foster family again, or do anything to out myself either. I could’ve stayed with that family had they not discovered that. They were good until the moment they found out.” Alex added.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Burr mumbled. “Thank you for telling me.”</p><p>“It’s not even the worst thing I’ve faced.” Alex shrugged a bit. “So yeah, this whole, Thomas-John thing, isn’t gonna be an issue.”</p><p>The conversation continued for a while before there was a knock on Alex’s door. “Shit gotta go Burr. Talk to you later.”</p><p>“Bye Alex.” Burr hung up.</p><p>“Come in!” Alex called out.</p><p>The door was opened by Lafayette. “Mama texted that dinner was ready but you did not respond.” He told Alex.</p><p>“Shoot, sorry, I lost track of time on the phone.” He explained.</p><p>“It’s alright. Let’s go eat, yes?”</p><p>Alex nodded and followed Lafayette down to the dinner table as he mentally was shaking his head at the situations he got himself into.</p><p> </p><p>And so Alex’s routine expanded a little to add weekly sex with Thomas on Wednesday nights, but other wise stayed the same over the next month. Some things changed, the sex was getting a little kinkier each time with Thomas. Alex was getting closer to everyone while still pushing his feelings for John aside, and he was still using coke, although he found that lately he was taking a little more each time to get the same effects, he was doing 3 to 4 lines at a time so he was buying 8 grams a week now. Alex had gotten settled on the 36mg dose of Concerta, and it was helping his grades and commissions, not that he even needed a boost.</p><p>It was a Friday evening and Alex, John, Laf, and Hercules were in the attic, a movie was playing in the background but they weren’t paying attention to it, instead they were talking and munching on an array of snacks.</p><p>Martha then came up the stairs. “Lafayette, some mail just arrived for you.” She said, sounding serious, but perhaps excited too.</p><p>“Oh?” Lafayette asked.</p><p>Martha held up a thick envelope with the Columbia University logo on it, a bright smile on her face. Rejection letters didn’t come in full-size envelopes.</p><p>Lafayette gasped and he jumped up, grabbing the envelope from his mother. He was quick to tear it open and pull the contents out. He opened up the letter on top and began reading out loud. “Dear Mr Lafayette, on behalf of the admissions committee of Columbia University, we have reviewed your application and have accepted you to our political science undergraduate program!” He exclaimed. “I got in!” He threw his arms around his mom. “I got in!” He repeated himself.</p><p>Martha hugged Lafayette back. “I knew you would.” She told him.</p><p>Alex smiled, and was happy for Lafayette, but he couldn’t help but think of opening his own acceptance letter. Alone in relative darkness in a room he shared with an 8 year old, unable to cheer or hug anybody. In that moment, his heart longed for what he missed out on.</p><p>As the excitement calmed down Martha left the boys to talk.</p><p>“I got accepted to other places but Columbia was in my top three, NYC here I come.” Lafayette smiled to himself.</p><p>“Well then, I guess we’ll both be going to Columbia next year in that case.” Alex pointed out.</p><p>“Yes! Oh it will be so good!” Lafayette exclaimed.</p><p>“I won’t be at Columbia, but, I’m headed to NYC too.” Hercules grinned a bit.</p><p>“Wait, you finally heard back from someone?” John asked.</p><p>“I mistyped my address on my FIT application, so it took a little while to get to me, but it finally arrived last night. I’m headed to FIT.” Hercules grinned widely.</p><p>“Mon amour this is amazing!” Lafayette smiled and kissed him.</p><p>“You decided where you’re headed yet John? I mean, I know you’ve got offers from like, a lot of really good schools.” Alex asked John so he wouldn’t have to watch Lafayette and Hercules kiss.</p><p>“Stanford, Columbia, and Harvard are the best contenders, though there are others. I’m still trying to decide where I wanna go though. I wish I would’ve just gotten accepted to Johns Hopkins, then there wouldn’t be any question as to where I’m going. It’s the best and cheaper than the others.” John sighed a bit.</p><p>“Any idea why you didn’t get in?” Alex asked.</p><p>“My grades slipped when I was struggling with my eating disorder and I explained it in the application and you would think it’s a valid excuse, but they didn’t seem to care.” John mumbled, looking down at his hands.</p><p>“Well fuck John Hopkins then. They’re missing out on a kick ass soon-to-be premed student, and they’ll regret it someday. Why don’t we go through your main thoughts on each of your options?” Alex suggested. “Maybe talking to someone else about it will help.”</p><p>John nodded a bit. “Well honestly Stanford doesn’t have anything I can’t get closer to home, so it’s really on on the radar because it’s a top-ranked school.”</p><p>“But you have lots of other top-ranked schools to choose from too.” Alex pointed out.</p><p>“Exactly, so I guess it’s out. Harvard has the number 3 surgical program in the country, it’s definitely top 3 for best pre-med programs and it’s a 93% acceptance rate into med school if I do my pre-med there. But I don’t know anyone in Boston and I’ve never been good at being alone or making new friends. I worry that if I go it could, end badly.”</p><p>“Alright.” Alex nodded a bit. “And what about Columbia?”</p><p>“Well I’ve got most of my friends going to Columbia, or at least New York City. And Columbia is still a pretty good program, it’s where Eliza is going, and in pre-med they do a lot to get you ready for actual medical school and then Columbia medical school is tied for the number 10 surgical program, plus if I wanna stay in New York after school there’s a lot of hospitals in NYC. And it’s a tiny bit cheaper. Not by very much, but a little bit. I just worry that I’ll regret going with the lower ranked school.”</p><p>“Can I give my opinion?” Alex asked.</p><p>John nodded.</p><p>“If I were you and it weren’t for your concerns about an eating disorder relapse and you were just worried about not having friends, I’d go for Harvard. But an eating disorder relapse is a serious issue and something that should be avoided if at all possible. Columbia is still top 10, you just said it yourself. I mean, you kinda sound like you’re comparing Harvard to a community college. They’re both Ivy League schools John.” Alex pointed out. “Plus like, it’s NYC, come on. The history, the culture, the experiences? You could never get that in Boston.”</p><p>John smiled a bit. “I think you’re right. I think I just, needed someone else to tell me Columbia was the right place to go, if I’m being perfectly honest.” John admitted.</p><p>“Well I’m glad I could help.” Alex smiled back.</p><p>“So it’s official then? The entire group is going to NYC?” Lafayette asked.</p><p>“Well, Peggy still has another year and then god knows what she’s gonna do, but, otherwise yeah.” John nodded, grinning.</p><p>“I think that’s grounds for celebration.” Hercules said.</p><p>“What kind of celebration?” Alex asked.</p><p> </p><p>The boys ordered food on Ubereats and stayed up longer than originally planned. Lafayette was the first to fall asleep, and Hercules decided to carry him down to bed.</p><p>“Night guys. Don’t stay up too much longer.” Hercules said to Alex and John before disappearing down the stairs, Lafayette sleeping in his arms.</p><p>“Night.” Alex told him.</p><p>John turned to Alex. “And then there were two.” He said.</p><p>Alex nodded a bit. “Wanna watch another movie?” He asked, hoping they would put it on and fall asleep before the sleep deprivation would cause Alex to say something he would regret.</p><p>They put on another movie but John soon got bored and turned to Alex. “Have you ever dated anyone?” He asked Alex curiously, still looking at the TV.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, you?” Alex asked, trying to not think too hard about how random the question was. He glanced over at John, before looking back at the TV himself.</p><p>“I’ve been in a whole 2 relationships, although one was more me trying to convince myself I could be straight, so I guess it doesn’t really count.” John admitted.</p><p>“I think that’s fair.” Alex nodded.</p><p>“Have you ever had feelings for someone you can’t have?” John asked next.</p><p>Alex swallowed. “Yeah.” He mumbled. If only John knew.</p><p>“It sucks.” John sighed a bit. He then looked at Alex. “Why couldn’t you have her?”</p><p><em> Because it wasn’t a her. </em> Alex thought to himself. “It just, never would’ve worked out.” Alex shrugged.</p><p>“But did you try and make it work?” John pushed.</p><p>“There was no point to trying.” Alex’s heart ached for John but he knew it wasn’t an option and it never would be.</p><p>John sighed again. “I know exactly how that feels.”</p><p>The boys then fell into silence, going back to watching the movie before drifting off to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Talking To Myself (Watsky)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Being outed, fighting with siblings, yelling, talk of being abused, talk being victim to a hate crime, drugs, burn scars, abuse within the foster system</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next day, after John and Hercules went home Martha and George decided that the four of them should head to the mall for some shopping, seeing as some of Martha and George’s favourite shops were having weekend sales. Before long the four were at the mall, and it wasn’t long until George and Martha were heading into a small kitchen appliance store they liked, and told the boys to meet them at the door they’d parked by in two hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Lafayette were wandering around when Alex noticed a face he’d hadn’t seen in years, and stopped. He stopped walking, stopped listening to Lafayette, stopped thinking, and almost stopped breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Edward Stevens. Eddy. There was no doubt about it. Alex’s first boyfriend, and his only ever serious one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hadn’t seen Edward since the night they’d been discovered. They’d lost contact that night, and Alex had been shipped off to a new school when he was put in the next placement. Alex had gotten over Eddy, but he’d always wondered how things had turned out for Edward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry Laf, I just, I gotta,” Alex mumbled and found himself walking towards Edward before he even realized he was doing any of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E- Eddy?” Alex managed to choke it out as he got closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward turned around and froze. “Alexander?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe it’s you.” Alex whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward closed the space between them, pulling Alex into a tight hug. “Holy crap I never thought I was gonna see you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hugged back. “I didn’t think I’d see you either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edward pulled away and stared at Alex. “I- you- what happened that night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got yelled at and sent away. Were you okay? Did they tell your parents?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They did but I hit the jackpot, Lexi, they, they didn’t care.” He paused. “I’m so sorry for what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be.” Alex reassured Edward. “I still can’t believe it’s you. You look, wow, puberty was kind to you.” Alex chuckled nervously. Eddy had lost his baby fat, a sharp jawline and cheekbones now prominent on Eddy’s face. He had gone from cute to </span>
  <em>
    <span>hot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“One could say the same about you.” Edward smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how have you been? Not still in the system I hope.” Edward asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to smash your hopes but I very much am still in the system. I’m in a pretty good placement right now though.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How good?” Edward squinted a bit, suspicious of how good a placement could really be based on Alex’s history.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you know who our state governor is? Martha Washington?” Alex asked, although he didn’t need to, him and Edward had been into politics when they were together, and Eddy wasn’t the type to just stop being interested in politics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. She’s making amazing changes in the right direction and she’s the state’s first black female governor.” Edward nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s my current foster mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait seriously? Holy shit- Lexi, you hit the jackpot!” Edward exclaimed, happy for Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It kinda does feel that way, yeah, she’s a genuinely nice person, so is her husband and her adopted son. They’re nice and caring and </span>
  <em>
    <span>accepting</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Alex told Edward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s amazing. I’m really happy for you.” Edward smiled at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “I think I could stay with them until I turn 18 if I play my cards right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you can.” Edward told Alex sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex then realized Lafayette was still standing where he’d been left, waiting. “I uh, my foster brother is waiting.” Alex sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit yeah, I’m keeping my friends waiting too.” Edward said. “Do you have a phone number? We could stay in contact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, yeah, I’d love that.” Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two boys quickly exchanged numbers. “I uh, I should go.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, just, one moment?” Edward asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Alex asked gently in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I mean, I got over it, but, our ending was so sad. Our last kiss was cut off and could’ve gotten us both killed, and-” Eddy was cut off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex knew where Edward was going with this, Eddy wanted a goodbye kiss, and Alex realized in that moment that he wanted one too. Alex glanced over at Lafayette, who was looking down at his phone, Alex would just have to hope he stayed that way for the next could seconds. Alex cut Eddy off, by gently pressing his lips to Edward’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddy’s kissed back softly, and the kiss didn’t last long, but it was the perfect goodbye kiss. “Thank you for that Alexander.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Edward. Don’t be a stranger, text me some time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will. See ya around Alex.” Edward smiled and walked off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wandered back over to Lafayette, who was still on his phone. “Hi, sorry about that.” He said sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is alright.” Lafayette waved it off, then paused. “May I ask who that was?” He asked delicately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, just an old friend. We lost contact when I suddenly moved placements a couple years ago.” Alex kept it as close to the truth as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An old friend, a male friend, with whom you felt it appropriate to kiss?” Lafayette probed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well shit.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex’s face paled. The kiss had maybe been 3 seconds and Lafayette was looking at his phone before and after it. “I, I can explain-” Alex started quickly. He was trying to remain calm but still sounded a bit panicked. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain this away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look as though you have seen a ghost.” Lafayette sounded amused. “Are you really worried I would not accept you, in case I need to remind you, Hercules is my boyfriend, I regularly have </span>
  <em>
    <span>sex</span>
  </em>
  <span> with him while you are home.” Lafayette pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laf, I, it’s not like that.” Alex said desperately, his mind was racing and he was racking his brain, trying to find a lie to get out of this, but his brain was unable to supply him with anything plausible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it like?” Lafayette asked, confused, with a little bit of an edge to his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt like he could cry, but he willed himself not to. “Listen, I- I’ll explain this all later but please please please, Laf, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>cannot</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Alex begged as he tried to blink away the tears that threatened to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned, he was still quite confused and had questions, but seeing the look on Alex’s face and how desperately he was trying to keep from crying, Lafayette knew that this was neither the time nor place for it. “I promise.” He told Alex softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Alex mumbled. Now he just had to figure out how exactly he was gonna explain this to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning the boys had the house to themselves as both Martha and George had to leave for work early. Alex was brewing some coffee and Lafayette was eating cereal when it finally came up. “So, are we going to talk about what happened at the mall yesterday?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank fuck for cocaine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Alex thought to himself, grateful that he was high off the four lines of coke he’d done mere minutes before in addition to a double dose of Concerta, all in anticipation for this exact moment. “I guess I owe you an explanation.” Alex nodded and bit his lip. “I don’t know where to start.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who was he? Really?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Edward Stevens.” Alex told Lafayette honestly. “He was a friend of a former foster brother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit. “You kissed him, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We dated for a couple months before we got caught and I was sent away to a new home. We never got to give a proper goodbye to each other. That’s all it was.” Alex didn’t want to lie to Lafayette about this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You dated him? So you are not straight after all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head a bit. “Bi, no preference.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you never tell us? You would’ve been accepted and you’ve known that since day 2 of living here. It’s been over 2 months.” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that simple.” Alex said plainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” Lafayette asked. “Our friend group has exactly zero straight people. George and Martha met my coming out with an offer to buy me a pride flag. You would have been completely, one hundred percent safe to do so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because in the past I’ve been in homes where it wasn’t safe.” Alex hoped that would be enough to get Lafayette off his case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we’re different!” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t fucking matter if you’re different, Laf! It’s called PTSD and basic fucking self preservation! You wanna know what happened last time a foster family would out I’m queer?” Alex asked bitterly, his mood changing faster than Martha could take heels off at the end of a long day. Alex quickly pulled his flannel off, followed by the t-shirt he had underneath it, showing Lafayette the cigarette burns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There had to be more than a dozen cigarette burns over Alex’s upper arm, shoulder, and upper back. Lafayette’s stomach twisted in sickness and horror at not only the pain, but how long it must’ve taken to procure all those burns, as the cigarette, or rather, probably cigarette</span>
  <b>s</b>
  <span>, plural, probably had to be re-lit multiple times. “Oh Alexander,” Lafayette breathed out, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for not being a fucking open book for you to read, Lafayette, but for some of us, life hasn’t been sunshine and rainbows and secured wills to protect us when our parents die! Some of us don’t come from rich families who can afford to ship their orphans directly to Mr and Mrs Perfect-Couple! Sorry that some of us have had a shitty experience in trying to find a home after our parents died! Sorry that some of us having fucking trauma and for those that do, we tend to want to protect ourselves from getting hurt again! And I’m especially fucking sorry that you can’t pull your head out of your ass and realize that, never mind respect it!” Venom dripped from Alex's voice as he spoke while putting his shirts back on hastily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette tried to say something but Alex cut him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was shaking with anger, anger he didn’t even know why he had. He tried to take a deep breath and pour himself a coffee, but his brain came up with more things to tell Lafayette. He turned to his foster brother, coffee pot still in hand. “And don’t you think I would’ve loved to not hide in the closet for years? Don’t you think I would’ve loved to be able to joke about gay shit with you guys and tell you guys about all the cute guys I see and tell you guys about my crush and all the gay shit I’ve done? Don’t you think I would’ve loved to not have to hide every fucking day? Don’t you think I would’ve loved to be able to confess my feelings of attraction to John? Don’t you think I would’ve loved to tell you I wasn’t homophobic, that I was gay too? Don’t you think all that? Because I do! And I went through all that! I didn’t want any of that, but I couldn’t fucking risk losing this placement!” Alex shouted and made a large hand gesture, sloshing hot coffee onto the floor and his wrist, which caused him to flinch due to the pain and drop the coffee pot, which shattered as it hit the floor. Alex’s eyes widened and he was frozen for a moment, terrified before he rushed to the front door, yanking his shoes on and ripping his coat off the hook, pulling it on quickly before grabbing his bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander we have an hour and a half before we have to be at school.” Lafayette whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then I guess I have an hour and a half to waste.” Alex shot back before leaving out the front door, slamming it behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was taking the long way to school, the really long way. The really long, 5 unnecessary detours, way to school. He was walking along as it finally started to resemble a half normal time to think about leaving for school when a sleek black SUV pulled up beside Alex and stopped. Alex immediately recognized it as Thomas’ car, and he stopped walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The window rolled down. “You look like you need a ride and a coffee.” Thomas’ accent drawled out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are a god walking amongst men.” Alex told Thomas as he got in the car while Thomas smirked and rolled the window up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna talk about it?” Thomas asked while Alex clipped his seatbelt in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” Alex said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to fuck you later until you forget about it?” Thomas offered instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that an actual offer?” Alex looked at Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I ever lied about fucking you before?” Thomas asked in response. “My parents are doing some special dinner thing tonight.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell, fucking, yes.” Alex muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas soon pulled up to a coffee shop drive through. “What do you want?” He asked as they waited in line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something to reflect my mood. Dark and bitter.” Alex deadpanned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Large dark roast, black?” Thomas suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Add a couple espresso shots in there.” Alex muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas sighed a bit and ordered Alex’s coffee with 3 espresso shots and a large medium roast for himself with 2 cream and 2 sugar, as well as two croissants, which caused Alex to raise a brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I think we both know full well that you haven’t eaten this morning, and this place has some of the best croissants around.” Thomas explained. “And don’t give me any ‘I’m not hungry’ bullshit either. You almost never eat lunch and I’m not gonna fuck your brains out later if there’s a chance you’re gonna pass out from exhaustion.” Thomas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pulled up to the first window and Thomas quickly paid while flirting with the girl assisting him and then he flirted with the guy at the second window where they got their food and drinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you flirt with everyone you meet?” Alex asked as he took his coffee and popped the tab on the lid open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not everyone. Sometimes I have to interact with saggy old white men.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they pulled up to school and they gathered their bags, coffee, and croissants, Thomas turned to Alex. “Meet you here at the end of the day. Don’t be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.” Alex told Thomas and they parted ways.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Unsteady (X Ambassadors)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mention of drugs, poor self-preservation, safe-wording during sex</p><p>CW: NSFW (Note, it is marked off like last time if you don't want to read it, but I had to leave a couple risky sentences in with the normal stuff just for clarity sake.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex could feel the vibrations of his phone repeatedly going off but he ignored every notification and call, and turned his phone to silent. His phone still lit up though with each text, so before the first period even started he turned his phone off entirely. Alex was walking to math when he realized Lafayette would be there, and in the end, simply went to the library and hid out in the back until it was time for English.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At lunch Alex avoided the cafeteria altogether, instead electing to go to the library, where he knew Burr ate lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex plopped down in the empty chair next to Aaron. “I’m probably gonna lose my placement with the Washingtons.” He announced, already sounding like he’d come to accept the fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr jumped a bit and looked over, startled by the voice, as he had been wearing earbuds and reading a book and therefore didn’t hear or see Alex arrive. “You’re gonna give me a heart attack one day.” He shook his head, then he realized what Alex had told him. “You- you what? Why are you gonna lose the placement?” He frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically Lafayette found out that I’m bi, and we ended up fighting because of it. I accidentally broke their coffee pot, and then I took off and I’ve ignored his messages and calls, as well as messages and calls from Martha and George, I skipped math this morning and the worst thing is that I can’t even bring myself to regret any of the choices I made that have lead me to this point.” Alex sighed a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wanted to regret this and beg Laf, Martha, and George for forgiveness, but he didn’t regret getting all those feelings off his chest, he didn’t regret giving Eddy the goodbye kiss, and he didn’t even really regret calling Lafayette out on his borderline entitled view of the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think that they’d send you away?” Burr asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I broke their property, I lied to them for months, and I basically called their son a self-entitled prick but in more, less blunt words.” Alex pointed out. “They weren’t even actively trying to foster kids. They were doing this as a favor.” He added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was Lafayette being entitled?” Burr asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was asking why I didn’t tell them I was bi, kept saying that they were different, and the situation with them was different, and like, I mean, I guess it is, but I’ve been through enough bullshit that I didn’t want to risk it just in case.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr nodded. “Well, you never know. I mean, you said the coffee pot was an accident, you were lying to protect yourself, and to me it seems that Lafayette could’ve been more understanding.” He offered optimistically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I showed him the cigarette burn scars, and I confessed that I have feelings for John.” Alex mumbled. “When he saw the scars he looked- sick, disgusted even.” Alex looked down at his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Burr frowned a bit. “What are you gonna do after school? I mean, like, don’t you usually get picked up by George?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Usually yeah, but not on Mondays. Most days we’d walk, get a ride with Hercules, or take the bus. I made plans for after school though. Get my mind off things and avoid going back.” Alex explained simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of plans?” Burr asked cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plans that involve one Mr Thomas Jefferson and no clothes.” Alex said politely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” Burr nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex finished his classes for the day and headed out to the student parking lot, going to Thomas’ car and sliding into the passenger seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ride to Thomas’ was fairly quiet and soon they arrived and headed up to Thomas’ room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><strong>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</strong> </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything specific you wanna do today?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex knew Thomas was asking what Alex wanted done to him, however Alex was unsure of what he wanted at the moment. “Maybe we can start with me choking on your dick?” Alex asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” Thomas raised a brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to fuck my throat and cut off my air supply until I nearly pass out.” Alex told Thomas. Surely he wouldn’t be able to think about the mess he was facing with that happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that can be arranged. You remember how to safe word when you can’t talk?” Thomas asked as he undid his belt for Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tap the side of your thigh 3 times.” Alex recited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Can you strip for me doll?” Thomas asked as he pulled his pants and boxers off and sat down on the bed, spreading his legs so Alex would have better access.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. He stripped himself and pulled out the hair tie keeping his hair in a ponytail then settled on his knees in front of Thomas obediently. Lately he had been experimenting with how Thomas would react to him being disobedient, but today he just wasn’t up for that. He just wanted Thomas to use him and toss him away like the trash he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good boy.” Thomas cooed as he lazily jacked his hardening member to full hardness. “Ready?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded and took Thomas in his mouth, he started it off like a regular blow job, but soon Thomas’ hands were gripping his hair and controlling Alex’s movements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let Thomas use him. He let Thomas fuck his throat and let Thomas stop moving him when he had Thomas’ entire length in his mouth and throat. He happily let Thomas hold him in place as he started to squirm to get more air multiple times, and when Thomas was finally done wasting time, he let Thomas fuck his throat at a brutal pace and come down his throat. Alex swallowed it and waited for Thomas to let go of his hair, before pulling off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was quite the show doll. You were so good for me. What do you want for your reward?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. “Mark me up?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas raised a brow. Marking Alex up had always been a no-go because it could result in Alex being outed. “Mark you up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W- well maybe not anywhere highly visible but, yeah.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit. He was guessing it wasn’t the day to push Alex, so he slowly jacked Alex off while leaving a couple hickeys over his chest, stomach, and eventually his inner thighs. “Want me to get you off now doll?” Thomas asked from between Alex’s thighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded in response and took Alex’s length in his mouth. Thomas may have been a top, but he still knew his way around a dick, and knew how to use his mouth for more than just spewing shitty opinions to get attention. In no time at all he was swallowing Alex’s load. “How was that doll?” He asked upon pulling off Alex’s cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felt good.” Alex told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? I’m glad to hear, it’s been a while since I was on the giving end of a blow job.” He chuckled a bit. “Ready for more? I seem to remember you being very pleased at the thought of receiving a good dicking tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas grinned a bit and grabbed the lube from his nightstand. He lubed his fingers up and began prepping Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was taking Thomas’s fingers, prepping for Thomas’ cock, when suddenly everything began to feel like it was all too much. The radio that was quietly playing in the background was too loud, the room was too bright, the blankets beneath him on the bed were too loose, and most upsettingly for Alex, was Thomas’ fingers inside him were too much. He felt like he couldn’t get enough air and just wanted it all to stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R- red.” Alex announced, his breaths got shakier with each one he took and he couldn’t explain why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was shocked, and somewhat alarmed to hear Alex call red, especially when so little was happening, but he didn’t let it phase him and he didn’t question it. He pulled his fingers out of Alex and moved over so he was sitting closer to Alex. He realized that Alex was taking shaking, inefficient breaths and seemed panicked. It was a look he’d seen on his friend James multiple times and even himself once or twice. “What’s going on darling?” He asked Alex as gently as he could muster despite his own growing concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T- too much. Too loud. Too bright.” Alex mumbled between breaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was fast to act, turning the radio off, and dimming the lights to help Alex with the apparent sensory overload he was experiencing. “How else can I help?” Thomas spoke softly to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N- need a m- m- minute.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex knew what he wanted to help him, but he needed a moment to calm down enough to communicate it. He couldn’t do anything about the sensory overload until he stopped the panic attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, take all the time you need.” Thomas told Alex gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took a moment to work on steading his breathing. He was still walking a fine line with how high his anxiety was, but was able to talk to Thomas a little bit better now. “A- aftercare? Bath? With you?” It was still easier to speak and two and three word sentences at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ll go run the water.” Thomas told Alex. Thomas went to the bathroom and ran the water, he made sure the water wasn’t too hot or cold, and began to fill the tub, he had bubble bath near but didn’t add it yet, he dimmed the lights to the room and made sure he had shampoo nearby, before going to get Alex. “Do you want to walk or should I carry you?” Thomas asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt small and fragile as he told Thomas he wanted to be carried, but he didn’t think he could walk at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m gonna pick you up. My left arm is gonna go across your back and my hand will be just next to your ribs, and my right arm is gonna go under your knees, alright?” Thomas told Alex, making sure Alex knew exactly was was happening. He wasn’t sure if it was what Alex needed, but whenever James was like this, it’s what he needed, so Thomas figured it was safer to do it than to not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. Thomas telling him this was quite helpful as he was able to prepare for the touch and it made it easier to handle. Thomas gently scooped him up and carried him to the bathroom, where he carefully put him down in the warm water of the large, triangle, corner tub.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to add some bubble bath?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Are the lights alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you still want me to join you?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded again. “B- behind me. I can rest on you.” Alex whispered to Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Thomas nodded. He shut the water off as it was now at a good level, tossed his hair up so it wouldn’t get wet, then slid into the bath behind Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Thomas was sitting behind Alex in the tub Alex leaned back against him, but held his own head up still and focused on the sound of Thomas’ breathing, trying to copy the pattern himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas recognized that Alex was doing this, and made sure to keep his breaths steady and normal so that Alex could easily follow his lead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex was breathing in sync with Thomas and rested his head on Thomas’ chest. He didn’t sleep, but he let himself rest there for a while before finally speaking up. “C- can you wash my hair?” Alex asked Thomas quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Thomas whispered. He gently and carefully made sure all of Alex’s hair was wet, then worked shampoo into it before rinsing it out, careful to make sure no soap got in Alex’s eyes. Once he finished he spoke to Alex again. “Do you want to get out of the tub now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas got out of the tub and pulled the plug. He dried Alex off first, making sure to do a thorough, yet gentle job, before hastily drying himself off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pulled his own boxers and t-shirt on, but anything more still felt like too much and he was tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look very wiped out, darling do you want to nap for a while?” Thomas asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you stay?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you want then of course.” Thomas nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded back. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so the two boys curled up and Alex napped for a while. Thomas didn’t sleep much, instead he stayed awake, making sure Alex slept peacefully and didn’t have any nightmares.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas might’ve loved debating, gossip, talking with people, and yes probably the sound of his own voice, he could admit that. But where he drew the line was talking about, or even thinking about big complicated feelings. He didn’t talk about his feelings to very many people. In fact that list of people he talked about feelings to was James Madison, his therapist, and his older sister Anna. He showed his love through acts of service or the giving of gifts. He cared about Alex more than he’d care to admit out loud, however he was very grateful when Alex didn’t want to talk about what was wrong that morning in the car. He was glad that Alex hadn’t wanted to talk just now, and instead just needed taking care of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas let Alex sleep for as long as he could before he knew that he needed to start thinking about getting Alex home. And it wasn’t that he wasn’t out to his parents, they knew, much to his father’s silent disappointment, but if they got home and found that Thomas had a boy over, they wouldn’t be pleased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wake up darling.” Thomas gently shook Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex began to stir and opened his eyes. The nap definitely did him good, and he was feeling much better. For him, sleep had always been like a reset button. High? Sleep and you’ll wake up sober. Sad? Sleep and you’ll wake up numb. Sensory overload? Sleep and you’ll wake up and be able to live life without getting annoyed or upset over everything. “Hi.” He mumbled sleepily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Alex had to guess what caused the sensory overload he would have to guess it was the Concerta crash combined with not getting his afternoon dose of cocaine, aided by the amount of caffeine he’d consumed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi. We gotta get you home, my parents are due home soon.” Thomas told Alex. “How ya feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better. Sleeping always resets these things.” Alex explained as he sat up. “Thanks for taking care of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’d be a pretty shitty, uh,” Thomas paused. “I’d be pretty shitty if I didn’t.” He corrected himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it was very helpful.” Alex said as he grabbed his jeans and pulled them on. “How’d you know to do it? I mean, I didn’t explain anything and you just, knew what to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James can get sensory overloads very now and then, and I’ve dealt with a few myself, same with panic attacks.” Thomas explained as he pulled some sweatpants on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. I didn’t think you were the type.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I say doll? I’m full of surprises and a little bit of oddly-presenting social anxiety.” Thomas said as he pulled a hoodie on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have social anxiety?” Alex seemed shocked. “I, I had no idea, I mean, I never would’ve guessed.” He admitted as he pulled his socks and shoes on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the goal, isn’t it?” Thomas asked jokingly. “Nah, seriously though? It was really bad in middle school. I was terrified of what people thought of me. What would they think if I tried this new thing or wore that bright color, but then I started getting help and when I moved to high school I decided or realized I guess that if I wanted to be loud, then I just had to be loud from day one, and it would be my normal and no one would care if I was loud every day. I take medication to help keep things under control and I do the things that scare me constantly so that they’re no longer scary and then if I get scared to do them again later, I can remember how things went last time. And it’s not so much that I couldn’t talk in public. I could talk to a group of hundreds for hours, what I feared was their reactions.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why you always debate the less-liked side?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded. “If I stand in front of the class and say that abortion is wrong or everyone should have a gun or that we should deport all immigrants in a debate, then when I express my actual opinion on the topic, they won’t be disgusted with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “That makes a lot of sense. I take it that’s why your only real, close, friend is Madison?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit. “I didn’t always love attention. I obviously do now that I’ve worked to battle the anxiety but I’m not good with actual friendships or relationships. I was diagnosed but, by working on it, and being aware of it, it made things easier and as long as I keep things up the way I have, my anxiety will only get better and better and one day I might not even need medication.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for telling me that, Thomas.” Alex smiled a bit as they headed to Thomas’ car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit. “So yeah, that’s why I knew how to help. I’m just grateful you didn’t wanna talk about things. I’m, I don’t do emotions very well. Ask for the world and I’d happily give it, but ask for a 5 minute conversation about feelings and it’d be worse than pulling teeth.” He shuddered a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled. “Note to self, if Thomas ever pisses me off, try and talk about why.” He teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas scowled and began driving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon they pulled up to the Washington’s block. It was past 9 already and Alex was admittedly nervous about arriving home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem anxious.” Thomas observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. “I am.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something wrong?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The answer to that question is probably a twenty minute long conversation filled with emotions.” Alex told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, gross. I mean, if you need it, I guess I can listen, but…” Thomas trailed off. He meant what he said, if Alex really needed it, he’d listen, but he certainly would not enjoy it that was for sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled a bit. “Nah, I won’t torture you.” He paused. “But say I called you in a few hours and asked if I could crash at your place for the night, do you think I actually could or should I find somewhere else?” Alex asked, looking over at Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas looked concerned. “I, yeah, just call me, I’ll come pick you up from wherever.” Thomas paused. “You sure everything is good though? I mean, why would that be a thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I had the audacity to practice self-preservation.” Alex mumbled, mostly to himself. “If it happens, I’ll tell you, if not, I’ll save you the stress of all those emotions. Deal?” Alex suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deal.” Thomas nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Later.” Alex mumbled and got out of the car. He walked up to the house and silently prayed that his house key would still work. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Human (Rag'n'Bone Man)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Panic attack, talk of fighting, mention of/allusion to police brutality, mentions of  the lack of care/concern within the foster system</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex slammed the door behind him as he left, leaving hot coffee and broken glass on the floor, and Lafayette distraught to say the least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette was trying to organize all his feelings, but it wasn’t an easy endeavor. He was anxious from getting yelled at, he was hurt by some of the things Alex had said, his heart ached for Alex upon realizing what he’d been through, he felt sick from seeing those cigarette burn scars, he felt guilty for saying what he did to Alex, he felt bad that Alex had to live like that, he was a little shocked from learning about Alex’s sexuality, and he was very shocked and perhaps excited to hear Alex had feelings for John, however that last one was at the back of his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was, a lot, to say the least. Too much to deal with so early in the morning, before having taken his medication. He felt the panic attack coming on and tried to coach himself through it, but found he couldn’t and called his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Laf, I’m about to head into court, what’s going on?” George asked upon answering the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Papa.” Lafayette whimpered out. He was hugging himself tightly and trying to steady his breathing on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette, son, what’s going on?” George quickly realized something was wrong and the worry about needing to be in court on time vanished. Court was a job, a paycheque. That would never come before his family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I- I- n- need you to count with me? Like mama does?” Lafayette told his dad shakily. When he was panicking, counting soothed him. Usually Martha counted with him simply because she tried to take the lead with it whenever possible, but George would too sometimes. George didn’t know much french, but he learned how to count all the way to 1000 in french so that he could help his son in times like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay.” George told Lafayette. “Do you want to repeat after me?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oui, s’il vous plait.” Lafayette nodded even though his dad couldn’t see him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Un.” George started.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lafayette repeated each number back to his father and slowly began to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you doing now?” George asked once they made it to 100.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I am okay now I think but papa things, things, things are not okay.” Lafayette told George quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Court is starting like, now, give me 5 minutes to explain and cancel for the day?” George requested. “I’ll call you right back when I’m done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Lafayette told his dad</span>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon George arrived back at home</span>
  <span>. He entered the house and immediately took note of a couple things. Alex’s shoes, coat, and bag were all gone, but Lafayette’s things still remained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t take your shoes off papa! There is broken glass!” Lafayette called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George frowned a bit. He wiped his shoes off as best he could and went into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette was sitting at the breakfast bar, there was an obviously abandoned bowl of cereal in front of him. There was broken glass and cold coffee on the floor, along with the undamaged plastic handle to the coffee pot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened, son?” George asked, walking around the worst of the glass and over to Lafayette, hugging his son.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette ended up telling George everything. He spared no detail. He knew why Alex had remained in the closet, and he knew he’d requested Lafayette not say anything yesterday, but it was essential to the story and Alex wouldn’t be in danger if George knew. Plus Alex could get in more danger if George didn’t know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George nodded to himself as he listened to Lafayette’s explanation of what happened, but admittedly wasn’t sure where to start. “Do you think Alex was actually going to school?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, he only took his school bag?” Lafayette offered. “But he will not respond to my messages and ignored my calls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George nodded a bit. “Let’s try giving him some space. You have Math with him for first period, right?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “Oui.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” George nodded and grabbed Lafayette a pair of his shoes and brought them to him. “I’m gonna clean up this glass, you go finish getting ready for school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette took the shoes and pulled them on, then finally got up and finished getting ready.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George pulled off his suit jacket and tie, and cleaned up the broken glass and coffee. As he finished Lafayette came back downstairs and announced he was ready for school and that they needed to leave or he would be late for class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George pulled his jacket on and headed out to the car, followed by Lafayette. He drove his son to school. He dropped Lafayette off and was driving home when he got a text. He had the bluetooth system in his car read it to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bad news, class has started and Alexander is not here. Colon, opening bracket.” The computer voice read to Geroge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure enough at that moment, his phone began ringing with a call from the school. He answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr Washington, good morning,” One of the office ladies greeted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello. How can I help you?” George asked as if he didn’t know why they were calling because the last thing he needed was Lafayette getting in trouble for texting in class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re calling because your son, Alexander Hamilton, isn’t in his class this morning, however your son Lafayette is. We were wondering why Alex is absent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yes, he has a dentist appointment this morning. We’re not sure how he’ll be feeling after so he might come for his other classes, but he might be in too much discomfort.” George lied smoothly. He didn’t need the school learning what a mess they were actually dealing with because it would probably result in CPS being called, which he figured would only make this entire situation far worse than it already was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, alright! Sounds good! Thank you for your time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Have a good day.” George said and ended the call. “Well shit.” He mumbled out loud to himself. He had the bluetooth system send Lafayette a message explaining what he’d told the office so if asked Lafayette would give the same story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>George finished driving home and stayed there in case Alex came back to the house. He found himself cleaning and prepping things for dinner. An hour and a half after the first call from the school George received another call. This time it was an automated message from the school attendance system that Alex had failed to show up for Math, but was now in English class.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well at least he’s at school.” George shook his head a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At lunch George got an update from Lafayette that Alex had not joined their friends for lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George spent the day catching up on other various housework that was neglected in favour of shopping yesterday, and then he began doing other things that weren’t done often, like vacuuming under the couch in the attic, cleaning the tubs and showers in the house, minus the showers in the boys’ rooms. He cleaned out the fireplace that hadn’t been used in a while and reorganized the tupperware container cupboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And honestly? It felt pretty good to have time to do those things and he wondered to himself what other kinds of things he could get done around the house if he had more time off from work. His mind instantly supplied him with a plethora of projects he could do, like installing the shelving units for the garage he’d bought that were sitting still in their packaging collecting dust. The wooden porch swing at the back of the house could use some fresh stain. The snow was all melted now and he could prep the garden so they could start planting earlier than normal, and he could prep the rest of the yard for summer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made George wonder something bigger: why did that sound more fun than going to work every day?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the answer hit him like a truck. He’d been practicing law for over 30 years and it wasn’t enjoyable in the way it once had been. He used to get excited to go to court on court days, now he saw court days as long, annoying, draining days where he didn’t have as much time to spend with his family. He was a good lawyer, and he still had exceptional success rates, but he realized that he no longer found passion in practicing law.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought weighed heavy on his mind as he went to pick Lafayette, and- hopefully- Alex up from school. The bell rang and students flooded out of the school building. It wasn’t until 20 minutes later that Lafayette slid into the passenger seat glumily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Alex?” George frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Alex.” Lafayette repeated back. “I waited for him in our usual meeting spot for 20 minutes. But it is obvious that he was not coming.” He sounded upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry. I’m sure he’s just going to the library so he can cool off for a bit before coming home. I haven’t heard from him, but he was in English, History, and Creative Writing today.” George told Lafayette, hoping it would reassure him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would appear he is avoiding me. And I cannot blame him.” Lafayette sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Upon arriving back home Lafayette went to his room silently. It hurt George to see it, because usually his son would sit in the kitchen and munch on a snack while telling his parents every detail about his day. George gave Lafayette a couple minutes before grabbing some stuff and going up to his son’s room, softly knocking on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette pulled it open. “Yes papa?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to bring you these and remind you not to be too hard on yourself over all this.” George explained. He held up a cold water bottle in one hand, and in the other hand was a banana and a granola bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, papa.” Lafayette gave a small smile and took the snack from his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” George said and left Lafayette. George stared at Alex’s closed bedroom door for a while before sighing a bit and heading back downstairs to call Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello dear, I don’t have much time, there’s a function starting in about 10 minutes here.” Martha told George. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re very busy and you’re working, my love, but we have a, situation, going on here at home, and I think the sooner you arrive home the better.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of situation?” Martha’s tone told George she was frowning as she spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Long story short? Alex and Lafayette had a fight this morning, Alex took off, Lafayette had a panic attack so I cancelled work for the day to come home and help. I got Lafayette to school on time, Alex skipped math this morning, and hasn’t returned home yet, and Lafayette seems to be taking it out on himself pretty harshly.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear.” Martha sounded like she was thinking a million miles a minute at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that I can’t handle it on my own, but, I would prefer to deal with this with the help of my partner in crime. Not to mention that Lafayette is more willing to talk to you, and I worry that if I try to talk to Alex alone when he gets back it could go poorly.” George told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. This function likely won’t miss me. I’ll make a couple quick calls and be on my way home. Thank you for telling me about this, dear.” Martha told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Call me once you’re on the road? I’ll fill you in on all the details.” George requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always do. Sounds good. Talk to you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye my love.” George told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye love.” Martha hung up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George brought his phone to his chest. Thank god for his wife.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>George filled Martha in on the details as she drove home and he made dinner. He wasn’t sure if Alex would be eating with them, or if Lafayette would have much of an appetite, but he thought it best to make a good dinner just in case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Martha arrived home George hugged her tightly. “Thank goodness you’re home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hugged back, but frowned. “The house is so quiet.” She sighed as she said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually there was the sound of one or both boys playing music, or talking on the phone, or talking to each other, or a combination of those things from upstairs, and the sound of the TV or the radio from the living room or kitchen. But today there was nothing. When George and Martha weren’t speaking the sound of a ticking clock could be heard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate it too.” George sighed as he told Martha, not needing to hear his wife say she hated it to know that that’s what she was thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They waited until 7pm to accept that Alex wouldn’t be joining them for dinner. Lafayette mostly picked at his food, and in the end, there were a lot of leftovers. By 9:30 Lafayette explained that he was tired from all the emotions of the day and headed to bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Alex was still gone by the time Lafayette was going to bed, George and Martha were more than concerned. The public library closed at 9 and was only a 20 minute walk, so he should’ve been home if that was where he’d gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if he isn’t returning?” Martha frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette said he only took his school bag. His laptop is still in his room. We both know how attached he is to the thing, even if it is outdated and in need of replacing. He’s coming back.” George reassured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if he’s hurt somewhere, and his phone is dead, and he needs help but can’t get any?” Martha’s fears were getting to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure he’s okay. He’s a tough kid.” George told Martha in an attempt to calm her, but it barely even reassured him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was almost 10 now and roles had switched. “Maybe we should call someone.” George frowned as he looked over at Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who? His social worker? They’ll take him from us for this and we both know that he wouldn’t be going anywhere nice.” Martha told George. “The cops? Hell no. He’s an immigrant boy of color with a history of disobedience. I think we both know how that would go. I want him home safe, tucked safely in his bed, not in a body bag.” Martha shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to do something.” George pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what?” Martha asked. “Every card is stacked against him being able to return home safely to us right now, so I don’t know what we could do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George frowned. He knew his wife was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, finally, they heard the sound of the front door being unlocked and the door opening much to what would be their short-lived relief.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Roses (Watsky)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Anxiety, depression, jumping to large conclusions based on previous trauma, heavy/explicit drug use, drug overdose, suicidal ideation, fear of being sent away by a foster family, brief mention of prostitution</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex’s key did in fact work, and he entered into a fairly quiet house, which set Alex on edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha came into view, walking towards the door. “Oh thank god.” She mumbled. “George, it’s him!” She called out before turning back to Alex. “You had us worried sick.” She told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. What? She was supposed to be mad, but Martha seemed, concerned? What the hell?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex thought to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George then came to the front entryway. “Thank god. Where have you been, son? You left an hour and a half early for school without telling anyone where you were going, and didn’t come home until,” George checked his watch. “10 at night? You were gone for more than 16 hours. We’ve been waiting for you all evening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex cringed a bit upon being called son. “I, I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I didn’t mean to stay out so late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re just glad you’re safe. I must’ve called you a hundred times today.” Martha frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we take this conversation to the living room?” George suggested calmly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Martha and George were sitting on the couch, and Alex on the loveseat opposite them. No one spoke for a length of time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you?” Martha asked, finally breaking the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A- a friend’s house.” Alex mumbled, reminding himself once again to keep his lies as close to the truth as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which friend? We called Hercules, John, Eliza, Peggy, Maria, and Lafayette even reached out to your friend Aaron over twitter private messages. No one knew where you were.” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well Alex would have to remember to tell Burr what an awesome friend he was. Burr totally knew where Alex was, but he still covered for Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas Jefferson.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that the boy you debate in History all the time?” Martha seemed confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Yeah. We’re kinda like, friends outside of History class.” He told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell anyone where you were?” George asked the question this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just, I wanted some space I guess.” Alex didn’t look at George or Martha as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you answer our calls and texts?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This morning before school started my phone blew up with texts and calls from Laf. It got really overwhelming so I shut my phone off and put it in my bag. I kinda forgot about it til now, to be honest.” Alex shrugged a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you eaten anything today?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was surprised at the question. “Uh, not since this morning, no.” He told her truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George got up and set up a plate of leftovers for Alex, reheating them quickly for him. “Come eat, me and Martha need to talk.” George said as he set the plate down at the breakfast bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. He went to the breakfast bar and began eating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>George and Martha then disappeared into George’s office, George turned on the radio for some sound distortion then spoke. “What do we do here? I mean, he can’t get off scot free for this but I dunno.” George shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Alex was just scared and overwhelmed this morning. I mean, think about this from his point of view, George. Last time a foster family found out he was queer he was assaulted for it. Lafayette told me there had to be at least a dozen burn scars. That must’ve been a long, painful, and terrifying ordeal. And we all know that Lafayette can, be overly optimistic towards even the darkest of situations. Alex probably felt as though his pain and experiences were being dismissed. And he’s a 17 year old boy. They’re moody at times. They need some space every now and then. Alex has been through so much in his short life and from what I’ve seen the last couple months he handles it quite gracefully, he was bound to break down and lash out at some point.” Martha pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” George nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not to say that what he did was okay. He should’ve communicated where he was with us, and he shouldn’t have skipped class, but those really are the only wrong things he’s done.” Martha said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree.” George nodded. “Maybe for now he’s grounded? Straight to school, straight home after? No library or friend’s houses?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s good. Grounded for a week is good.” Martha agreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn’t hear and didn’t bother to try listening to George and Martha, he forced himself to eat the food George had heated up for him, but he was anxious and his stomach was in knots, so he could only eat so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon George and Martha returned to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha sighed when she saw how little Alex had eaten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex realized this and felt mad with himself, maybe if he’d eaten more she wouldn’t be so disappointed he couldn’t help but think.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve decided, for now, you’re grounded. School and straight home, no library, no friends' houses.” Martha told Alex, she sounded upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you can’t skip class either. We do not want to hear that you’ve cut class again without talking to us ever.” George added, sounding like he was giving Alex a threat as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. Okay.” Alex nodded a bit. He got up, grabbed his bag, pulled his phone out and set it on the counter, then walked upstairs to his room. George and Martha both tried to call out to him, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to hear how disappointed they were in him or whatever else they might have to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex knew they were pissed. He only hoped that there wouldn’t be more punishment to add on top of the grounding. He wondered if they would take his laptop too, so to be safe he hid it as best as he could in his room. He only hoped that he wouldn’t be grounded for months this time like he had been in previous homes for far fewer offenses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He changed into comfier clothes and then grabbed his coke and supplies. It had been a long, terrible day, and he didn’t want to remember any of it. The bag he was working on was getting lower so he poured the entire thing and began to cut it into lines. There were 5 heavier ones, but this gram had been a little light on potency so he snorted all five in rapid succession.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sat on the bathroom floor and went over the day in his mind again and again, thinking of every punishable offense he’d committed. There were quite a few. By the time Alex felt comfortable that he’d remembered every single one, the high was wearing off, so Alex opened a new bag of coke and did another 4 lines, then grabbed the small notebook he’d had since he lived in the carribean. He used it for assorted things. One of them being tracking the common punishment for common offenses. He wanted to calculate how much shit he was in for all this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex calculated it and, well, it would be a lot. By his calculations, based on averages of other homes, and taking into account that the Washingtons were on the chill side, he guessed he could be facing punishment anywhere from until the start of summer to Christmas.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well shit.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex thought to himself. He recorded what happened in the book and what the punishment was so far, also taking note of George’s threat made in the attempt to dissuade him from skipping class again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that point, the high had worn off so Alex did another 4 lines before pulling out his homework and completing it. Once it was finished and Alex put it back in his bag, he noticed the high was gone, so he did another four lines. Two from the open bag, and two from another new bag. It was then that he realized he was thirsty. He hadn’t heard George and Martha go to bed yet, but figured they wouldn’t still be awake and decided to try sneaking down to the kitchen for a glass of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was walking down the stairs. The house was mostly dark, except for light coming from George’s office, and that’s when Alex realized that George and Martha were in fact still awake. Alex decided to sit on the stairs and listen, because after all, it was probably about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t think I want to do it anymore, Martha.” George said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha said something but Alex couldn’t make it out as she was speaking too softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no joy in it, it feels like a chore.” George continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, Alex couldn’t decipher what Martha was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like we even need the money anyway.” Was what George said next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about the boys? This will throw them for a loop for sure.” Martha finally said something Alex could understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ll be fine.” George told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“George, Alex has no stability in his life, do you really wanna change something else? We have a nice routine set up and Alex has been thriving under it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed thickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Martha, it doesn’t bring me any joy. I don’t want to do it anymore.” George sounded exasperated. “You might love,” the next part was muffled. “But I don’t.” He spoke clearly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you think it’ll take to be finalized?” Martha asked, now seeming to agree with George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that was it. George wasn’t happy and didn’t want Alex around any more, and Martha had tried to fight him on it, but he convinced her. Alex was getting sent away. Goodbye Washingtons’, hello shitty group home. Alex tried to blink away tears and he quickly retreated to his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was shaking. His mind was a mess. Things were a mess right now but he was just realizing how much he loved the Washingtons. He hadn’t realized it before. They were good. Lafayette was friendly, and kind, and compassionate. Martha was warm and Alex actually saw her as a real mom. George was an amazing cook and Alex loved talking law and politics with him for hours on end. Hercules was one of the most selfless people Alex had ever met. Eliza was the kindest girl possible. Peggy was a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Burr was a saint for putting up with Alex and an angel in disguise. Thomas was easily the best fuck-buddy Alex ever had, and clearly actually cared about Alex. John was, perfect. That was the easiest way to put it. John was a beautiful, smart, kind person who Alex was completely in love with. And Maria-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was at that moment that Alex remembered who Maria was. Maria was Jim’s ex-girlfriend. She was the prostitute that offered Alex coke the night he was sexually assaulted. Maria had played a huge role in Alex getting addicted to cocaine. But perhaps what Alex thought was the most important thing about her, was that she was the only other person in the world besides Alex, and Jim, who knew that Alex used coke, and she had kept it a secret for the last 2 and a half months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hugged himself tightly and cried. He had been so close to having a family. A normal, healthy, happy family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he ruined that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really had invented a new kind of stupid with this one. A damage he could never undo, kind of stupid. Stupider than opening all the cages at the zoo, kinda stupid. Truly he hadn’t thought this through kind of stupid. He had built beautiful friendships like cathedrals, and now he was watching those cathedrals burn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tried to distract himself on his laptop, he signed onto Instagram and saw he had a DM. He looked and found it was John. Beautiful, perfect John who Alex would never get to date. He opened it. It was 10 hours old, sent at lunch time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: hey, I know things between you and laf are rocky right now, and I get it if you don’t wanna see him, but I just wanted to let you know that I miss you, lunch just isn’t the same without you here. Please message me when you see this, I’m kinda worried about you. I hope you’re okay &lt;3</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And wow did that hurt. It felt like a painful reminder that his entire world was falling apart. Alex tried to type a response but his brain was a mess. He couldn’t think of a coherent response because of all the emotions and thoughts rolling around in his head. And then he got an idea. The song title ‘Roses’ by Watsky popped into Alex’s mind and he realized that it was a pretty good summary of what he was feeling. He put the song on and listened to it a couple times until the high he was on wore off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And without the drugs clouding his mind, the sadness hit him so much harder. He went back to Instagram and began to type a message to John. The lyrics to the chorus of the song he was playing on a loop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>a.ham: Don’t let my ghost drag you down, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you don’t see me around,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t mean than I fell,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah I’m doing well,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got some roses to smell,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hope you smile when I’m gone,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It means I had the strength move on,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To find another story to tell,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To answer the bell,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got some roses to smell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex hit send. It was the perfect message. A goodbye, a wish that John wouldn’t be upset over it, and a little bit of allusion to the fact that his departure would probably be painful, and a reassurance that he would be fine, because he was always fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed. He closed his laptop and headed to the bathroom to do some more coke. He wondered how many lines were left in the bag, the memory of what should’ve been left was lost on him, he guessed it to be 6. He decided fuck it poured out the entire bag and began cutting it. In the end, it was 8 lines, but Alex didn’t want to leave any on the counter and didn’t want to fight to get half of that back in the bag so he did all 8 lines right then. He didn’t think it would hurt him, he’d doubled his regular hit before and all that happened that time was a longer, more intense high.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But wow the high hit him fast. His normal high symptoms came, but then he started getting some others too. He warmed up and became more alert, he felt his mind sharpen, and the feelings of sadness dulled. But his body kept heating up, and he began sweating, quickly growing too warm. His heart began racing and pounding, feeling like it could break right out of his chest. His chest felt tight, he couldn’t breathe as easily as he could 3 minutes ago. It wasn’t until Alex threw up the few bites of left over dinner he’d eaten that he realized he’d fucked up. His thoughts were now becoming jumbled and confused. He still felt nauseous. He felt like he was dying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tried to make his way out of his bedroom for help, but he didn’t have the strength to get to the door of his room. Alex knew he needed help and was beginning to panic when he realized he could reach his laptop from where he was sitting on the floor outside his bathroom. He grabbed it and opened Instagram, he went to his DM’s and after searching for a moment he was able to locate his message thread with Lafayette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>a.ham: laf</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: lag</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: i,m fuvked uo</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: plz hrlp</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: wrnt tp thr well 4 anpthrr chrap doopamunw hut buy tppk ttoo mich</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex needed to vomit again, so he crawled back to the bathroom. He threw up a second time and was still feeling increasingly worse. His head felt heavy and he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. As he let his eyes fall closed he realized that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he just died, right here and now. And that was the last thought that crossed his mind before he fell unconscious.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so sorry y'all-</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. How To Save A Life (The Fray)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drug overdose, mentions of suicide, hospitals, seizures, medical terminology, survivors guilt? definitely some themes of guilt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lafayette was trying to sleep. It was after midnight and he’d gone to bed at 9:30. His phone went off with 3 notifications, but he elected to ignore it. Then 20 minutes later his phone went off again. Then again seconds later. It went off 3 more times in less than a minute and he finally caved. He grabbed his phone and looked at it. 5 new messages from Alex over Instagram DM. Lafayette was quick to tap the notification and unlock his phone. His phone opened to his DM thread with Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>a.ham: laf</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: lag</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: i,m fuvked uo</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: plz hrlp</span>
</p><p>
  <span>a.ham: wrnt tp thr well 4 anpthrr chrap doopamunw hut buy tppk ttoo mich</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned and typed a response. He saw Alex was still active so he hoped Alex would respond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: Alex? I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It showed Alex had seen the message, but he didn’t send a response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned. He guessed maybe Alex needed some time to type it, and decided to use the time to check his other notification. Another DM, but this one from John. Lafayette opened it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Hey Laf, I’m kinda worried about Alex. He just sent me this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was then a screenshot of a message were Alex had sent John the following message:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don't let my ghost drag you down</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you don't see me around</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn't mean that I fell</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah I'm doing well</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got some roses to smell</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I hope you smile when I'm gone</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It means I had the strength to move on</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To find another story to tell</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To answer the bell</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I got some roses to smell</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: It’s song lyrics, these lyrics are about leaving some one or thing behind or more commonly are thought to be about committing suicide. Like I said, I’m worried. Maybe you should check on him? Or ask your parents to?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lafayette’s heart sank and his anxiety sky-rocketed. He went and took a screenshot of Alex’s messages to him and sent the image to John.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: He just sent me this I can’t decipher the last message</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instantly John saw the message and was typing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: He’s saying ‘went to the well for another cheap dopamine hit, but took too much’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Lafayette he’s trying to tell you he’s overdosed on something</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: it’s a lyric from the same song he sent me lyrics from. That part of the song is talking about feeling suicidal and using drugs to try and ease the pain. He needs help, go to him, now!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lafayette dropped his phone the second he finished reading John’s messages. He nearly ripped his bedroom door off it’s hinges as he pulled it open, he quickly stopped to bang on his parent’s bedroom door before rushing to Alex’s room. Luckily Alex’s chain on his door wasn’t up, but Lafayette probably could’ve broken in at the moment had it been necessary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette looked around Alex’s room and spotted him in the bathroom. Alex was on the bathroom floor. Lafayette rushed to his side and dropped to his knees next to Alex. “Alexander!” He cried out, shaking his unconscious foster brother in a desperate attempt to wake him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t stir or move. His body was limp. Alex’s body was also incredibly warm and the room smelt of vomit, which put Laf even more on edge than he was already. Lafayette was terrified as he pressed his fingers to the side of Alex’s neck, searching for a pulse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pulse, though it was far too fast to be healthy, but it was a pulse. Lafayette breathed a tiny sigh of relief and tried to wake Alex again, but again it yielded no results and his parents were still nowhere to be found. “MAMA! PAPA!” Lafayette shouted, tears were streaming down his face by now. He continued to try to wake Alex, pulling Alex’s head into his lap in the process. “Mon ami please, please, you cannot do this.” Lafayette whispered. “Please wake up. S’il vous plait. Por favor. You have to wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still no parents, but it sounded as though they were coming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“MAMA, PAPA, COME QUICK!” Lafayette shouted again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>George and Martha were trying to sleep when there was a short, loud bang on their door, they glanced at the door, then each other, but didn’t know what to think of it, and made no move to get up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the relative silence of the house was broken. “MAMA! PAPA!” Lafayette was shouting, sounding terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now they were getting out of bed. They quickly left their room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“MAMA, PAPA, COME QUICK!” Lafayette’s voice was coming from Alex’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair rushed into Alex’s room and found Lafayette, cradling, desperately trying to wake an unconscious Alex up. The air smelt of vomit and there was an empty, tiny sized ziploc bag on the bathroom counter, along with a razor blade and a rolled up dollar bill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mama, papa, h- he is having some kind of overdose. I think he tried to k- k- kill- kill himself.” Lafayette stuttered out, sounding more terrified than they’d ever heard him sound before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha was quick to join Lafayette on the floor. She took Alex from Lafayette’s lap into her own. “George, call 911. Tell them it’s a cocaine overdose. Make sure to tell them that he’s lost consciousness and that time is off the essence.” Martha commanded, quickly putting emotions aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From there everything happened so fast. The ambulance arrived in no time at all and they whisked Alex away. Martha stood her ground and got them to let her go with Alex in the ambulance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They arrived at the hospital and took Alex back immediately, leaving Martha alone in the waiting room. She called George, told him what hospital they were at, and asked that he bring her some actual clothes, as she was still in her pajamas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon George and Lafayette joined Martha at the hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything yet?” George asked as they arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing. No one has said a word to me since we arrived.” Martha sighed, she sounded stressed and anxious to no one’s surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander is going to be okay, right?” Lafayette asked his parents, sounding scared and small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually Martha and George could find an eloquent answer to any of Lafayette’s questions, but they couldn’t do it for this one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Martha said simply. “We just don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was trying to sleep but my phone kept going off, so I checked my messages.” Lafayette started. He pulled his phone out. “Alex had sent me this.” He showed his parents the messages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s he trying to say in the last one?” Martha frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had trouble figuring it out too.” Lafayette admitted. “I told him I couldn’t understand it and I decided to check my other messages while waiting for a response. John had sent me a screenshot of a message Alex sent John. John was concerned, he explained that they were song lyrics that were talking about leaving things or people or more often, suicide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George frowned and looked at Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha looked pained, like she was moments away from crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sent John the messages Alex sent me and John said that the last message is supposed to be another line from the same song. Alex meant to say that he had taken drugs, but took too much.” Lafayette continued explaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George and Martha were quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would he want to hurt himself?” Lafayette asked his parents. “I mean, is this my fault? Because of what happened between us this morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha wiped away a tear before anyone could see it fall. “No, of course not. Do not blame yourself for this.” She told Lafayette firmly but gently, and pulled him into a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the hug broke Martha went to go change out of her pajamas and Lafayette messaged John.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: You were right. He overdosed. We are at the hospital now. We don’t know what’s going to happen</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John looked at it as soon as it was sent and was then typing a response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Do you want me to tell the others or should we be keeping this quiet?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: I think they deserve to know…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: See if he talked to anybody today about anything, or if anyone knew anything about him using drugs</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: of course, can do. Can I ask what drugs though? And please keep me updated?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: Of course I will. It was cocaine that he overdosed on</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lafayette then closed his phone and put it in his pocket. He stared at the floor and hoped to hell that Alex would be okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A half hour past and there was still no word on how Alex was doing. George couldn’t handle the waiting any longer and went up to the desk. “Hi, I was hoping to receive an update on my son?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse nodded a bit. “Patient’s name?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander Hamilton. He was brought in about an hour ago. Cocaine overdose?” George told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” She said and typed some things into the computer. She frowned a bit. “I’ll go see if someone working on him can come out and give you an update.” She told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite being concerned by that George nodded. “Alright.” He told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse went into the back, leaving George standing near the desk waiting. Soon She returned with another person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi there, your Alexander’s father?” The new person, a man this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, foster father, but yes.” George nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well I’m doctor Hosack, I’ve been treating your son since his arrival. When he got here his body temperature and heart rate were quite high. We’ve been working to bring his body temperature down as he had a fever of 104 which can be very dangerous, but it’s already started to come down. We’ve started him on medication to lower and regulate his heart rate, and we’ve intubated him to secure his air way just in case. We’re now monitoring him closely.” Dr Hosack explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George nodded a bit. “Is that really the best course of treatment? It just sounds like, prevention and hoping things go well. If there’s a better treatment available, I mean, money is no concern here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately there isn’t a drug to reverse the effects of a cocaine overdose, which is part of why cocaine overdoses can be so dangerous. We are doing the best we can for your son.” Dr Hosack reassured George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George rubbed his face with his hand out of stress. “Okay, I, yeah. Alright.” He nodded a bit. “Any idea when we can see him or when he’d be awake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not sure of that yet, but I’m sure that-” Dr Hosack was in the middle of talking when a nurse ran up to him and cut him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Hosack, the patient, he’s seizing.” The nurse told the doctor quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry sir, I need to go.” Dr Hosack told George and quickly followed the nurse back into the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha came over to George. “What’s going on dear?” She asked. “How is he? Is he gonna be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, I don’t know, he’s having a seizure, the doctor just ran off to deal with it.” George frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha sighed a bit and shook her head. “He has to be okay. We can’t lose him.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re gonna do everything they can.” George told Martha to try and reassure her.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y'all familiar with the saying: It's gotta get worse before it gets better? Yeah. That.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Gone, Gone, Gone (Philip Philips)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Talk of suicide, drug overdoses, hospitals, feelings of helplessness, feelings of guilt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hercules woke up and had started his regular morning routine like any other morning. Before getting changed he decided to check his phone, he had DMs from Lafayette and John from the middle of the night. He went to the ones from Lafayette first.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laf.ayette: I know you are sleeping, mon amour, but something bad has happened and even if you do not see this until morning, I just, messaging you seems to be helping. So much is going on and so much is unsure right now. I just wanted to say that I miss you and I love you and please check your other messages.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hercules frowned, concerned by what Lafayette said. He went to the messages he’d gotten from John.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Hey, Lafayette asked me to let everyone know what’s going on right now. Alex has overdosed on cocaine and has been taken to the ER. Laf wanted me to ask everyone if they had any idea why he might’ve done this, or if anyone knew anything about him doing drugs. I’ll send updates when we get them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hercules' frown grew deeper. Alex had never shown any obvious signs of doing drugs, nor did he seem like the type to try and hurt himself like that. He read the next message, which had come about a half hour after the first one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Update, Alex had a seizure, but they were able to get it under control. He’s gonna be admitted into the hospital and once that’s done he’s going to be moved from the ER to the ICU.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>About 2 hours later was when the next message came in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Alex is in the ICU now and he’s had more seizures, and anti-seizure medications haven’t been able to control it. They’re putting him into a medically induced coma in order to protect his brain from the potential damage having more seizures could cause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Also, because it’s like, 4am now and I haven’t slept I won’t be going to school today, neither will Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: And btw, special message for you because you’re Laf’s boyfriend, keep an eye and ear out for messages from him. He was the one that found Alex and I think he feels partially responsible so he might just, need some love and support now</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hercules frowned and he shook his head. He was worried for Alex, worried for Lafayette, and wondered what had happened. This didn’t seem like Alex, and Hercules couldn’t help but wonder if there was anything anyone could’ve been done to prevent it. Hercules prided himself on being the parent of their friend group, always being able to help his friends, and always doing his best to be there for his friends. He wondered if he should’ve reached out to Alex instead of giving him space, if it would’ve made a difference. John had sent the first message just after 1am, which meant this was all probably happening around midnight or 12:30, and he had been awake. He went to bed at 1 and must’ve fallen asleep minutes before John’s message came through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules exited Instagram and he called Lafayette. The phone rang twice before someone answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Martha. “Hercules, hi. Lafayette is asleep. I’m guessing you just woke up and found out what’s happening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Mrs W, yeah. I just wanted to check in and see if there was anything I could do to help?” Hercules told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s very sweet. There haven’t been any changes since they put him into the coma. He’s only allowed parent visitors right now so me and Lafayette are out in the waiting area while George is sitting with him. He’s stable but, we don’t know what is going to happen.” Martha explained, she sounded worried and tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just seems so unlike him.” Hercules shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We thought the same thing.” Martha told him. “I don’t know if you want to go to school today or not, but Lafayette won’t be going and I don’t think John will be either. However if you’re willing I have a favor to ask of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything.” Hercules was quick to tell Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Lafayette has been here with us all night. He hasn’t gotten much sleep, and I’ll admit me and George are worried that if we leave the hospital something bad will happen. I was wondering if maybe you could come, get Lafayette and drive him home? I can give you money for gas and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about gas money, Mrs W. I’m on my way. Do you or George need anything? Coffee? Breath mints? Change of clothes? Phone chargers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to bring us anything, picking Lafayette up is more than enough help.” Martha insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’ll be there soon. Just send me a text with the hospital and if there’s like, a specific entrance that’s best to use.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ll see you soon Hercules. Thank you.” Martha promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you soon.” Hercules said and hung up. He threw on the first clean pair of pants, shirt, and hoodie he could find. Tossed his blue beanie on his head, grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys and headed downstairs. “Mama?” Hercules called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the kitchen baby!” Hercules’ mom, Sarah, called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules headed to the kitchen. “Hey mama, I gotta ask something, and before you say no, let me explain the entire thing?” He requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Sarah nodded while she worked on making breakfast for Hercules’ siblings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aight, so, I need your permission to skip school today, ‘cause Lafayette's foster brother, Alex, is in the hospital. He overdosed, and we all like, lowkey suspect it was a suicide attempt. He’s in a medically induced coma and we ‘on’t know what’s gonna happen. Lafayette and the Washingtons are all at the hospital and I just got off the phone with Martha, who as’d if I could pick Laf up and drive him home.” Hercules explained. “Basically, everythin’s a mess and like, yeah, I technically got enough time to pick Laf up, drive him home, and get to school on time but like, I’m worried and kinda scared mama, and I ‘on’t think I’d be able to focus at school today anyway.” He added, speaking using a little more AAVE than he did otherwise, as him and his siblings used it a fair bit at home and when talking to each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand. I’ll call the school and tell them you’re dealing with a family emergency. Just keep me in loop as to where you are okay honey? I need to know you’re safe.” Sarah told Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Thank you mama.” Hercules said. He hugged his mom and kissed her cheek then headed out. Hercules made 2 quick stops on the way to the hospital. One to buy 2 phone chargers for Martha and George, as well as a pack of gum, and another to get them coffee. He then headed to the hospital and found where Martha was sitting in the waiting room with Lafayette, who was curled up, sleeping across a couple of chairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Mrs W.” Hercules said as he walked over, the tray with the 2 black coffees, and a small paper bag with creamers, and sugar packets, and stir sticks in hand, as well as the bag from the convenience store he’d bought the phone chargers from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Hercules you didn’t have to get us anything!” Martha said upon seeing the coffees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to. I figured y’all needed it. I also got phone chargers and some gum for y’all.” He held up the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you really are an angel in disguise. Thank you.” Martha smiled as she took the coffees and the bag from Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no biggie. I’m gonna take him home and stay with him today if that’s alright with you.” Hercules gestured to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you? Thank you so much Hercules. If John wanted to join you two feel free to invite him. If you boys get hungry there’s leftovers on the fridge, cash for pizza taped to the underside of the lid to the cookie jar, or my card is all set up on our Skip the Dishes account so feel free to order food.” Martha told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules nodded. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll message or call if there are any updates. And thank you again, it means more than I could possibly express right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.” Hercules nodded. He could’ve woken Lafayette up, but instead Hercules scooped up his sleeping boyfriend and carried him out to his car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules set Lafayette in the passenger seat, which he reclined a bit, and clipped Laf’s seatbelt on, then got in the car himself and began driving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they made their way back to the house, Lafayette began to stir.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey sleepy head.” Hercules glanced over at Lafayette. “I tried to call you when I woke up but you mom answered and asked if I could come take you home. When I got there you were still sleeping and I didn’t wanna wake you. We’re almost back to your house now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander-” Lafayette mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s still stable, and your mom promised to call if anything changes.” Hercules told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Herc, but you must stop carrying me places whilst I am asleep. It is not fun to wake up in a place different from where I fell asleep.” Lafayette said as he rubbed his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Hercules reached over and gently rubbed Lafayette’s thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. Thank you for bringing me home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m gonna stay with you today, alright? If you want, your mom said we could invite John over too.” Hercules told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the car pulled up to the house, but Lafayette made no move to get out of the car. He looked at the front door, but he didn’t see a regular red door, closed, and made visible by the light of the slowly rising sun like he should’ve. All he could see when looking at the door was the pitch black of night, combined with the yellow porch pot lights illuminating the porch near the door, the door wide open and Alex getting taken out of the house on a stretcher and then being loaded into an ambulance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He realized in that moment that he wasn’t ready to be at home yet. It had only been a mere 6 hours since everything had happened and it was still too fresh, and weighed too heavy on his mind. It made his anxiety far too high.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laf?” Hercules asked gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cannot do it.” Lafayette whispered. “I am not ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules frowned a bit. “Okay. Alright. Give me a minute and I’ll figure something else out.” He told Lafayette. Hercules pulled his phone out and called John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John answered pretty fast. “Hercules, hey.” John sounded tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, big favour to ask.” Hercules told John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I just picked Lafayette up from the hospital to take him home but- he’s not ready to be back at home. I’d take him to my house but with all my siblings running around I don’t know if he’d be able to get much sleep. Do you think maybe he could come over to your place?” Hercules explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, give me a minute to ask aunt Cassie, I don’t think it’ll be an issue.” John said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aight.” Hercules said and waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon John spoke again. “Feel free to bring him over. You can stay if you want too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome. Thank you so much man. We’ll be there soon.” Hercules said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended and Hercules turned to Laf. “We’re gonna go to John’s alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “Thank you.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Hercules took Laf’s hand and pressed a kiss to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon they got to John’s house and despite having been over multiple times, like always, the strong Cool Wine Aunt vibes combined with cottage-core lesbian blueprint vibes of Aunt Cassie’s house hit the boys like a truck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the front yard was a flag pole, flying the American flag, and a gay pride flag. The house itself was white, with black trim, and a dark purple door. Inside the walls were colorful with lots of various abstract art work hanging, some of which was vaguely erotic art of women. The house was always nice and warm in winter, and cool in the summer. The living room was sunken and had a large, comfy ‘L’ shaped couch and a black hanging egg chair that hung from the ceiling. There was an ottoman that could be pushed into the corner of the couch that made it so there was enough space for multiple people to sleep on the couch with ease. There was a soft thick rug on the floor and a large screen TV mounted on the wall over the fireplace. The living room was easily the comfiest living room any of the boys had ever seen. The couch was covered in a large array of mismatched throw pillows, with lots of various blankets hanging off the back of the couch. None of them had any idea how the woman that owned this house could be related to John’s dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aunt Cassie herself was a short, fairly skinny woman with pale skin and light strawberry blond hair that she usually wore in messy buns. She had blue eyes and was supposed to wear glasses for reading, writing, or using a computer or phone, but most of the time they sat on top of her head like an accessory rather than on her face as their intended use. She never had gotten married or had kids of her own and she wasn’t a great baker, but she was an amazing cook. She taught art history classes at the local university and sold artwork of her own online. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was into art of course, but also astrology, and read tarot cards. She was the type of college professor who told her students to call her by her first name, and wasn't afraid to cancel class last minute via email because she was sick or too tired- and signed the email with ‘sent from my iPhone’. She let her students eat and class and wouldn’t judge if they fell asleep. She would respond to student’s emails at 2am and it was rare for students to fail her class. She was warm, kind, and carefree. When her brother Henry told her she needed to settle down and marry a rich man, she laughed at him and said ‘Henry I am a rich man’. She was never one for serious relationships, she enjoyed being single, and she didn’t put a label on anything, but when she shared her bed, she preferred to share it with another woman. She loved her nephew and his friends, and only ever wanted to see them happy; meaning she would always do everything in her power to make sure they were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys elected to camp out in the living room. They closed the curtains, so the room was only illuminated by the electric fireplace and the lights that were on in the kitchen which could be seen from the living room. In no time at all John and Lafayette were asleep on the couch, but Hercules wasn’t tired, so he wandered into the kitchen where aunt Cassie was sitting on the counter, with her legs crossed, making tea. Aunt Cassie might’ve only been John’s biological aunt, but she treated Hercules and Lafayette as they were her nephews too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Hercules. Are John and Lafayette asleep?” Cassie asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “I don’t think either of them slept much last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They didn’t.” She sighed. “I didn’t either, I was up with John, but I’m fine.” Cassie added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel so bad for sleeping through all their messages.” Hercules admitted. “I should’ve been awake too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, whoa, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Cassie frowned. “You being awake wouldn’t have changed anything so there’s no point in being down on yourself for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just,” Hercules sighed. “I’m like, the mom friend of the group. I’m the second oldest that’s still here and I just, I’m always doing my best to take care of everyone. I drive John to and from school everyday because you work and the bus system sucks, I keep my locker full of snacks in case my friends are hungry and sweaters in case they’re cold, I carry around a first aid kit just in case, I buy Maria groceries on rent week because money is tight and when gas prices go up I take a couple jerry cans and go top-up her gas for her just in case, and I check Angelica’s metrocard balance daily, and put extra money on it if it’s low. I try and make sure my friends know that I’m always here for them no matter what and that I’ll always help them with anything they could possibly need. I try to watch out for them and make sure they’re okay, that was Angelica’s job so when she went away to university she passed the torch to me. And yeah Alex wasn’t part of the group when she was around, but it doesn’t mean he’s not part of the group now and I just, I feel guilty for letting him fall through the cracks. I should’ve noticed something was wrong. I should’ve reached out to him yesterday. I should’ve- I should’ve-” Hercules couldn’t even come up with something more to say as tears began falling and he began to cry which was an extremely rare occurrence for him to say the very least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, hey, shhh, it’s okay.” Aunt Cassie slid to the edge of the counter, but stayed sitting on it, and pulled Hercules into a hug. She guided his head to rest on her shoulder. “None of this is your fault, okay? I promise. From the sounds of it you’ve been doing everything just right and you’re an amazing friend. They’re lucky to have you and I’m so grateful that John has a friend like you.” Cassie told Hercules while gently rubbing his back. “I know you’re sad, and I know you’re scared, anyone in their right mind would be. Cry as long as you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules let himself cry into aunt Cassie’s shoulder for a good couple minutes before he started to work on calming himself down. Eventually he did and once that happened he joined John and Lafayette on the couch and let himself drift off to sleep going over aunt Cassie’s words again and again in his mind.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oof-</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. In My Blood (Shawn Mendes)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Suicide, drugs, drug overdose, abuse, domestic abuse, prostitution, being forced into sex work, being forced into drug addiction, hospitals</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Maria woke up and immediately got the feeling that something was wrong. She didn’t know what it was, but something was definitely wrong. She sat up and pulled the long socks she’d worn to bed back up, as they’d fallen in her sleep. She pushed her hair out of her face and adjusted the multiple-sizes too big shirt she’d slept in, then went into the kitchen where she had plugged her phone in the night before and grabbed it. She found she had Instagram DM’s from John, as well as her usual good morning text from Eliza. She opened Eliza’s message first with a small smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From Eliza: Good morning my love! Don’t forget to pack your bio homework and stop for gas on the way to school or else you won’t be able to make it home from work tonight. See you at school! &lt;3</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria smiled to herself. She loved how much Eliza cared about her and knew that if not for Eliza she would be a walking disaster.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To Eliza: Good morning! And thanks babe, I definitely would’ve forgotten that if you didn’t remind me lol</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria then tapped on the Instagram DM notification and that’s when it all fell to shit. John had sent her a couple messages throughout the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Hey, Lafayette asked me to let everyone know what’s going on right now. Alex has overdosed on cocaine and has been taken to the ER. Laf wanted me to ask everyone if they had any idea why he might’ve done this, or if anyone knew anything about him doing drugs. I’ll send updates when we get them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Update, Alex had a seizure, but they were able to get it under control. He’s gonna be admitted into the hospital and once that’s done he’s going to be moved from the ER to the ICU.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Alex is in the ICU now and he’s had more seizures. Anti-seizure medications haven’t been able to control it. They’re putting him into a medically induced coma in order to protect his brain from the potential damage having more seizures could cause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>laaurens: Also, because it’s like, 4am now and I haven’t slept I won’t be going to school today, neither will Lafayette.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria’s phone clattered as it fell out of her hand and (thankfully) back onto the counter. She felt her chest tightening and was hit with a massive wave of guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>3 years ago Maria had been dating a guy named James Reynolds, or more widely known as Jim. Long story short, it wasn’t a good relationship and he had forced her into working as a prostitute as he had gotten her addicted to cocaine as she didn’t have cash to pay him back for it, so she sold her body and gave him the cash to pay him. She remembered the exact night she’d met Alex for the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maria watched as a shaking, terrified seeming kid began walking towards her. She could tell he was too young for her to offer her </span>
  </em>
  <span>services</span>
  <em>
    <span> to, he was maybe 14, but she knew something else that she could offer him to help, and Jimmy always was happy when she got him another client. Soon the kid was within earshot of her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, you okay? You look really shaken up.” Maria told him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He swallowed thickly. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You want a little something to take the edge off?” Maria asked and bit her lip.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Like what?” The kid asked.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maria reached into her bra and pulled out a ziploc bag containing half a gram of cocaine. She held it up for him to see it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The kid was quiet for a moment, seeming to try and decide. “Why the fuck not.” He said in agreement.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maria took him back to the motel room she brought her clients to. She cut him a couple lines for herself and one for the kid- who she had learned was named Alex. She showed him how to snort it a couple times, and then watched as he did it with his line.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He stayed for a while and they had a little bit of a binge. The high wore off after a half hour, and they were probably there for 3 hours or so. Once Alex came down from the last high she told him if he wanted she would be around and she would be willing to share her coke with him again. He nodded and left.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He didn’t come the next day, or the day after, but the next day after that, he did. He came and did coke with her a few more times, before she knew he’d gotten hooked. Then she introduced him to Jim, who started him off with a cheap rate so he would get more dependent on it, to a point where he wouldn’t be able to quit easily which was when Jim would be able to up the rate and milk the kid for all he had.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Maria watched as Jim’s plan worked like a charm with this kid as it had with many others. He started using every day, multiple times a day, and got to a point where he admitted to Jim that he would rather spend a couple hundred a week on drugs than try to quit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria had gotten away from James Reynolds just under a year and a half ago, and she didn’t know what had happened to Alex after that. Until 2 and a half months ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lafayette came skipping to the lunch table, looking as excited as he could possibly be.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why so excited Laffy Taffy?” Peggy asked.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mama and Papa are going to be fostering a new kid! I’m going to be getting a foster brother!” Lafayette excitedly announced.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And on Monday as Maria walked to their lunch table with Eliza and Peggy, there was a new kid sitting there. They sat down and this new kid was looking at Maria like he was trying to figure out if he knew her, but couldn’t place it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alexander this is Maria and Peggy.” Eliza introduced.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex waved a bit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay Eliza said you were short but I didn’t realize you were that short, you’re a shrimp!” Peggy told Alex.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m probably taller than you.” He defended himself.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Barely. And I’m a girl so it’s different. I’m allowed to be short, I’m gonna have to call you squirt.” Peggy grinned.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex chuckled a bit. “Thanks. Such a warm welcome.” He said sarcastically.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maria knew it right then without a doubt; it was that sarcasm, the name, the face, and the way he was walking the line of being too skinny to be healthy. This was the same Alex she had gotten addicted to cocaine. She hoped he wouldn’t recognize her, although she did have a few things going for her. She was wearing real proper clothing now, her face wasn’t covered in a gross amount of makeup, she wasn’t covered in bruises, and overall she looked a lot different and healthier than she had when she was with James. She wondered briefly if he was still using, and she sincerely hoped he wasn’t. She then realized if she didn’t say something soon someone would think something was wrong, so she quickly joined the conversation, and lunch continued as normal.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria had ended up assuming that Alex was clean. He always seemed sober, never showed any signs of being high, and his life seemed to be on the up and up. Because she thought he was clean, she hadn’t said anything about it to anyone, and she guessed he didn’t recognize her because he had never said anything, not even in private.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now Alex was in the hospital, in a medically induced coma, because she got him addicted to coke. She never should’ve offered him cocaine that night. She now knew that he really had only been 14 at the time and now with a clean, sober, mind, she realized how fucked up it was that she had deliberately taken the steps to get him addicted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And in that moment Maria felt herself fill with anger and hatred. She hated James Reynolds. She hated cocaine. She hated James’s slyness. She hated how he pushed Alex deeper into addiction. She hated that James used her and abused her. She hated her parents for not being parents which led to her dating James. She hated that she let herself be abused for so long. She hated that she convinced herself James did what he did because he loved her. She hated what she had done. And she would even go as far as to say she hated herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria’s breaths were coming shakily and tears were escaping. She quickly wiped them away.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. There’s no time for that now. The Washingtons want to know if anyone knows about Alex’s history of drug use. You know about Alex’s history of drug use. You’re one of only probably 3 people that do and that list includes Alex himself. Pull yourself together and do what you need to do to help make this </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>better</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Maria thought to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria took a deep breath and wiped her tears away. She quickly got dressed, in a simple pair of jeans, an old green sweatshirt that she had gotten from Eliza- who had gotten it from John, who didn’t remember where or who he’d gotten it from- and black low top converse. She tossed her hair up into a messy bun to try and make up for/hide the fact that she needed to shower which she had planned to do that morning. She grabbed her purse, leaving her apartment in a hurry. On her way out the door she called the school to let them know she was dealing with some emergent personal issues and wouldn’t be coming to school that day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hospital was farther than school and work was less than two blocks away, so she knew she probably needed to top up on gas on her way. She went on gasbuddy to find the cheapest gas as she made her way down the stairs because the elevator in the building was sketchy. She groaned upon seeing gas prices had gone up but knew there was nothing she could do about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Maria got in her car- which was an older, used car that she’d had since before she met James- and started it, she was confused to find she had half a tank of gas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know who, or why, but it seemed any time gas went up, or when her money was tight, someone would anonymously come put gas in her car. The first time it happened it freaked her out because she was worried that it wasn’t actually gas and someone was trying to ruin her car, but that hadn’t been the case. Someone just seemed to really care about her and put gas in her car for her every now and then. At first she had guessed it was Eliza, until she found out that the smell of gas made Eliza extremely nauseous and light-headed. She knew it was probably someone in her friend group, but she had no idea who, however she was certainly grateful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria drove to the hospital and parked in visitor parking, near the main entrance to the hospital and went in, going up to the information desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning ma’am, how can I help you?” The woman at the desk asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, so a friend of mine is in the ICU and I know I can’t see him but I </span>
  <b>need</b>
  <span> to talk to his parents and I know they’re here.” Maria explained to the woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman looked unconvinced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, he overdosed on cocaine. He’s in a medically induced coma and the only people in the entire world that know anything about his drug use history are him, his dealer, and me. His parents need to know what I know and it might even be important to his treatment so please </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, can you just help me out here?” Maria begged. She didn’t have either of the Washingtons’ contact info, and didn’t know how long it would take to get it from one of her friends, plus Mr and Mrs Washington probably weren’t paying much attention to calls from unknown numbers right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Patient name?” The woman asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander Hamilton. He’s in the ICU. Was admitted overnight.” Maria told the woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman looked him up in the computer system. “And what’s your name? So I can tell his parents who you are? I’ll also need some ID so I can verify that you are who you say you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria Lewis.” Maria told the woman as she handed the woman her driver’s license. She anxiously fiddled with the sleeve of her sweatshirt as she waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman took Maria’s license, looked at it, then handed it back. “One moment.” She said and made a call. She spoke on the phone briefly before hanging up. “Alright so you’re gonna take those elevators right there and go upstairs to floor 3, when you get off the elevator you’re gonna go left and follow the signs towards the ICU, there’s a small waiting area outside the entrance to the ICU, Mr Hamilton’s mother is going to meet you there.” The woman instructed, pointing to the elevators.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded. “Alright, thank you.” She went to the elevator and took the world’s longest elevator ride ever, though it might’ve been the nerves making it feel so long though. She easily found her way to the waiting area outside the ICU, where Martha Washington was waiting for Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria wasn’t as close with George or Martha as John or Hercules were, but they were always nice and kind to her, and cared about her wellbeing. They didn’t know much of her story and she had hoped she could’ve kept it that way. She knew that wasn’t gonna happen now, but at the moment it was the least of Maria’s worries. When Maria saw Martha she began to really process the gravity of the situation. Alex was in a medically induced coma. They only did that when they didn’t have any other viable options. Alex could’ve died. Hell there still was a small chance he could. Those thoughts had tears sliding down her cheeks for the second time that morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria, oh dear, are you alright?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria fanned her face with her hands. “Just really worried for Alex.” She admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want a hug?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’d be nice.” Maria admitted as she tried to steady her breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha pulled Maria into a hug. “I know it’s scary but they’re doing everything they can for him. He’s stable and the coma is doing what the doctors need it too.” She told Maria and rubbed her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria hugged Martha back until she calmed down, then pulled away from the hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we take a seat.” Martha said and led Maria to a set of chairs in the empty waiting area. “The woman on the phone said you needed to talk with us but didn’t say what about.” Martha said as she sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria sat down too. “Try not to think anything less of me?” She asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I think anything less of you?” Martha frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I was the one who got Alex into coke.” Maria stated. “But there’s a lot more to it than that that I really hope you’ll let me tell you it all.” She added, talking fast as she said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded a bit. “Go on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria told Martha everything. How she ended up dating James, how he got her hooked on coke, how he forced her into prostitution, what happened the first night she met Alex, why she did what she did, what James did to get Alex hooked, how she lost touch with Alex when she left James, how she recognized Alex as the same kid she’d gotten into cocaine but that she honestly thought he’d been clean the last few months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha almost felt at a loss for words as Maria told her the story. How she’d been used, abused, drugged, forced into addiction, forced into sex work, and how she’d gotten Alex hooked in order to satisfy her abuser so she could live to see another day. As a politician Martha was supposed to be a quick thinker and shouldn’t let bold, unsettling statements affect her, but this was a lot. It took her a moment, but she finally found the words she needed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t blame you for this and I don’t think you should blame yourself for this either, but I think we both know you probably will anyway, even if not consciously. I’m glad you were comfortable enough to share this, and I’m grateful that you were willing to tell me this.” Martha told Maria sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, John said you guys wanted to know if anyone knew about Alex’s drug use, and he never really told anyone. Me, James, and Alex were the only ones that knew.” Maria explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, thank you, for stepping forward.” Martha told her. “I know you haven’t been around for a while, but, can you try and give me some educated guesses on his usage?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Maria nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, okay, the doctor gave us a list of questions to see if we could try and answer. I left it in the room. I’ll be right back.” Martha promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Maria said and waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha disappeared and soon returned with a paper, a clipboard, and a pen. “Alright, how long has he been using, you said 3 years, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded. “Yeah, 2017 was when he started using.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha jotted that down. “You probably wouldn’t know how much he’s been using lately, would you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can make a pretty good guess.” Maria said. “See James is- he’s smart, for a dealer. He starts new users off with dirt cheap prices and a high-ish potency so they can afford to get good and hooked. Then he slowly increases the price while decreasing the potency he gives them so they have to use more to get the same high, while telling them it’s the same potency. Once he starts to suspect he’s gone too low, he’ll give them a way higher potency than what they’ve been getting one week, so that he can reset the potency decreasing system, or offer to charge them way higher prices for the higher potency.” Maria explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Based on how much Alex was buying and how often he was buying, with the rate James was decreasing potency I would guess he probably reset the potency 2 or 3 months ago. Alex had enjoyed the lower potency, so he probably went back to the lower one instead of choosing to pay more. He never seemed high at school but the most he could ever go before between hits was about 9 hours. I would guess he’s been taking when he wakes up, when he gets home from school, and then probably again in the evening again, most likely after dinner because it suppressed his appetite from the start so if he wanted to be able to eat, he’d have to stay sober for a few hours.” Maria continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so he was probably using it 3 times a day?” Martha confirmed, honestly getting a little lost in all of Maria’s drug-math.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. And I would guess he’s probably been doing 3 or 4 lines at a time which translates to 0.3 to 0.4 grams. So that would be 0.9 grams to 1.2 grams a day.” Maria told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha jotted this all down. “That’s very helpful, Maria. The doctors want to keep him in the coma until the drugs are out of his system and knowing how much he’s been using will help them better calculate how long that will take.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded. “I’m assuming that right now only you and George can see him?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “He can have siblings come into his room probably tomorrow. He won’t be in the ICU long once the coma is reversed, but he’ll probably still need a day or two of monitoring in the hospital in the general ward and then he’ll finally be able to have friends visit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded a bit. She understood why those rules were in place, but wanted so badly to see Alex, to be able to apologize for doing this to him and from the sounds of it, it could be a week until that happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha seemed to notice Maria’s disappointment. “Maybe when they reverse the effects of the coma we could say that we adopted you so you’re technically Alex’s foster sibling even if you don’t live with him?” Martha suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think that could work?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s worth a shot, right?” Martha pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Mrs Washington.” Maria said sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Martha nodded and checked the time. “You aren’t going to school today are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew I’d need time to talk to you about this, and I figured I would need some time to process it. I already called the school.” Maria nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha looked confused for a moment. “Right, you’re 19 already.” Martha shook her head a bit. “I always forget that you and Hercules are legally adults.” Martha shook her head again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what happens when you’re born in March so you’re turning 6 while in kindergarten, then have to repeat a year.” Maria sighed a bit, thinking about how it was her relationship with James that caused her to have to repeat 10th grade. “I shouldn’t keep you any longer. I should get going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha nodded. “If you want, John, Lafayette, and Hercules are all at John’s house, and his aunt told me to feel free to send all the kids that way so if you wanted to go, you’re welcome to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded a bit. “I think that’s what I’ll do then.” She stood up and grabbed her purse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria?” Martha stopped her from leaving just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to know that, I’m not mad at you for what you did. I’m glad you got away from that.” Martha paused briefly. “And I’m proud of what you’ve made for yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria hadn’t expected that and it felt good to hear. “Thank you.” She whispered and left the hospital.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. One Thing (Finger Eleven)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drugs, drug overdose, mentions of suicide, mentions of domestic abuse, mentions of verbal fighting, guilt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As Maria was heading to her car her phone began ringing with her ringtone for Eliza. She answered it quickly. “Hey babe, what’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just wondering where you are and if you’ve seen John’s messages on Instagram.” Eliza explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have. I uh, it’s a long story as to where I am and why I am where I am right now. Where are you?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still at home. Peggy is worried but she went to school because she likes to be around people and distract herself so she went so she could see her other friends.” Eliza explained. “I didn’t think going to school today would be very effective for me though. It’d be pretty hard to care about organic chemistry when one of my best friends is in the hospital.” Eliza admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your husband you mean?” Maria teased, trying to lighten the mood a little as she got in her car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course. I meant to say that I cannot care about chemistry class when my husband is dying.” Eliza joked back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright well I heard from a super secret, trusted informant that the boys are all at John’s house and the invitation is open for us girls to join. I’m headed there now but want me to swing by and pick you up?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, yes please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’ll be there soon.” Maria promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Have you eaten anything yet this morning?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Knew I was forgetting to do something.” Maria said, even though she hadn’t forgotten, she just had more pressing matters to attend to rather than eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll bring you a bagel with cream cheese.” Eliza promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My hero.” Maria smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended and Maria drove to Eliza’s house and picked her up, then began driving to John’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So where were you when I called?” Eliza asked as they drove.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just leaving the hospital. I’d gone to speak to Martha.” Maria told Eliza truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you know how John asked if anyone knew anything about Alex’s drug use?” Maria asked in response, not taking her eyes off the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew.” Maria admitted. “I was the one who got him hooked, back when I was with James. When he showed up as Laf’s foster brother I recognized him immediately, but I never said anything about the drugs because I honestly thought he was clean.” She explained. “I was telling Martha how long Alex had been using, gave her educated guesses about how much he was using, and told her the story of how he started using.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you gave her that information, and I’m proud of you for being brave enough to share the story with her.” Eliza said supportively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t fix the fact that this is my fault though.” Maria mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think like that, love. You never intended for this to happen.” Eliza reminded Maria and reached over, gently rubbing her thigh. “Do you maybe want to try and find an NA meeting before we get to John’s?” Eliza suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria thought for a moment, and realized that a meeting definitely sounded like a good idea. “Yes, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find one.” Eliza pulled her phone out and began looking it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was going to be okay. Somehow this was going to be okay. It had to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aunt Cassie had straight up cancelled her 8am class, and had found colleagues to cover her other classes for the day so she could stay with boys and called Martha Washington to tell her if any of the rest of their friends reached out to her that they were all welcome at her house. The kids needed to be together, and with high emotions, it was good to have an adult around. It was nearing 10 when there was a knock at the door. It was John’s best friend Eliza, and Eliza’s girlfriend Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi girls. Come on in. The boys are sleeping but they’ve gotten a couple hours in already, so feel free to wake them up.” Aunt Cassie told the girls as she held the door open wider for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Aunt Cassie. Thanks for letting us come over.” Eliza smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I can only imagine how hard this is on you guys. You need to be together and it would appear my house is ideal for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it doesn’t make us any less grateful.” Maria told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you girls eaten? Are you hungry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re okay. The boys on the other hand, if their appetites aren’t affected by emotions...” Eliza pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules could eat a 5 course meal while watching the world’s goriest horror film. I think it’s pretty safe to say he’d be down to eat.” Maria pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll throw something together. Even if John and Lafayette don’t want to eat, they need to keep their energy and strength up.” Cassie said and went into the kitchen to begin making some breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza and Maria went down the 3 steps into the living room and looked at the boys sleeping on the couch. John was curled up in the corner of the couch in the fetal position, and Lafayette was basically sleeping on top of Hercules near the edge of the couch, although by the amount of space between them and John, they would guess Lafayette started in the middle and gravitated towards Hercules gradually. Eliza climbed on the couch between the boys and gently shook John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria crouched near the edge of the couch. “Laf, Hercules, wake up.” She said at regular indoor-voice level.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John groaned a bit and rubbed his eyes. “ ‘Liza?” His voice was groggy from sleeping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Eliza said softly. “It’s 10 now, aunt Cassie said we could wake you guys up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John rubbed his eyes and sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules woke up which caused Lafayette to stir. “Laf wake up the girls are here.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette whined a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the boys were all awake and five friends were sitting on the couch. Eliza was in between Maria and John, with her leaning on Maria, and John leaning on her. Lafayette was resting against Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are there any updates?” John asked, looking around the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As of 8:30 he was stable and doctors said that the coma is doing what they need it to.” Maria told him. “And they’ve now got information that will help them treat him more accurately, based on his history of drug usage.” She added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette gave a confused look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James is his dealer. He started using while I was with James, and I played a role in getting him hooked. I went and told Martha everything they needed to know.” Maria admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “Thank you for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was the least I could do.” Maria shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group fell quiet for a while. “Is it safe to say we all feel at least a little guilty for this happening?” John broke the silence after a moment. “Because like, I’m beating myself up for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I certainly do.” Maria nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Hercules told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I do wonder if I did the right thing by trying so hard to reach out. I mean. I sent him a ton of messages last night, but what if he wanted space?” Eliza frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is my fault. And do not tell me it is not. If I had stayed quiet about what I saw, we would not have fought, the coffee pot wouldn’t have been broken, and he would not have left so early yesterday morning, and none of this would have happened.” Lafayette sounded so hurt and upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe you had no way of knowing this was going to be the result.” Hercules reminded Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you guys even fight about? You only told us that you fought about something serious.” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette sighed a bit. “We were at the mall, on Sunday, Mama and papa were in a kitchen gadget shop, and so we were wandering around waiting for them. Suddenly Alex saw someone and went over to them. I waited for him as he talked to the boy. I didn’t recognize him. I went on my phone to try and give them some privacy, however at one point I glanced up for a moment and saw Alex kissing this boy.” He told them. “When Alex returned to where I was, and I asked him what was up with it, but he simply told me that he didn’t want to talk about it then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold up, I thought Alex was straight?” Maria seemed confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all did. He did not come out to us because of a poor experience he had coming out to another foster family.” Lafayette told them, sparing his friends the details of Alex being abused, especially seeing as Maria and John were abuse survivors as well and didn’t need to hear about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded a bit. “I guess that makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He explained that he is bi, but that he stayed in the closet to protect himself. I didn’t understand why and told him he would’ve been safe to, and he got upset and explained why he did what he did, and I knew I had messed up. He told me that he would have loved to come out to us, how much easier it would have made things, how much happier he would be, how he could’ve-” Lafayette stopped abruptly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How he could’ve what?” Hercules prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How he could have confessed his feelings for you, John.” Lafayette said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, he- he said that?” John’s eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. “I just remembered that now. You two could’ve happily been together by now.” He sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Was all John could manage to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation continued from there and then drifted to other things. The boys ate some breakfast and eventually a movie was put on. Around 2 Lafayette got a notification and was quick to check his phone. A Twitter PM from Aaron Burr. It wasn’t what he’d been expecting, but Lafayette opened it anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Burr: Hey, Alex wasn’t in class today, everything okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: Not exactly. Alex is in the hospital. We do not know when he will be able to return to school.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Burr was fast to respond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Burr: Wait, the hospital? What happened? Why is he in the hospital?? By hospital do you mean, in the ER getting checked out, or like, IN the hospital, admitted, spending the night?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: He suffered from a severe drug overdose last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: A drug overdose? That’s so unlike him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: We thought so too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: What drug? Why’d he OD? How is he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: Cocaine. We have reason to believe it was a suicide attempt. He is in a medically induced coma but he’s stable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: Cocaine?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: Yeah. He’s been using it for a couple years now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: Damn. He’s in a medically induced coma though? Why?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: The overdose was causing seizures. They induced a coma to protect his brain from being damaged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: How long is he going to be in the coma?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: We don’t know exactly. Probably at least a couple days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: When he wakes up is he gonna be okay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: I hope so, but, we do not know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: I’ll start collecting his homework assignments and getting worksheets and such for him. You and your parents have enough to worry about plus it’s easier to keep organized if one person collects everything rather than multiple people from each of his classes trying to all do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: Thank you. That is very helpful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: I know I said I didn’t know where he was last night but, I have to admit, it was a lie. I did know where he was. He asks me frequently to cover for him if anyone asks so he can go places without raising suspicion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: Where was he? Where has he been going?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: Last night and every Wednesday night he’s with Thomas Jefferson. Him and Thomas seem to be, close. On Tuesday nights he does go to the library, but it’s not with me. He told me it was to meet an old friend, but knowing what I know now I think he might have been meeting his dealer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laf.ayette: That is very helpful. Thank you for telling me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: Of course. I could handle keeping his secrets when I thought it was harmless, but now he seems to be in real danger, and I can’t stay silent.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Kryptonite (3 Doors Down)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drugs, Drug overdoses, mentions of suicide attempt, aggravated assault, police, unlawful arrests, implied police brutality, racism, police being racist, mentions of anxiety/mental illness, mentions of hospitals</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As the last class of the day came to an end Burr rushed off to Alex’s other classes to collect his homework, then headed home. He arrived home to find a Twitter PM from Thomas Jefferson.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>T_Jeffy: I saw you getting homework for Hamilton at the end of the day? Wtf? Where is he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: Hello to you too Thomas. You almost sound like you care about Hamilton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>T_Jeffy: I don’t. I’m just curious I guess</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: You can cut the crap, I know about you two. Alexander doesn’t seem to have much of a filter</span>
</p><p>
  <span>T_Jeffy: Okay fine. Yeah. I care about him. And I agree about the filter thing. Now can you please tell me what’s going on with him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: It’s, it’s not good. It’s a lot to take in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>T_Jeffy: What is it??</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Burr: It’s really not my place to share the details, but he’s in the hospital. I think you should reach out to his foster brother, Lafayette. He probably has questions for you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>T_Jeffy: I, shit, okay. Thanks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thomas quickly closed Twitter, and went to Snapchat, where he had Lafayette as a friend. Him and Lafayette weren’t super close, but they got along pretty well and had a twice daily snap streak going that they’d started over 2 years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas took a fast picture of the floor and added a caption to it. “Hey, can we talk about what’s going on with Alexander?” He sent it and hoped Lafayette would respond soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Thomas waited his mind flooded with questions, concerns, and fear. He tried to distract himself but he was good and freaked out, so he called James, which he rarely did, so he knew that James would know it was important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Thomas, what’s going on?” James asked immediately upon answering the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay so I’ve told you about me and Hamilton,” Thomas started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James sighed a little. “Much to my dismay, yes.” James told him, sounding somewhat exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so I’m kinda freaking out right now. Apparently he’s in the hospital but I don’t know why or what’s going on and I’m trying to get answers but like, I’m stuck waiting for a response from Lafayette and like, I dunno I’m trying to not lose it here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas Jefferson not only willingly having a conversation about feelings, but initiating it too? Damn.” James mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not helpful James! I’m like, legitimately fucking scared over here!” Thomas stressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. Sorry. What do you need?” James asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well ideally, a therapist, or like, a joint, but it’s like, 4:30 in the afternoon and I might need to drive somewhere yet tonight so neither of those are options here.” Thomas sighed into the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to play therapist for you?” James asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was quiet for a moment. “Yes.” He admitted quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Why don’t we start with you telling me what happened?” James suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well like, you saw that Alex wasn’t in class and I saw Burr was collecting homework for him so when I got home I messaged Burr and asked him what was up with Hamilton. He asked if I cared and told me he knows about me and Alex, so I told him I did. He said it wasn’t his place to tell me what was going on but that Alex is in the hospital, it’s bad, and I should talk to Lafayette about it. I reached out to Laf but I haven’t heard back yet and the waiting is killing me.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. And what do you have on your mind in regards to this?” James asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m worried about Alex. Obviously something happened that landed him in the hospital but I have no idea what it is and I’m imagining the worst here.” Thomas admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” James mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had him over last night and something happened. We were doing quote ‘ le gross things’ as you call it, when he started having a sensory overload which started to cause a panic attack. I was able to help him calm down from the panic attack and let him nap to help with the sensory overload. I took him home pretty late and when we finally got to his place he asked if he called me later on and needed a place to sleep, if I’d give him one. I told him I would and asked if things were okay. He told me it was a lot of emotions that he knew I wouldn’t enjoy so he said he’d tell me if he needed to, but for the time being he’d spare me the details. What if something was going on with his foster parents? I mean, they seem like good people but, maybe I should’ve let him tell me what was going on.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt it was something with his parents.” James told Thomas to reassure him. “I’m sure he’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need him to be okay. I, I mean, fuck.” Thomas shook his head and tried to keep the last remaining shreds of composure as he came to a startling, unsettling realization.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas? What is it?” James asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was just supposed to be sex. Hate sex even.” Thomas mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it now then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t hate him. I couldn’t hate him if I tried. And I don’t want it to be just sex. I care about him. I don’t want to sneak around and just have sex with him.” Thomas paused. “I- I think I want, like, an actual relationship.” He barely spoke above a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, that’s, wow. Knowing you as well as I do? That’s a lot. You really do need an actual therapist or weed. I don’t even know where to start with that.” James admitted with a bit of a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t either. All I know is that I care about him and he means something to me and I’m worried about him and I want to know what’s happening and I need answers and I need him to be okay. I need him to be okay.” Thomas’ voice broke and he found himself on the verge of tears as the conversation continued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The conversation with James eventually ended and when Thomas pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at the screen he saw he had a snapchat notification and he swore that in that moment his heart momentarily stopped. He saw the notification was from Lafayette and he had never felt so conflicted in his life. On one hand, he wanted to open it right away and find out what was going on. On the other hand though, he was scared of what Lafayette might have to say. Eventually he opened the notification.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a picture of the floor with the caption ‘Call me and we can talk about it’ with Lafayette’s phone number underneath it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’s anxiety was through the roof as he dialed Lafayette’s number and waited for him to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” Lafayette’s accented voice came over the phone after a single ring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s Thomas.” Thomas told Lafayette, he picked at the skin around his nails nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for calling. I have, a lot of questions for you.” Lafayette admitted to Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I have lots for you.” Thomas responded. “I think this will be a lot easier if I explain some things to you first.” He added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, go ahead.” Lafayette told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so me and Alex have history together, and we debate against each other a lot. Usually he’s the like, moderate to democratic/liberal side of the argument and I argue the republican side of things because I like the attention, right?” Thomas started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like you. Alexander has told me about your debates.” Lafayette said in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. So about a month or so back one day after a rather intense debate we ran into each other after class. I was on a spare and his block 4 class was cancelled for the day. There weren’t a lot of words spoken between us, but we ended up doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> in my car in the student parking lot. It became a regular thing, every Wednesday after school he’s at my house.” Thomas explained. “It’s- it’s just sex, nothing more.” Thomas added, his tone making it sound as though he wanted more, even though he didn’t realize it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you guys ever talk about stuff? Like, deeper stuff?” Lafayette asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a lot I guess. I mean, I told him about my social anxiety and issues with feelings, and I know the basics of his situation but it’s not really like that.” Thomas sighed a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you, do you wish it was more?” Lafayette asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas swallowed thickly. “I- I think so.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” Lafayette paused. “Did you know that he was using drugs?” He asked after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drugs? Alex doesn’t do drugs.” Thomas frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what everyone else thought too.” Lafayette sighed. “He’s been using cocaine the entire time we’ve known him. He started using it 3 years ago.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’ mind was racing as he said his next question. “Why is he in the hospital?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He overdosed on cocaine last night. We think it might have been a suicide attempt.” Lafayette told Thomas. “You were with him last night, did he seem off? I know you said that you don’t talk much, but, is there anything you can think of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He had a sensory overload and almost had a panic attack. He asked if he could stay with me if he needed too but didn’t explain why.” It felt impossible but Thomas’ mind was racing even faster now. “He wanted me to be rougher with him too, like he wanted me to hurt him but not in the usual way.” He frowned. “I asked him at the end of the night when I was dropping him off if everything was okay but he said it was really complicated and that it would probably just make me uncomfortable so I didn’t push to hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like him.” Lafayette sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I’m still trying to process this all. He’s been using coke this entire time?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oui. We are guessing that he would do some in the morning, some right upon arriving home after school, and then again after dinner.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well the knowledge that Alex had never been high while they had sex at least was a little bit reassuring for Thomas. “And he’s been doing it for three years?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. He was roped into it during a very vulnerable time for him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was he roped into it?” Thomas frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The work of a very sly drug dealer. He purposely did things to make sure Alex would get addicted to it.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is Alex?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is in a medically induced coma. He had multiple seizures and they couldn’t get them under control, so they put him to sleep to protect his brain from damage. We do not know how long he will be in it, or what will happen when he does wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Alex was in the hospital, possibly dying, because some brain dead loser felt the need to get a 14 year old hooked on cocaine. This knowledge ignited an anger in Thomas that rarely came out. “Do we know who this dealer is?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His name is James Reynolds, but he also goes by Jim, mostly to his clients.” Lafayette told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Thomas nodded a bit. “Did you have anything else to ask me?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really, I think you explained it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Are you doing alright with all of this? I know you really care about him.” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a lot. It is very scary. All our friends are scared, we all feel guilty to some extent. We are hanging out with each other, trying to just, use each other for support, it is mostly just us hanging out at John’s house, watching movies and trying to pretend that this is not happening.” Lafayette admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dang, okay, let me know if you need anything, alright?” Thomas told Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for that, Thomas, I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call then ended and Thomas went and got in his car. He didn’t have all the details of his plan worked out, but he would figure them out along the way. Right now all he knew was that he had something he needed to do and nothing was going to stop him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thomas honestly had no idea how on earth he found out who exactly Mr James Reynolds was, or how he found where Mr James Reynolds was that particular evening, but he had, and man did it feel good to be beating the shit out of the man responsible for doing this to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until the sound of sirens approaching began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas looked over at the cop cars approaching the scene and he paled as he realized how this looked. A black, teenage male beating up a white man. Thomas holding Reynolds by the scruff of his shirt, holding him up he was so badly beaten. Thomas quickly dropped Reynolds’ shirt and put his hands in the air. He might be getting arrested, but hopefully, if there was any humanity left in the world, he would be leaving the scene in the back of a cop car rather than the back of an ambulance or worse a coroner's van. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The police officers, both of whom were white, got out of the car, and a female cop went over to Reynolds, who was laying on the sidewalk, still breathing, but obviously in too much pain to do much of anything else. A male cop slowly approached Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just keep your hands where I can see them.” The cop told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally Thomas would scoff and roll his eyes and make a sarcastic joke about how he didn’t plan to move, but he knew this wasn’t the time nor was it the place so he just nodded slightly and didn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cop came over to Thomas and grabbed Thomas by his wrists rather roughly, putting him in handcuffs, he tightened the handcuffs until they were definitely too tight, then escorted Thomas to the back of the cop car, never once saying a word to Thomas about whether he was actually under arrest, reading his rights, or anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’ parents had told him from a fairly young age what to do if he was ever stopped and/or arrested by the cops, and he knew his rights. He knew it wasn’t legal for them to not read him his rights, but at the end of the day, it was probably safer to stay silent than to argue with the cop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The male cop then went over to the female and some words were exchanged. Thomas watched as they leaned into their walkie talkies to say something, and Thomas had no idea what was gonna happen at that point.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. All Like Whatever (Watsky)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Racism, police brutality, cops being racist, description of injuries, mention of aggravated assault, mention of pressing charges, mentions of kidnapping, hospitals, drugs, drug overdose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thomas sat in the cop car, his anxiety brewing for a solid 20 minutes as more cop cars showed up, along with an ambulance.</p><p>Suddenly the door to the cop car was opened by the female officer who’s partner had put Thomas in the cop car. “So, listen kid, technically we should be arresting and charging you with assault in the first degree,” She started.</p><p>Thomas swallowed thickly, but said nothing.</p><p>“However, that guy you beat up? James Reynolds? We’ve been trying to catch him for years. He’s one of the biggest cocaine dealers in the city and his practices have caused more deaths than the next three busiest dealers after him combined. If it weren't for your actions here this evening, it could’ve been months before we caught him.” She continued to explain.</p><p>Thomas nodded a bit.</p><p>“Me and my partner have discussed it and we’re gonna let you go but it has to stay quiet, alright? You were never here, you didn’t do this.” The officer told Thomas.</p><p>Thomas nodded again.</p><p> </p><p>Soon Thomas was out of the cop car, free from the handcuffs, and back in his own car, driving somewhere, he wasn’t sure where he was going exactly, but he was getting the hell away from the scene before the officers decided to change their minds.</p><p>Somehow Thomas found himself at the house of Cassandra Laurens, John Laurens’ aunt, and a teacher at the local university longside Thomas’ mother. Thomas didn’t know why he was here, or whether he should even be there, but regardless of that, he found himself parking, cutting the engine, getting out of his car, walking up the sidewalk, and ringing the doorbell. His anxiety was still high from what had just occurred, he looked a little beaten up- as James had gotten a couple half-decent swings in at the beginning-, Thomas’ knuckles were bruised and bloody, and he still had deep, angry red marks around his wrists from the handcuffs being so tight.</p><p>The door was soon opened by Lafayette. “Thomas? What are you doing here?” Lafayette seemed confused. “Are you okay? You look as though you have been in quite the fight.” Lafayette observed.</p><p>Thomas swallowed and took a second to find his voice. “I- I don’t know.” He mumbled.</p><p>“Come inside.” Lafayette ushered him in.</p><p>“Who is it?” Someone, John probably, based on the slightly different accent and high-er pitched voice, called out from somewhere Thomas couldn’t see.</p><p>“It is Thomas!” Lafayette called back, then turned to Thomas. “What is going on? Why do you look as though you have been in a fight?” He asked gently.</p><p>“I uh, I was, sort of.” Thomas admitted.</p><p>“What happened? You seem very shaken up.” Lafayette frowned.</p><p>“When you told me about Reynolds over the phone I got pissed, once I was off the phone with you I went and found him, it started as a fight by pretty quickly it was just me beating the shit out of him. Then the cops showed up.” Thomas told Lafayette, hugging himself in an attempt to calm himself down.</p><p>Thomas didn’t regret beating Reynolds up, and he was glad he wasn’t in any trouble for it, but he knew that things could’ve gone very differently and that had him on edge.</p><p>Hercules then came over. “Hey, what’s going on?” He asked.</p><p>Lafayette quickly and quietly explained what Thomas had just told him to Hercules.</p><p>“Oh shit.” Hercules mumbled. “What happened with the cops?” He asked Thomas.</p><p>“They put me in handcuffs in the back of the cop car without a word of explanation and held me there for like, 20 minutes while more cops showed up on the scene. They ended up letting me go because Reynolds was so wanted by them, but like, I had no idea what was happening. And like, it was white cops so I wasn’t gonna try and raise hell for being held without explanation, I didn’t want to be leaving the scene in a body bag because I spoke out of turn, ya know? It was, it was terrifying and it could’ve ended up so much worse.” Thomas told them.</p><p>Hercules nodded. “I get it. One night I was bringing my little brother home late after a play date. He’s got much lighter skin than me, so keep that in mind. He fell asleep in the car so I just tossed him over my shoulder to carry him inside and to bed because I knew if I woke him up he’d be cranky as hell. It was at that moment that a cop car turned down our street and pulled up to my car. Accused me of kidnapping my own damn brother outside my own damn house, guns drawn. My mom came outside and told them I wasn’t kidnapping him, but they didn’t believe her until she showed them proof that we were brothers and she was our mom. It was terrifying so trust me, I get it. Anything to do with the cops can be terrifying when you're a black man.” Hercules told them.</p><p>Thomas nodded a bit.</p><p>“I am glad you are here, and I am glad you are safe, mon ami. Come in, we are just watching movies and waiting for news on Alex.” Lafayette told Thomas.</p><p>Thomas nodded a bit and followed Lafayette to the main living area. John, as well as Elizabeth and Peggy Schuyler and Maria Lewis were on the couch, and Cassandra was in a hanging chair in the living room.</p><p>“Another scared teenager waiting for news on Alex?” Cassandra asked when she saw the extra teen in her house.</p><p>Hercules went back over to the couch and Lafayette went over to Cassandra to speak to her.</p><p>Thomas awkwardly stood near the entrance to the living room. Soon he was approached by Cassandra.</p><p>“Hey, Lafayette told me what happened just now. I know you don’t know me very well, but I work with you mom. My name is Cassandra but everyone calls me Cassie, all these guys call me aunt Cassie. Do you need anything or want to talk?” Cassie asked Thomas.</p><p>Thomas absentmindedly rubbed his sore wrists and hurting knuckles. “I’m just, I’m still really shaken up I guess, and I’m scared about Alex and I don’t think my parents would ever understand what I did if I told them,” Thomas’ voice broke like he was on the verge of tears and he hated it, but he knew he couldn’t hide it. He glanced over at the other teens in the room, they weren’t staring, but he knew they were probably listening.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay.” Cassie was quick to reassure him. “Why don’t we move into the hallway and talk a little?”</p><p>Thomas just nodded a bit.</p><p>Cassie led him back to near the front entryway, where they sat down next to each other on a bench she had there. “First, I’m not judging you, and I won’t tell your parents about what happened if you don’t want me to, I promise.”</p><p>“Please don’t.” Thomas mumbled.</p><p>She nodded. “I won’t. Is there anything I can do to help you calm down a little? You seem very on edge. Do you want to talk about it?” Cassie asked.</p><p>Thomas shook his head quickly. “I’m, I’m not great with talking about feelings. It’d probably just make things worse.” He told her.</p><p>“Alright, is there anything I <em> can </em> do to help?” Cassie asked.</p><p>Thomas hugged himself tighter and tried to keep his composure but was quickly losing the battle as tears began falling. “I don’t know why or how but suddenly I’ve come to care so much about Alex and, I just, I really want him to be okay.” Thomas’s tone made it very clear as to how distraught he was.</p><p>“I know, I know it’s scary. Can I give you a hug? Would that be okay?” Cassie asked.</p><p>Thomas just nodded.</p><p>Cassie scooted over so she was sitting closer to Thomas and hugged him, guiding his head onto her shoulder. “You’re okay, and I know that it’s scary. I don’t know Alex all that well, but he’s a resilient kid, and hearing what all he’s lived through, he might even be immortal.” Cassie attempted to lighten the mood.</p><p>Thomas gave a small scoffy chuckle in response to the joke.</p><p>“I know it’s terrifying, not knowing what’s gonna happen, but Alex is with the best doctors available, and I firmly believe that with a little time, he’s gonna make it out of this just fine.” Cassie told Thomas.</p><p>“Y- you really think so?” Thomas mumbled.</p><p>“With the love and support of his friends and family? He definitely will. Things might look bad now, and they might be rocky at the start, but they will get better with time.”</p><p>Cassie was able to help Thomas calm down and not feel so anxious. “Ready to go join everyone else?” She asked.</p><p>Thomas nodded a bit. “I’m not super close with anyone but Laf, but, being here beats being alone at home dealing with this.” Thomas rubbed his sore knuckles and wrists again.</p><p>“Sounds fair, before that though, your wrists okay?” Cassie asked.</p><p>“The handcuffs were really tight is all.” Thomas admitted.</p><p>“Can I see?” Cassie asked.</p><p>Thomas held out his wrists for her to see. They were bruising, and though they weren’t bleeding, it was obvious the cuffs were so tight they damaged the skin.</p><p>“Do you want some cream to help them heal faster and not hurt so much? And maybe some ice for your knuckles?” Cassie asked.</p><p>“That, that’d be good. Yeah.” Thomas nodded.</p><p> </p><p>Soon Thomas returned to the living room where all the other teens were talking and seemingly on a video chat with someone else, though Thomas didn’t know who.</p><p>“Did- did you really go and beat James Reynolds up?” Eliza asked Thomas upon seeing him enter the living room.</p><p>“I, yeah. I did.” Thomas nodded a bit.</p><p>“Fucker beat me to it.” Angelica Schuyler’s voice came over the laptop. She was the one they were video chatting with.</p><p>“Hello to you too Angelica.” Thomas chuckled a bit.</p><p>Him and Angelica hadn’t dated, however for a while they were in a friends with benefits type situation that ended when she moved away for university. Their friendship was full of light-hearted, not harmful intentioned jokes and name calling of one another.</p><p>“I forgot you two had a thing.” Lafayette told Thomas. “You certainly do have a type, huh?”</p><p>“And what would that be?” Thomas asked as he sat down next to Lafayette on the couch.</p><p>“Highly opinionated future lawyers.” Lafayette told him.</p><p>“I guess so.” Thomas shrugged.</p><p>The group chatted with Angelica a while longer, before she had to go, so the call ended, and they turned their attention back to the movie, all of them only half paying attention because their minds were filled with worry for their friend and/or crush.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Thomas had been at John’s house for a little over an hour now and John was beginning to lose it. “Eliza, you look cold, want to come raid my closet for something warmer?” John asked Eliza, thankful she was only in a t-shirt so it was fairly believable, although getting a sweater was not why John needed Eliza alone.</p><p>Eliza quickly picked up on what John was trying to do. “Really? That’d be great.”</p><p>John led Eliza up to his room without a word. Soon they were in this room with the door shut.</p><p>“What’s up John?” Eliza asked once the door was closed.</p><p>“I’m kinda freaking out a little here over Thomas.” John admitted.</p><p>“Are you freaking out for the reason I think you’re freaking out?” Eliza asked, seeming surprised to hear it.</p><p>“Do you think I’m freaking out because I had a huge crush on Thomas and barely got over it before Alex showed up and now Thomas is here, in my house, all fucking vulenrable and having just come from beating the shit out of the guy who put Alex in this position and abused Maria for years and now suddenly all those feelings are back because I find the vulnerability and the other thing kinda hot? Because if that’s what you’re thinking is the reason I’m freaking out, it is totally the reason I’m freaking out.” John told Eliza in a rushed, panicky voice, speaking so fast only a few people very close to John would be able to decipher what the hell he meant by anything he said.</p><p>“Damn.” Eliza mumbled. “Do you think the feelings are like, actually back or is it a moment of weakness because of his moment of weakness combined with the high-running emotions.”</p><p>“I literally just pretended I didn’t have a crush on him for a month until Alex showed up and then I started getting feelings for Alex and those feelings for Thomas faded. I think they’re actually back- if they were ever really gone- and it simply took that moment of weakness in him combined with the high-running emotions to realize it.” John explained.</p><p>“So let me get this straight, you had feelings for Thomas, then Alex, now Thomas and Alex. Alex has feelings for you, and was sleeping with Thomas, and Thomas has feelings for Alex?” Eliza asked John.</p><p>“Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated?” John groaned and flopped down on his bed.</p><p>“I dunno John, I dunno.” Eliza frowned a bit.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Lafayette looked down at his phone as a snapchat notification popped up. He looked confused upon seeing it was from Thomas, but opened it anyway.</p><p>Thomas had sent a snap which was a simple black photo with the caption: ‘Can I admit something? Like discreetly?’</p><p>Lafayette was quick to respond positively, telling Thomas he could.</p><p>Thomas sent another black photo, again with a caption. ‘I’ve kinda always lowkey thought John was like, really hot and idk, being in his house is kinda,, whack, for lack of a better word’</p><p>Lafayette took a black photo and typed out a caption. ‘Wait really?’</p><p>Thomas was quick to respond. ‘Yeah. Idk if it’s anything serious but, idk I can’t stop thinking about it seeing as I’m /in his house/.’</p><p>Lafayette was trying to formulate a response when he got a text from Eliza, which he was quick to open.</p><p> </p><p>Eliza: So, John still has feelings for Thomas. Thomas showing up here tonight so vulnerable and having done what he did made John realize that the feelings never really faded.</p><p>Lafayette: You’re kidding</p><p>Eliza: I’m not???</p><p>Lafayette: ...Thomas literally is in the middle of telling me that he’s always had a thing for John and it’s being amped up due to being in John’s house</p><p>Eliza: No way-</p><p>Lafayette: My thoughts exactly!</p><p>Eliza: So John likes Thomas and Alex, Alex likes John and has been sleeping with Thomas, and Thomas likes Alex and has a thing for John??? I smell a very complicated but potentially beautiful situation here</p><p>Lafayette: Tell me about it. What do we do with John and Thomas’ feelings right now though?</p><p>Eliza: I dunno, I mean, everything is such a mess. I mean I’d love to meddle here too, it’d get my mind off Alex, but John and Thomas are both wrecks right now and the last thing they need is extra feelings complicating things further.</p><p>Lafayette: I guess you have a point. We will leave them to it, and only once we know Alex is okay and is better will we try and medal</p><p>Eliza: Sounds good to me. If they do it on their own that’s one thing, although I doubt they will, but we can’t meddle until Alex is okay. Plus like, once Alex is okay then we can really start working on this.</p><p>Lafayette: You seem quite invested in this, it isn’t exactly like you</p><p>Eliza: You’re not the one who’s husband literally has 2 guys after him right now, I just want to see him like, happy and loved</p><p>Lafayette: I guess that is fair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Til Kingdom Come (Coldplay)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mentions of hospitals, rough day at the hospital, talk of medical stuff, drugs, anxiety, stress, complicated feelings, talk of trauma, talk of eating disorder, talk of abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eliza and John soon rejoined everyone and slowly, as the night progressed everyone started getting tired and right as people were considering going home, Lafayette’s phone began ringing with a call from Martha. He was fast to answer it and put it on speaker so everyone could hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Mama, you are on speaker, everyone is still here. How is Alexander?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a little rocky but for now he’s relatively stable.” Martha sounded stressed and tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why has it been rocky?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a lot of risks with medically induced comas and the doctors are doing their best but it’s hard to manage them and control each one. Too much medication to protect against one thing can make it dangerous to use medication to protect against others. For example cardiac issues are a problem with both cocaine overdoses and medically induced comas, but blood clotting is also a risk with medically induced comas and the necessary medications used to protect from both of those things can react poorly with each other.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something specific happen that made the day so rocky?” Eliza asked the next question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re still working on getting Alex’s medications balanced to protect his heart and everything and we’ve had a couple small scares is all. He’s fine, it’s not like anything major happened, but, there were just some scary moments today.” Martha told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any idea when he’s gonna be out of the coma?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re guessing another 3 or 4 days at least. They want to keep him under until there’s no cocaine left in his system and usually it would only be 2 more days, but because he used it for so long it’s probably gonna be another couple days. They’re basing it off bloodwork, so when his blood comes back clean for cocaine, then they’ll reverse the coma.” Martha answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he gonna be the same person mentally he was before this? I mean, they put him in the coma to prevent brain damage from seizures because he kept having them, does that mean there already has been brain damage?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no obvious brain damage that the doctors could find, but we really won’t know until he wakes up unfortunately.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kids talked with Martha for a while longer, she explained that once they reverse the coma effects Alex would be moved to the general ward and then everyone could visit, but in the meantime only Lafayette could because he was Alex’s sibling. The call ended and suddenly, no one wanted to leave John's house, and Aunt Cassie didn’t mind at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aunt Cassie had two guest bedrooms, so Maria and Eliza ended up on the bed in one with Peggy volunteering to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of the same room, Lafayette and Hercules were in the other room, and Thomas on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon everyone was off to bed but Thomas couldn’t sleep. His mind was filled with worry for Alex, feelings for Alex, the emotional fallout of having feelings for Alex, and the feelings about John, to name a few. He found himself sitting outside on the back deck, letting the cool night air chill him until he almost felt frozen. It was a peaceful night. The sky was clear and it was quiet, ideal conditions for sitting outside and having a “minor” crisis while allowing oneself to get so cold goosebumps formed and they were physically shivering a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear the door open or someone walking over to him. He finally noticed when he felt someone draping a blanket over his shoulders. Thomas looked up and saw it was John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You looked cold.” John explained as he sat down next to Thomas, a blanket of his own wrapped around his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, a little, thanks.” Thomas told John as he pulled the blanket tighter around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There a reason you’re sitting out here freezing your ass off instead of sleeping?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t sleep, I figured it’s such a nice night, might as well take advantage of it.” Thomas explained. “Why are you out here and not sleeping?” He asked back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was getting water and I saw you out here, I guess I wanted to check in.” John admitted. “Things are just, all over the place right now and ya know, it’s important that we all check in with each other. It’s easy to feel hopeless or guilty about this but it’s not healthy or helpful to do so.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair.” Thomas nodded a bit. “I just, I have a lot on my mind right now, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John gave a sarcastic chuckle. “Tell me about it.” He paused for a moment. “Anything you want to share with the class?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just worried about Alex and I’m trying to work out some, complicated feelings.” Thomas admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I totally get that, you don’t even know. What kind of feelings, if you don’t mind me asking? I mean, I know about you and Alex, and Laf kinda let the beans spill that you like him.” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feelings for Alex, my feelings about my feelings for Alex, and some other stuff. What kinds of feelings are you trying to get through?” Thomas asked in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John chuckled a bit, again sarcastically. “Feelings for Alex, worry for Alex, feelings for someone else…” John’s heart was racing as he said it, but he couldn’t stop himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded. “I get that. It’s a lot to deal with huh? Knowing you’ve got two crushes and probably don’t have a chance with either of them.” Thomas sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you have a chance with Alex or this other person?” John frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you like Alex, and Alex likes you back, so that’s probably not going anywhere.” Thomas explained. “And the other guy I like likes someone else too, plus I dunno, I just don’t really feel like I’m great boyfriend material.” Thomas shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think you aren’t good boyfriend material?” John asked. “I mean, you’re really- you’re relatively attractive, decent grades, headed to Columbia university in the fall, you have a car, on paper that seems pretty good.” John pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got emotional baggage for days and I don’t always have the best coping mechanisms, for one.” Thomas admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got emotional baggage too. I’ve gotten better at dealing with it, but it’s still there, some of it always will be.” John told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have social anxiety.” Thomas told John. “I know it doesn’t seem that way but, have you ever seen me eat in public? Or willingly, openly, talk about my feelings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nearly flinched at the mention of public eating. He had his eating disorder under control, but at times eating in public was still hard, and he had to do his best to not think about it, and he still couldn’t do it if he was alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas noticed this and frowned. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “Yeah, go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas stared at John for a moment before continuing. “I have a therapist, and I’m on medication, it helps, but, not always. My therapist isn’t always available and sometimes things are too much and the medication can’t help it. I hate talking on the phone so James knows that if I call him something is wrong. I freaked out about Alex and nearly got myself arrested because I beat Reynolds up so badly, and had the cops not shown up god only knows how far it would’ve gone.” Thomas frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all handle bad news poorly, and yeah, maybe what you did was a little extreme, but at the same time, you can’t easily vocalize feelings, so you let it out in different ways.” John reassured Thomas. “And we’ve been wanting to beat the shit out of James Reynolds for a long time now anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask why?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria used to date him and he was abusive as fuck. Verbally, physically, sexually, he forced her into prostitution and got her hooked on cocaine so she wouldn’t leave him. He’s an awful guy, me and Angelica had to physically restrain Hercules from going after the dude because there’s no way anyone could survive that.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know why I live with my aunt Cassie and not my dad?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t actually.” Thomas admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom passed away when I was about 12 or 13, and my dad became abusive after her death. I was struggling to cope with her death, and coming to terms with my sexuality, and suddenly I could never do anything to please my dad. The abuse got so bad that I started starving myself to cope. At one point, right before moving in here, I was only 95 pounds and I wasn’t too far off the height I am now. My Aunt Cassie offered to take me in, and get me healthy and shit again and my dad was happy to ship me off.” John told Thomas, but didn’t look at him as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really glad that you were able to get away from that, and that you’re healthier now. You’re absolutely beautiful just as you are right now.” Thomas told John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes, messy unwashed hair, bags under my eyes so dark they’re probably carrying milk or bleach, and sleep deprived. The height of sex appeal.” John said sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s nothing a little sleep and a hair brush can’t fix, doll. But I mean, you, as a person, in general, are beautiful.” Thomas gently brushed a small strand of hair out of John’s face, tucking it behind his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s face heated up at being called ‘doll’, and he nearly lost it when Thomas brushed the hair out of his face. He swallowed thickly and tried to maintain his composure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas noticed John’s reaction and a little voice in the back of his mind told him to make a move. Thomas cupped John’s cheek. “Can I kiss you?” He asked gently. He was nervous, but he did his best not to show it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s brain nearly short-circuited upon hearing Thomas say those words, and he couldn’t find the words to respond verbally so he just nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas leaned and gently pressed his lips against John’s in a soft, sweet kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s heart was racing as he kissed Thomas back. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, and at the same time, he never wanted to stop doing it either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas broke the kiss. “You’re the other person I like. It’s you and Alex.” He told John quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve had a crush on you since November last year.” John admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You- really?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “I thought it went away when Alex showed up and caught my eye, but when you showed up here this evening, I realized it was never gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas bit his lip. “So we like each other, we both like Alex, Alex likes you, and me and Alex have been sleeping together.” Thomas said out loud, just to clarify it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “That’s some fanfiction bullshit right there.” He chuckled a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit. “There’s only one problem.” Thomas sighed at the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” John frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Alex likes you, but, he doesn’t have those feelings for me, we’ve just been fucking. It’s hard to have a triangle when point B wants to meet point C but point C doesn’t want to meet point B.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded a bit. “This is all such a mess. Alex should be here. He should be with us. You can’t have a triangle without a point C.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I keep thinking the same thing.” Thomas shook his head a bit. “These feelings were never supposed to come out but if they were both you and Alex should’ve been present. Now we’re here and he’s laying in a hospital bed somewhere.” He shook his head a second time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John bit his lip. “For now, do you just, want to be a two-point line, and hope that eventually we can be a triangle?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess it would be kinda pointless to sit here, pining, and dealing with all this alone when we don’t have to.” Thomas pointed out. “I mean, Lafayette has Hercules, Eliza has Maria, why should we do it alone if we don’t have to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “And when Alex gets out of the hospital we can sit down with him and figure all this out together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John smiled a little and scooted closer to Thomas, resting his head on Thomas’ shoulder. “Anything else I should know about you seeing as we’re now like, a thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well emotions can be tough for me to talk about so, if you want or need to have that kind of conversation with me, just, warn me first? And just know what just because I don’t always express things through words doesn’t mean I don’t feel them. James says my love language is gifts and acts of service, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John nodded. “That’s more than fair. For myself it’s less a relationship thing more of a being around me thing but like, try not to talk about food in negative lights I guess? Don’t be like oh, that has so much fat, or that’s got a ton of calories or whatever, especially the calorie thing. Just, don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and uh, fair warning, I really like cuddling and like, displays of affection.” John warned Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas wrapped his arm around John to hold him close and pressed a kiss to John’s head. “I think I can live with that.” He smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” John smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was quiet for a while before speaking again. “Alex has to be okay.” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s gonna. He’s gonna be okay.” John said, even though </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t even think that it sounded reassuring like it was supposed to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two stayed like that, sitting outside for a while, before John started to shiver which told Thomas it was time for them to go back inside. “Come on, let’s head back in.” Thomas told John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John just nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two quietly reentered the house. “I don’t wanna let go of you yet.” John mumbled, referring to the fact that he was hugging Thomas’ muscular arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” Thomas asked. “Well doll I’m not against staying with you for the night, but there’s a good chance our friends could find out about us if we do, and I don’t know how you feel about that. I don’t really care either way, but…” Thomas told John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John bit his lip. “I could just, get up really early before anyone else is awake and go back to my room.” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want.” Thomas nodded a bit and laid down on the couch, which had been set up to be slept on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We- we’ll tell them soon, but not quite yet. For now I just wanna spend a couple more hours with you.” John explained as he laid down on the couch next to Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan.” Thomas smiled softly. He pulled the blankets over them, before wrapping his arms around John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Tommy.” John mumbled and yawned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight doll.” Thomas kissed John’s head and let them both fall asleep, warm, and feeling safe with each other, despite both still being scared for Alex, and worried about the logistics of all this.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. I Won't Give Up (Jason Mraz)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Hospitals, drug overdoses, medically induced comas, graphic descriptions of a medical situation/scenario, verbal fighting</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eliza usually woke up pretty early, although even this- 5:02am- was a little early for her. Regardless she couldn’t deny the fact that she desperately needed some water, and that once she got up and drank some, she would be too awake to fall back asleep. She laid next to Maria for a couple minutes more before slowly starting to detangle her limbs from Maria’s so she could get up without waking her girlfriend in the process.</p><p>Once Eliza was up and out of bed, without waking Maria or Peggy up, she pressed a kiss to Maria’s head, grabbed her phone, and quietly left the room, slowly, quietly making her way down to the kitchen to get water while hopefully not waking anyone up, Thomas especially, as he was on the couch in the living room. Eliza was coming down the stairs, from which she could see the couch easily and glanced over at it to make sure the sound of her on the stairs wasn’t waking Thomas up.</p><p>However what she saw was not at all what she expected to.</p><p>She had expected to see Thomas laying there, hopefully still sleeping and unaware of her presence.</p><p>And while he certainly was still sleeping and unaware of her presence, what shocked Eliza was that John was laying next to Thomas, with Thomas’s arms wrapped tightly around John in a protective manner. Like how Maria held her and how Hercules held Lafayette while sleeping.</p><p>Eliza was shocked by this for a moment, and unsure of how to react. In the end, she pulled out her phone, went to snapchat, and took a quick picture of the two sleeping boys. She added the caption ‘Look what I found’ as well as a time-stamp sticker and sent it to Laf. She then put her phone back in her pocket, quietly as possible got herself a glass of water, and headed back to the room she, Maria, and Peggy were sleeping in. She drank her water, then crawled back in bed next to Maria, even if she wasn’t going back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>About a half hour later she heard someone coming up the stairs and the door to John’s room most likely opening and closing. It made her wonder what exactly was up with him and Thomas, and when that happened.</p><p> </p><p>About another hour later, Eliza got a snapchat notification. She quickly opened her phone and saw it was from Lafayette. She opened the snap he sent.</p><p>It was a picture of the ceiling with a simple caption of ‘No way.’</p><p>Eliza took a quick picture of the wall. ‘I heard John go back to his room about an hour ago, I think they’re trying to keep it quiet…’</p><p>Laf quickly responded just using the chat feature rather than snapping. </p><p> </p><p>Laf: Well damn, I mean like, I want details but they’ll probably be freaked out if they find out that we know. I wonder what happened</p><p>Eliza: Same</p><p> </p><p>Finally about another half hour later everyone else started getting up and slowly trickling back downstairs to the living room. All 7 tired, bleary eyed teens joined each other on the couch while aunt Cassie went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Not much was said between the group of teens.</p><p>“So like, are we gonna go to school today? I mean, we’ve got about an hour and a half before class starts. We could make it if we wanted.” Hercules spoke up.</p><p>“But do any of us really want to?” Maria asked.</p><p>“Are any of us really ready for that? I mean, if we’re all still worried about Alex will we even be able to focus on our classes anyway?” John pointed out.</p><p>“Plus we were all up pretty late last night.” Eliza pointed out.</p><p>“You all make good points. I think we should take today off, but maybe we should go back tomorrow. We can not miss too much school but we are all obviously too tired to go, and too worried, but we will have more information by this time tomorrow.” Lafayette suggested.</p><p>“I think that sounds fair.” Thomas said.</p><p>“Yeah me too.” John agreed.</p><p>Eliza and Maria exchanged a quick look. “Us too.” Eliza nodded.</p><p>“Sounds like a plan to me.” Hercules told Laf.</p><p>Aunt Cassie then came into the living room. “That sounds like a good plan. Breakfast is ready for you kiddos. Now do you need me here or can I head into work today? I can figure out other arrangements if you need me, but-” Aunt Cassie was cut off.</p><p>“You have a job to go to, responsibilities to fulfill, students to educate. Go, we’ll be fine.” John told his aunt.</p><p>Aunt Cassie smiled a bit. “Thank you John. Feel free to text me or call me if anything changes or comes up, okay?”</p><p>“We will.” John promised.</p><p> </p><p>By the time they finished eating aunt Cassie was gone and they were back to sitting in the living room in silence again. John and Thomas kept exchanging fast glances, and so did Eliza and Lafayette, and Maria, Peggy, and Hercules were beginning to notice.</p><p>“Do you guys know something we don’t?” Peggy finally asked.</p><p>“What?” John seemed confused.</p><p>“You and Thomas keep exchanging glances and so do Eliza and Laf. Are me, Peggy, and Maria like, missing something here or something?” Hercules asked.</p><p>“It’s not really our place to say anything about it.” Eliza mumbled.</p><p>“About what?” Maria asked.</p><p>Lafayette looked at Thomas.</p><p>“What’s the look for?” Thomas asked Lafayette.</p><p>“Me and Eliza cannot in good conscience say what is going on here.” Lafayette explained.</p><p>“And what exactly is going on here?” John asked.</p><p>“It’s not our place to say it.” Eliza told him.</p><p>“What on earth is this ‘it’? What is going on?” Hercules asked.</p><p>“We can’t say it!” Lafayette insisted.</p><p>“And what even is this ‘it’ that me and John are supposed to know about?” Thomas asked.</p><p>“You know damn well what it is!” Eliza exclaimed.</p><p>“And what is it then, because neither of us have any idea what you and Lafayette are talking about!” John responded.</p><p>This continued on, and Maria eventually couldn’t take it anymore. She got up and left the room, and the house, unnoticed. It was all just too much. She didn’t even want to know what was happening anymore, she just didn’t want to have to hear any more fighting. She’d dealt with enough fighting to last her a lifetime already, between her parents, and then between herself and James.</p><p>Maria sat in her car for a moment, before deciding to call Martha Washington. Maria nervously waited for the phone to be answered.</p><p>“Hello?” Martha’s voice soon came over the phone.</p><p>“Hey Mrs Washington, it’s Maria. I uh, I was wondering if maybe I could come see Alex this morning?” Maria asked, trying as hard as she could to not cry or sound like she was about to, although at this point, it was hard not to sound that way.</p><p>“We can find a way to make that work, of course. Is everything alright though? You sound like you’re about to cry.” Martha’s frown could practically be heard over the phone.</p><p>“It’s a long story. When is the earliest I could come see him?” Maria asked curiously.</p><p>“About a half hour, 8am.” Martha informed her.</p><p>“Alright. I’ll be there then.”</p><p>“Okay. When you get here just shoot me a text, I’ll come meet you where we met yesterday and help convince the staff you’re family.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Maria told Martha.</p><p>Maria ended the call and headed back to her apartment. She took a fast shower and changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt, which she threw a large, hooded flannel over, as well as the same converse as yesterday, and headed to the hospital for the second morning in a row, but this time, she stopped and got coffee for herself, Martha, and George on the way. Once she got there and parked, she sent Martha a quick text, then headed to the little waiting area where they’d met the day before. Martha was again, waiting for her.</p><p>“Good morning Maria. How are you doing this morning?” Martha asked, still sounding worried after their phone call.</p><p>“It’s- it’s been a morning, that’s for sure.” Maria sighed a bit.</p><p>“I get it. Well let’s head in there and see what we can do. Remember, we fostered you for a period of time, hopefully that’ll be enough explaining but if not, just let me take the lead, alright?” Martha told Maria.</p><p>Maria nodded in understanding.</p><p>Martha led the way into the ward and up to the security desk. She showed her visitor pass to the guard. “She’s going to need a visitor pass as well, she’s a sibling so she wasn’t here over night.” Martha told the guard.</p><p>“Name of the patient you’re visiting?” The guard asked.</p><p>“Alexander Hamilton.” Martha answered.</p><p>“Can I see some ID miss?” The guard asked Maria.</p><p>Maria handed over her driver’s license.</p><p>“Siblings with different last names?” The guard asked, immediately suspicious of Maria.</p><p>“Alexander, as well as Maria here, are- or were in Maria’s case- both foster kids my husband and I have and are caring for. The last names don’t match but they are siblings.” Martha explained.</p><p>The guard eyed Martha up and down suspiciously.</p><p>“I can prove my parents died while I was still a minor, which is why I ended up in the system.” Maria offered before Martha could say anything in response to the guard.</p><p>“Alright then.” The guard nodded a bit.</p><p>Maria opened her purse and dug around for a moment before pulling out a funeral pamphlet from her parents funeral and handed it over to the guard. “I was 9 years old, neither parents had siblings, no grandparents were still alive, and there were no living wills. I was put into the system and luckily for me, I was put into the home of Martha and George Washington. And if that name sounds familiar, that’s because it does. Mom over here is our state governor.” Maria explained, adding the governor thing for a little added push to let this go.</p><p>The guard looked at the pamphlet for a moment before handing it back to Maria along with her license. He handed her a visitor pass without saying another word.</p><p>“Thank you. Have a nice day.” Martha smiled a bit.</p><p>Maria clipped the pass to her shirt and followed Martha down the hallway towards Alex’s room.</p><p>“That was quite impressive work back there Maria.” Martha smiled a bit.</p><p>“Thank you.” Maria smiled back.</p><p>Martha soon stopped just outside a hospital room. “I have to warn you, there’s a lot of machines and IV’s and wires and things he’s hooked up to. It’s a little unsettling, to say the least.”</p><p>“I can handle it.” Maria promised.</p><p>“Okay.” Martha nodded a bit. She knocked on the doorway as she pulled the curtain back a bit and entered the room. “George we have a visitor.” Martha announced.</p><p>George looked over as Martha and Maria Lewis entered Alex’s hospital room. “Hello Maria.” He said politely.</p><p>“Hi. I brought coffee for you guys. I figured you’d need it.” Maria explained as she handed them each a coffee.</p><p>“Thank you.” George smiled a bit as he took the cup.</p><p>Once Maria handed out the coffees she finally turned her attention to Alex.</p><p>Alex looked small in his hospital bed. Maria didn’t know where the machines ended and Alex started. There was a large tube in his mouth going down his throat, probably breathing for him, a small tube in his nose that Maria guessed was a feeding tube, an IV with a large number of drugs going through it, a blood pressure cuff around his upper arm, and lots of wires that disappeared under his hospital gown monitoring things. He was pale and his chest moved harshly as the machine breathed for Alex. It hurt to see it, but Maria reminded herself that he was still alive, and that these things were making sure he would stay that way.</p><p>Maria looked over her shoulder at Martha. “Can- can I touch him?” She asked quietly.</p><p>Martha nodded. “Just be careful of the wires and the IV.”</p><p>Maria nodded a bit. She took Alex’s hand and held onto it tightly, as if letting go meant he would drift away.</p><p>“You can talk to him, he might be able to hear you. Lots of patients in these medically induced comas have vivid dreams, usually nightmares though, and hallucinations. And I'm sure we’ve all experienced it where we’ve been dreaming and someone actually said something to us, and it changed how the dream was going?”</p><p>Maria nodded. “Okay.” She looked at Alex but was unsure of what to say or where to start, and having the Washingtons right there wasn’t helping.</p><p>“Why don’t we give you a little time. George probably needs to stretch his legs and see some sunlight anyway.” Martha told Maria.</p><p>Maria just nodded a bit.</p><p>Martha and George then left the room.</p><p>Maria turned to Alex. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “I thought you were clean. I wanted so badly for you to be clean. I never wanted to do this to you.” She whispered. She sighed a bit as she reminded herself that she wasn’t gonna get a response.</p><p>And then an idea struck Maria and she had no idea why she acted on it, but she did, she took a deep breath before starting. </p><p>“When I look into your eyes, it’s like watching the night sky, or a beautiful sunrise, well there’s so much they hold, and just like them old stars, I see that you’ve come so far, to be right where you are, how old is your soul? Well I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up, and when you’re needing your space, to do some navigating, I’ll be here patiently waiting, to see what you find, cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth, we’ve got a lot to learn, god knows we're worth it, no I won’t give up.” Maria stopped singing for a moment to wipe away some tears that were falling down her face. </p><p>“I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I’m here to stay and make the differences I can make, our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got, yeah we got a lot at stake, and in the end you’re still my friend at least we did intend, for us to work, we didn’t break we didn’t burn, we had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in, I had to learn, what I got, and what I’m not, and who I am, I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up, I’m still looking up, well I won’t give up on us, god knows I’m tough enough, we’ve got a lot to learn, god knows we’re worth it. I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up.”</p><p>Maria finished singing the song- ‘I won’t give up’ by Jason Marz- to Alex. She probably hadn’t done a perfect job, but Eliza had always said her singing voice was soothing, and she figured the song choice was fairly appropriate given the situation and her feelings towards it.</p><p>And of course, Alex didn’t respond to it in any way, but Maria liked to think that somehow he heard it. She held his hand for a while, before going to brush some hair out of his face, which was when she realized his hair was loose, and getting tangled from being laying in the bed so long. She bit her lip and grabbed a hair brush from her purse. She stood at the head of the bed, and carefully brushed out his hair, which was a little tricky, but eventually she got the hang of it. She then decided to braid it so it would keep from getting tangled again. A comb, a couple spare hair elastics, and about a half hour later, Maria had completed one french braid and was working on a second, while continuing to sing ‘I won’t give up’ to Alex, when George and Martha returned they looked a little surprised to see this.</p><p>“I hope it’s okay, I just, his hair was getting tangled and I wanted to do something so it wouldn’t get tangled again so easily.” Maria explained to the Washingtons.</p><p>“It’s more than alright.” George reassured her.</p><p>“And those are excellent braids considering his head can’t be moved. Lafayette probably couldn’t do as good a job.” Martha smiled a bit at Maria.</p><p>“Thank you.” Maria smiled a bit and continued working on the second braid.</p><p>Maria finished the braid and stayed for about an hour more, before she could no longer ignore her friends’ and girlfriend’s numerous attempts to contact her and left the hospital, heading back to John’s house even though she knew things probably wouldn’t go great upon her return.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Welcome To The Family (Watsky)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Yelling, hospitals, medical terminology, discussions of addiction, mentions of drugs, mentions of suicide, guilt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Upon arriving back at John’s house Maria entered the house and went into the living room where everyone was still on the couch to no one’s surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re finally back!” Eliza exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you leave?” Hercules asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d I leave? Because our friend is literally in the hospital in a medically induced coma, with a tube down his throat breathing </span>
  <em>
    <span>for him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and you guys were sitting here picking a massive fight over some small detail that you seemed to figure was too dangerous to actually talk about!” Maria told them, sounding more upset than she’d realized she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group was quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I went and visited Alex in the hospital. I’d say he says hi, but he can’t say anything between the coma, and the ventilator, and the NG tube, and the gazillion wires and catheters, and the IVs pumping him full of drugs to keep him alive, stable, and in that medically induced coma.” Maria continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait you saw him?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is he?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How were you able to see him?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes I saw him. He’s in a fucking coma, how do you think he is, John? Martha was kind enough to realize that I felt immensely guilty for this, as it’s literally my fault, and offered to tell the hospital staff I was her foster kid so that I could see Alex. And she probably won’t do the same for any of the rest of you because you can’t stop acting like immature children for 5 minutes.” Maria spoke bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group went quiet. Maria didn’t often get mad but when she did, it meant something or in this case someone fucked up big time, and they realized in that moment that that morning they had been acting like children.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria rubbed her face as a show of stress. “I can’t fucking do this. If I stay here any longer I’m gonna go looking for a fix, so I’m gonna go find a meeting so that hopefully I can curb the urge to lose my sobriety because I will be damned if I lose it because of you idiots.” She said and turned on her heel, leaving the house again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group exchanged looks, knowing they’d messed up, and that they should not try to go after Maria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really fucked up.” Lafayette mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No shit.” John responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is she gonna be okay? Like, she’ll actually go to a meeting instead of finding a fix?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded. “She just needs some time and space to cool down. We all messed up this morning and it’s totally fair that she’s so mad at us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was she serious about all that stuff she said about Alex?” Peggy asked quietly, seeming a little scared. “Like the wires and tubes and stuff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably, yeah, but it sounds worse than it is. He’s probably on a ventilator to breathe for him, heart rate and blood pressure monitors to make sure it’s all normal, IV medications for obvious reasons, and probably some like catheters and shit to keep his body running normally.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She also mentioned an NG tube? What’s that?” Peggy asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John swallowed thickly and looked uncomfortable as he recalled some less than fun memories at the mention of an NG tube.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feeding tube.” Eliza explained quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Peggy nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s gonna be okay Pegs, don’t worry.” Hercules told her. “He’s resilient. Nothing’s gonna happen to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A couple days passed. The group knew about Thomas and John’s relationship, had made amends with Maria, and had gone back to school. It was Saturday now, and they had reversed the effects of the coma, and though Alex wasn’t awake, he was breathing on his own without the ventilator, so he’d been moved down to the general ward. George, Martha, Lafayette, and Maria were all in his room, and everyone else wasn’t far away in the waiting room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria was holding Alex’s hand, and waiting for him to wake up. Lafayette was pacing, Martha was trying to calm him, and George was silently watching all this happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria glanced at the clock, the doctor said Alex would be awake any time by now and he still wasn’t. “Come on Alex, everyone is here, everyone is waiting for you. Just open your eyes.” She begged, despite knowing not to expect any kind of response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, Alex suddenly squeezed her hand back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria’s eyes widened and she gasped. “Alex?” She asked quickly. In no time at all, all eyes were on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly Alex’s eyes scrunched up and relaxed, before they slowly opened and he blinked a couple times. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand and looked around. “What happened?” His voice was groggy, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was finally awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god Alex, you’re finally awake.” Maria announced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mon dieu Alex, thank god you’re finally awake.” Lafayette told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gave us quite the scare there son.” George admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling dear?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really groggy, and confused, and thirsty.” Alex said honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha was quick to get him a glass of water. “Do you remember what happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex thought back to the last thing he remembered. Arriving home from Thomas’s, the Washington’s grounded him. He suddenly remembered his binge and realizing he’d done too much coke, he messaged Lafayette for help, and then- and then the world went black. It was a lot to suddenly remember.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I ODed.” Alex mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Lafayette asked Alex desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fucked up. I knew I was in trouble. I didn’t want to have to deal with any of it, and I went on a binge, and then I guess I found out the hard way that my eyes were bigger than my tolerance.” Alex explained awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you weren’t intentionally trying to kill yourself?” Lafayette asked bluntly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette, you’re gonna scare him.” Martha told Laf quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Martha. It didn’t start out that way, no. As the binge went on I think I definitely figured that like if I went out it wouldn’t suck, but I wasn’t actively trying to hurt myself.” Alex said truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette just nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened exactly? How long have I been in the hospital?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Lafayette was able to decipher your text with John’s help. We found you unconscious on your bathroom floor. We called 911 and you were brought to the ER here. Things were going okay, but then you started having seizures, and they couldn’t get them under control. Your brain was at risk for damage because of it, so they put you into a medically induced coma. That was early Wednesday morning, and it’s now Saturday evening.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Am, am I in trouble?” He asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George looked at Lafayette and Maria. “Why don’t you two step out for a moment. Go let everyone know that Alex is awake?” He suggested, really just wanting them out of the room for a couple moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back, okay?” Maria told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria kissed the back of Alex’s hand and followed Lafayette out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not necessarily in trouble, persay. We realize addiction is a serious mental health issue, and we aren’t going to punish you for it.” George started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we do want you to get clean. We’re not going to allow you to continue using drugs. We’re going to have to put some systems in place at least for a little while, so that we know you aren’t using, but they won’t last forever, and really it’s for your own good.” Martha continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna send me to some 30-day rehab facility are you?” Alex asked, his tone making it clear that he absolutely did not want that if he had any choice at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not unless you think that’s what’s best for you.” Martha told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head. “I don't, I don’t wanna get sent away.” He admitted, feeling small as he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay then. We won’t. In that case, we’re gonna keep you at home with someone at all times, for the next week or two, until the withdrawal effects start to subside. You won’t be going to school, and you’ll be going to NA meetings at least once a day if not more. We’ll assess your progress and decide based on that when you can go back to school.” Martha explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you getting the money for this?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex opened his mouth to start to tell a lie, but he realized in that moment that he was sick of lies. He didn’t want to lie anymore. Lying didn’t get him anywhere, and it was clear now with the Washington’s that he didn’t need to lie. They could’ve abandoned his ass the night he overdosed. But instead not only did they choose to keep him, they were still there for him. “I had an online writing commission business, most of my clients were college or university students, paying me a couple hundred bucks a pop to write various papers for them.” Alex said honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that has to stop now, because if you were to get caught you could lose your acceptance to Columbia.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We want to know where you are and who you’re with at all times. And we want to keep track of your spending.” Martha told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s more than fair.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then I think that just about covers it then.” George said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless you have any questions?” Martha asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip in consideration for a moment, before asking. “Why keep me despite all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re a part of our family, we love you, and that’s never gonna change.” Martha told Alex truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hugged himself tightly as was quiet for a moment. “Can I have a hug?” He asked quietly, his voice breaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Martha said and wrapped her arms around Alex tightly. George came over and wrapped his arms around Alex from the other side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let them hug him until he felt himself start to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually the hug broke and Martha looked at Alex, it hurt to see him so distraught. “It’s gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.” She reassured him. “Is there anything we can do to reassure you?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything at all. Nothing is too crazy, sky’s the limit, money is no object.” George added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. One idea crossed his mind, but he wanted to consider it himself more before asking for it. He shook his head a little. “I’m okay for now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A doctor then came in to check on Alex now that he was awake. The doctor checked Alex over physically and said that they’d monitor him overnight but that if all went well, he could be home as early as tomorrow. The doctor did also talk about addiction and the dangers of it, and all the fun stuff doctors talk about when people end up in the hospital after they overdose. Martha and George listened to the doctor, but took most of what he said with a grain of salt and soon he left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. “Can I talk to Maria next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, we’ll send her in.” Martha promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha and George left the room and soon Maria came in. “Heard you were asking for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “I didn’t recognize you until Tuesday night. You’re so much healthier now, not all bruised up, and wearing actual clothes unlike when you were with Jim. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you sooner.” He told Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t sweat it. It’s almost reassuring to know that I look that different compared to when I was with him, and you're not the one who needs to be apologizing here. If it weren’t for me none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t be in the hospital. You wouldn’t have wasted tens of thousands of dollars on drugs. I, I don’t even know how to begin to apologize to you, Alex. I feel so guilty for getting you in this situation.” Maria told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t feel guilty. You did what you had to in order to survive. I don’t blame you. I could’ve said no. I could’ve walked away that night. I chose not to, I chose to stay, and I chose to come back, and that’s on me, not you.” Alex reminded her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria was quiet for a while. “I recognized you almost immediately, but I honestly figured you were clean. You seemed healthy, you never appeared high, you were so good at keeping it secret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks?” Alex was unsure how to take it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should’ve noticed sooner.” Maria told him, her tone one of regret. “And I’m sorry I didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex this is literally my fault. What else am I supposed to be doing or feeling here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m not mad at you.” Alex told her. Alex was quiet for a moment. “Did you- did you sing to me, while I was in the coma?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard that?” Maria seemed shocked and began to tear up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was almost like drifting in and out of consciousness, every now and then I could hear stuff happening around me. One of the things I remember hearing was someone singing to me, that Jason Mraz song,” Alex couldn’t remember the name of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t give up.” Maria told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “I heard it. I remember that. It was very calming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I could be of help.” Maria said, giving a small smile despite the fact that it looked as though she could shed tears any second now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gotta get clean. I wanna get clean. Drugs are expensive and nearly cost me my life.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded. “I’m glad you want to. These last few days have been, hell, and I don’t want to go through it again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W- will you help me? I mean like, with getting clean and all? You’re probably the only person I know who actually knows what it’s like.” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Of course I will. I got you into this mess and I’m- I’m honoured that you’ll let me help you out of it. I meant every word of that song I sang to you.” Maria told Alex. “I’m not just gonna walk away, I’m gonna stay and help you however I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Maria.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Maria nodded. “Can I hug you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and wrapped her arms around Alex tightly and began softly singing to him. “I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up. And when you’re needing your space, to do some navigating, I’ll be here patiently waiting, to see what you find, cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth, we got a lot to learn, god knows we’re worth it, no I won’t give up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hummed a bit to communicate that he liked it without interrupting. He let her finish before speaking. “I love you, but like, no hetero.” He chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a dork.” Maria scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I love you too, no hetero.” She repeated back regardless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m not gonna leave, but I think some other people are waiting very impatiently to see you.” Maria told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who all is here?” Alex asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laf, Herc, John, Eliza, Peggy, and Thomas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T- Thomas?” Alex asked, shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit in response. “M- maybe send Laf in next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Maria kissed Alex’s head in a completely platonic manner, before leaving the room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Hold On Forever (Rob Thomas)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So sorry for the delay in posting! I'm dealing with a bad sinus infection and it do be stealing all my energy. I hope that a really long chapter can make up for the lack of posting because that's what I've got for you here. 15 pages instead of my usually 10-12 and about an extra thousand words than the average chapter.</p><p>TW: Hospitals, mentions of cops, miscommunications, yelling, talk of periods, talk of really bad period cramps, talk pf partner's being emotionally distant, talk of lack of communication in a relationship, emotional intimacy with someone other than one's partner (idk I feel like those sensitive to cheating could be upset with this one...)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In no time at all Lafayette was in Alex’s room, hugging Alex tightly. “Dieu Merci, I was so scared for you Alex. God. Never do that again. Ever.” Lafayette commanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t plan to.” Alex promised. “I’m sorry for everything. I can’t even imagine how badly I must’ve scared you and John and Martha and George.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do not worry about any of that right now, Alexander. It is okay. I am simply glad that you are okay. That is all that matters to me.” Lafayette reassured Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “So what’d I miss while I was in the coma?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So much. A lot of sleeping over at John’s house, and at one point Maria got mad and yelled at us because we were acting like children and we totally deserved it and oh Burr is collecting your school work and Thomas and John-” Lafayette suddenly cut himself off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas and John? What about Thomas and John?” Alex seemed confused and briefly wondered what on earth could possibly have been going on between the two guys he liked, not that he’d ever admit to liking Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is best I let them tell you. Oh, and Thomas beat the shit out of James Reynolds, like, could’ve fucking killed him had the cops not shown up.” Lafayette told Alex in an attempt to distract him from the other thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait cops?” Alex asked, suddenly very concerned for Thomas. “What the hell happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas didn’t get in any trouble because Reynolds was so highly wanted. He’s fine.” Lafayette reassured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. The two talked a little more before realizing that Alex should probably get some other visitors in there before visiting hours ended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see Thomas and John? Seeing as how you said they need to tell me something?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. He left the room, and soon Thomas and John entered the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ Alex, you scared me so bad.” John told Alex upon seeing him. “I’ve been sitting around all week wondering if there was anything I could’ve done differently that would’ve prevented this.” John admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same here Alex, I mean, fuck.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I scared you. It’s not gonna happen ever again. I’m gonna get sober.” Alex promised them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” John said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better.” Thomas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. “Lafayette said you two have something to tell me?” Alex asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two exchanged a look. “Let us explain everything before you freak out?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I freak out?” Alex asked in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, emotions were high, and feelings were all over the place, and the two of us, kinda, sorta, maybe realized that we have feelings for each other.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y- you what?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John looked at Thomas and took his hand. “But Alex you have to understand, there is so much more to it than this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and he didn’t see what else there was to understand. The two guys who Alex liked, one of whom Alex had regularly been sleeping with and the other whom Alex had gotten incredibly close with, ditched him and had gotten together. “What more is there to understand?” Alex asked harshly and bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s so much Alexander, and if you’ll just let us explain-” Thomas started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I don’t want to hear it. Just- just get out. Please send Maria back in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex please-” John tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’ve heard more than enough. I understand perfectly well. You can go now.” Alex was trying his hardest to keep it together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex you haven’t even heard us out.” Thomas pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to.” Alex stood firm. “Now get out before I call security.” He threatened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas and John exchanged another look before leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tried to keep himself from crying as he waited for Maria, but it hurt. John, the sweet, kind, smart, amazing listener, and wonderful friend love option A, had gotten together with Thomas, hot, smart, sex-god, who didn’t need to use a lot of words to express exactly how he was feeling love option B, leaving Alex single, and in pain at the idea of the two getting together. And he knew it wasn’t like he had any right to either of them, but it didn’t make it hurt any less, especially seeing as they had gotten together while Alex was in the hospital in a coma. Like, how was he supposed to have any chance to get either one before they could get each other? Now he wasn’t even gonna get weekly sex with Thomas and would have to watch Thomas and John be a happy, loving, smart, and incredibly hot couple, while Alex got to be the sad, lonely recovering coke-head whose friends would probably never see him the same way ever again. How great. That was just absolutely fucking great.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone was taking their turns going and visiting Alex. Martha and George had been first, then Maria, followed by Lafayette, and  now it was John and Thomas in there. Eliza, Hercules, and Peggy should’ve been asked back next. But instead, John and Thomas returned and told Maria she’d better get in there. Maria looked concerned and quickly rushed off to Alex’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened in there?” Eliza asked John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We tried to explain everything but he didn’t let us get very far.” Thomas told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He seemed really upset.” John added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tried to tell him now? Just now? He’s been in a coma, he overdosed on drugs, his entire world has been flipped upside down and you thought now was the right time to tell him?” Eliza scolded, and in that moment she sounded more like Angelica than herself, but right now John and Thomas deserved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We didn’t want to lie to him. We wanted to be transparent from the beginning.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two really aren’t the brightest bulbs in the shop.” Eliza shook her head at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We tried explaining everything to him but he wouldn’t let us! He threatened to call security if we didn’t leave the room right then!” Thomas exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh-hoh-hoh, don’t you dare try and make yourselves the victims here. I actually have a functioning IQ, I’m not gonna listen to that crap. You guys fucked up here, don’t try and paint him to be the bad guy in this situation, or try and say that this isn’t your fault. Put yourselves in his shoes for half a second. He’s been in a coma for less than a week, and one of the first things he finds out is that one of his best friends/crush, got together with the guy he was happily sleeping with. You don’t get to play the victim card here.” Eliza told them, essentially handing them their asses on a silver platter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules, who was standing nearby, had heard all of this. “Knuckleheads. Absolute knuckleheads. I’m ashamed to have y’all in loco parentis right now. I’d recommend getting outta here before Eliza goes full Angie and starts throwing hands, and man, don’t think she won’t, because she will, and she’ll have y’all fucked up.” Hercules recommended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen it, it’s kinda terrifying.” Peggy added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas and John exchanged a look before nodding and leaving together, both seeming pretty upset with themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza crossed her arms and looked up to try and keep from crying but in the end, it wasn’t going to work, and she put her head in her hands as tears began to fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, whoa what’s wrong?” Hercules asked as he wrapped his arms around Eliza, hugging her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything’s just a mess and I’m worried for Alex and I’m mad at John and Thomas for their stupidity and I just want Alex to be happy and there’s all kinds of other stuff going on and I think my period just started.” Eliza cried into Hercules’ chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, hey, it’s okay, what do you need right now?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of the group knew that for Eliza, even with being on birth control, periods were always rough on her. Horrible cramping for days, as well as migraines and sometimes heavy nausea plagued her for just under a week every month. They had been worse before she started birth control, before she couldn’t get out of bed or even really move and school was completely out of the question for the entire duration, now Eliza could bear to not be in bed the entire time and by day 3 she could usually manage a day of school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza took a deep, yet shaky breath. “D- did Maria leave her purse out here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules looked over. “She did.” He told Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Eliza mumbled. She slowly pulled away from the hug, grabbed Maria’s purse and headed off to the bathroom. She soon returned, set Maria’s purse down where it was before, and let herself fall back into Hercules’ arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good?” Hercules asked, gently rubbing her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza just nodded a bit, even though it wasn’t exactly true, because cramps were starting to hit her, hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna talk about anything?” Hercules offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza bit her lip and looked around. She wanted to, yeah, but here, with everyone around, not really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna go somewhere more private to talk?” Hercules was able to easily pick up on what she needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded a bit. “I don’t even know if I want to see Alex today at this point. I should be at my best for it and I know I won’t be.” She admitted to Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. We’ll get out of there then.” Hercules told her gently. He looked over at Peggy. “I’m gonna get her outta here, can you get a ride home from Maria or the Washington’s?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peggy nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Pegs.” Hercules gave a soft smile, then turned back to Eliza. “Just give me a minute to let Laf know what’s up and then we’ll go, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules went over to Lafayette, who’d been talking with his parents through all this. “Laf dear?” Hercules said to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette looked over. “Yes mon amour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to go but Eliza needs me and she needs to not be here. Tell Alex we’re sorry we didn’t get to see him, and that we’ll make sure we see him tomorrow?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, but, is everything alright? I mean, Thomas and John randomly left, now Maria is back with Alex, and Eliza is upset now too? What happened?” Lafayette frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas and John tried to tell Alex what was going on and it didn’t go as they’d hoped, and Eliza called them out for it, and I think she’s just stressed out right now, plus she just started on </span>
  <em>
    <span>that time of the month</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and I think it’s just making everything worse for her, so.” Hercules explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded a bit. “Alright. Go, take care of her. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you tomorrow dear.” Hercules said and stole a quick kiss from Lafayette before returning to Eliza’s side and gently leading her out of the hospital and to his car. “Alright, anywhere specific you wanna go?” Hercules asked as they got in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Eliza sniffled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. That’s okay. I’ve got an idea.” Hercules told her and began driving. The drive was relatively quiet and soon they pulled up to a Dairy Queen. “This good?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded a bit. “Amazing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon they had blizzards and fries, and Hercules parked his car at the back of a large, fairly empty parking lot as the sun began to set and the two snacked on their junk food for a while before finally speaking. “Alright, if you don’t wanna talk about anything, that’s fine, but if you wanna talk, I’m all ears. If you want advice, I got you, just let me know what you need.” Hercules told Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza bit her lip. “On top of everything that’s going on with Alex, and the whole, Thomas-John-Alex situation, I’ve- I’ve been really nerved up lately, I’ve been trying to keep it under wraps and to myself but, you can only bottle so much up, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules nodded. “I get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m stressed out about grad, I’m already stressed about moving to New York, and-” Eliza paused and swallowed thickly. “And I’m scared that Maria is gonna break up with me.” She whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes you think that?” Hercules frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She, she’s been distant lately, for a couple weeks now, since around her birthday I guess. We were so physically affectionate, we were in private, in public, we’d have lots of sleepovers, an appropriate amount of </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleeping over</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and now, just, nothing. I tried to bring it up once but then she had to leave for work and it wasn’t brought up again. I love her more than anything in this life and I feel like I’m about to lose her.” Eliza explained, tears falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules was quick to hand Eliza a tissue. “That doesn’t even sound like her.” He frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza used the tissue to dry her face. “Right? I mean, when I first met her, yeah she was quiet, withdrawn, and didn’t do physical contact or affection, but once she grew out of that she was the opposite, and it feels like she’s gone back to how she was before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should try talking with her again? Not tonight though, you need tonight for yourself, to recuperate.” Hercules suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just scared that if I push this whole subject too far it’ll backfire.” Eliza admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get that, but Eliza if you’re feeling like this and don’t communicate it, you’re only increasing your chances of losing her. Relationships thrive on communication, and we all saw just now with Thomas, John, and Alex what happens when an entire story doesn’t get communicated and how it can fuck up a relationship.” Hercules reminded her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just keep going back to her birthday and the days immediately after, trying to figure out what went wrong. We were fine until like 3 weeks ago. God what I wouldn’t do to just, go back and get a redo of these last three weeks.” Eliza sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two talked more, Eliza cried some more, Hercules reassured her, and now she was getting tired and was starting to fall asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I just crash at your place? Peggy’s probably gonna be all worried, and she’ll probably have told Angie and mom and I just, I’m not ready to deal with that.” Eliza admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Hercules nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules drove home and by the time they arrived Eliza was losing the battle to keep her eyes open. Hercules reached over and gently rubbed her shoulder. “We’re here, I’d pick you up and carry you inside but it’s come to my attention that it is usually quite unsettling.” Hercules told her with a slight chuckle, and although that was the reason he gave, he actually had a completely different reason why in his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza just nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules got out of the car and went around to the passenger door, opening it for Eliza. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza got up out of the car and winced as though she was in pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cramps?” Hercules was quick to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cramps.” Eliza mumbled in confirmation, she leaned on Hercules and let him guide her into the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules guided Eliza into the house and up to his room. He gave her a pair of John’s sweatpants that he’d left there, as well as a hoodie of his own for her to change into and left the room to give her some privacy to change. Hercules changed in the bathroom quickly, then headed downstairs to say hello to his mom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey mama.” Hercules said as he came around the back of the armchair she was sitting in. He kissed her head then came and sat in the armchair beside hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey mama?” Sarah looked at Hercules, not seeming pleased. “That’s all you got to say for yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Hercules asked defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got no problem with you bringing a friend home but a quick text first would’ve been nice, and is she okay? She didn’t seem okay. If I didn’t know her as well as I do I’d think she was drunk.” Sarah frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry mama.” Hercules apologized. “Her period started and it’s always real rough on her, like, out-of-commission can’t go to school for the first 2 days kinda bad.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah frowned. “I see. Has she tried birth control? Usually it can make things a lot easier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s on birth control already. It used to be a lot worse. It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad.” Hercules told his mom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah frowned a bit and nodded in understanding. “You know how to help her with that stuff?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules nodded. “Wouldn’t be a very good friend if I didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Don’t stay up too late alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t. Night mama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night baby.” Sarah smiled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules stopped in the kitchen to grab Eliza a glass of water and in the bathroom to grab her some midol, then headed back up to his room and knocked on the door rather than entering immediately. “Done changing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am.” Eliza called out to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules then entered the room. “I brought you some midol, I know it doesn’t do a whole lot to help you, but, it’ll at least take a little bit of the edge off, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza had changed into the clothes Hercules had given her, and tossed her hair up into a messy bun. She nodded. “Thank you.” She took the midol and stretched a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Hercules nodded. He laid down on the bed and opened his arms for Eliza to crawl into them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules had always been close with all the Schuyler sisters and the four had been friends the longest, as they’d all been living in Virginia most of their lives and their moms were good friends. Hercules had always been co-parenting the group with Angelica, sharing the role of kindest, most-level headed of the group with Eliza, and treating Peggy like an extra younger sibling to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being around the Schuyler girls growing up helped make him who he was today, Angelica helping instill the responsibility and parenting-friend in him, Eliza instilling the caring, calm, cool, and collected parts of him, and Peggy showing him that it was okay to be a goofball every now and then. It was spending so much time with them that made him aware of women’s issues including everything from the institutionalized sexism women still faced, to issues like periods, birth control, and more, and it made him a better friend to his female friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza crawled into Hercules’ arms without hesitation and yawned a bit. “You’re warm.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’ve been told many times.” Hercules chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucky. I’m always cold.” She pouted a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever consider that’s because you weigh 10 pounds soaking wet?” Hercules teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t come here to be called out like this.” Eliza pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules chuckled a bit. “Or maybe it’s because you don’t eat red meat and have chronically low iron.” He added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iron deficient gang rise up, but not too fast.” Eliza chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules smiled a bit at her. “Exactly.” He was quiet for a moment. “Maria would be stupid to leave you. You’re amazing, and smart, and adorable, and so kind, anyone would be lucky to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Careful Hercules, you almost sound like you have a thing for me.” Eliza teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Lafayette owns my heart for all romantic intents and purposes. Platonic purposes though? You’re my number one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the words of that one vine, I love you bitch, I ain’t never gonna stop loving you, bitch.” Hercules chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza smiled a bit. “You’re one of my best friends too.” Eliza shifted positions and winced suddenly, then slipped a hand under the sweater to try and massage her lower stomach to try and ease the pain of the cramps. Usually her stomach was completely flat, but when she was on her period, and especially when cramping she tended to bloat a little, and noticeable ‘baby pouch’ as most called it, would form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cramps still bugging you that bad huh?” Hercules frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to try?” Hercules offered, referring to the fact that she was still massaging her own belly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Over or underneath the hoodie?” Hercules asked, not wanting to make Eliza uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Under, it’s more effective and won’t rub the fabric against my skin.” Eliza told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules nodded and replaced Eliza’s hand on her stomach which was warmer than the rest of her body and he was careful to put enough pressure to help, but not so much to make it hurt more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza scrunched her eyes shut tightly and let out a small noise somewhere between whine and a moan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules immediately stopped. “You okay?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded. “Keep going, it’s helping.” She told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules was hesitant to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, I promise it’s helping. It’s like stretching after a workout, it hurts a little now but in the end it saves a lot of pain.” Eliza insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know if it hurts too much.” Hercules told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded. “I will.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules then continued, gently kneading and massaging the soft pale skin of Eliza’s stomach with his large slightly calloused hand. It wasn’t long until Eliza fell asleep, but Hercules kept massaging until he fell asleep too.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Mercy (Shawn Mendes)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Talk of periods, talk of period cramps, mentions of endometriosis, brief mention of surgery, hospitals, implied suspected cheating, verbal fighting, age differences causing relationship issues, lack-of-communication leading to a fight</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning when Eliza woke up she was still curled up in Hercules’ arms, and his hand was still resting on her stomach, which she didn’t mind, because it was much warmer than she was, and acted as makeshift a heating pad. She stayed there for a little while, gathering the motivation to get up. Eventually she carefully freed herself from Hercules’ arms and headed to the bathroom across the hall from his room. She made a fast mental note to thank Hercules for keeping pads at his house for his friends just in case they needed, and took some more Midol, before heading downstairs, because she’d heard Sarah awake and in the kitchen already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Eliza dear, you’re up early. None of my kids are ever up this early.” Sarah chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve always been an early bird.” Eliza shrugged. “I wanted to apologize for not saying hi last night I was tired and in a lot of pain.” Eliza explained as she took a seat at the breakfast bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules mentioned that to me, it got me thinking. He said you have really rough periods despite being on birth control?” Sarah asked Eliza to clarify.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded. “I used to be in bed the entire week before I started on the pill, now I can usually get back to my routine on like, day 3 or so. It sucks but, that’s life, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza dear have you ever considered that maybe there’s more of a reason as to why you have it so bad?” Sarah asked. “It’s not supposed to be that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What could be making it worse?” Eliza seemed confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well to me this kinda sounds like endometriosis. It’s a disorder where uterine lining tissue grows in other places, and then does what it’s supposed to and thickens before breaking down, but because it’s not where it’s supposed to be it builds up and causes a lot of pain, nausea, bloating, fatigue, all kinds of issues.” Sarah explained to Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza wasn’t sure what to say or how to act as she absorbed the information Sarah was telling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought it up because my sister had it, and she had symptoms sounding just like you. The day she finally got diagnosed was one of the most reassuring days of her life. She had a simple surgery to treat it and,” Sarah snapped her fingers. “Pain gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded a bit. “I’ll, I’ll definitely look into that.” She told Sarah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules was good to you last night I hope?” Sarah asked as she handed Eliza a mug of tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Eliza told her and took the mug. “He was, always is. He took me for ice cream, then brought me here, got me Midol, and massaged my stomach to help the cramps until I fell asleep. It’s almost a shame that he prefers guys, he knows exactly how to treat a girl right.” Eliza chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks to you and your sisters no doubt.” Sarah smiled at Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza just smiled a bit and sipped the tea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hercules soon came downstairs and hugged Eliza from behind and rested his head on her shoulder. “How ya feeling this morning?” He asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not too bad off, thanks to you.” Eliza smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.” He smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sarah smiled at them. “I remember it would’ve been, gosh, like, 12 years ago. Eliza you were six, and Hercules you were seven and one day you’d been playing outside in the backyard here, and you two came running into the house, overly excited to announce that you two were gonna get married and Peggy was really excited for the wedding and Angelica who was 8 by then kept trying to tell you two that you were too little to get married and neither of you wanted to hear it. Your mom and I thought it was adorable, but both your dads weren’t too happy about that.” Sarah chuckled a bit at the memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza looked at Hercules. “I forgot about that but I remember it now, do you?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules nodded. “Yeah I do.” He chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry dear, but I can no longer marry you.” Eliza joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why not?” Hercules played into the joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl.” Eliza said, quoting Sappho.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if I am to lose my fiancé I would rather it be to a heart of a member of the fairer sex than to that of another man.” Hercules chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza chuckled a bit. “I love you, no hetero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, zero hetero.” Hercules told Eliza and kissed her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A while later, just as Hercules and Eliza were finishing up eating breakfast, Hercules’ phone began ringing with a call from Lafayette. “I’m gonna go take this.” Hercules told his mom and Eliza, and slipped out of the room, answering the phone. “Hey babe, what’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well everyone is worried, Eliza never went home last night and she hasn’t responded to texts or calls from Peggy, Angelica, Maria, or her parents.” Lafayette explained. “You were the last person who saw her, we just wanna know she’s safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s fine. She’s been with me this whole time. She didn’t want to go home and have to re-explain everything to Peggy and her mom, and I think she just needed a friend, a lot’s been going on lately and she needed someone to talk to about all of it.” Hercules explained to Lafayette.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Well as long as she is safe, that is what matters. Is she alright?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, there’s a lot going on, but she’ll be okay. Part of her problem too was the cramps and everything from-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Riiiight, yes.” Lafayette cut in. “I see. She is always so miserable when it happens. Is she going any better?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. She let me massage her lower stomach last night as she was falling asleep and she said that it helped, honestly I was a little scared I was hurting her half the time but, she insisted it was good, so…” Hercules trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would it have hurt her?” Lafayette seemed confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you’ve gotten massages from me before, but like, her skin is a lot softer than yours is babe- no offense-, and she was kinda swollen. I mean, imagine a typical massage from me at half the normal pressure on a cramping muscle under swollen skin. Not to mention how calloused my hand is.” Hercules explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she said it helped?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Said it was like stretching sore muscles after working out.” Hercules confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Men have it far too easy.” Lafayette muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Agreed.” Hercules chuckled a bit. “How’s Alex? I hope he wasn’t too upset last night with everything that happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He understood why you and Eliza left. He was a little bummed that he could not see you guys, but it is not like he was mad at you two or anything.” Lafayette told Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. Any idea when he’s coming home? I know they were looking at today if all was good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex is still a little weak and they want a little more time to slowly ease him off the medications he has been on. They’ve decided on tomorrow as long as nothing changes.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dang, makes sense though.” Hercules nodded to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you and Eliza wanted you could come visit. Papa is at home right now, getting a little rest and getting the house ready for Alex’s return. Me and mama are here, as is Maria, but that is it.” Lafayette told Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll ask Eliza and shoot you a text when we know what we’re doing?” Hercules offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good, je t’aime.” Lafayette said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Je t’aime aussi.” Hercules repeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended and Hercules went back to the kitchen. “So sorta good but sorta bad news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex is finally going home, tomorrow.” Hercules told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, he’s going home, that’s what matters, right?” Sarah pointed out to her son.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.” Hercules nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could we go visit him?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just going to ask if you wanted to.” Hercules told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza smiled a bit and soon they were on their way back to the hospital. Eliza had changed back into what she’d been wearing last night, with the addition of the sweater Hercules had leant her to sleep in. Eliza still wasn’t feeling great, but she didn’t let it dull her excitement to see Alex. She couldn’t help but nearly be bouncing off the walls as they walked to his hospital room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha was just walking out of Alex’s room as they approached. “Someone’s excited to be here.” She teased Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My husband has been in a coma, and he’s finally awake, of course I’m excited to see him.” Eliza told Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha just chuckled. “Go on in you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza went into the room and despite being in enough pain to make a grown man cry, she smiled brightly upon seeing Alex and launched herself at him, actually getting on the bed, and hugging him tightly. “Oh my god Alex I swear if you ever do that again I will file for divorce and end your shit. You scared me half to death!” Eliza exclaimed, all while hugging him tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled widely upon seeing Eliza, and wrapped his arms around her just as tightly as she did to him. “I won’t, I promise. I’m sorry for scaring you, my dearest, it wasn’t my intention.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why’d you do it?” Eliza asked, pulling back a bit so she could see his face as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. I promise. I was just, dealing with a lot, and I didn’t want to have to think about it for a while. I overestimated my tolerance.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better get clean Alex, or I swear-” Eliza started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to. I promise.” Alex reassured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s gonna be fine. I’m gonna help him with this. He’ll be clean, sober, and disgusted at the thought of doing drugs in no time.” Maria told Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I don’t want to ever have to do this again.” Eliza told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never again.” Alex promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza just nodded a bit and shifted so that she was laying next to Alex, tucked into his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone’s cuddly today.” Alex teased, but wrapped an arm around her to let her know it was okay. His face then fell from the smile to a frown. “You’re warmer than normal, you feeling okay?” He asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just shark week.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry dear.” Alex said and kissed her head. “You gonna be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eventually.” She sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex then looked over at Hercules. “You’re quiet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Eliza already said everything I was going to.” Hercules admitted. “How ya feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mad at myself for scaring you guys mostly.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t beat yourself up too much, you’re alive, that’s what really matters here.” Hercules reminded Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The group stayed there and chatted almost all day. It felt a little weird that John was missing, as well as Thomas and Peggy, but no one brought it up. As visiting hours were coming to an end Eliza was tired, so Maria offered to take her home, and soon they were in Maria’s car, headed to Eliza’s house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you last night babe when shark week hit, I should’ve been.” Maria told Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were helping Alex, I understand. Hercules was really good actually.” Eliza admitted to Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? How so?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well once we left the hospital he took me to Dairy Queen then we went back to his place and he massaged my stomach to help with the cramps like you do for me sometimes. His hands are a little more calloused than yours but they’re big and really warm so it was good.” Eliza explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W- wait he what?” Maria glanced over, seeming upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He massaged my stomach to help with the cramps?” Eliza was confused by Maria’s unhappiness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I do?” Maria asked, thinking about all the times she’d massaged Eliza’s stomach while Eliza laid curled up next to her, nothing but sports bra, if any top at all, on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes? Why’s it such a big deal?” Eliza was confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What- what were you wearing?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A pair of John’s sweatpants and a hoodie Hercules lent me. I don’t get why this is such a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bra on or off?” Maria asked, picturing it being one of Hercules’ many zip-up hoodies, probably unzipped for easy access.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bra off, you know I can’t stand regular bras when I’m on my period.” Eliza was still confused. “Why does it matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Hercules- pansexual, slight man whore- Mulligan was massaging your stomach, in his bed, with your tits out! I’m trying to be understanding of the situation here babe but I’ve got my own feelings to protect here! And what about Lafayette’s feelings too?” Maria exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, I never said my tits were out. Hercules never saw anything. This sweater is what I was wearing while he was doing it and his hand never went higher than my belly button. He left the room while I changed, nothing happened!” Eliza was quick to defend herself and Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still that’s a pretty intimate act don’t you think?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules was helping to relieve some of my excruciating pain. I was grateful for it. I’m glad he was there and willing to do it for me because I can never bear using enough pressure to do anything to actually help myself. Hercules has been my friend since before we started school and he’s never going to be anything more. I don’t like dudes and he is happy with Lafayette!” Eliza exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well sorry for not being a fan of my girlfriend engaging in such emotionally intimate actions with another person!” Maria was getting closer and closer to shouting each time she spoke. “And how about you and Alex at the hospital today? Running to hug him and being all over him. I get that you missed him but you barely even looked at me until an hour after you arrived and you didn’t make physical contact with me until we </span>
  <em>
    <span>left</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you just snuggled up with Alex and laid in bed with him all day!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I wouldn’t have to seek out emotional intimacy with others if you would actually provide me with some!” Eliza bit back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the fact that ever since your birthday you barely look at me or touch me anymore? I have to engage in contact first every single time lately and you </span>
  <b>never</b>
  <span> want to sleep over or have sex anymore! What the fuck is up with that anyway?” Eliza asked in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria fell quiet. “It- it’s complicated.” She mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can handle complicated Maria.” Eliza told her bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t get it.” Maria stressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never not understood before, and you’ve told me a lot of complicated, deep, scary shit. What could I possibly not get. I mean, really, why the fuck not?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria stopped the car at a red light. “Because you’re still a child!” She snapped at Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza stared at Maria for a moment. “Fuck this. I’m not gonna sit around and get yelled at for doing nothing wrong, then get called a child over something I don’t even know the details of because you refuse to talk to me. I’ll find my own way home.” Eliza opened the door and got out of the car, beginning to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria opened the door and got out of the car, standing beside it still. “Eliza wait! Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza stopped walking and turned back to Maria. “Anywhere you aren’t.” Eliza said and kept walking, purposely taking a path Maria couldn’t follow in her car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza please, come back!” Maria called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why should I?” Eliza asked, and waited a moment for a response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria’s mind was racing but she couldn’t formulate an appropriate response in time, and Eliza was soon walking away again. The light turned green, and Maria was still just standing there, realizing how badly she’d messed up.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Saturday Sun (Vance Joy)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Hospitals, talk of drug withdrawal symptoms, talk of the fight, mentions of implied cheating, talk of bad period cramps</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eliza and Maria, as well as Hercules had just left, but Lafayette, and Martha were still with Alex, as family was allowed to stay a lot longer. Martha was getting tired after being at the hospital all day long and now was busy talking with Alex’s social worker about what was happening, trying to explain what happened without risking losing Alex. This left Alex and Lafayette in Alex’s room, neither aware of who Martha was on the phone with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are we going to talk about it?” Lafayette finally asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk about what?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened with John and Thomas last night?” Lafayette pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s dating each other now, what more is there to say about it?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait you never actually let them finish did you?” Lafayette hadn’t realized last night, and neither John or Thomas had been very active on social media all day and Lafayette hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to either of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finish what? Telling me how happy they were with each other and I was stupid for ever thinking I had a chance with either of them?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again, Alexander, it is not my place to tell you the details, but you need to talk with them, and listen to everything they have to say, alright?” Lafayette insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the point?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander, please, just trust me when I tell you you need to talk with them and hear them out. Please.” Lafayette practically begged. “I do not want our friend group to be torn apart by a misunderstanding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just sighed a bit and nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Martha soon came back in. “Alright, Lafayette dear it’s late and you have school tomorrow. Alex, George shouldn’t be long, will you be okay being by yourself for a little while?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Yeah, fine. I haven’t been alone once the entire time I’ve been awake, I can handle being alone for a half hour.” Alex reassured Martha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Sleep well dear, I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Martha said and hugged Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will see you at home after school, mon frere.” Lafayette hugged Alex, having called him ‘my brother’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye guys.” Alex waved as they left the room. Alex thought about what Lafayette had said and looked at the time, there was no doubt that Thomas and John would both still be awake right now, so Alex made a group chat with the three of them on instagram, and video called them. He was anxious to do it, but the idea of leaving it until another time made him more anxious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John was the first to join the chat. “Alex hey! I’m really happy that you reached out! I wanted to all day but I wasn’t sure if you were still mad at me.” John told Alex, speaking into the microphone of his earbuds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just shrugged a bit. “Let’s wait for Thomas to join before we actually talk about anything.” He said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas joined at that moment, looking like he was in a room very similar to the one John was in, and it certainly wasn’t Thomas’ bedroom. “Hey, what exactly is this about?” Thomas asked, using his Samsung galaxy buds- the Samsung version of airpods (but better)- to listen in and talk with the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lafayette insisted that I needed to give the two of you a second chance to explain things, so, here goes nothing.” Alex told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that you’re offering us a second chance to talk to you about this.” John told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What we didn’t get the chance to say yesterday was that, while yes, we like each other, and yes we’ve gotten together, Alex, both of us like you too.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked shocked and confused. “W- wait, what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I realized when I heard you were in the hospital that I didn’t just want to have sex with you, I wanted a relationship and I was terrified that I was gonna lose you.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’ve had a crush on you for over a month, Alex.” John continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I know that there’s a chance you don’t necessarily feel the same way about me, Alex, but, I can’t deny that I feel that way about you.” Thomas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex bit his lip. “I do feel that way about you, but I never said anything to anyone because I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way about me.” Alex told Thomas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So all three of us like each other?” John asked to clarify.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe so.” Thomas nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Alex was still in shock. “So what happens now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this is the part where mine and Thomas’ two-point line becomes a triangle.” John said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is, if you want that.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed thickly. “I- I dunno. I’m still trying to process all this and the withdrawal symptoms are making it tougher.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mind if I ask how so?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It fucks with concentration and slows your thinking, so…” Alex trailed off. “Maria said it gets better fairly early on or at least it did for her but, for now I feel like I can’t think any faster than a snail pace.” Alex added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair.” John nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take all the time you need to figure this out.” Thomas reassured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have questions but I keep losing them before I can say them.” Alex shook his head a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well take your time, send any questions you think of tonight or tomorrow morning to this group chat, and maybe we can call again either in the morning or at lunch.” John suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Sounds good.” He bit his lip as he noticed some movement just outside his room. “I think George is back, I’m gonna go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Try and get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.” John told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sleep well darling.” Thomas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do, bye.” Alex said and quickly left the call before they could see him blush at being called ‘darling’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than a minute later George entered the room. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, the conversation was basically over already.” Alex told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything I should know about?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I don’t wanna tell you guys any more lies, but, I dunno if you really wanna hear all my teenage angsty relationship drama.” Alex chuckled a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps not.” George chuckled a little as well. “If you want to tell me, I’ll listen, but don’t feel obligated.” George offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day Alex didn’t get discharged until later in the day, because they wanted some last-minute morning labs, and then another set of labs 4 hours later, meaning that by the time George’s SUV finally pulled up to the house, Lafayette would’ve been home from school for a while already. Alex had been bummed about being stuck at the hospital so late, but now he was just glad to be home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Alex wasn’t expecting was all his friends to jump out and surprise him upon entering the house by yelling “Welcome home Alex!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex jumped out of surprise and took a moment to calm himself down upon realizing it was just his friends. “Jesus Christ, y’all tryna kill me?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We did not intend to kill you, just surprise you. Welcome home, Alexander.” Lafayette came up to Alex and hugged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked around at who all was there. It was the entire group, including Thomas and Peggy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got snacks, pizza is on the way, and there’s cake in the fridge, so I hope you’re hungry.” Hercules told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Starved. Sounds great.” Alex told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, did Alex just admit to being hungry?” Peggy sounded shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the cocaine withdrawal.” Maria explained to her. “Being on coke decreases appetite and withdrawal increases it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peggy nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon everyone was in the attic, watching movies and munching on pizza, and everything almost seemed okay, or normal even, but Alex couldn’t help but notice a couple problems. Maria and Eliza were sitting on opposite ends of the room, and hadn’t spoken 2 words to each other all evening, and John and Thomas weren’t being at all affectionate either. Alex had no idea what was wrong with his favourite lesbians, but he could guess what was up with Thomas and John, who were sitting next to each other, but not cuddling or holding hands like Lafayette and Hercules were, in fact, there was a fair amount of empty space between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wanted to do something about the John and Thomas thing and he made a plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had asked a couple fairly simple questions that morning which John and Thomas easily answered, and Alex still had a few more, but he’d made up his mind. While things might be a little rocky for Alex right now, he had two amazing guys who liked him and each other right there, and he wasn’t gonna let that opportunity pass him by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when Alex returned from using the bathroom, rather than resuming his spot on the beanbag chair he’d been sitting on, he plopped himself between Thomas and John, rested his head on Thomas’s shoulder, and grabbed onto John’s hand, holding it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This caught Thomas and John off guard, but they quickly made it clear they didn’t mind, because Thomas wrapped an arm around Alex, while John leaned against Alex a little, continued to hold Alex’s hand, and took hold of Thomas’ hand that was hanging off Alex’s shoulder, all without saying a word to each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette noticed this and nudged Hercules, indicating for Hercules to look over at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules looked over at them, then back at Lafayette and smiled. He then nudged Peggy and showed her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peggy looked over at the three boys, cuddling and holding hands. “Took y’all long e-fucking-nough.” She shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules chuckled at that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once that movie ended, Hercules had to get going and so did Eliza and Peggy, so he offered to drive them home and they left. Maria explained that she wanted to stay longer, but she had a late shift starting soon and had to go too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The remaining four boys put on another movie, but Lafayette soon disappeared and it was clear he wasn’t coming back any time soon. Alex looked at Thomas and John, who were now the only remaining ones in the attic with him. “So wait, how would like, kissing work? If there’s three of us?” Alex suddenly asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lots of different ways.” Thomas shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What he means is, for example, I would kiss Thomas, then you, then you would kiss Thomas.” John told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Wait, what about sex? How the hell is that gonna go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right to the point huh?” John teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could go lots of different ways. Depends on what we decide we all mutually like and dislike.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “Have you two, uh, ya know?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, not yet.” John told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything has been PG so far.” Thomas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then wait, John are you a top or a bottom?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Switch, actually.” John told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“John could top you, darling, but I’d top him no question about it.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s be real, anyone could top Alex.” John teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pouted a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, we all have limits as to who we could top.” John said to reassure Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s right. I could easily top y’all but I’ve been topped before.” Thomas told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By who?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Angelica Schuyler.” Thomas told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes a lot of sense.” John commented and nodded to himself a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you asking all this though darling?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged. “Just curious.” He paused. “I’m kinda just saying everything that comes to my head so I don’t lose it right now to be honest.” He sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, ask whatever you want.” John reassured Alex, and kissed his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled a bit at John. “Can I have a real kiss please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John smiled and nodded. He cupped Alex’s cheek and kissed him softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex happily kissed John back. It wasn’t anything wild, just a soft, sweet kiss, but it was good. When the kiss broke Alex smiled a bit at John. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have too.” John smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a soft kisser isn’t he Alex?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I might need to kiss him a couple more times to be sure but, I think he is.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because y’all’s first kiss was Thomas shoving his tongue down your throat in the bathroom at school…” John mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said that was a bad thing doll. Just something I noticed.” Thomas told John reassuringly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of noticing things, did you guys notice Eliza and Maria this evening?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas and John exchanged a glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had a fight last night, after leaving the hospital. Eliza called me in tears and was basically convinced that it was over between them.” John frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it?” Alex asked, hoping against all hope that the answer would be no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know.” Thomas frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well what the hell happened? They seemed fine at the hospital. Maybe not too focused on each other, but…” Alex trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess the night before last Eliza and Hercules had some intimate moment and Maria misunderstood it and Eliza got upset and said that Maria was being distant lately and Maria tried to tell Eliza that she wouldn’t understand but Eliza tried to tell Maria to try and explain and Maria snapped and Eliza just got out of the car and left in the middle of Maria driving her home.” John told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza and Hercules? But they’re just friends, Eliza isn’t even into dudes and Hercules would never betray Lafayette, nor would Eliza betray Maria.” Alex frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought the same thing.” Thomas sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can’t be done though. I mean, they love each other, they never fight or bicker about anything. Maria had no issues with me calling Eliza my wife, I mean, what even happened?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know how Eliza has really rough periods?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Basically she was already spending the night at Hercules’ house and the cramps were getting really bad so Hercules massaged Eliza’s stomach to help her with the pain. Usually Maria does it for her but when Maria does it Eliza is usually topless. Obviously she wasn’t for Hercules, but that’s where Maria’s mind went apparently.” John frowned a bit. “I’ve massaged Eliza the same way, I was the one that suggested it might help in the first place. It’s in no way sexual but I guess it is pretty intimate.” John added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded again. “I wonder if something else is going on, like, deeper than that. I mean, Maria doesn’t seem like the type to lose it over a simple massage to ease some pain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so too.” John nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I get that sometimes massages can be intimate but like, to me it doesn’t sound like that kind of massage could even be anything else.” Thomas pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not. I mean, poor Eliza is in excruciating pain, she’s swollen, and you have to press so hard that you’re actually causing more pain most of the time. She usually falls asleep pretty early into it because she’s usually already pretty tired but also the pain sucks and her body’s response is to make her more tired so she’ll fall asleep and not have to deal with the pain.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poor Eliza.” Alex mumbled. “Something else is definitely going on. I mean, if I were Maria, unless something else was going on, I’d just be grateful that Hercules was there for her and able to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My thoughts exactly.” John nodded.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. What About Us (P!nk)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mention of being underweight, talk of past abuse the long-term effects of said abuse, mentions of drugs, addiction, and withdrawal, mention of drug overdose, insecurities, fear of losing a significant other, regret, mention of police, blackmail, severe anxiety, panic attack, sensory overload, passing out due to lack of oxygen</p><p>Yeah it's uhh, it's not great</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next morning Alex woke up at his usual time to go to school, only to remember he wasn’t going. Regardless, he got up and went downstairs, yeah he couldn’t go to school, but he did have other things he could do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, you’re up early.” George commented when he saw Alex- still in sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, with no socks and his hair in a messy ponytail- come into the kitchen and join Lafayette at the breakfast bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I kinda forgot that I wasn’t going to school, and besides, it’s good to stay on a school schedule, ya know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair. Are you hungry? Breakfast is almost ready.” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very much so. Breakfast sounds good.” Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, me and Martha didn’t wanna say anything at the hospital with all your friends there, but the doctors were concerned that you were a little underweight.” George told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oops, uh, sorry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no need to apologize, Alex, I think what papa is trying to say is that he simply is happy that you are eating more now. I think we all are.” Lafayette told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George then set plates of breakfast in front of the boys. “Eat up, then Laf you gotta get a move on or you’re gonna be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules said he would pick me up, I have time.” Lafayette told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alrighty then.” George nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Lafayette left the house and George turned to Alex. “Any plans for the day son?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I should probably respond to all the commission requests I have, turn down all the ones for uni essays, update my details to remove that as a service, and then I’m not sure what. Try and fix my wife’s relationship with her girlfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George looked a little confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza?” Alex prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. How did that start again?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t remember who said it but one day in the caf at lunch we were sitting there and one of our friends, maybe Peggy or Lafayette said it was like we’d been married in a past life. Then as a joke I changed her name in my contacts to wifey with the blue heart emoji and the ring emoji and now it’s just like, a thing. It doesn’t actually mean anything, Eliza is completely lesbian, we say I love you a lot but no hetero and, yeah.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George nodded a bit. “And what’s going on with her and Maria that needs fixing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex launched into telling George the details of what was going on. He got side tracked a couple times, and added multiple other, smaller stories in there, but eventually he got through it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.” George nodded a bit. “I wonder if it has anything to do with Maria being 19 now.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex cocked his head to the side out of confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well there was an age difference between Maria and Reynolds, and he manipulated her and forced her to do things using the premise that he was older and she should have to listen to him, right?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well right now Maria is 19 and Eliza is still 17 for a couple more months. Maybe Maria turning 19 and suddenly having it be a 2 year age gap with Eliza still underage is making her feel weird about engaging in the relationship out of fear that Eliza would feel forced into it.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit.” Alex mumbled. “That could totally be what’s going on. I mean, plus considering how eager Eliza is to please people, I can see why Maria might fear it. And Maria would never be abusive to Eliza, but it could just be an irrational fear that an action could be perceived as such.” Alex told George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. And it probably didn’t even occur to Maria that Eliza would get upset at the sudden change, because she’s so wrapped up in her own anxieties.” George added on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Eliza knows Maria to be super kind and loving, so it probably wouldn’t dawn on her that that’s what Maria is doing, because Eliza knows that Maria would never intentionally hurt her.” Alex continued. “We figured it out. Well, probably, we could be wrong, but, I think that’s it. Maybe I can try and bring it up with Maria later after school?” Alex suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can try, but tread lightly, if you come on too strong with it you’ll end up scaring her away.” George recommended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After school Maria brought Lafayette home and took Alex to his first NA meeting. He was anxious about going, but it was mostly because of the withdrawal that he felt so nervous. As they drove there Alex decided to bring the issue at hand up with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on with you and Eliza?” Alex asked Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got in a fight. I- I made an accusation that I shouldn’t have, she got mad and rightfully so, and I just, didn’t handle it properly.” Maria sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why not apologize and move on?” Alex asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s, it’s more complicated than that.” Maria told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” Alex pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a lot, Alex.” Maria tried to brush it off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please talk to me?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll find out soon enough.” Maria told him and returned her full attention to the road.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex and Maria were in a church basement, sitting in chairs in a circle, everyone going around and saying what they had to say. Soon it got to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, I’m Alex, and I’m a cocaine addict.” Alex stood up and greeted himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Alex.” The group repeated back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I’m not really sure what to say. This is my first meeting. I’m 1 week clean now, but I was in a coma until 3 days ago, so I don’t think it really counts. I just wanna get clean so I can get my life back on the right track and stop disappointing my foster parents and my friends.” Alex felt like he was rambling at that point so he sat back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman who seemed to be leading the meeting smiled at Alex. “You’re here, and that’s a good start, I’m sure your foster parents are proud of you for trying to get clean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then Maria’s turn. She stood up and spoke. “Hi, I’m Maria and I’m an addict.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Maria.” Everyone repeated back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just under a year and a half clean and I’m really excited for my 18 month chip but lately it’s been getting really hard. A kid I got addicted to drugs while I was at the height of my usage, came back into my life a couple months ago, and I thought he was clean, until I woke up 6 days ago and found out he’d OD’ed. It’s been hard to not blame myself, he’s okay, thankfully, but I keep wondering what if he hadn’t been.” Maria paused and took a shaky breath. “I also think I’m about to lose the love of my life, because of my own insecurities and on the surface it might seem as easy as a simple conversation, but, it’s a lot deeper than that, and I’m scared she won’t understand, even though she’s been the most amazing person ever to me, since we started dating. I just, I don’t know anymore. Everything is such a mess lately and I keep reflecting on past events, wishing I could go back and change them, kinda thing, so, yeah.” Maria said and sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for sharing, Maria, I know it can be hard, but remember not to be too hard on yourself, and that dwelling on the past won’t change anything, but you have the power to make positive changes in your life right now, you just have to be brave enough to take that leap.” The leading woman told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded a bit and the conversation continued with the next person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the meeting ended and Alex and Maria were back in her car. “Eliza is the most caring and kind person ever, what is it you’re so afraid to tell her?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria bit her lip. “You can’t tell anyone what I just said in there. I’m dealing with it on my own already.” She started as she began driving. She paused. “I’m not ready to explain what it is yet to you, or anyone else anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex was instantly concerned, but nodded and decided not to push the subject any further for the day. This routine continued for the rest of the week, until Friday, when Alex couldn’t take it anymore. Maria was driving him home again when Alex turned to her and asked. “Will you please tell me what exactly is going on here?” Alex practically begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria sighed a bit and swallowed thickly. “James contacted me. Said if I don’t do exactly as he tells me, or if I tell anyone, it wouldn’t end well. This has been going on since right around my birthday, and he managed to get out on bail, I don’t know how. He’s on house arrest, but he’s still out. Basically he’s watching me almost everywhere I go, he’s making me send him cash I earn and go on drug runs for him so he can make enough money to skip town unnoticed. At first he was just using me for help doing extra runs and because he was pretty sure the police were onto him, now he’s making me do everything for him. He said if I didn’t do exactly as he told me to, he’d report me to the cops for my relationship with Eliza, and that he’d hurt her, and make it look like I did it, even brainwash her into thinking it was me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria you have to go to the cops-” Alex started, horrified at what he was hearing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t, if I try he’ll hurt her and I can’t have that happen. It’s why I’ve been distancing myself from her,” Maria took a deep shaky breath to try and maintain her composure. “I don’t want to lose her but lately, every day I wonder if I should just let her go, for her safety. James is still probably 2 weeks away from having enough money to skip town and I’m barely able to make ends meet with how much he’s stealing from me and if Eliza wasn’t in the picture I’d have a lot less to lose from his blackmail.” Maria explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria, if Eliza was gone he would just threaten your life, or threaten to hurt you, or expose your past. He’s abusive, and a master manipulator. The cops know how to deal with situations like these. Please Maria.” Alex begged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’m not telling the cops and you aren’t either.” Maria stood firm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And why the hell not?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’ll expose your cocaine addiction to the school and to the scholarship board.” Maria told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you know I received a scholarship?” Alex asked, he’d gotten word of it that morning. A full ride for Columbia, based on his grades, and an essay on why he deserved it despite not having many community service or volunteering hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw the letter on the table when I picked you up, I got the same letter this morning. The scholarship is for upstanding citizens, I don’t think they’d classify a cocaine addict as such.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re literally a coke addict too Maria.” Alex pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“17 months clean addict who was forced into addiction due to unfortunate life circumstances, now working, supporting herself, and pulling a minimum 15 hours volunteering every month.” Maria corrected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria please, don’t do this. Tell someone. Let me tell someone. I’m begging you. It doesn’t have to be like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, if I do this, and I help Reynolds skip town, he’d be gone, we’d never have to worry about him again, doesn’t that make it worth it?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what happens when he ends up in New York right with us?” Alex shot back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria then pulled her car to a stop in front of the Washingtons’ house. “Alex, I’m not having this argument anymore. I’m not telling anyone and neither are you. I love you, but I mean it when I say I will expose you and ruin your scholarship chances if you tell anyone. This is what’s best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was quiet. “Fine.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Maria said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex got out of the car and went into the house, waving at Maria once he got the front door open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Maria pulled away Alex dashed into the house and looked around for George. He didn’t care if Maria hated him for the rest of his life, he didn’t care what his classmates thought of him, and he could take out student loans, and there were other scholarships. Maria only had one life, and so did Eliza, and Alex wasn’t gonna stand by and allow either of them to be at risk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“George!” Alex called out as he went into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right here, son, everything okay?” George asked. He was standing at the kitchen counter, cutting up vegetables for dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Alex swallowed, his heart was racing and he felt like he could throw up, but he fought it and reminded himself that this was so much more important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George frowned and set the knife down, looking at Alex. “What is it?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to do something I, it’s-” Alex anxiety was skyrocketing steadily, and he couldn’t hold it back. He barely was able to rush to the sink in time to vomit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George held the hair that had fallen out of Alex’s ponytail out of the way, and got him a glass of water as vomiting turned to dry heaving. “Take a couple deep breaths there son, no one’s dying.” George gently rubbed Alex’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, for Alex, the anxiety was too much, George’s hand rubbing Alex’s back was too heavy, and the motions too fast, his flannel shirt was too tight around his arms, the room was too hot, the sound of the TV in the background was too loud, and the room was far too bright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex quickly jerked away from George, and crumbled to the floor, gasping to try and get a breath in, but the panic attack that was settling in made it impossible, which only panicked Alex more, and although he could tell something was going on, he couldn’t tell what as the edges of his vision grew dark until eventually, he passed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex came to he was on the living room couch, George, Martha, and Lafayette nearby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha gently dabbing Alex’s forehead with a cold wet washcloth. “There you are.” She said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You scared us terribly, Alex.” Lafayette told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sat up. “Maria, I, she said-” Alex spoke rushedly, and struggled to get his jumbled thoughts out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George gently pushed Alex back down. “Take it easy there, son, whatever it is, it can wait until you’ve calmed down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked helplessly at George, but realized George was right, thinking about this was too anxiety-inducing at the moment, and he knew if he tried to tell them he would probably just panic again, so instead he just nodded a bit and stayed sitting down. He only hoped that he wasn’t making a mistake in not trying to tell them right then.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also if anyone is interested I made an Instagram account for my readers to follow, idk what exactly I'll post on it, however I'll probably make a lot of use of story features like polls, questions, etc. so I can get reader feedback while writing stories before they've been posted, so if you're interested follow me! I'll follow you back! I'm @lezbean.musical.addict</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. I'm Still Standing (Elton John)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Manipulation, blackmail, threatens, mention of drugs, addiction and sex work, talk of previous abuse, mentions of theft, brief mention of cheating</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Eventually they let Alex go up to his room, and the second he had his hands on a pen and piece of paper he was writing down every detail Maria had told him about what was happening. He got it all written down, then headed back downstairs to give it to George or Martha. As Alex headed down he could hear Lafayette in his room, but he thought it might be best for Lafayette not to know yet, and headed downstairs. As he got to the bottom of the stairs he realized George and Martha were in one of their offices, he was a little nervous to interrupt, but he didn’t hesitate to knock on the door to George’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in.” George called.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex entered and handed them the paper. “You have to do something.” His voice sounded hoarse, probably from all the crying and being on the verge of tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha took the paper and held it so she and George could read it at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex is this what you’ve been trying to tell us all afternoon?” George asked, voice full of concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria really threatened to expose you and ruin your scholarship if you told?” Martha frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s scared. She thinks she’s doing what’s best. James is manipulating her into thinking that, the same way he’s always been able to.” Alex told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel sick.” Martha mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander go get Lafayette please.” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was a little confused, but quickly went to Lafayette’s room and knocked on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment later Lafayette called out that whoever it was could come in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex opened the door. “George wants you downstairs. Like, right now, it’s an emergency.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette frowned. “What is going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll make sense in due time.” Alex said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys quickly headed back to George’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is going on papa?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha handed him the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette read over this. “What are we going to do?” His eyes were wide as he asked the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Hercules working tonight?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you’re gonna call Hercules, have him pick up Eliza and Peggy from their house, and bring them here.” George instructed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to take this to the police station right now and report this.” Martha referred to the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m going to go to Maria’s house, pick her up, and escort her back here safely.” George finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette looked confused. “I, I did not read it all, why do Eliza and Peggy need to come here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because Reynolds threatened to hurt Eliza. If James somehow realized we were on to him, he might try and go hurt Eliza, and if he can’t find Eliza, he might resort to Peggy out of sheer anger.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not to mention that Philip and Catherine are out of town for the weekend visiting Angelica in NYC.” George shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna wait until Hercules is here with the girls, and the sooner the better, goodness knows what could be happening as we speak.” Martha added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette nodded. He called Hercules and quickly explained the situation, while Alex called Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Alex, what’s up?” Eliza asked upon answering the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza, listen, I’ll explain everything when you get here, but right now, Hercules is gonna come get you and Peggy and bring you here to mine and Laf’s house. There is a small chance you might be in danger, but we’re handling it. Pack a small bag in case you have to spend the night.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D- danger? From what?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reynolds is using and manipulating Maria again, and he’s threatened to hurt you in order to get her to comply.” Alex explained. “We’re going to the police but if Reynolds somehow finds out about it, we want you somewhere besides your house, so that he can’t get to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, okay. How long til Hercules should get here?” Eliza’s voice sounded shaky, probably from fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at Lafayette, who was just hanging up. “ETA on arrival at the Schuylers’?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hercules is starting to drive as we speak. 7 minutes tops.” Lafayette told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex repeated it back to Eliza. “Okay, Hercules is going to text you, when he gets there, do not open the door for anyone but Hercules.” Alex told Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Eliza promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you soon, stay safe, I love you.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too.” Eliza repeated back and the call ended.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe 15 minutes later Hercules and the girls arrived at the Washingtons’ house, and George and Martha left. The teens locked the door behind them, made sure all the curtains were closed, and went up to the attic. Alex and Eliza were both anxious and upon arriving in the attic, they sat down on the couch and Eliza looked at Alex to start explaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So Maria has been taking me to NA meetings after school every day, right?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So she was saying earlier this week how she was dealing with a lot of stuff and didn’t want to tell you because she was scared you wouldn’t understand. I’d been hypothesizing all week that the behavior change might’ve had to do with the sudden age gap after her birthday combined with what she went through with James, but I didn’t wanna throw it in her face, so I tried to bring it up with her. Then she ended up telling me that Reynolds has been using her again. He’s on house arrest right now, he’s been using Maria to go on drug runs for him, and he’s been stealing money from her. He’s trying to make enough to skip town and his upcoming hearing.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And he told her if she didn’t he’d hurt me?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “And that he’d report your relationship to the cops, and convince them that Maria was abusing you, but had brainwashed you into thinking it was something else.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t she tell someone? The police are equipped to deal with situations like this.” Eliza frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because she’s convinced that it’s not worth the risk, and that doing this won’t be so bad because James would be gone and couldn’t hurt her anymore. She threatened me if I told, but I knew better, and I think she’ll realize how fucked up this was when it’s all over.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza bit her lip. “I guess it explains a lot…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “It does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now I feel bad for getting mad at her.” Eliza frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, there was no way you could’ve known, you were right to get upset with her.” Alex reassured her</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just, I feel bad now.” Eliza looked down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pulled her into a hug. “It’ll be okay. Everything will work out somehow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza hugged back and clung onto Alex, holding him there for a long time, not that he really minded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon George returned to the house, Maria was with him. She came up to the attic and the fear and nerves were radiating off her, everyone could tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E- Eliza can we talk?” Maria nervously picked at a thread at the end of her sweatshirt sleeve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza nodded and pulled herself from Alex’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll give you the room.” Hercules said and led Lafayette, Alex, and Peggy downstairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria looks like she just witnessed a murder.” Peggy mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you blame her? The guy who forced her into drug addiction and sex work has been manipulating her again by blackmailing her and threatening to hurt her girlfriend. If I were her I’d have thrown up like, a hot minute ago.” Alex pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish there was something we could do for her.” Lafayette sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the best thing to do is to just, be there for her, and hope that everything goes smoothly and turns out okay.” Hercules told them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile in the attic Maria was desperately trying to get the words she needed to say out but was struggling to do so as more and more panic set in and she began to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza’s heart broke at seeing Maria like this. She’d seen Maria like this before, it had been fairly common when they first met, but she’d evolved so much from there, and it wasn’t that Maria couldn’t be sad, but she seemed so utterly broken and that was what killed Eliza. “Maria, hey, it’s okay, I promise. Alex told me everything. Just try to calm down for me, love.” Eliza spoke gently, but didn’t touch Maria. When Maria was like this Eliza knew to wait for Maria to initiate contact or asked Eliza to initiate contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It- it’s- it’s not.” Maria stuttered out. “Martha took everything to the cops and I’m gonna be arrested and I won’t be able to go to college anymore and-” If she was thinking rationally Maria would’ve known that wouldn’t happen, but the panic was so bad that rational thinking was out of the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria, dear, you’re not gonna be in trouble, you were blackmailed. Forced into doing stuff for fear of my safety. You aren’t gonna be in trouble. George is a lawyer, he can tell you that.” Eliza told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P- promise?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise. You’re not in trouble, you’re safe. I’m safe. We’re all safe.” Eliza promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I distanced myself to p- protect you.” Maria choked out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know love. And I’m not mad, I promise.” Eliza wanted to reach out and hug Maria, or even just reassuringly rub her shoulder, but didn’t yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I wasn’t exactly a fan of being called a child, I’ll be honest, but for this? Of course I’m not mad.” Eliza told Maria honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so so sorry I called you a child, Eliza, and for accusing you of doing something with Hercules and- and I’m just really sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I forgive you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nervously rubbed her arm. “C- W- Do- Do you think I could h- have a h- hug?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Eliza told her. Eliza hugged Maria, and gently guided Maria’s head to rest on her shoulder. “You’re okay.” Eliza continued to hug Maria, and rubbed her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria clung to Eliza. “I d- didn’t, e- even t- tell Alex ev- every- everything.” Maria mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t feel like you have to tell me anything else either unless you’re ready and you want to.” Eliza told Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I d- don’t wanna keep things from you anymore.” Maria whispered. “D- doing that got us into this m- mess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take your time love.” Eliza said gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rem- remember what I told you about the f- first time I ever f- felt unsafe with him?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I don’t think I ever wanted to hurt someone as badly as I did him when I heard about it.” Eliza nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria was quiet for a moment. “It happened again. I tried to fight it, I really did.” Maria promised, still speaking shakily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, my dear. I truly am. I wish it hadn’t happened the first time and it breaks my heart that it’s happened again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria just nodded a little and cried into the crook of her neck for a while, before slowly beginning to regain composure as best she could with a blooming headache from the crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza held onto Maria as she cried, until Maria slowly began to calm down, and pulled away. “Feeling a little better now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded. “Yeah. I- fuck- Eliza I’m so sorry.” Maria shook her head a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, my love, I forgave you already.” Eliza told Maria softly, gently cupping Maria’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no excuse for accusing you of cheating though.” Maria pointed out, but rested her hand on Eliza’s wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were under a lot of stress, love, that’s excuse enough for me. Emotions were high already, on top of everything else you were dealing with. I promise you, I’m not mad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really truly are the kindest person like, ever, you know that?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I may have been told something along those lines once or twice.” Eliza chuckled a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?” Maria tucked a strand of hair behind Eliza’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that you definitely should start talking to your therapist again after all this, but for right now, a kiss just might be the key to putting this behind us.” Eliza smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria smiled back and kissed Eliza, softly and sweetly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza happily kissed back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Maria whispered when the kiss broke. “And I’ll start therapy again as soon as I can get in.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, to the end of the earth and back.” Eliza whispered back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the boys, and Peggy, were back in the attic with the girls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two all good now?” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes we are.” Eliza smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And uh, I’m sorry for calling you a slight man-whore, it was behind your back, but I, I guess I just wanted to apologize anyway.” Maria apologized to Hercules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maria there is no need to apologize for speaking the truth, mon ami.” Lafayette chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you’re no better than I am.” Hercules said to Lafayette in his own defense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never claimed to be.” Lafayette pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. “Thank you for apologizing, Maria.” Hercules told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’all are nasty. Who needs sex when Nutella is literally a thing?” Peggy told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at Peggy and chuckled a bit. “Peggy, please never stop being yourself.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Kinda Complicated (Scott Helman)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for not posting again, the last few days have been a little crazy between the holidays and family issues and putting my hand through a glass door (which I do not recommend. I'm okay but like,,, not fun). Anyways, enjoy the update and Merry Christmas/Newtonmas, Happy Hanukah/Kwanza/Yule, or anything else you lovely folks might be celebrating, and if you're not celebrating a holiday, free time off!</p><p>TW: Homophobic language, use of homophobic slurs, mentions of anxiety, brief mentions of medical terminology such as surgery, mention of a botched surgery resulting in infertility</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The remainder of that weekend was a little crazy, however by the end of it, James Reynolds was back in prison, and everyone had made up with each other for everything. Alex wasn’t ready to return to school yet, so the same routine continued the following week. It was Friday now and Alex and George were watching movies together as they waited for Maria to bring Lafayette home and take Alex to his NA meeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“George?” Alex turned to his foster dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes Alex?” George looked over at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just did son.” George grinned at Alex, who rolled his eyes. “What’s up?” He asked Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you mind missing so much work to stay home with me?” Alex bit his lip and fiddled with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because family is far more important than any job could ever be.” George responded eloquently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s really going on?” Alex saw right through it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes you just need a break, a change of pace. It’s been nice having so much extra time lately to do all the odd things around the house that I’ve neglected doing.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex glanced out the living room window at the garden, which they’d worked on together earlier that week. “I guess that makes sense.” He nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See Alexander, eventually you get to an age where you don’t want to, or need to be doing things all the time to be satisfied. There’s nothing wrong with always wanting to be on the go, but, at some point, you’ll find you might get the same enjoyment out of staying in, as you would going out, or from taking a break as you would from going to work. You get to a point where life puts things into perspective, and you realize there’s nothing wrong with taking a break.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I take it Martha isn’t at that point yet?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely not.” George smiled a bit. “She’s still got so many fires that she wants to put out and so many others to ignite. She’s nowhere near this point yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes it sound like a bad thing that you’ve reached it.” Alex frowned, getting confused by what George was trying to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not necessarily good or bad. I’m simply, happy that Martha is able to find such joy in holding a position such as hers.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So does that mean that you no longer find joy in </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> career?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Much to George’s relief the front door opened at that moment and Lafayette came in. “I am home, Maria is with me!” Lafayette called out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Living room!” Alex called back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette and Maria soon came into sight. “Hey guys.” Maria smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Miss Maria, how are you?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not too bad, yourself?” Maria responded politely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grateful for the timing of your arrival. Alex here was asking just a few too many questions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When doesn’t Alex ask too many questions?” Maria joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex scowled at her. “Nice to see you too Maria.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, now, mes amis. Be nice.” Lafayette playfully scolded them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready to go Alex?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stood up. “Yeah, I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexander that’s the second time this week you’ve worn that shirt. You cannot go out like this.” Lafayette interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laf, no one at </span>
  <em>
    <span>Narcotics Anonymous</span>
  </em>
  <span> cares if I’ve worn the same shirt twice this week.” Alex pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should care! I care. Come, I will help you find a better outfit.” Lafayette insisted, pulling Alex towards the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you care so much about my appearance all of the sudden?” Alex asked, seeming confused by this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I am me.” Lafayette said simply and led Alex up the stairs to his room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Lafayette had Alex in black jeans with small rips in the knees, with a simple grey t-shirt, and a black and green flannel over top unbuttoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much better.” Lafayette nodded as Alex came out of his ensuite in the new outfit, Laf was currently sitting on Alex’s bed, texting someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t get why it matters so much.” Alex shook his head a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should always care about your appearance, mon frere.” Lafayette shook his head. He set his phone down and got up. “Can I take just one quick moment to fix your hair?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you stop fussing if I agree?” Alex rolled his eyes as he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Alex agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette put Alex’s hair in a messy yet cute man bun and left a couple strands of hair loose, near Alex’s face. “Parfait.” Lafayette mumbled in french, saying ‘perfect’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Done?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette bit his lip, trying to decide. “Grab your watch and you are good.” Lafayette nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex gave a confused look as he grabbed his watch and put it on. “I’m leaving now or else me and Maria are gonna be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later.” Lafayette grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be back in like, 2-ish hours.” Alex waved and headed with Maria out to the car. “What the hell was up with Laf just now?” Alex asked as they got in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh someone at school said he couldn’t put together a neutral outfit for the life of him. I think he wanted to prove to himself that he could. Don’t be surprised if he wants to take pictures later for insta.” Maria explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who said that to him?” Alex frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” Maria brushed it off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria and Alex headed to the meeting without discussing it further. Maria’s phone went off a couple times during it, but she didn’t look at the messages until the end of the meeting as they were getting ready to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got any plans for the rest of the night?” Alex asked Maria as they began to leave the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t, but, you do.” Maria grinned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at Maria, confused by what she meant. He didn’t have a single thing planned for the rest of the weekend other than another NA meeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria nodded her head a little bit indicating to look at something in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Waiting outside the community center where the meeting had been held was John and Thomas leaning against Thomas’s car. Thomas was wearing sunglasses and John had a sucker straw hanging out of his mouth, with one of Thomas’ arms wrapped around him. Thomas was wearing a simple, dark purple long sleeve shirt with a buttoned-neck tucked into a pair of black jeans with his sleeves rolled up and his hair left down as always and John was wearing a simple blue t-shirt with a pocket over the breast, paired with medium-washed blue jeans and a black cardigan overtop with his hair down for once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s our missing point.” John smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey darling.” Thomas grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at Maria, then back over at his boyfriends. “You knew about this the whole time?” He asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, dear, we’ve been planning this for over a week. Everyone knew.” Maria told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Peggy only found out today because she can’t keep a secret to save her life, but yeah. Surprise.” John smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is why Lafayette wanted me to change.” Alex realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah sounds like him.” Thomas grinned. “Now are we gonna stand around talking about this, or are we actually gonna go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going. Later boys.” Maria waved and left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going exactly?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A movie and then to dinner.” John smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All my treat of course.” Thomas explained as they got in the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or so he thinks.” John mumbled to Alex as they got in the backseat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that doll?” Thomas asked, looking over at John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was saying I get the passenger seat.” John said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I get to be all alone in the back?” Alex pouted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll sit in the back with you.” John rolled his eyes a little but smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled back. “I love you guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We love you too.” Thomas smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With all our hearts.” John added.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The movie theater wasn’t too packed because the movie they were seeing had been out for a little while already, and it was only 5 o’clock in the evening. The boys sat in the center of the very back row, Thomas in between Alex and John, the three of them all snuggled up in some way, with popcorn and candy being passed around. Thomas had paid for the tickets, however John was fast to swipe his bank card at the concession stand before Thomas could pay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the movie ended they then headed to dinner at a nice restaurant, but nothing too crazy expensive either. Soon the boys were seated at a table, a circular table actually set for 3 people much to their delight. They had ordered and were waiting for their food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So did y’all hear what happened with Eliza?” John asked and sipped his iced tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” Thomas asked, sounding confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened with Eliza?” Alex sounded concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well remember how the night before her and Maria’s big fight she slept over at Hercules’ house?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well apparently, Hercules’ mom suggested she look into something in regards to how rough she has it during that time of the month.” John started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Alex said in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Eliza listened to it, talked with her </span>
  <em>
    <span>lady doctor</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and it turns out that there’s an actual diagnosable reason as to why she has it so rough, and more importantly there’s options to deal with it.” John explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful.” Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of options?” Thomas asked, not seeming so optimistic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More medications she could try, or a couple different surgical options as well.” John explained. “It’s a good thing, Tommy, she’s happy, she’s excited, she’s got a diagnosis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just worry for her. I nearly lost my sister to a botched surgery for other similar issues and she’s never gonna get the chance to have a kid of her own now.” Thomas explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never knew that.” Alex frowned and put a hand over Thomas’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I barely remembered you have a sister.” John admitted sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, she’s never home anymore. She’s at university in California, so. I’m sure Eliza will be fine. That’s just my own anxiety bothering me, but I’m putting that fear to rest, we are here together, having a wonderful date, and you shared wonderful news that our dear friend Eliza has made it to an important health milestone, and we should be happy for her, and happy for ourselves for being here.” Thomas said elegantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was beautifully said.” Alex smiled and kissed Thomas’ hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas smiled at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My hot future lawyer boyfriends.” John hummed happily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dinner continued and as they were eating they decided, they wanted dessert too. As the evening was going on they continued to be their normal, affectionate, selves. They knew people were probably giving strange looks, but they didn’t let it show that they cared, even if they all cared to varying extents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas was trying his best to not show that he cared but it was starting to really get to him towards the end of dinner, and his anxiety was slowly eating away at him. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom, be right back my dears.” He told his boyfriends and got up from the table to go to the bathroom and compose himself. As he was walking there, he couldn’t help but overhear another diner say something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s bad enough that they’re homos, but a, a triad of them?! What has this world come to? Don’t they know that no one wants to see that? That there are young innocent children around who shouldn’t be exposed to such a scandalous thing?!” The woman said to her friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And damn did that hurt. Thomas hurried himself to the washroom without any hesitation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and John had been able to hear it too and frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I know I don’t giving a flying fuck what they think but, I think the stares are really starting to get to Thomas.” Alex frowned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just then the waitress came over. She was a very nice young woman, probably in university. She looked like she could be a student in Cassie’s queer-straight alliance at the university if the watercolor tattoos, piercings, undercut, and dyed hair in a top bun, paired with all three boys’ gaydars going off, were any sort of indicators. “Everything alright over here?” She asked, her tone making it clear she knew something was off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, the food and drinks are wonderful, thank you.” John said politely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip. “Something about the, </span>
  <em>
    <span>atmosphere</span>
  </em>
  <span>, perhaps?” She asked, making it clear that the ‘atmosphere’ was really code for the other diners.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately so.” Alex responded truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me see what I can do about that. Just give me a moment.” She told them with a slight grin and disappeared into the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas returned to the table, seeming a little shaken, but only because his boyfriends could read him so well. “Did I miss anything important?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re back just in time.” Alex grinned as he saw the waitress walking towards the table that had made the rude comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright lovelies, here is your bill. You can pay me with cash here or at the hostess stand with a card.” The waitress was wearing a large smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We didn’t ask for our check.” The woman who made the comment told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes well, unfortunately it would appear that you’re making other diners uncomfortable so we’re gonna have to ask you to pay your bill and exit the premises.” She continued with the smile and sweet sounding voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re making other diners uncomfortable?!” The second woman exclaimed. “How about that band of homos being disgusting over there?! It's a disease! There are children here!” She continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those three lovely boys have done absolutely nothing to disturb other customers and have been polite to our staff. Meanwhile you ladies have insulted other diners with homophobic language, myself with homophobic and anti-alternative language, as well as our cook, and the bartender with racist language so I really do believe that it’s time you leave the restaurant.” She continued to be polite while simultaneously calling the women out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh! We will not be treated this way! I demand to speak to your manager! We're being discriminated against!” The first woman demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Dad, would you come over here for a moment? These ladies would like to have a word with the manager.” The waitress flagged down a man who really did look to be her father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The manager came right over. “Got it from here sweetpea." He said to the waitress, before turning to the women. "Hi there ladies, what seems to be the problem?” Her dad asked with a stereotypical gay guy voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyes widened when he heard the manager talk and John had to keep himself from laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh you’re all faggots who will burn in hell for your sins!” The second woman exclaimed as she slammed down two twenty dollar bills on the table that barely covered their bill, gathered her purse and left with her friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you there honey!” The manager called out with a smile and a polite wave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The restaurant erupted into applause for a moment before quieting down again and everyone went back to their meals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress then came back over to the boys. “I would like to sincerely apologize for the comments those women made towards you boys, you’re a very cute couple and I hope you’ll return to our restaurant.” She told them politely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we will.” Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With that kind of service, of course.” Thomas chimed in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress smiled a bit at the boys.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the boys got their check and left the waitress a 100 dollar tip, before leaving the restaurant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay Tommy? I know it was a little rough for a while back there.” Alex rubbed Thomas’s upper arm as they walked to the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be okay.” He nodded a bit. “I’ll be even more okay if we went back to my place for cuddles.” Thomas added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and John exchanged a small smile. “I think that can be arranged.” John smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect.” Thomas smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And soon the boys were all curled up with each other in Thomas’s room, content with each others’ presence after the day they’d had. They knew it wasn’t a perfect date, they knew that they should expect issues like that evening in the future, but they all agreed to not let it bother them, because as long as they had each other, that would be all that mattered.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. The Days (Avicii)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mentions of anxiety, mentions of dead parents, brief implied past suicidal ideation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Not long after Alex returned to school and in no time at all, him and his friends had graduated and the last day of grade 12 had just ended. Alex grabbed the very last things out of his locker and walked to where he met Lafayette after school for the last time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is the end of an era. I cannot help but feel saddened that we will never walk these halls again, or eat together in the cafeteria. Never again will we all be students of the same school, or have the same classes.” Lafayette was giving a mini speech as Alex approached.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I personally am glad I never have to walk through these halls again. I hated it here.” John chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So dramatic.” Alex teased.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speak for yourself, old man. Some of us ain’t done here.” Peggy reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette pouted. “You all fail to recognize the importance of my speech.” He frowned. “We are all going to be doing different things next year. There is a chance we could drift apart, this is the last time our friendship can ever be guaranteed.” Lafayette explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re all heading to New York, we’re not going to lose each other Lafayette.” Eliza promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s pretty safe to say we’ll all, always put in the effort to stay friends. Just because we’re at different schools doesn’t mean we won’t be close.” Hercules reminded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I’d leave?” Alex asked with a chuckle. “You really think you can get rid of me that easily?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, we’re all stuck with him, we’ll all stay friends because of him if nothing else.” Thomas agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette smiled a bit. “Je vous aime tous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Translation?” Peggy asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said he loves us all.” Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sap.” John teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone is still coming over tonight, oui?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Hercules smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course we’re coming.” Maria said and Eliza nodded in agreement to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay good. We will see you all later.” Lafayette said and the group all went their separate ways with the promise of meeting at the Washington’s house at 6 for a ‘We survived high school’ party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Maria headed an NA meeting, while Hercules drove Lafayette, Eliza and Peggy home, and Thomas drove John.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon Alex arrived home from his meeting. He put his bag in his room and then headed downstairs to help with preparations for the small party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you kids maybe wanna have a fire tonight? The weather is perfect and we just got all that extra wood from Mrs Petterson down the road.” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette smiled. “I think that is a wonderful idea.” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well in that case does one of you boys wanna come help me chop some wood? All those pieces are far too big to use them as they are.” George explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette didn’t look particularly excited to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can. I’ve never done it before, but I’ll try.” Alex offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” George smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In no time at all Alex and George were cutting firewood up and George, who had been labelled a pro by the entire neighbourhood, was finding Alex might even be better than he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you’ve never done this before?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not once.” Alex shrugged then swung the axe again, splitting a log perfectly in half.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had to ask, you sure are giving me a run for my money.” George admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex just shrugged. “How are things coming with…” Alex trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George smiled a bit. “I didn’t wanna say anything without Martha around, but uh, they’re looking pretty good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled a bit and went back to chopping wood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon 6 o’clock rolled around and their friends, as well as Aunt Cassie, were arriving. Everyone in their group plus Burr had been invited. The kids were just talking and hanging out like they normally would, but soon they were gathered around the actual dining room table eating dinner which consisted of pizza and other “celebration foods” as Lafayette had called them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I get everyone’s attention for a moment?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids quieted down and looked over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know some of you aren’t very close with us, but we care about all of you the exact same. You’re all friends, or more, to our children and you’ve made positive impacts in their lives and I know that because you wouldn’t be here tonight if not so we felt you all should know too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is papa?” Lafayette asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are a few parts to this but first off, I am officially retiring, I’ve been practicing law for, well longer than any of you have been alive, and I’ve done it all, I still have a lot of respect for the work, but it no longer brings me joy, and thanks to Alexander here, I’ve found that I do still have joy in other things. I finished my final case this morning, and the sky would have to be falling for me to return to law.” George told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And because of this and with you kids all moving away to university we’ve decided that we’re going to spend a little more time in DC. We’re not going to sell this house and we won’t be there permanently, but it takes a lot of time and gas to drive to and from DC twice a week. We’ve purchased a condo in DC and we’ll probably be there about three quarters of the time that you’re away at school, give or take.” Martha continued with the news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we wanted to tell you all that you kids played a part in us making that decision. We care about all of you and we always want to be there for you, we can’t quite go to New York with you, however we can be closer. It’s about 2 hours less of a drive from New York to DC than it would be to come here, or it’s a one-hundred dollar hour long flight that you can find pretty much any time of day.” George finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes sense.” Alex nodded a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as we can still spend Christmas here, I do not care.” Lafayette smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha smiled back. “We’ll always be home for the holidays, and you and Alex always be invited home for the holidays, hell I’d drive to New York City in a blizzard to pick you boys up if I had to, just so I could have you boys home for Christmas.” She promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you mama.” Lafayette said sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah thanks mom.” Alex added absentmindedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha looked over at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until then that Alex realized he called Martha ‘mom’, but he didn’t let it upset him. “I guess now might be a good time so share the news that uh, after some consideration, and research, and about 3 feet of paperwork, Martha and George are gonna adopt me.” Alex told the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you say anything?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t wanna tell anyone until I knew it would actually happen.” Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I already consider you mon frere so I am glad it will now be official.” Lafayette smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really happy you found your forever home, Alex.” Burr told Alex sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While we’re all sharing news can I make an announcement?” Eliza asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course you can. Go right ahead.” Martha nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t get into details about it, but I’ve been talking with my doctor and after a lot of careful consideration, I will be going for a minor surgery and if all goes well, I won’t have to deal with all the pain I feel each month anymore and as scary as that might be, I’m just really excited to not be in pain anymore.” Eliza smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you won’t be in pain anymore, you deserve so much better than what you’ve had to deal with.” Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad. Let me know once the date has been scheduled, I know mama will wanna make sure her church has you in their prayers for a routine procedure and a speedy recovery.” Hercules told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Eliza nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good luck with your surgery dear.” Aunt Cassie told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Eliza smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone else have news they wanna share while we’re at it?” Martha chuckled a bit and everyone’s attention was turned back to dinner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After dinner the kids continued to talk for a while. They were all in a bit of a weird mood, they were happy to be spending time together and they were happy it was the end of the year but they also knew that change was coming and that this might be their last normal summer together, but they tried to not let the anxieties of the future hang over them. Tonight they were celebrating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and John were outside on the porch together, looking out at the side yard, watching the sun begin to set. “Never in a million years did I think I’d make it this far.” Alex admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When my dad walked out, I thought there goes getting to America, a real education, a real opportunity to do something in life. Then when my mom died I wasn’t sure if I’d even live to see the next day, never mind anything else. And now here I am, a brother, loving adoptive parents, amazing friends, </span>
  <em>
    <span>two</span>
  </em>
  <span> incredible boyfriends, headed to Columbia University on a full ride scholarship. I thought after 10 houses in the system I would never get this, and yet, here I am.” Alex smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know the feeling. After my mom died, when everything was happening, I didn’t think I’d ever find a reason to live to see graduation. And now I’m here, a high school graduate, headed to Columbia university, with my amazing, wonderful boyfriends by my side and a mile-long list of reasons to stay alive.” John smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I still join the conversation if my mom is alive?” Thomas asked as he came up behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,,, this is supposed to be a meeting of the dead moms club.” Alex teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh please if it was a meeting of the dead moms club we’d need Lafayette, Burr, and Maria out here too.” John rolled his eyes. “Of course you can join.” He added with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine isn’t nearly as deep as y’alls’, but I never thought I’d have two amazing boyfriends who would stick by my side no matter what, and I’m pretty grateful that we all get to move on to the next chapter of our lives together.” Thomas smiled and wrapped an arm around each of his boyfriends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John smiled and pressed a kiss to Thomas’ cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas smiled and kissed John’s head, then Alex’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you two.” Alex smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone else then began approaching. “When y’all knuckleheads are done having your moment we’re gonna start the fire.” Hercules told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re coming.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, and Alex? Lafayette wanted to know if he could use your math work as kindling.” Hercules asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s his own math homework?” Alex asked with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He and a couple other students may have used it to mummy-wrap the teachers’ car during 3rd period.” Hercules grinned a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chuckled. “Old bastard deserved it. Hell yeah we can use it as kindling. I don’t plan on stepping foot in a math class ever again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If only we could all never have to take math again.” John sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah babe, I love you, but you’re gonna have to promise to never ask me for help with your homework while in university or med school.” Alex teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, same here.” Thomas shuddered a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meanies.” John shook his head as the three headed towards the backyard, near the fire pit, where chairs were being set up for everyone to sit in, Martha was bringing out s’mores supplies while George was setting up the fire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the fire was roaring and s’mores were being made, conversations were being had and everyone seemed happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex ran into the house quickly to get some water and a little air, and when he came out he couldn’t help but smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George was tending to the fire, Maria and Eliza were laying out blankets in the grass away from the fire so they could star-gaze, Hercules, Thomas, John, and Peggy were rough-housing a little bit, and Aunt Cassie was giving Martha a tarot reading at the picnic table that was set up near the fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette came over to Alex. “It is a perfect scene, isn’t it?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “It is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, you were the one who made it possible.” Lafayette told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well we probably would have had a graduation party if you had never entered our lives, but if that was the case, Thomas would not be here, Aunt Cassie would not be here, papa would be heading to bed because he would be worried about getting up for work in the morning, and merde Maria might not even be here. We were friends before you came, but thanks to you, I would now say we are a family.” Lafayette smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m- I’m really glad that I came into your lives.” Alex smiled in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alexander stood there, just watching for a while longer, glad he had let himself deal with getting sent to another foster family’s house. He was glad he stayed in the system long enough to get here, and he was happy that he no longer had to impatiently count the days until he aged out of the foster system. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a clear mind, and a happy mood Alex rejoined his family around the fire, grateful to be a part of the group.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Have It All (Jason Mraz)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No Trigger Warnings!</p><p>This is the final chapter y'all, cherish it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Summer went by in a flash, and in no time at all, the group was at the Washington’s again having an End Of Summer/Goodbye barbeque, all the kids and their parents/guardian’s were there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another fire was being had but this time things were a little different, each set of parents were giving their respective children going-away presents because in the morning, the kids would be headed off to New York.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, how do we wanna do this?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Youngest to oldest of the kids?” Sarah Mulligan suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That seems fair.” Jane Jefferson nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alrighty then, present for the baby coming right up.” Peggy teased Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stuck his tongue out at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Martha handed Alex a flat, rectangular shaped box. “Be careful, it’s fragile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded and carefully tore the paper off, throwing the wrapping paper into the fire as he pulled it off, revealing the box of a brand new laptop that was far better than his old one. He was shocked, as he knew it would’ve cost at least a couple hundred dollars, and despite being the Washington’s kid now, he still didn’t like receiving such an expensive gift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re old one heats up beyond safe levels after 20 minutes of use and don’t think we haven’t noticed that the battery on it was virtually dead. You needed a new laptop.” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked at the laptop in his hands. “Thank you.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s next?” Martha asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be John.” Hercules informed them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aunt Cassie handed John a small-ish cube shape box that ended up holding a camera. “I know you like art as a hobby and that you won’t have much time for it, so maybe you can find a new, less-time consuming medium, you’ve always had a knack for good photo taking.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Aunt Cassie.” John smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lafayette received a designer sweater Martha knew he’d been asking for for the last three seasons so that he could stay warm and fashionable and a pair of tickets to go see one of his favourite shows on Broadway, because her and George knew he would want to go anyway and didn’t want him spending his own money on the tickets when he should be buying food and school supplies for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza’s parents got her a heated blanket and a new winter jacket because they knew she would be cold in New York and those had been the only things she asked for. She was all set up with tech that she already had which was in good condition and had housing arrangements set up. She and Angelica would be sharing a dorm that was more of an apartment with a private kitchen and bathroom. It was mostly a sophomore building, but Angelica had signed up for it and when she explained that she was getting a double room and requested to share with her freshman little sister, they had no problem letting Eliza move in with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas’ parents got him new winter tires for his car, as well as high-quality front and rear dash cameras because they knew he would rather be caught dead than take the subway and that New York City traffic was literally insane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hercules’ mom got him a new sewing machine as his current one was older than her and probably wouldn’t survive the drive to New York, never mind being used by the Fashion Design major for school projects and she also bought him a round-trip ticket so he could fly home for Christmas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Maria, who hadn’t been expecting anything, probably got the most expensive gift of all. “Maria, we know you’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and rough patches this year, and we love you as much as we love our own daughters. We know you’ll probably take the subway while in New York, so we do have a metrocard for you, but the real gift is this.” Philip Schuyler told Maria and handed her a proof-of-work type statement from a mechanic shop. It detailed that she’d gotten a new battery, new brake pads, new spark plugs, new tires, and her oil had been changed and no other work was needed to be done on her car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, when did you guys find the time to do this?” Maria asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I paid extra to get it done in one day and had it done yesterday.” Philip explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did I not notice?” Maria asked. She’d spent the entire day at Eliza’s helping her finish packing for New York.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, what were you two girls doing that you didn’t notice that happening?” Alex teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy, you spent the day with Eliza yesterday, slept over, and we all came here together, you haven’t been in your car.” Catherine reminded Maria.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maria rolled her eyes at Alex. “That’s, I, holy crap. Thank you so much.” She told Catherine and Philip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You needed it, badly. We didn’t want you breaking down on your way to New York or having to pay to fix any of this while in New York.” Philip told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well thank you.” She smiled. “It really does mean a lot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was some more conversation and eventually Thomas, John, and Alex snuck off to have an actual conversation with each other away from Thomas’ parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really still think they won’t approve?” John asked once they were out of sight and ear shot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know but I certainly don’t wanna risk it.” Thomas sighed a bit as he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Tommy.” Alex rubbed his arm a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is what it is. We’re still good to drive up together tomorrow, right?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” John nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure are.” Alex agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good because I already stocked up on your favourite drinks and snacks.” Thomas smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Alex smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did I do to deserve you?” John smiled as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys are too sweet. I’m just glad we can drive up together seeing as we won’t be rooming together.” Thomas sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey we’re all in the same building at least.” Alex offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And wouldn’t your parents be suspicious of it anyways?” John asked curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably. And hey, maybe it’s a good thing, our relationship is still young and sharing a dorm would basically be living together.” Thomas pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” Alex agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So just so I have everything straight, Tommy you’re with your friend James, Alex you’re with Maria, I’m with Laf, and Eliza and Angie are together in that Sophomore building?” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded. “Yep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still a little surprised that they allowed you and Maria to share a dorm.” Thomas admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We requested it, we both are getting living accommodations through the same scholarship, and call with a counselor and the people that decide the housing to explain our situation allowed us to explain why we thought it would be appropriate for us to share. We won’t be the only co-ed dorm room in the building either.” Alex explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m glad you were able to get everything to turn out the way we planned.” John smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before anything else could be said, Jane walked over to the boys. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” She said as she came over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope you’re fine mom.” Thomas told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to come say some stuff to you, all three of you really.” She explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas swallowed thickly. “What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thomas if you really thought I didn’t know the three of you were in a relationship maybe I should reconsider paying for your education. I know you, I know my son, and I know what it looks like when my son is in love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, what do you…” Thomas trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve known you boys were dating for quite a while now. There’s no need to keep it a secret. I don’t care who you date, as long as you treat them right and they treat you right. Your father doesn’t quite get the throuple thing, but, as long as you’re happy and don’t do any</span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> while he’s in the house, he doesn’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“R- really?” Thomas asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. All we’ve ever wanted is for you and your sister to be the happiest you can be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks mom. And thanks for the tires and the dash cams again too.” Thomas told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. There might not be as much snow in New York, but it’s heavier and wetter there because you’re right on the water and everything gets icy quick because the temperature varies so much. We want you to be safe. All three of you.” She smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas pulled his mom into a hug. “I love you mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too baby.” She hugged back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the hug broke Jane left the boys again, heading back over to where everyone else was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I guess we don’t need to hide anymore.” Thomas seemed a little shocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a good thing, Tommy.” John reminded him softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, I just, I didn’t realize…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex cupped Thomas’ cheek. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas nodded a bit. “Just surprised. But grateful of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pressed a kiss to Thomas’ lips, which was quickly reciprocated. When it broke Alex spoke again. “You gonna be okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With you two? Always.” Thomas smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boys then returned to the group, and it wasn’t long until everyone was heading home to get some sleep before their trip tomorrow. The most direct route to New York was 6 hours, but they wanted to avoid the major cities which would make their trip a lot longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon it was morning and Alex and Lafayette were having breakfast with their parents for the last morning in what would be a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what route are you kids taking again?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t remember the exact route but I know we’re gonna try and avoid all the major cities; Washington, Baltimore, Philly, we figure it’s just, too easy to take one wrong exit and get completely, totally, lost that way.” Alex told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Makes sense. If you do get lost just give me a call, I can get you kids directions.” George offered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will papa.” Lafayette promised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Thomas isn’t too stubborn to accept help.” Alex chuckled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell the girls they can call if you get lost. They’ll actually call for help.” Martha suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea.” George smiled a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s gonna be so weird not having you boys around, the house is gonna be so quiet.” Martha sighed a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already suffering from empty-nest syndrome?” Alex teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you and papa could get a dog. Then you will have something to take care of, and it would make sure papa gets out of the house at least once a day.” Lafayette suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dunno, dogs are a lot of work.” George warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much do you boys wanna bet him and the dog will be best friends by Christmas?” Martha asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh they definitely will.” Alex grinned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After breakfast Alex and Laf brought their things downstairs, and soon their respective boyfriends had arrived, as well as the girls. It worked out well that each couple had a car to themselves. Soon their stuff was all loaded up in Hercules’ and Thomas’ cars and they were all ready to go, all that was left was to say goodbye outside, and then to drive away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye mama. I will miss you.” Lafayette hugged Martha tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you too dear, call me whenever you want.” Martha told him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I will. I love you.” Lafayette nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too dear.” Martha smiled and gave her son an extra squeeze before finally letting go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While this was happening Alex was saying goodbye to George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever need help with school work or anything else, I’m just a call or text message away, alright?” George told Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. It means a lot.” Alex told him. He looked up at the house. “I’m gonna miss it here.” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feel free to come home any time you want, son. I don’t care when, or why, and if you need money for a plane, or a bus, or whatever it is, just let us know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded a bit. “I will, thanks dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George smiled. “Would it be alright if I hugged you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded and opened his arms, hugging George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex and Lafayette both said goodbye to the other parent and then climbed in their boyfriends’ cars and slowly began driving away, George and Martha waving them off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re gonna be okay, right?” Martha asked George, still waving, and intending to do so until the cars were no longer in sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Between Alex and Maria’s street smarts, Hercules’ muscle and determination to keep his friends alive, Angelica’s attitude, and Lafayette’s unrelenting optimism, I think they’ll do just fine.” George told his wife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cars were then out of sight and Martha sighed a bit. “Dear can you go get my keys and my purse?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we going?” George asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The animal shelter.” Martha responded seriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>George looked at his wife for a moment and then smiled. “I love you.” He told her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex, John, and Thomas were driving along, following Maria’s car, with Hercules and Lafayette behind them, when Alex’s phone began ringing with a call from Eliza.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Eliza dearest.” Alex answered the call and put it on speaker. “You’re on speaker.” He told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect, me and Maria were thinking about stopping soon, we brought lunch for everyone and my map says there’s a really nice little beach spot coming up in about 10 minutes, it would be a perfect place to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah that sounds good.” Alex told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Agreed. I don’t know about Maria but even with cruise control I’m starting to cramp up, I need a break.” Thomas admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So does Hercules.” Eliza told them. “You’re right behind us right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, I’d be about 20 minutes ahead though if I didn’t have such precious cargo on board.” Thomas glanced over at John with a look somewhere between a smile and a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough mushy shit, just pull over when we do and don’t hit my car. I can’t afford a new one if mine is totalled.” Maria told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thomas chuckled. “Will do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon all three cars were pulled over, where there had thankfully been an okay size widening of the shoulder of the highway so cars could stop, and luckily no one else was there at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love how we all wore beach-type clothes without even knowing for sure if we were gonna stop at a beach.” John chuckled a bit. He was wearing a button-up shirt with t-shirt length sleeves that had a large floral design on a black background, over a baggy white tank-top with light-washed ripped jeans and the cuffs rolled. The entire group was wearing fairly summer-y/beachy clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, we were intending on driving along the coast as much as possible.” Thomas pointed out. He was in a purple short-sleeve shirt with a buttoned neck and khaki shorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was in a plain t-shirt and shorts, but when paired with his boyfriends, he too gave off beach vibes. “The chances of us stopping at a beach were pretty high but you do have a point.” Alex offered John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boys got out of Thomas’ car and walked towards Maria’s, and were greeted with Eliza handing them cold water bottles. Eliza was in a dark-grey tank-top and jean shorts with her hair kept back by a black bandana tied Rosie-the-Riveter style and sunglasses hanging off the neck of her shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eliza, are you feeling photogenic today because like, my mind is screaming beach photo shoot at me.” John asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how she’s feeling but she certainly always looks photogenic to me.” Maria pointed as she came over and kissed Eliza on the cheek. She was wearing a simple white t-shirt and bright red shorts with a button down denim shirt over top left unbuttoned and red sunglasses on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes, we must take some photos while we are stopped.” Lafayette smiled as he came over. He was wearing a white, short-sleeve button up t-shirt that was actually buttoned up with jean shorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard a rumor that y’all brought lunch? Because I brought some stuff too.” Hercules said. He was wearing a medium grey shirt that was once a t-shirt with the sleeves and neckline cut out with blue khaki style shorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group ate lunch around their cars then decided to venture onto the beach a little and luckily for them, the tide wasn’t too far in or out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In no time at all John, Eliza, and Lafayette were having a photo shoot, Maria had found a boulder to sit on and soak in some sun, Thomas had wandered out towards the water and Hercules was looking for a hermit crab to scare John with. Alex smiled as he watched his friends and wandered over to join Thomas with one simple happy thought on his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was his family, and as long as he was with them, there was no place he would rather be.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaaaaaaand that's it. That's all she wrote.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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